Having a great relationship isn't rocket science but it does take finding out how you sabotage yourself when you're in one--and discovering new ways to help you get closer instead of pushing the two of you further apart.
Here's are 4 ways you may be sabotaging love and how you can create exactly what you want...
This Thursday, January 12th, we're doing a brand new teleseminar and web audio cast called "4 Keys To Getting Closer" and you can sign up here at no charge...
http://www.passionateheart.com/GetCloser/Preview
Whether you're already in a relationship or marriage or you're someone who wants to be--you're definitely going to want to sign up now and here's why...
This is a FREE preview for a new seminar series and coaching program we're going to be doing that starts in just a little over a week from now and this "preview" is going to be awesome.
Here are just a few things we're going to cover in the live preview teleseminar and web audio cast...
You'll Discover: .
~ 4 Keys to "Getting Closer"
~ How you can learn from some of the mistakes we made early in our relationship
~ The one simple decision you can make that virtually guarantees that you and your partner will draw closer to each other
~ How to keep the spark going for as long as you want
~ How to shift "out of gridlock" when upsets and challenges come up in your relationship
~ The big thing most couples stop doing that causes that spark and feeling of closeness and connection to fade away
~ One thing you can start doing immediately to get that feeling of closeness and connection back right away
~ And Much More
If there's one thing we've discovered about love since being together, it's that love, passion and a close connection doesn't have to fade away.
There are things you can do right now to bring you and your partner, spouse or lover closer together. (And yes, one person can make a difference!)
On this call, we're going to teach you 4 of them.
Don't miss this FREE Preview of our upcoming teleseminar series and coaching program.
Sign up now for free for "4 Keys To Getting Closer."
Happy New Year to you and your family.
We've got some new things in the works for 2012 that we think you're going to love and as we were thinking about what we wanted to share with you today, we came up with 5 relationship and life tips for you.
We came up with these tips when we asked ourselves this really important question:
What are some things you could start doing (or doing more of) right now that would have an immediate positive impact on your love life, relationships and your happiness in 2012?
It's from this question that we came up with these 5 tips...
Enjoy...
It's the holiday season here in the USA and It's a terrible time of the year for this relationship issue to happen...
We feel like we have to talk about it anyway.
Not only are some of our friends and coaching clients telling us this but many other people are writing to us about what's going on in their relationships and marriages and often, it's not good.
Many couples are having "melt downs" right now.
Affairs are surfacing, jealousy is rampant, communication is poor and that's not all...
People we know and care about are having serious financial problems.
A friend's marriage is spiraling quickly for divorce after 3 or 4 years of trying everything she could to make it work.
And we could go on but you get the point.
For some couples these melt downs and upsets are creating challenges to the point that makes them even wonder
whether they want to continue in their relationship or not.
From what we can tell by observing the craziness going on all around us and in our own lives right now, melt downs (as we see them) are pretty normal considering the demands and expectations we and most other people put on ourselves during the holidays.
In other words, what might not have been enough to cause a meltdown on a "normal" day, intensifies and becomes a full-blown fight when we are stressed.
You may be noticing something similar happening in your life right now and if it is, we're not surprised.
The question is...
What to do in times like these?
How can you keep your relationship or marriage on solid ground in times of chaos?
How can you stay connected when it's so easy to feel separated, alone and disconnected?
If you're open to them, here are a few suggestions...
Continue reading "Relationship Melt Downs and The Holidays..." »
If you (or anyone you know) wants to attract, find and keep new love into your life, we have an exciting announcement...
Today, we've released our brand new "Automatic Attraction Secrets" program.
This is truly a breakthrough program because it's the first program of its kind that shows you what to do and how to do it-- to make attracting new love easy, effortless and in fact... Automatic.
We've been working on these new ideas for the past few months and we're really excited to share them with you.
We're so excited to share these new ideas with you about how to "automatically" attract new love into your life that we're making a VERY special offer to you if you get your copy of "Automatic Attraction Secrets" before Wednesday at 12 Midnight Eastern time.
Get your copy of Automatic Attraction Secrets by Wednesday at 12 Midnight Eastern time and you'll be able to come to our special 60 minute teleseminar we're doing on Thursday night at NO Charge.
This special teleseminar will be where we answer 21 of YOUR top questions about attracting and keeping new love in your life.
That's right.... when you order (before Wednesday at 12 Midnight), you'll have the opportunity to submit YOUR most important, pressing and urgent question about how to find, attract and keep new love.
We'll take those questions that we get and give you our personal detailed answer to the 21 top questions during the teleseminar and web cast on Thursday night.
If you have another commitment on Thursday night and can't attend the teleseminar and web cast--don't worry...
We'll record every moment of it and give you access to it as soon as the teleseminar is over.
We invite you to make sure you get our newest and best program we've ever created for finding new love.
We created this program because life is too short to go through it alone and not have the love you want.
Again...
Automatic Attraction Secrets is available today (Monday) October 31st.
New love can be yours and you can attract it quickly, easily and "automatically" if you will only follow the strategies we share in Automatic Attraction Secrets.
Fears-- we've all got them.
Even the toughest, strongest person in a room has got fears of some sort. As you probably already know, your fears can prevent you from doing the things you want to do and from being the person you'd like to be.
It's natural and normal to have some fear.
After all, fear can play a valuable role in alerting you to dangerous situations. Whether it's a dark alley, a lightning storm or cars speeding across a busy highway, fear can amp up endorphins and bring a heightened state of awareness. Fear can urge you to slow down and proceed with caution or fear can impel you to run away from danger.
Fear can also hold you back from what you truly desire.
There's a big difference between a fear response that clues you in to a perilous situation and a fear response that has more to do with the past or particular beliefs than it does with what's actually going on.
In other words, there are times when your fears are why you aren't living the kind of life you want. Your fears could be the main reason why you aren't already with your perfect partner.
The tricky thing about fear is...
You often react in fearful ways without even realizing it. Let's say that you're at a party. You are having a good time chatting, joking and laughing with your friends when you notice someone across the room watching you.
Even though you actually came to the party intending to meet new people and maybe even find someone who is just right for you, you freeze. You quickly look away from the attractive person you just locked eyes with and you move so that you are hidden behind a group of people.
All of this can happen in the matter of a few seconds and you might not even notice what you're doing.
Of course, if there is something that feels creepy or unattractive to you about the person across the room, it's understandable that you might break off the visual connection that was just made. However, too many times, people brush up against (literally or figuratively) a potentially perfect partner and they run away fast.
As we said, this is often unconscious and it's almost always due to fear.
If you can relate, here are some ideas to help you deal with this fear...
Continue reading "Deal with Your Fears That Keep You From Finding Love..." »
Why do some relationships become sour after a few months or years and others do not?
This is a question that one of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently and we think it's a question that many people face in their lives.
Earlier this summer, Otto tried to start our lawn mower and it wouldn't start. He pulled on the starter rope over and
over and when the mower finally did start, it ran about 30 seconds and then quit. He was frustrated to say the least!
Finally he decided to empty the gasoline that had been in the mower for a few weeks and buy new gas.
The result was amazing. It was just like going to the store and buying a new lawn mower! It started the very first time after the fresh gasoline was put in the mower.
This is what happens in our relationships. When our relationships are new and fresh, we give them plenty of attention and "fuel." But over time, we don't give our relationships the attention or "fuel" they need to stay strong, alive and vibrant.
In our opinion, there are several reasons why relationships "sour." We can't address all of them in this article but we can give you a few ideas and examples...
Continue reading "Two Big Reasons Why Relationships Go Sour..." »
Whether you consider yourself to be a "rule breaker" or not, sometimes you've just got to break the rules and when it comes to your relationship, it's often a really good idea.
The fact is, we all live by a set of rules. We may not call them that or even be aware of what these rules are most of the time.
So what rules are we talking about and why "Should" we break them?
We're talking about the "rules" that you, us and everyone else lives in every moment of our lives.
These rules that we're talking about could include ideas and beliefs that your parents either preached about
or showed you by example and you adopted even though you may not have realized it.
Also, these rules are the beliefs that society subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) says you should or shouldn't
do.
These rules that you live by (often unconsciously) act as the rudder or guide for what you will or won't do in your life.
In fact, most of the rules we live by in our relationships and marriages actually keep us from having all the love and
passion that is possible for us instead of giving us more.
You know the ones we're talking about...
You have them in your own life if you think about them.
Things like "Marriage is hard so just make the best of it," "It's your duty as a woman so lie down and get through
it the best way you can," or our favorite "Passion dies after a few years of being together so don't expect it to last very long."
Wow--even though you may not have those specific beliefs, we're guessing that you have some beliefs and
rules that hold you back from experiencing your best life and relationships possible.
Here are 5 rules that we love to break so we can keep passion alive in our relationship (and we urge you to break them often too!)....
Continue reading "5 Relationship "Rules" Every Couple Should Break" »
If you're like most people, you're busier than ever and it's becoming even more of a challenge than it used to be to connect with those you love, especially your intimate partner.
As we were thinking about what we learned from our awesome "Get Closer Weekend" workshop we gave this past weekend, one thing is really clear...
Many people have a challenge connecting with each other on a daily basis.
What we've discovered is that making some kind of positive connection on a daily basis is part of the glue that holds two people together and keeps passion alive over the long haul.
As we were working with the couples who attended our workshop, we realized that there are some very simple things they can do to connect with each other that take only moments...but the results can be very powerful and significant.
Here are a few of those ways we shared...
Continue reading "3 Instant Love Connectors for Couples..." »
What can be more irritating than when your beloved doesn't listen to you and starts trying to "fix" you in the process?
**Question from a reader...
"My fiance has been through personal development work and so understands the importance of taking responsibility for our actions and our feelings EXCEPT - the problem is is that he keeps telling me to take responsibility for my feelings instead of him taking responsibility for his actions. Basically, he took the responsibility advice as he can behave however he will behave and I need to control my feelings and take responsibility for them if they make me sad or upset. There is no connecting, no relating, no understanding - just a "mentor" telling me to change my feelings about what's happened."
**Our answer...
Yes, we're all for both people taking personal responsibility in a relationship--in fact, that's the only way it will work in a healthy way--BUT when there's no connection in the process, that can really be a problem.
Here are some ways to create more connection and be responsible...
Continue reading "He won't listen--She's frustrated and wants connection" »
You've been hearing us talk a lot about our upcoming "Get Closer Weekend" and if you are considering coming...
NOW is the time to act.
This is because the early bird special which means big savings on our "Get Closer Weekend" is about to expire.
Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, come learn the secrets to keeping love, passion and a great connection alive for as long as you want.
Just go here to get the details or to sign up for THIS incredible "Get Closer Weekend."
When people ask us what's one thing they can do to get closer in their relationship, we give them a suggestion
that goes something like what we talked about in our free teleclass we gave this past week...
If you want to get closer, one way is to focus on getting on the same team.
This seems so obvious but "getting on the same team" and getting the two of you lined up in the same way and focused in the same direction is one of the real challenges of relationships.
We can tell you from personal experience that when both of you work as a team as you move through life together, you can literally conquer anything and everything that gets in your way of keeping the passion, love and connection alive.
When it comes to great examples of "getting on the same team," you don't have to look any further than sports for inspiration, especially this time of year when the NCAA college basketball teams are gearing up for the "big dance."
Since we're from Columbus, of course we follow our Buckeyes and are excited the men are #1 right now in the standings.
As we've watched college basketball and other sports, especially the Cincinnati Reds baseball team, we've come to some conclusions about winning teams...
*It's not only talent that creates a winning team but it's also the way they work together as a team
*In winning teams, individual roles are clearly defined
*Individuals on a winning team appreciate their teammates and build them up. You don't hear them talking badly about each other.
*Winning teams have a sense of community and working toward a common objective. They are lined up in the same direction with the same purpose.
What does this have to do with your relationship?
Plenty.
When you take the time to get lined up and get on the same team, everything's easier. Disagreements are less intense and don't last as long--and passion and closeness are greater.
The problem is that most couples don't feel they're always (or even sometimes) on the same team.
What do couples do when they aren't on the same team?
Believe it or not, there are many things you can do right now to instantly transform your relationship. We've written quite a bit over the years about what some of these things are and here are two very important ones...
Continue reading "2 Ways to Instantly Transform for Relationship" »
Yesterday, we let you know about Otto's just released new ebook for men called "Light Her Up."
This ebook is for men who want to learn how to make their woman happy and get more love and passion from her in the process.
One person actually told us, if men do what's in this book they'll be giving women what they crave.
This is why...
A big wave of men (and a few women too) came and got their copy of "Light Her Up" and the bonus that we were offering to the first 50 people who were the initial "fast-movers" and this bonus is gone.
That's the bad news if you wanted the "What Women Really Want" ebook bonus we offered yesterday because it's now gone.
The good news is...
We've decided to offer a new fast-mover bonus to our already incredible package for everyone who comes to http://www.LightHerUp.com/Book and downloads their copy of "Light Her Up" before Friday night, October 22 at 12 midnight eastern time.
Anyone who orders the "Light Her Up" book and audio package before Friday, October 22nd at 12 midnight
eastern time gets...
Our "Red Hot Love Relationships" ebook at no charge.
"Red Hot Love Relationships" has been a best-selling product of ours for years and it gives you 77 skills and ideas
for turning up the heat, both in and out of the bedroom.
If you want more love, more passion, more intimacy and yes...a whole lot more sex from your woman, then click
on over to http://www.LightHerUp.com/Book and get your copy of "Light Her Up" right now.
This new fast-mover bonus will be a great companion book to go along with "Light Her Up."
AND...
This "fast-mover" bonus will only be available until 12 midnight eastern time on Friday, October 22nd at THIS web page http://www.LightHerUp.com/Book
After that, all fast-mover bonuses will be gone.
Here's what people are saying about the "Light Her Up" ebook...
Continue reading "What women crave and how men can give it to them..." »
About an hour ago, we launched Otto's "Light Her Up" ebook and we're really excited to bring it to you.
If you're a man who wants to know how to light up your woman so you can get the love, appreciation and sex you really want, then you're going to want to get your hands on this info.
And if you're a woman in a relationship, we're guessing that inviting your man read or listen to suggestions on how to light you up would make far greater impact than if you TELL him.
When you get a copy of "Light Her Up," not only will you get access to the downloadable book but also you'll get the audios of Otto reading the book as part of the package.
To top that off, for the first 50 people who buy, you'll get this incredible bonus...
"What Women Really Want: 500 Women Reveal What Gets Them In the Mood For Love and S** More Often."
We kept having men tell us that they wanted to figure out how to get their woman "in the mood" for love (and S**) more often and we decided to survey women and ask them.
We got well over 500 responses and what these women told us was so amazing that we decided to compile their
answers, along with our thoughts and suggestions, into a book and make it available to you.
The good news is, you don't have to pay a dime for it if you act quickly.
Once again...
To jump in the front of the line and get this "fast-mover" bonus at no charge whatsoever, just go to THIS web page..
http://www.LightHerUp.com/Book
This is truly exciting to be able to offer this info and share these secrets with you.
If there's one thing that can create havoc in your relationships, it's falling into hidden relationship traps.
And if you stay in those traps for long periods of time or just keep falling in them and you can't figure out why or how, your relationship can end up feeling empty and could even end.
The couples who don't fall into them have happier relationships than those who do.
These traps are sneaky and hidden because we don't see them coming before we fall right into them.
And then while we're in these traps, we often can't even see that we're in them, let alone find a way to get out.
Usually something happens to bring us out--but sometimes not. Sometimes the issues never get resolved. We just get busy with something else and the issue is buried, only to come back up at a later time.
Now, of course, we all fall into these traps every now and then because we're human (and they can be different for everyone).
But the happiest couples don't stay there when they do and they figure out ways to not fall in them very often.
For them, quickly getting out of these traps becomes a habit---or avoiding them altogether.
So what are these traps?
Here are 3 common sneaky, hidden relationship traps that we've certainly fallen into and we're guessing you or your partner have too...
Continue reading "3 Sneaky, Hidden Relationship Traps You Don't Want to Fall Into..." »
The other day, a friend of ours asked us if people were still getting married because divorce rates are so high--(One source cites 50% for first marriages, 67% for second, and 74% for third ones).
Although we don't do research in that area, of the people who contact us, they are very much interested in a committed, intimate relationship if not marriage.
So are people getting scared away from making relationship commitments because of statistics and what they see happening to others around them?
We don't think so.
While we urge people to be open to making and keeping this kind of commitment, we also know that without the follow-through actions of doing what it takes to create the relationship you want--
A commitment alone is pretty hollow.
A lot can happen in a relationship, especially one that lasts many years, so we've identified 10 "worst case relationship scenarios" and some pointers on how to deal with them.
You (or someone you love) might be experiencing one or more of these right now and if so, we invite you to take conscious, positive steps toward what you want.
Here are the 10 scenarios (in no particular order)...
Continue reading "Top 10 Worst Case Relationship Scenarios..." »
Since it's "vacation season" here in the US, we've had more than one couple tell us how they are wondering if they've spent too much time together for their own good...
In just a moment, we'll give you our thoughts about whether it's really possible to spend TOO much time together but
first, we want to tell you about something we're doing in just a few days for men.
As you may recall, Otto has just launched his new website for MEN and is giving away a free ebook called "10 Keys To Lighting Up Your Woman" to every man who signs up for his newsletter.
Also... something Otto just announced is that we're doing a teleseminar for men in just a few days called "10 Things EVERY Woman Wants From Her Man AND How You Can Give These Things To Her." If you're a guy and want to find out more, check it out.
As record heat fries the eastern half of the USA (including where we live) over the past few days, experts warn of the dangers of over-exposure to our bodies.
It's just plain hot.
Even if you aren't struggling with this heat wave where you live, chances are you've taken some kind of vacation
with your family or maybe gotten together with family or friends for an extended time together.
If you have ever spent some extended time with more intense interaction than you normally do, there's also a pretty good chance that with all of this social interaction and "togetherness," you might feel a bit "over-exposed" to the ones you love.
You might have felt like there was a little too much togetherness and your love (and patience) may have been tested :-) .
After a brief vacation together, one family we know found themselves picking arguments with each other that was out of the ordinary for them.
The dad made the comment to us that "We've been together a little bit too too long right now."
What we know is that "over-exposure to the ones we love" feeling, along with the stresses that vacations can bring--heat, dealing with crowds of people, trying to get around in unfamiliar places, erratic eating schedules or rich and unfamiliar food --can certainly play havoc in the best relationships, even if you think you're doing pretty well.
If you can relate...
Here are some specific ways you might react when you've been together a little too long or have "vacation-itis" and
some suggestions to "cool" down your and others' emotions and reactions...
Continue reading "Marriage Advice: Can you have TOO much togetherness?" »
If you've ever done what my mom used to call "set up housekeeping," you might have some idea of what kind of kitchen staples you'd need.
These can be different for everyone but there are certain things that are pretty standard. When we did a Google search for "kitchen staples," one website listed about 42 items.
Some of those were the usual things like coffee, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, beans (of all kinds), garlic and tea.
Our kitchen staples may not look like yours but there are probably some similarities if someone took a clipboard and check sheet and inventoried our kitchens.
What's all this have to do with your relationship?
We don't think we're stretching the point (very much) when we say that throughout the years of delving into relationships of all kinds, there are some similar things that could be called "relationship staples."
Want to know a few? We'll start you off with a list of 7...
Continue reading "7 Staples That Can Boost Your Relationship Health" »
Announcing:
Otto's new website for MEN who want relationship and marriage tips and advice is now open... http://www.LightHerUp.com
Discover How To Light Up Your Woman and Keep Your Relationship or Marriage Hot, Fresh, Sexy and Alive...No Matter How Long You've Been Together...
Get FREE instant access to Otto's Special Report: "10 Keys To Lighting Up Your Woman" when you sign up for his FREE LightHerUp.com E-Newsletter
In the movies, on TV, in plays and in novels, they're called "plot points..."
These are the points in a story where everything is going along in one direction and one thing (usually unexpected) happens and then everything shifts, changes and typically goes off in a whole different direction.
We have these in our lives too.
Most of us can look back and find moments in time when we made decisions that changed the course of our lives.
For us, one of these times happened when we made a 1 minute decision back in 1997 that saved our relationship.
Whether you're consciously aware of them or not...
If you take a real good look back through your life, we're sure that there have been plenty of moments where you can look back at a given moment and be able to say "that changed everything."
These moments might be the "big" decisions you made-- to take a certain job, buy a house, move from your home town, get married, have a baby, get divorced...
Or they might be the "private" decisions you made like stopping a destructive habit like smoking or starting a new habit like an exercise program that brought you closer to what you wanted your life experience to be.
Some of these "decisions" might have been made for you--maybe your partner decided to leave your relationship or there was a death in your family that created massive changes in your life.
Whatever happened in these moments that caused you to make the decisions you did--nothing happened until you took some action to support that decision.
And you had to keep taking action in that direction for true changes to happen in your life.
But if you never had taken that first step of making the decision, things probably would have stayed the same.
So, what about that 1 minute decision we just mentioned that saved our relationship?
Continue reading "The 1 Minute Decision That Saved Our Relationship in 1997..." »
We hope you haven't made the same mistake we have.
In fact, this isn't like us at all.
it's already the middle of January and we're just now getting around to thinking about and working on our relationship, life and business goals for 2010...
It's not an excuse but it's a fact...
We've been so busy working on a brand new relationship program for you that will available soon that we've totally blown past the last few weeks.
Up until now we haven't put much thought into thinking about or setting any new goals for 2010.
When we realized this a day or two ago...
We asked ourselves a really important question:
What are some things ANYONE (including us) could start doing right now that would have an immediate positive impact on their love life and relationships in 2010?
So, we came up with 10 tips you're going to love...
It's a fact ...
No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.
When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?
If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.
If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck--you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.
Nothing new here, right?
We all do this.
Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.
The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.
We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.
When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.
Susie had this happen one morning this week.
She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...
She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.
And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.
In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.
She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment
Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?
Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?
Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..
Please Note: If you're coming into the new year and you're living with the relationship question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship--then don't make this decision without getting a copy of our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" book and audio program.
It's such a great resource for helping you get clear about what's really going in your relationship and whether to stay or go is the right question you should be asking yourself right now.
If it is, this program helps you to make your decision with more certainty and ease.
Read what Janice wrote to us recently and said...
"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" helped me evaluate a so-so, long-distance relationship which I ended... and then I found my soulmate. thank you!" Janice
So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Getting Unstuck" »
2010 is almost here AND we have a lot to say about new year's goals and resolutions and here's why...
If you're like us you've been mulling over your goals, dreams and plans for having the best year ever in 2010 and beyond.
We've got some new things we're going to be telling you about soon but...
As we've been thinking about New Year's and beyond here's something that shocked us...
We recently saw a list of the 5 top topics that people create goals around for the new year, and it didn't come as much of a surprise that weight loss was at the top of that list.
But what we thought was weird was that "relationships" wasn't even on that list.
With all the hub bub this year about cheating and infidelity (and we know this hasn't ONLY happened this year)--
In our opinion, there is NOTHING more important than your relationships.
The reason we say this isn't just because we're relationship coaches and we spend most of our time thinking and writing about relationships...
It's much more than that...
It's that if you think about it, everything we do or try to do in life is either about, includes or requires the help of a relationship of some kind.
If you are a parent (or have parents), that's a relationship.
If you work anywhere, you must develop relationships to be successful in your job.
Governments must form relationships with other government organizations in order to be effective and in harmony with one another.
Even something like an engine in a car must have a "relationship" with the other parts of the car in order to work effectively and efficiently to provide transportation for the owner and passengers of the car.
In our way of looking at things, if you're going to have something, why not go for the best?
When it comes to your relationships, if you want them to be better than what you have right now, one of the best ways is to continually find ways of improving them--and that starts with intentions and then setting some goals.
In case you're like us and haven't written your goals or resolutions for 2010 (or even if you never do it), we would encourage you to include some goals about your relationships.
To help, we're offering you a few ideas about how you can create growing, more loving, more deeply connected relationships in the new year.
Here are a few ways that have worked for us to keep our relationship close, connected and growing--and we offer them to you...(they'll work for any type of relationship)
Continue reading "Marriage Advice for 2010--5 Resolutions You Shouldn't Ignore" »
We're right in the middle of the holiday season here in the USA and many other parts of the world and not only do we want to wish you a happy holiday...
But we also want to give you something else...
We want to give you a friendly relationship challenge.
We'll get to the challenge in a moment but first we'd like you to go to this web page and download a copy of the "Magic Relationship Words" you're going to need to have for the best holiday season ever.
Imagine having over 100 words, phrases and sentence-starters that virtually guarantee that you say it right EVERY time in every situation with your partner, spouse or lover--
Especially here at the holidays...
You'll want to make sure there aren't any conflicts that last forever, stonewalling or nasty arguments.
Now for the friendly relationship challenge for you...
If you do this, we think your holidays just could be the best ever.
It will only take a couple of moments...
Here goes...
Continue reading "A Relationship Challenge for this Holiday Season..." »
Today, former "Family Ties" star Meredith Baxter announced that she is a lesbian. She apparently came out today because she wanted to beat the tabloids and tell her story in her own words. Unlike Tiger Woods, she's trying to beat the gossip mongers and be totally honest about what's been going on in her life for 7 years.
What we were struck by was not her admission to being gay but rather what she said about what she learned about herself.
She said this...
"I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in relationships...Sometimes, I assumed I was a bad picker, which I was indeed, but I also was involved with people who made me think, 'OH, THEY'RE THE PROBLEM,' because there were problems with the people I chose. It never occurred to me to think, 'OH, IT'S ME'."
Meredith learned "Oh, it's me."
What a powerful lesson that has nothing to do with being gay, straight, single or in a relationship.
And it has nothing to do with placing blame.
It has to do with looking at what you truly want in life and in your relationships.
So many times, we spend our lives going against the essence of who we truly are--and are pretty unhappy doing it.
We choose to be with certain people out of guilt and "shoulds." We try to change that other person into who he or she doesn't want to be or try to change yourself into something you aren't.
And it never works.
We push against and we manipulate but we don't stop ourselves and ask, "Is this what I truly want in my life."
How powerful to stop looking outside yourself for someone to blame and take a look at who you really are and what you want!
If you're unhappy in your relationship and there are serious communication and trust problems, here are a few ways to start looking at what you DO want in your life...
Continue reading "A Valuable Relationship Lesson from Meredith Baxter..." »
In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?
Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?
Or are you and your relationship...
2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?
If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.
The reason we say this is...
As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."
We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.
Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.
Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »
We just got back from our vacation/retreat at the beach and while we were away, we logged onto the internet from our condo we're renting this morning, this is what we saw...
Crisis!
Disaster!
Doom and Gloom!
From what we can tell, these kinds of negative thoughts are all over the news and are the focus of most people's thoughts and conversations.
In this brief message, here's what we want to suggest to you about what's going on in the world...
No matter what is going on outside of you, it's what's going on inside of you that really counts.
Take a moment and check in with yourself.
How are you feeling?
Are you feeling vibrant and alive or tight and constricted?
Are you feeling full of possibilities or thinking and imagining the worst.
Examining whether the thoughts you're having in this moment are true and are serving you or not is critically important to having the love, relationships, support, connection and the life that you really want.
Believe it or not, it is possible to shift from fear and constriction to openness and a feeling of possibility, even during times like these when it seems difficult.
Here are some ways...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Facing Doom and Gloom News" »
As you know, we find some of our relationship lessons in the unlikliest of places and circumstances and this article below is no exception....
Like a lot of people last week, we were watching more than our share of the Weather Channel, CNN and other news outlets to get the latest updates on Hurricane Ike as it approached the Texas and Gulf coast areas of the US.
As we watched the approach of Hurricane Ike, we had no idea that we would be affected by it because we live in Ohio (which is pretty far north and east.)
Now, of course we saw nothing approaching the magnitude of destruction that people along the Texas and Gulf
coastal areas saw, felt and are still feeling and experiencing.
Here in Ohio, we got the remnants of Hurricane Ike and had wind gusts for several hours of up to 75 MPH.
As you can imagine, these high winds caused quite a bit of damage to homes, trees, power lines, etc.
Our power was out for 26 hours and even though many of our neighbors weren't so lucky, we didn't have any damage to our home or property and for that we are very grateful.
As we think about the people in Texas, Louisiana, and other areas (including many people right in our own city) who still don't have power, clean drinking water and other things we think of as life's essentials-- our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to you.
As we look back on the night we didn't have power, there are important insights about relationships and daily living we want to share with you and here they are...
One big "ah ha" that we learned was how much of the way we live our lives depends on electricity and what we can and can't do if we don't have it.
We also learned how much time we spend watching television, movies or on the internet rather than interacting with each other and other people.
The two of us always spend time each day interacting and connecting with each other but since Otto's 19 year old son moved in with us to go to college nearby, we haven't interacted much as a family.
We did during the power outage!
The three of us talked more than we usually do as we sat on the porch and watched the last part of the storm blow through and then we went to our friend and neighbor's house and played the board game scrabble by candle light.
Neighbors who never met one another helped each other out.
It took a several hour power outage for us to come together to do some things to connect in ways that we don't normally do.
The challenge now is to keep connecting without having our electrical power shut off.
How about you?
Maybe Hurricane Ike didn't affect you but we're inviting you to do something this week that you wouldn't normally do to connect with others--without the television or computer.
Play a game together--dust off games like monopoly, scrabble or Risk. Take a walk or just sit and talk with someone you haven't seen in awhile or even a loved one you haven't really connected with. Help others out in ways you might not normally do.
For one evening, act as if you have no power, light candles and just be together.
As conscious and connected as the two of us try to be--our power outage was a big wake up call for us that we can do a better job of opening to each other and connecting deeper.
We're hoping you can take a cue from us and open yourself to experimenting with how to connect on a deeper level with the people in your life.
If all this seems kind of silly or not necessary then let us offer one more suggestion that might be valuable for you...
Make the intention to just have one meaningful conversation with someone this week.
Start there and see how you feel. We think it will spur you on to want to connect more with the people in your life.
There's a big advertising campaign going on here in Ohio to try to get people to "buckle up" and fasten their seat belts when they get into any car, truck or motorized vehicle.
This advertising campaign is a part of the state's effort to reduce traffic deaths and injuries.
The state's slogan to remind people about "buckling up" is the line...
"What's holding you back?"
Interesting.
What's even more interesting when it comes to creating more love, passion, harmony, trust, connection or anything else you want in your relationships or marriage would be to ask the same question--
"What's holding you back?"
Continue reading "What's Holding You Back from Love, Passion and Connection?" »
The other evening, our entire family, including our two grandsons, went to the Ohio State Fair to see Melissa Etheridge in concert. We can truthfully say that we have never seen another performer with as much passion, energy, and musical talent (along with her band) as Melissa at this performance. She glowed and her smile, humor, honesty and convictions touched all of us.
She took us on a musical journey of her life--which included loves lost, her career, cancer, her lessons learned and her awakening. We were amazed at the range of emotions that she was able to take us through as she sang her way through her life so far.
One of her messages was plain and simple--You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Melissa Etheridge" »
Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.
She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.
Not so!
What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Trusting Change" »
Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.
A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.
As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!
The biggest culprit is our thoughts.
We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.
Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."
These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.
Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?
--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box
The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.
When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.
Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.
Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.
If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.
Recently, we had another opportunity to "dog-sit" with our favorite yellow Labrador retriever, Nutmeg.
While we certainly don't want a dog full-time, we had a great time with her and re-learned some valuable relationship lessons as well.
Here are a few reminders of how to create great relationships and lives from Nutmeg that we thought we'd share with you...
We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.
The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.
We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!
Here's our take on loving through differences...
Last night we caught up with Anderson Cooper's 360 CNN program after the Democrate candidate debate. If you saw the debate and want to weigh in on Clinton's and Obama's performances or just to see how other people viewed the debate, you can visit Cooper's blog.
What did we take away from the debate?
As we watched Cooper's panel of commentators, one thing was clear. They were all pointing to Clinton's lack of connecting with the audience, except for her very powerful ending statement. These commentators called the debate a draw but spoke of the importance of the candidate's ability to connect with the public. And without that connection, a perfectly sound candidate with great experience may not make the grade with voters and may not be chosen by them.
So what does this idea of connection or lack of connection have to do with you and your relationships?
Everything.
Continue reading "What the Presidential Debates taught us about Relationships" »
It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.
An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.
New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.
This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.
Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?
If so, try out these 3 tips…
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »
The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.
In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.
As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."
We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.
So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"" »
The car accident we had Christmas night could have been worse and we're certainly glad it wasn't.
In thinking about what happened and this newsletter, we don't mean to "rock" your idea of relationships and life but...
We're believers in the idea that everything that happens in our relationships and lives happens for a reason and that in almost every case, this reason is to help us to heal, to learn and to grow as we move toward being our best selves.
In our opinion, this "growth" that seems to happen, whether we invite it or not or find it easy or a struggle, is essential in helping us to create more joy and happiness in each present moment.
Here's what happened and our "take-away" from it...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Deer Accident" »
We have a confession to make.
We also have a few observations we'd like to share with you about something related to our confession that can help you create more passionate, loving, caring, and connected relationships.
So, what's our confession?
We've been addicted to the ABC hit reality television show "Dancing With The Stars."
We know. We know. We're revealing who we really are by telling you this and it's true.
Otto watched several of the shows and Susie watched almost every episode of this year's "Dancing With the Stars" --including of course this week's finale.
It turns out that we were not alone. The show's ratings tell us that somewhere between 24 and 27 million people tuned in each night.
WOW.
So what was it that made this show so interesting that so many people dropped what they were doing to tune in?
Also, since we're students of relationships (and what makes them work when they work), we were curious about what we could learn from the show to help others, as well as to make our relationships better.
Here are several tips about how to create great relationships and connect deeper with the people in your life that came to us as we were thinking about this very popular reality series...
Continue reading "What Relationship Advice We Learned from "Dancing with the Stars"" »
Listen as we share how this story relates to you and how it can help you make your relationships better.
Imagine for a moment this scenario from last night...
Some of our family members were here to visit and to see our new house that we just moved into and as is
typical when family and friends get together, the stories started flying.
In fact, one person told a story that happened when he was 9 years old that was amazing.
He told us that his mom drove by herself with four small children (he and his siblings) from the east coast of the
USA to one of the western states that was well over 2000 miles away .
During this trip, because his mom was the only one old enough to drive, she kept falling asleep at the wheel, actually ending up in the weeds a few times.
Thankfully, they arrived safely at their home and it certainly made for a great story but here's what this has to do with you and your relationships...
Continue reading "How to Have Happy, Healthy Relationships and Lives" »
This week we've got a great relationship question for you...
"What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short- and long-term payoff in your life?"
In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life?
With this in mind, we challenge you right now to think of a relationship that you want to make better...
It could be your relationship with a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance--you get the idea.
Now, think about how you'd like this relationship to be more of the time.
Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you. Maybe you want more honesty or more openness. Maybe you want to be "you" more of the time and for some reason you aren't able to be "you" in this relationship.
To show you what we mean, we're going to talk about 3 approaches or philosophies that we use in our relationship that keep it alive, connected and growing.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for More Love and Connection" »
If you live anywhere on this planet, we're sure that you've heard that this has been a big month for Harry Potter fans. Not only did the "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" film debut but also the 7th and final Harry Potter adventure in book form reached the shelves.
We know that a lot has been written about the meanings of the films and the books and we couldn't help adding our two-cents worth--about how to create great relationships.
To us, one of the main themes in this current Harry Potter film is that we all have the possibility to do good and to do evil--and love wins out in the end.
So what does this have to creating great relationships?
Like millions of others, we saw the blockbuster film "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. The film had all of the elements of an enjoyable movie experience--beautiful people to watch, a lot of action, great special effects, and a witty, funny, well-written script. The characters seemed to be developed more in this film than in any of the other "Pirates" movies.
Being the constant students of relationships, we are always on the look out for great relationship lessons that we can pass onto others. Aside from being extremely entertaining, it did offer some food for thought.
Here's our take on it...
Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from "Pirates of the Caribbean"" »
Many of us are starting new ventures and leaving people, jobs or old ways of being for more of what we want in our lives.
The two of us are in the process of doing some remodeling to get our 130 year old house ready to sell so that we can relocate in a larger city about an hour away. With this preparation for our move, we're dealing with issues from our past, as well as some fears.
We know that this process of letting go of the past and moving into a more empowering future--whether it is about a relationship, job or location--is a normal one and one that all of us face from time to time.
So how do you move through this process of letting go of the past and moving on in an empowering way?
Continue reading "Letting Go and Moving On from a Breakup, a Job or Anything Else" »
The two of us absolutely love music and have had an especially good time watching concert dvds of our favorite artists. It's been a great way for us to connect with each other in the evenings and just enjoy ourselves!
Last week, Otto brought out the BeeGees collectors edition and we ended up spending the entire evening enjoying a 1997 concert and then a dvd of the group's history. We had a great time talking about what we learned about life and relationships from discovering things about the Brothers Gibb and we'd like to share some of our thoughts here...
Continue reading "What we Learned about Relationships and Life from the BeeGees" »
Recently, we received a couple of great questions from one of our newsletter subscribers and we thought that the topic raised a challenge that many people seem to have in their relationships.
Here is what the person wrote...
"Is it possible to treat someone too special? Can you give some examples on how to become someone who can attract more love, passion and connection?"
Here's our take on treating someone too special...
Continue reading "Dating and Marriage Advice for a Common Relationship Problem" »
It's pretty interesting when you think about it.
Every year around New Years day, people seem to find themselves looking back on what happened in the past year and looking forward to what they want to change in the new year.
Around this time each year, the two of us create our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as in our relationship.
Continue reading "Creating a Great Relationship in the New Year" »
Sometimes the best relationship tips and the most interesting relationship and life lessons come from some pretty unusual sources.
Here's one such example...
Recently, Susie rediscovered a wonderful book that she had read many years ago, "Mutant Message Down Under" by Marlo Morgan. This book is about the author's journey on foot with the Australian aborigines and the lessons that she learned along the way. Although the book is classified as "fiction," we think there are many lessons to be learned from it.
One of these beautiful lessons that Morgan wrote about held a special meaning for us and we think that by sharing it with you, it can help all of us to create wonderful lasting relationships that are filled with love.
Here's what Marlo Morgan said in her book...
Continue reading "Deepening Our Connections at the Holidays" »
A few years ago, Otto had the opportunity to learn some powerful relationship advice and life lessons on a golf
course. We were having a mini-family reunion and Otto and a cousin Gary, a successful banking executive, played golf nearly all day on Saturday.
Whenever Otto is in the company of someone who is successful, he likes to play "20 Questions" to find out all he can about why and how that person is successful. That's what Otto did that day and what he learned from someone who isn't particularly "spiritual" or a "relationship expert" was remarkable.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Round of Golf" »
You never really know how your words and your actions affect other people. That's been our experience anyway.
Here's a practical example of something that happened recently to illustrate this point...
Susie's mother passed a couple of weeks ago and among the beautiful cards and sentiments that she received after her mother's death was a letter from a former neighbor who had lived next door to her childhood home.
Continue reading "How Your Words and Actions Affect Others" »
Although they may not be aware of them, everyone who creates a great relationship has certain things that they do over and over to create more love,passion, connection (or whatever is important to them) on a consistent basis in their relationships.
In any relationship it's usually not just one thing we do that creates the magic but many different things. Sort of like ingredients that go into a recipe for a favorite food or dessert-- if you leave out one of the key ingredients things don't go so well.
So what are the key ingredients in a close, connected and loving relationship?
Continue reading "A Key Ingredient for Creating Close, Connected Relationships" »
One of the questions about relationships that many people struggle with is this--
"Can you have passion, love and connection in one relationship?"
Some people say yes and some say no.
With most relationships and marriages, here's what we find...
--There might be friendship or compatibility with a partner but no passion.
--There might be a feeling of being taken care of or taking care of someone physically, emotionally, or financially but that's as far as the connection goes.
--There might be passion at times and very little or no connection otherwise.
--There might be a deep feeling of love between the two people but they seem to be going in different directions much of the time with no real passion or connection.
So the question remains--Can you have it all?
Can you have Love, Passion AND Connection in one relationship?
Continue reading "Passion, Love and Connection in Your Relationship" »
Are you minding your own business instead of someone else's?
We're all the time trying to change people andmake others the way we want them to be. When we do this , it's pure arrogance to believe that we know what's best for anyone else.
We've all said things like this about someone else in our lives--"Why can't he pick up his socks?" or "Why doesn't she take better care of herself?"
When we ask those questions, even in our minds, we are in someone else's business and this is where a lot of our "stress" comes from.
Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Minding Your Own Business" »
People write to us everyday--upset that their partner or spouse isn't who they want them to be. They suggest that if only he or she would only do this or that, or be like this or that then everything would be just fine. They even say, "I've tried everything to get them to change--and nothing's worked."
We agree that change is difficult and the bottom line is that you cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself. We've certainly had our moments of trying to change each other and other members of our family to fit in with what we want and we've learned a few things in the process.
Continue reading "Marriage Advice about Changing Your Spouse" »
One of our coaching clients just got back from a vacation to Ireland and had a few "ah-ha's" that we'd like to pass along to you which we think can help you create more love, passion and connection in your relationships and your life (if you read this with an open mind and heart.)
This coaching client discovered that he actually relaxed when he was on his trip--which was unusual for him because of his demanding job and his somewhat disconnected relationship with his family. He felt "free" when he was in Ireland and had an excitement for life that he hadn't had in a long time.
What he realized was that he wanted to keep those good feelings that he had during his vacation. He didn't want to climb back into his "armour," as he put it, when he went back to his job and continued his "normal" life.
In a nut shell, he didn't want to go back to the way things were before his vacation--his feelings of separateness, anxiety and feeling like he had to control everything in his life.
In this day of almost disposable relationships, a question on the minds of many singles and couples is how to create a relationship that will last and one that will keep its vibrancy throughout the years.
We're taking ballroom dancing lessons with another couple Sam and Rosie, who have been Otto's friends for many years. They have been married for 24 years and by spending a lot of time with them, we were able to get a glimpse of the reasons they still have such a good marriage.
Continue reading "The Secrets to a Long, Lasting Marriage" »
Many marriages get stale after awhile, often from lack of attention and the intention to keep connecting on a regular basis. Lately, we've both been thinking about ways that we could experience the gifts of connecting even more than we do already.
With that in mind, here's what Otto said that not only shocked Susie but some of our closest friends as well...
Many people don't realize this yet but...
One of the most important things that we've learned by being together is that having love and connection can be "normal" in our lives and that this is possible for anyone if they choose.
We thought about this idea just the other day as we were reading in this month's issue of Oprah magazine an article with Oprah interviewing the soul singer Mary J. Blige.
In this interview, Mary talks about her transformation and how she went from blaming other people for her circumstances and feeling sorry for herself to taking responsibility for every part of her life.
"Normal" for her was carrying around an attitude that hadn't served her mother and certainly didn't serve her. According to the interview, she drank too much to cover her lack of self-confidence and went though life as a victim, holding onto a lot of anger and unforgiveness. All of this pain and rawness came out in the songs she sang.
While we were browsing the internet, we ran into the Valley Jew and to our delight, the author quoted from our "Relationship Manifesto." He, of course, had his own "Typical Valley Jew Relationship Manifesto" which included--"3. We will complain about things our older relatives do and then do them ourselves. “ And you should hear her complain about Costco's lasagna!”
We loved what they had to say because isn't it so true that we all either silently or not-so-silently complain about things that other people in our lives do and then we turn around and do them ourselves! The sad thing is that we usually aren't aware that we're even doing them and we wonder why our lives and relationships don't seem to be working the way we want them to work.
Like many people around the world, we've been watching the Winter Olympics on television. We're constantly amazed at the level of concentration and dedication the athletes have for excelling in their sport. Although not everyone is appreciating the efforts of our US team as much as we are, we thought we'd add our comments to the mix, especially how we see it relating to relationships.
As we've watched, we couldn't help asking ourselves a few questions...
Did they learn their sport overnight? Of course not.
Do they have to practice everyday? Of course they do.
Believe it or not--the same thing holds true for having great relationships.
Continue reading "Not Everyone Likes The Winter Olympics-- But We Do..." »
Even if there's great love between two people, one of the biggest problems in long-term relationships is a ho hum feeling and even boredom. This boredom can cause either or both people to ask themselves "Is that all there is?" and can even lead to infidelity or divorce.
If this is what's happening in your life, a good movie to watch is "Shall we Dance?" staring Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon and Jennifer Lopez.
Not only is the dancing fun to watch but it has a good message about relationships that we'd like to pass on...
Last night as I watched Bono of U2 accept a Grammy award for their album "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb," I was appreciating the relationship lesson that he talked about from his own life. Because my husband and I are relationship coaches, we tend to look at most things in life as "relationship lessons" but I thought this was truly important enough to pass on.
We thought that "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" was a political statement but apparently we were wrong. Bono told the audience that the atomic bomb was his father who he's been screaming about for years and with this award he was giving it up. In other words, he was giving up blaming, judging and complaining about his father and would come to peace with whatever was between them.
If only all of us would have the same courage to do this in our own lives, we would not only be at peace about the past but our current relationships would be so much clearer and better.
Continue reading "U2 at the Grammys: A Relationship Lesson" »
What if you have an intimate relationship that is “pretty good” most of the time but every now and then you notice that you become distant, pick at each other and even fight? How do you keep your relationship great more of the time?
Here’s a question that a person wrote to us recently that is a pretty common problem in relationships and one that may be happening in your relationship…
Continue reading "Love Advice for Keeping Your Relationship Great" »
Does the spark have to die in intimate relationships after the "honeymoon" period? We say no and here's why…
Remember how you first felt when you were together? Your heart jumped when your loved one came into the room or you heard his or her voice. You couldn't wait to be together. You went on special dates together and you spent time looking into each others' eyes and talking with one another.
If you've been together any length of time, these feelings have probably faded and maybe have disappeared completely. The two of you might be just saying "hello" and "Who's picking up the kids today?" -going for extended periods of time without having a conversation of any real consequence. Both of you might spend time in front of the television or the computer and not with your loved one truly connecting.
So if it's possible to keep the spark in your relationship, where do you start and what kinds of things can you do?
There are some things that you can do to create and keep relationships that have spark and are alive and growing and we'll share some of those ways in this article and also in a teleseminar series that we are doing starting February 2.
Continue reading "Relationship Tips for Keeping Passion in your Relationship" »
It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.
A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.
The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.
We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.
Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.
We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.
This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.
Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.
We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship" »
Yesterday, at 1:35 pm Eastern time, a scientific event called the Winter Solstice occured. At this time, because of the earth's tilt, the northern hemisphere was leaning furthest from the sun and daylight was the shortest.
Many cultures have observed the Winter Solstice with ceremony and at the root of these ceremonies is the ancient fear that the light will never return.
In honor of the darkest day and the anticipation of the coming light, we invite you to choose to bring more light and love into your relationships.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Bringing More Love into Your Relationships" »
