Love and Relationship Advice Blog

In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?

Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?

Or are you and your relationship...

2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?

If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.

The reason we say this is...

As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."

We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.

Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.

Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just got back from our vacation/retreat at the beach and while we were away, we logged onto the internet from our condo we're renting this morning, this is what we saw...

Crisis!

Disaster!
Doom and Gloom!

From what we can tell, these kinds of negative thoughts are all over the news and are the focus of most people's thoughts and conversations.

In this brief message, here's what we want to suggest to you about what's going on in the world...

No matter what is going on outside of you, it's what's going on inside of you that really counts.

Take a moment and check in with yourself.

How are you feeling?

Are you feeling vibrant and alive or tight and constricted?

Are you feeling full of possibilities or thinking and imagining the worst.

Examining whether the thoughts you're having in this moment are true and are serving you or not is critically important to having the love, relationships, support, connection and the life that you really want.

Believe it or not, it is possible to shift from fear and constriction to openness and a feeling of possibility, even during times like these when it seems difficult.

Here are some ways...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Facing Doom and Gloom News" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you know, we find some of our relationship lessons in the unlikliest of places and circumstances and this article below is no exception....

Like a lot of people last week, we were watching more than our share of the Weather Channel, CNN and other news outlets to get the latest updates on Hurricane Ike as it approached the Texas and Gulf coast areas of the US.

As we watched the approach of Hurricane Ike, we had no idea that we would be affected by it because we live in Ohio (which is pretty far north and east.)

Now, of course we saw nothing approaching the magnitude of destruction that people along the Texas and Gulf
coastal areas saw, felt and are still feeling and experiencing.

Here in Ohio, we got the remnants of Hurricane Ike and had wind gusts for several hours of up to 75 MPH.

As you can imagine, these high winds caused quite a bit of damage to homes, trees, power lines, etc.

Our power was out for 26 hours and even though many of our neighbors weren't so lucky, we didn't have any damage to our home or property and for that we are very grateful.

As we think about the people in Texas, Louisiana, and other areas (including many people right in our own city) who still don't have power, clean drinking water and other things we think of as life's essentials-- our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

As we look back on the night we didn't have power, there are important insights about relationships and daily living we want to share with you and here they are...

One big "ah ha" that we learned was how much of the way we live our lives depends on electricity and what we can and can't do if we don't have it.

We also learned how much time we spend watching television, movies or on the internet rather than interacting with each other and other people.

The two of us always spend time each day interacting and connecting with each other but since Otto's 19 year old son moved in with us to go to college nearby, we haven't interacted much as a family.

We did during the power outage!

The three of us talked more than we usually do as we sat on the porch and watched the last part of the storm blow through and then we went to our friend and neighbor's house and played the board game scrabble by candle light.

Neighbors who never met one another helped each other out.

It took a several hour power outage for us to come together to do some things to connect in ways that we don't normally do.

The challenge now is to keep connecting without having our electrical power shut off.

How about you?

Maybe Hurricane Ike didn't affect you but we're inviting you to do something this week that you wouldn't normally do to connect with others--without the television or computer.

Play a game together--dust off games like monopoly, scrabble or Risk. Take a walk or just sit and talk with someone you haven't seen in awhile or even a loved one you haven't really connected with. Help others out in ways you might not normally do.

For one evening, act as if you have no power, light candles and just be together.

As conscious and connected as the two of us try to be--our power outage was a big wake up call for us that we can do a better job of opening to each other and connecting deeper.

We're hoping you can take a cue from us and open yourself to experimenting with how to connect on a deeper level with the people in your life.

If all this seems kind of silly or not necessary then let us offer one more suggestion that might be valuable for you...

Make the intention to just have one meaningful conversation with someone this week.

Start there and see how you feel. We think it will spur you on to want to connect more with the people in your life.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There's a big advertising campaign going on here in Ohio to try to get people to "buckle up" and fasten their seat belts when they get into any car, truck or motorized vehicle.

This advertising campaign is a part of the state's effort to reduce traffic deaths and injuries.

The state's slogan to remind people about "buckling up" is the line...

"What's holding you back?"

Interesting.

What's even more interesting when it comes to creating more love, passion, harmony, trust, connection or anything else you want in your relationships or marriage would be to ask the same question--

"What's holding you back?"

Continue reading "What's Holding You Back from Love, Passion and Connection?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other evening, our entire family, including our two grandsons, went to the Ohio State Fair to see Melissa Etheridge in concert. We can truthfully say that we have never seen another performer with as much passion, energy, and musical talent (along with her band) as Melissa at this performance. She glowed and her smile, humor, honesty and convictions touched all of us.

She took us on a musical journey of her life--which included loves lost, her career, cancer, her lessons learned and her awakening. We were amazed at the range of emotions that she was able to take us through as she sang her way through her life so far.

One of her messages was plain and simple--You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Melissa Etheridge" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.

She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.

Not so!

What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Trusting Change" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.

A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.

As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!

The biggest culprit is our thoughts.

We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.

Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."

These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.

Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?

--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box

The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.

When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.

Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.

Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.

If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently, we had another opportunity to "dog-sit" with our favorite yellow Labrador retriever, Nutmeg.

While we certainly don't want a dog full-time, we had a great time with her and re-learned some valuable relationship lessons as well.

Here are a few reminders of how to create great relationships and lives from Nutmeg that we thought we'd share with you...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Yellow Lab" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.

We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!

Here's our take on loving through differences...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from U2" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night we caught up with Anderson Cooper's 360 CNN program after the Democrate candidate debate. If you saw the debate and want to weigh in on Clinton's and Obama's performances or just to see how other people viewed the debate, you can visit Cooper's blog.

What did we take away from the debate?

As we watched Cooper's panel of commentators, one thing was clear. They were all pointing to Clinton's lack of connecting with the audience, except for her very powerful ending statement. These commentators called the debate a draw but spoke of the importance of the candidate's ability to connect with the public. And without that connection, a perfectly sound candidate with great experience may not make the grade with voters and may not be chosen by them.

So what does this idea of connection or lack of connection have to do with you and your relationships?

Everything.

Continue reading "What the Presidential Debates taught us about Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.

An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.

New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.

This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.

Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?

If so, try out these 3 tips…

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.

In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.

As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."

We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.

So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The car accident we had Christmas night could have been worse and we're certainly glad it wasn't.

In thinking about what happened and this newsletter, we don't mean to "rock" your idea of relationships and life but...

We're believers in the idea that everything that happens in our relationships and lives happens for a reason and that in almost every case, this reason is to help us to heal, to learn and to grow as we move toward being our best selves.

In our opinion, this "growth" that seems to happen, whether we invite it or not or find it easy or a struggle, is essential in helping us to create more joy and happiness in each present moment.

Here's what happened and our "take-away" from it...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Deer Accident" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have a confession to make.

We also have a few observations we'd like to share with you about something related to our confession that can help you create more passionate, loving, caring, and connected relationships.

So, what's our confession?

We've been addicted to the ABC hit reality television show "Dancing With The Stars."

We know. We know. We're revealing who we really are by telling you this and it's true.

Otto watched several of the shows and Susie watched almost every episode of this year's "Dancing With the Stars" --including of course this week's finale.

It turns out that we were not alone. The show's ratings tell us that somewhere between 24 and 27 million people tuned in each night.

WOW.

So what was it that made this show so interesting that so many people dropped what they were doing to tune in?

Also, since we're students of relationships (and what makes them work when they work), we were curious about what we could learn from the show to help others, as well as to make our relationships better.

Here are several tips about how to create great relationships and connect deeper with the people in your life that came to us as we were thinking about this very popular reality series...

Continue reading "What Relationship Advice We Learned from "Dancing with the Stars"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Listen as we share how this story relates to you and how it can help you make your relationships better.

Imagine for a moment this scenario from last night...

Some of our family members were here to visit and to see our new house that we just moved into and as is
typical when family and friends get together, the stories started flying.

In fact, one person told a story that happened when he was 9 years old that was amazing.

He told us that his mom drove by herself with four small children (he and his siblings) from the east coast of the
USA to one of the western states that was well over 2000 miles away .

During this trip, because his mom was the only one old enough to drive, she kept falling asleep at the wheel, actually ending up in the weeds a few times.

Thankfully, they arrived safely at their home and it certainly made for a great story but here's what this has to do with you and your relationships...

Continue reading "How to Have Happy, Healthy Relationships and Lives" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 06:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This week we've got a great relationship question for you...

"What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short- and long-term payoff in your life?"

In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life?

With this in mind, we challenge you right now to think of a relationship that you want to make better...

It could be your relationship with a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance--you get the idea.

Now, think about how you'd like this relationship to be more of the time.

Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you. Maybe you want more honesty or more openness. Maybe you want to be "you" more of the time and for some reason you aren't able to be "you" in this relationship.

To show you what we mean, we're going to talk about 3 approaches or philosophies that we use in our relationship that keep it alive, connected and growing.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for More Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you live anywhere on this planet, we're sure that you've heard that this has been a big month for Harry Potter fans. Not only did the "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" film debut but also the 7th and final Harry Potter adventure in book form reached the shelves.

We know that a lot has been written about the meanings of the films and the books and we couldn't help adding our two-cents worth--about how to create great relationships.

To us, one of the main themes in this current Harry Potter film is that we all have the possibility to do good and to do evil--and love wins out in the end.

So what does this have to creating great relationships?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Harry Potter" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Like millions of others, we saw the blockbuster film "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. The film had all of the elements of an enjoyable movie experience--beautiful people to watch, a lot of action, great special effects, and a witty, funny, well-written script. The characters seemed to be developed more in this film than in any of the other "Pirates" movies.

Being the constant students of relationships, we are always on the look out for great relationship lessons that we can pass onto others. Aside from being extremely entertaining, it did offer some food for thought.

Here's our take on it...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from "Pirates of the Caribbean"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Many of us are starting new ventures and leaving people, jobs or old ways of being for more of what we want in our lives.

The two of us are in the process of doing some remodeling to get our 130 year old house ready to sell so that we can relocate in a larger city about an hour away. With this preparation for our move, we're dealing with issues from our past, as well as some fears.

We know that this process of letting go of the past and moving into a more empowering future--whether it is about a relationship, job or location--is a normal one and one that all of us face from time to time.

So how do you move through this process of letting go of the past and moving on in an empowering way?

Continue reading "Letting Go and Moving On from a Breakup, a Job or Anything Else" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The two of us absolutely love music and have had an especially good time watching concert dvds of our favorite artists. It's been a great way for us to connect with each other in the evenings and just enjoy ourselves!

Last week, Otto brought out the BeeGees collectors edition and we ended up spending the entire evening enjoying a 1997 concert and then a dvd of the group's history. We had a great time talking about what we learned about life and relationships from discovering things about the Brothers Gibb and we'd like to share some of our thoughts here...

Continue reading "What we Learned about Relationships and Life from the BeeGees" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently, we received a couple of great questions from one of our newsletter subscribers and we thought that the topic raised a challenge that many people seem to have in their relationships.

Here is what the person wrote...

"Is it possible to treat someone too special? Can you give some examples on how to become someone who can attract more love, passion and connection?"

Here's our take on treating someone too special...

Continue reading "Dating and Marriage Advice for a Common Relationship Problem" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's pretty interesting when you think about it.

Every year around New Years day, people seem to find themselves looking back on what happened in the past year and looking forward to what they want to change in the new year.

Around this time each year, the two of us create our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as in our relationship.

Continue reading "Creating a Great Relationship in the New Year" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes the best relationship tips and the most interesting relationship and life lessons come from some pretty unusual sources.

Here's one such example...

Recently, Susie rediscovered a wonderful book that she had read many years ago, "Mutant Message Down Under" by Marlo Morgan. This book is about the author's journey on foot with the Australian aborigines and the lessons that she learned along the way. Although the book is classified as "fiction," we think there are many lessons to be learned from it.

One of these beautiful lessons that Morgan wrote about held a special meaning for us and we think that by sharing it with you, it can help all of us to create wonderful lasting relationships that are filled with love.

Here's what Marlo Morgan said in her book...

Continue reading "Deepening Our Connections at the Holidays" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A few years ago, Otto had the opportunity to learn some powerful relationship advice and life lessons on a golf
course. We were having a mini-family reunion and Otto and a cousin Gary, a successful banking executive, played golf nearly all day on Saturday.

Whenever Otto is in the company of someone who is successful, he likes to play "20 Questions" to find out all he can about why and how that person is successful. That's what Otto did that day and what he learned from someone who isn't particularly "spiritual" or a "relationship expert" was remarkable.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Round of Golf" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You never really know how your words and your actions affect other people. That's been our experience anyway.

Here's a practical example of something that happened recently to illustrate this point...

Susie's mother passed a couple of weeks ago and among the beautiful cards and sentiments that she received after her mother's death was a letter from a former neighbor who had lived next door to her childhood home.

Continue reading "How Your Words and Actions Affect Others" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Although they may not be aware of them, everyone who creates a great relationship has certain things that they do over and over to create more love,passion, connection (or whatever is important to them) on a consistent basis in their relationships.

In any relationship it's usually not just one thing we do that creates the magic but many different things. Sort of like ingredients that go into a recipe for a favorite food or dessert-- if you leave out one of the key ingredients things don't go so well.

So what are the key ingredients in a close, connected and loving relationship?

Continue reading "A Key Ingredient for Creating Close, Connected Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the questions about relationships that many people struggle with is this--

"Can you have passion, love and connection in one relationship?"

Some people say yes and some say no.

With most relationships and marriages, here's what we find...

--There might be friendship or compatibility with a partner but no passion.

--There might be a feeling of being taken care of or taking care of someone physically, emotionally, or financially but that's as far as the connection goes.

--There might be passion at times and very little or no connection otherwise.

--There might be a deep feeling of love between the two people but they seem to be going in different directions much of the time with no real passion or connection.

So the question remains--Can you have it all?

Can you have Love, Passion AND Connection in one relationship?

Continue reading "Passion, Love and Connection in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are you minding your own business instead of someone else's?

We're all the time trying to change people andmake others the way we want them to be. When we do this , it's pure arrogance to believe that we know what's best for anyone else.

We've all said things like this about someone else in our lives--"Why can't he pick up his socks?" or "Why doesn't she take better care of herself?"

When we ask those questions, even in our minds, we are in someone else's business and this is where a lot of our "stress" comes from.

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Minding Your Own Business" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

People write to us everyday--upset that their partner or spouse isn't who they want them to be. They suggest that if only he or she would only do this or that, or be like this or that then everything would be just fine. They even say, "I've tried everything to get them to change--and nothing's worked."

We agree that change is difficult and the bottom line is that you cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself. We've certainly had our moments of trying to change each other and other members of our family to fit in with what we want and we've learned a few things in the process.

Continue reading "Marriage Advice about Changing Your Spouse" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of our coaching clients just got back from a vacation to Ireland and had a few "ah-ha's" that we'd like to pass along to you which we think can help you create more love, passion and connection in your relationships and your life (if you read this with an open mind and heart.)

This coaching client discovered that he actually relaxed when he was on his trip--which was unusual for him because of his demanding job and his somewhat disconnected relationship with his family. He felt "free" when he was in Ireland and had an excitement for life that he hadn't had in a long time.

What he realized was that he wanted to keep those good feelings that he had during his vacation. He didn't want to climb back into his "armour," as he put it, when he went back to his job and continued his "normal" life.

In a nut shell, he didn't want to go back to the way things were before his vacation--his feelings of separateness, anxiety and feeling like he had to control everything in his life.

Continue reading "The Vacation Love Lesson" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In this day of almost disposable relationships, a question on the minds of many singles and couples is how to create a relationship that will last and one that will keep its vibrancy throughout the years.

We're taking ballroom dancing lessons with another couple Sam and Rosie, who have been Otto's friends for many years. They have been married for 24 years and by spending a lot of time with them, we were able to get a glimpse of the reasons they still have such a good marriage.

Continue reading "The Secrets to a Long, Lasting Marriage" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Many marriages get stale after awhile, often from lack of attention and the intention to keep connecting on a regular basis. Lately, we've both been thinking about ways that we could experience the gifts of connecting even more than we do already.

With that in mind, here's what Otto said that not only shocked Susie but some of our closest friends as well...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Many people don't realize this yet but...

One of the most important things that we've learned by being together is that having love and connection can be "normal" in our lives and that this is possible for anyone if they choose.

We thought about this idea just the other day as we were reading in this month's issue of Oprah magazine an article with Oprah interviewing the soul singer Mary J. Blige.

In this interview, Mary talks about her transformation and how she went from blaming other people for her circumstances and feeling sorry for herself to taking responsibility for every part of her life.

"Normal" for her was carrying around an attitude that hadn't served her mother and certainly didn't serve her. According to the interview, she drank too much to cover her lack of self-confidence and went though life as a victim, holding onto a lot of anger and unforgiveness. All of this pain and rawness came out in the songs she sang.

Continue reading "What We Learned from Mary J. Blige..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While we were browsing the internet, we ran into the Valley Jew and to our delight, the author quoted from our "Relationship Manifesto." He, of course, had his own "Typical Valley Jew Relationship Manifesto" which included--"3. We will complain about things our older relatives do and then do them ourselves. “ And you should hear her complain about Costco's lasagna!”

We loved what they had to say because isn't it so true that we all either silently or not-so-silently complain about things that other people in our lives do and then we turn around and do them ourselves! The sad thing is that we usually aren't aware that we're even doing them and we wonder why our lives and relationships don't seem to be working the way we want them to work.

Continue reading "What's Your Relationship Manifesto?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Like many people around the world, we've been watching the Winter Olympics on television. We're constantly amazed at the level of concentration and dedication the athletes have for excelling in their sport. Although not everyone is appreciating the efforts of our US team as much as we are, we thought we'd add our comments to the mix, especially how we see it relating to relationships.

As we've watched, we couldn't help asking ourselves a few questions...

Did they learn their sport overnight? Of course not.

Do they have to practice everyday? Of course they do.

Believe it or not--the same thing holds true for having great relationships.

Continue reading "Not Everyone Likes The Winter Olympics-- But We Do..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Even if there's great love between two people, one of the biggest problems in long-term relationships is a ho hum feeling and even boredom. This boredom can cause either or both people to ask themselves "Is that all there is?" and can even lead to infidelity or divorce.

If this is what's happening in your life, a good movie to watch is "Shall we Dance?" staring Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon and Jennifer Lopez.

Not only is the dancing fun to watch but it has a good message about relationships that we'd like to pass on...

Continue reading "Relationship Tips for Being Happier" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night as I watched Bono of U2 accept a Grammy award for their album "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb," I was appreciating the relationship lesson that he talked about from his own life. Because my husband and I are relationship coaches, we tend to look at most things in life as "relationship lessons" but I thought this was truly important enough to pass on.

We thought that "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" was a political statement but apparently we were wrong. Bono told the audience that the atomic bomb was his father who he's been screaming about for years and with this award he was giving it up. In other words, he was giving up blaming, judging and complaining about his father and would come to peace with whatever was between them.

If only all of us would have the same courage to do this in our own lives, we would not only be at peace about the past but our current relationships would be so much clearer and better.

Continue reading "U2 at the Grammys: A Relationship Lesson" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What if you have an intimate relationship that is “pretty good” most of the time but every now and then you notice that you become distant, pick at each other and even fight? How do you keep your relationship great more of the time?

Here’s a question that a person wrote to us recently that is a pretty common problem in relationships and one that may be happening in your relationship…

Continue reading "Love Advice for Keeping Your Relationship Great" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Does the spark have to die in intimate relationships after the "honeymoon" period? We say no and here's why…

Remember how you first felt when you were together? Your heart jumped when your loved one came into the room or you heard his or her voice. You couldn't wait to be together. You went on special dates together and you spent time looking into each others' eyes and talking with one another.

If you've been together any length of time, these feelings have probably faded and maybe have disappeared completely. The two of you might be just saying "hello" and "Who's picking up the kids today?" -going for extended periods of time without having a conversation of any real consequence. Both of you might spend time in front of the television or the computer and not with your loved one truly connecting.

So if it's possible to keep the spark in your relationship, where do you start and what kinds of things can you do?

There are some things that you can do to create and keep relationships that have spark and are alive and growing and we'll share some of those ways in this article and also in a teleseminar series that we are doing starting February 2.

Continue reading "Relationship Tips for Keeping Passion in your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.

A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.

The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.

We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.

Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.

We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.

This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.

Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.

We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, at 1:35 pm Eastern time, a scientific event called the Winter Solstice occured. At this time, because of the earth's tilt, the northern hemisphere was leaning furthest from the sun and daylight was the shortest.

Many cultures have observed the Winter Solstice with ceremony and at the root of these ceremonies is the ancient fear that the light will never return.

In honor of the darkest day and the anticipation of the coming light, we invite you to choose to bring more light and love into your relationships.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Bringing More Love into Your Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)