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January 07, 2010

Relationship Advice for Getting Unstuck

It's a fact ...

No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.

When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?

If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.

If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck--you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.

Nothing new here, right?

We all do this.

Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.

The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.

We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.

When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.


Susie had this happen one morning this week.

She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...

She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.

And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.

In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.

She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment

Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?

Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?

Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..

Please Note: If you're coming into the new year and you're living with the relationship question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship--then don't make this decision without getting a copy of our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" book and audio program.

It's such a great resource for helping you get clear about what's really going in your relationship and whether to stay or go is the right question you should be asking yourself right now.

If it is, this program helps you to make your decision with more certainty and ease.

Read what Janice wrote to us recently and said...

"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" helped me evaluate a so-so, long-distance relationship which I ended... and then I found my soulmate. thank you!" Janice

So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Getting Unstuck" »

September 18, 2008

Relationship Advice from Hurricane Ike

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As you know, we find some of our relationship lessons in the unlikliest of places and circumstances and this article below is no exception....

Like a lot of people last week, we were watching more than our share of the Weather Channel, CNN and other news outlets to get the latest updates on Hurricane Ike as it approached the Texas and Gulf coast areas of the US.

As we watched the approach of Hurricane Ike, we had no idea that we would be affected by it because we live in Ohio (which is pretty far north and east.)

Now, of course we saw nothing approaching the magnitude of destruction that people along the Texas and Gulf
coastal areas saw, felt and are still feeling and experiencing.

Here in Ohio, we got the remnants of Hurricane Ike and had wind gusts for several hours of up to 75 MPH.

As you can imagine, these high winds caused quite a bit of damage to homes, trees, power lines, etc.

Our power was out for 26 hours and even though many of our neighbors weren't so lucky, we didn't have any damage to our home or property and for that we are very grateful.

As we think about the people in Texas, Louisiana, and other areas (including many people right in our own city) who still don't have power, clean drinking water and other things we think of as life's essentials-- our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

As we look back on the night we didn't have power, there are important insights about relationships and daily living we want to share with you and here they are...

One big "ah ha" that we learned was how much of the way we live our lives depends on electricity and what we can and can't do if we don't have it.

We also learned how much time we spend watching television, movies or on the internet rather than interacting with each other and other people.

The two of us always spend time each day interacting and connecting with each other but since Otto's 19 year old son moved in with us to go to college nearby, we haven't interacted much as a family.

We did during the power outage!

The three of us talked more than we usually do as we sat on the porch and watched the last part of the storm blow through and then we went to our friend and neighbor's house and played the board game scrabble by candle light.

Neighbors who never met one another helped each other out.

It took a several hour power outage for us to come together to do some things to connect in ways that we don't normally do.

The challenge now is to keep connecting without having our electrical power shut off.

How about you?

Maybe Hurricane Ike didn't affect you but we're inviting you to do something this week that you wouldn't normally do to connect with others--without the television or computer.

Play a game together--dust off games like monopoly, scrabble or Risk. Take a walk or just sit and talk with someone you haven't seen in awhile or even a loved one you haven't really connected with. Help others out in ways you might not normally do.

For one evening, act as if you have no power, light candles and just be together.

As conscious and connected as the two of us try to be--our power outage was a big wake up call for us that we can do a better job of opening to each other and connecting deeper.

We're hoping you can take a cue from us and open yourself to experimenting with how to connect on a deeper level with the people in your life.

If all this seems kind of silly or not necessary then let us offer one more suggestion that might be valuable for you...

Make the intention to just have one meaningful conversation with someone this week.

Start there and see how you feel. We think it will spur you on to want to connect more with the people in your life.

August 27, 2008

What's Holding You Back from Love, Passion and Connection?

seatbelt.jpg There's a big advertising campaign going on here in Ohio to try to get people to "buckle up" and fasten their seat belts when they get into any car, truck or motorized vehicle.

This advertising campaign is a part of the state's effort to reduce traffic deaths and injuries.

The state's slogan to remind people about "buckling up" is the line...

"What's holding you back?"

Interesting.

What's even more interesting when it comes to creating more love, passion, harmony, trust, connection or anything else you want in your relationships or marriage would be to ask the same question--

"What's holding you back?"

Continue reading "What's Holding You Back from Love, Passion and Connection?" »

August 04, 2008

Relationship Advice from Melissa Etheridge

thanks.jpgThe other evening, our entire family, including our two grandsons, went to the Ohio State Fair to see Melissa Etheridge in concert. We can truthfully say that we have never seen another performer with as much passion, energy, and musical talent (along with her band) as Melissa at this performance. She glowed and her smile, humor, honesty and convictions touched all of us.

She took us on a musical journey of her life--which included loves lost, her career, cancer, her lessons learned and her awakening. We were amazed at the range of emotions that she was able to take us through as she sang her way through her life so far.

One of her messages was plain and simple--You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else.


Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Melissa Etheridge" »

May 06, 2008

Relationship Advice for Trusting Change

spring2008trees.jpg Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.

She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.

Not so!

What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.


Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Trusting Change" »

April 22, 2008

Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

Continue reading "Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships" »

March 06, 2008

Relationship Advice from a Yellow Lab

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Recently, we had another opportunity to "dog-sit" with our favorite yellow Labrador retriever, Nutmeg.

While we certainly don't want a dog full-time, we had a great time with her and re-learned some valuable relationship lessons as well.

Here are a few reminders of how to create great relationships and lives from Nutmeg that we thought we'd share with you...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Yellow Lab" »

February 28, 2008

Relationship Advice from U2

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We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.

We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!

Here's our take on loving through differences...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from U2" »

October 16, 2007

Learning to Trust Your Intuition

While most of us have many teachers on our paths to spiritual growth and enlightenment, our ultimate "teacher" is that voice within that speaks from our highest truth. Whether you call this voice intuition, God, Spirit or another name, this is the voice of light and love.

Learning to discern this inner voice from all of the other voices that we come into contact with--and actually follow its advice could be our most challenging but also rewarding practice.

Recently, Susie's sister Nancy told us a wonderful story about how she listened to her inner voice, followed its advice and helped someone in need and we wanted to share it with you to illustrate what we mean.

Continue reading "Learning to Trust Your Intuition" »

September 27, 2007

A Relationship Lesson from Sophie

Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.

This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.

The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.

Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.

So, here goes...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from Sophie" »

September 06, 2007

Relationship Advice about How to Deal with Transitions

It's been said that there are only two things in life that are certain and those are death and taxes.

To that short list, we would definitely add "change" and along with changes there are always "transitions" that
we must navigate through as well.

It's how we handle these "changes" and "transitions" in our relationships and lives that are partially responsible
for our degree of happiness we feel in life.

So, why is this so important and how do we do this with as much skill and grace as possible?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about How to Deal with Transitions" »

April 19, 2007

Dealing With Virginia Tech, Chaos and Tragedy

We've all have had to deal with tragedy at some level at different times in our lives. It might have been personal injury or disease, the lose of a job, the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship.

This week, just like you, we've watched as the story from Blacksburg, Virginia and Virginia Tech has unfolded about a very troubled student and how his rage ended in tragedy for many families.

Whether we know anyone at Virginia Tech or not, we all have been affected on some level by the massacre that happened there this week.

We've watched as the students and people from all over the world have come together for comfort and support,
calling themselves a family.

We've also watched as commentators have blamed the officials in one way or another. We all have different meanings and interpretations about what it all means to us.

So the question is--How do we deal with this tragedy or with any tragedy in our lives?

Continue reading "Dealing With Virginia Tech, Chaos and Tragedy" »

January 16, 2007

What we Learned about Relationships and Life from the BeeGees

The two of us absolutely love music and have had an especially good time watching concert dvds of our favorite artists. It's been a great way for us to connect with each other in the evenings and just enjoy ourselves!

Last week, Otto brought out the BeeGees collectors edition and we ended up spending the entire evening enjoying a 1997 concert and then a dvd of the group's history. We had a great time talking about what we learned about life and relationships from discovering things about the Brothers Gibb and we'd like to share some of our thoughts here...

Continue reading "What we Learned about Relationships and Life from the BeeGees" »

October 17, 2006

After the Breakup--Then What?

Recently we received this question and felt that it was something that many people face at some time in their lives...

"After 5 years together my husband told me one day he hasn't been happy for 5 months. He watched me hit rock bottem (ptsd) and he's afraid to see it happen agian. he's says he's too edgy and worried about me all the time. I came home from a weekend with my mom, and he just dropped this on me like a bomb. I threw the langere I bought on the chair beside him, and said "this is what I've been thinking the whole time I was away. How to rekindle things" he just set it aside and called his best friend. appearently he had this planned. He's not been a jerk about it, even paid half my rent for a couple months, yet I find myself wishing ill on him sometimes...very ill. He won't even try counsiling. any advice on how to move on?"

There are several aspects that we'd like to comment on concerning this woman's situation...

Continue reading "After the Breakup--Then What?" »

September 19, 2006

Relationship Advice from a Round of Golf

A few years ago, Otto had the opportunity to learn some powerful relationship advice and life lessons on a golf
course. We were having a mini-family reunion and Otto and a cousin Gary, a successful banking executive, played golf nearly all day on Saturday.

Whenever Otto is in the company of someone who is successful, he likes to play "20 Questions" to find out all he can about why and how that person is successful. That's what Otto did that day and what he learned from someone who isn't particularly "spiritual" or a "relationship expert" was remarkable.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from a Round of Golf" »

September 14, 2006

How Your Words and Actions Affect Others

You never really know how your words and your actions affect other people. That's been our experience anyway.

Here's a practical example of something that happened recently to illustrate this point...

Susie's mother passed a couple of weeks ago and among the beautiful cards and sentiments that she received after her mother's death was a letter from a former neighbor who had lived next door to her childhood home.

Continue reading "How Your Words and Actions Affect Others" »

July 25, 2006

Using Meditation to Help You to Be a More Loving Person

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If your life is crazy, you seem to never get it all done and you find yourself becoming "short" with the people you love, you may need to revitalize and rejuvenate yourself, spending some time investing in you. Susie has found that one of the best ways to do this (and be kinder and more loving to the people in her life) is to develop a regular meditation practice--a time when she can get in touch with "her" and revitalize.

We know that you might be thinking "I don't have time for that" or "Meditation is just too weird for me" but we invite you to read on for some really practical tips on how to get started to feeling better and being more loving.

Continue reading "Using Meditation to Help You to Be a More Loving Person" »

July 05, 2006

The Vacation Love Lesson

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One of our coaching clients just got back from a vacation to Ireland and had a few "ah-ha's" that we'd like to pass along to you which we think can help you create more love, passion and connection in your relationships and your life (if you read this with an open mind and heart.)

This coaching client discovered that he actually relaxed when he was on his trip--which was unusual for him because of his demanding job and his somewhat disconnected relationship with his family. He felt "free" when he was in Ireland and had an excitement for life that he hadn't had in a long time.

What he realized was that he wanted to keep those good feelings that he had during his vacation. He didn't want to climb back into his "armour," as he put it, when he went back to his job and continued his "normal" life.

In a nut shell, he didn't want to go back to the way things were before his vacation--his feelings of separateness, anxiety and feeling like he had to control everything in his life.


Continue reading "The Vacation Love Lesson" »

April 27, 2006

What We Learned from Mary J. Blige...

Many people don't realize this yet but...

One of the most important things that we've learned by being together is that having love and connection can be "normal" in our lives and that this is possible for anyone if they choose.

We thought about this idea just the other day as we were reading in this month's issue of Oprah magazine an article with Oprah interviewing the soul singer Mary J. Blige.

In this interview, Mary talks about her transformation and how she went from blaming other people for her circumstances and feeling sorry for herself to taking responsibility for every part of her life.

"Normal" for her was carrying around an attitude that hadn't served her mother and certainly didn't serve her. According to the interview, she drank too much to cover her lack of self-confidence and went though life as a victim, holding onto a lot of anger and unforgiveness. All of this pain and rawness came out in the songs she sang.

Continue reading "What We Learned from Mary J. Blige..." »

January 14, 2006

Love Yourself and Improve Your Relationships!

This week I saw Eve Ensler's extrodinary one-woman show "Good Body" and I wanted to share a nugget of what I took away from the experience and how it relates to our relationships. According to Eve, we need to stop the self-hatred that many of us feel, especially in America, so that we can focus on doing what we are here to do to make the world a better place.

I started thinking about how self-hatred can sabotage relationships and actually suck the life out of them. In fact, we're doing a teleseminar series that will give people ideas on how to put life back into their relationship--"Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded" starting February 2.

Continue reading "Love Yourself and Improve Your Relationships!" »

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