Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Imagine just for a moment that you are the contestant in
a new TV game show about relationships and we'll be the hosts...

Since you've decided to play along, here's our question for you...

What do you think is the single most important feature desired in a s*e*x*u*a*l or Intimate partner by BOTH men and women?

Is it...

A. Beauty?
B. Intelligence?
C. Status?
Or
D.Something else?

Beauty is a good answer because after all, we ALL want an attractive or good-looking partner, don't we?

Intelligence is a good answer because who doesn't want a partner who is smart, can figure things out and have the intelligence to work with you to create the best life possible for the two of you (and your family, if you have kids.)

Some people might also think status is the most important feature in attracting a relationship partner or in the one you have.

After all, isn't the success you have in life and the future you create for yourself and your family affected greatly by status?

Of course it is...

But when it comes to the #1 single most important feature in a relationship, there is one thing that trumps, beauty, brains, social status and everything else in the desirability area of relationships and attraction.

So, what is it that trumps all the things we just mentioned?

The answer may surprise you...

It certainly surprised us when we first read about this study about what people (and couples) want in relationships...

And it just might have a huge impact on your relationship or your future relationship!

The answer is...(Drum Roll Please) ...

Continue reading "The one thing you must do to insure relationship success..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What nasty game are we talking about?

It's a "game" that many couples play that ALWAYS creates major problems for them and their relationship and STILL yet--most couples continue to do it even after this "game" has sucked the life out of their relationship
or marriage.

So, what is this "game" and how can you make sure this doesn't cause problems for you in your relationship?

It's easy...

The name of the game is the "blame game" and it can absolutely destroy a relationship.

Here's how the "blame game" is played and how one couple stopped playing...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Stopping this Nasty Game" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you're a woman who thinks he's looking at and paying too much attention to "other" women OR...If you're a man who feels you're being constantly accused of paying too much attention to other women, then you might want to check this out... Wandering Eyes

In relationships, when should you "trust" your gut instincts?

When you know you have jealousy and trust issues, when do you believe what your "gut" tells you and when do you not pay attention to it?

For that matter, HOW do you turn off those feelings?

What we're talking about here are those nagging feelings that won't go away--the feeling that something bad is about to happen (or already has happened)--and you're constantly on the look out for evidence to prove it!

Here's a question from a guy who is struggling with this issue and our take on it...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Well I feel like I am always trying to prove my gut instincts right. It makes me feel unloved when I get this way. Yet I have never had any reason to prove my partner is doing anything wrong."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

This is a problem we've heard over and over, especially when there are jealousy and trust issues.

Before we get into some practical tips, we want to help you get really clear where your "gut instincts" are coming
from--because they may or may not be reliable information to pay attention to.

Continue reading "Should You Trust Your "Gut Instincts" when there's Jealousy?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...

It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.

There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.

But, before we give you that example...

We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."

You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.

We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.

And here's some good news...

These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words

So, what about the example we promised you?

Continue reading "Magic Relationship Words That Work" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why do we repeat the same BAD relationship patterns--even when we know we're doing it ?

We all want great relationships but when it comes to making the changes that will allow us to experience something better, something happens...

Even though we may want to change, most of us have a tough time doing it!

Even if we know what we need to do, we don't do it!

Here's a question from a reader that most of us can identify with because we've all been there--and maybe even there right now...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Even though we know what we are doing 'wrong' in the way that we speak to each other, why do we keep repeating the same bad patterns. We have gone to counseling, we have done the personal growth stuff....we can even manifest some amazing stuff when we are truly "in tune" with each other...But some days it's as if we haven't learned anything and we push each others buttons and we don't listen and we are not 'in the moment' at all.....WHY AFTER ALL OF THIS LEARNING AND KNOWING DO WE STILL REPEAT THE WRONG THINGS..TONES OF VOICE & ASSUMPTIONS?? WHY HAVEN'T WE TRULY 'GOT IT' ALL THE TIME!!!!"

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Breaking Bad Patterns" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Is good communication a mystery sometimes between you and your partner--especially if you both lead busy lives and time for the two of you is hard to come by?

Try our 5-step communication communication recipe for busy couples (especially when it's tough)...

1. Relax

It might seem crazy to suggest that you relax because you're probably stretched to the limit on demands for your time and attention.

If your mind goes a mile a minute, you're always on the go, you never have time for yourself or your partner--it's even more important for you to help yourself by doing some inner relaxation.

There are lots of ways to start doing this but we urge you to start before it's too late--either for the sake of your relationship or for your physical body.

Inner relaxation can be as simple as taking a long, deep breath every hour or saying to yourself in a
gentle tone--"relax."

You can start a simple meditation practice of sitting and breathing for 10 minutes or so.

Whatever it is, focus inward and feel the knots untie.

Can't stop your mind?

Our new favorite phrase from singer-songwriter Shawn Mullins might help--

"What if it's all okay without me knowing?"

When you are relaxed, you are more open. When you are more open, you can communicate better.

Continue reading "A 5-Step Communication Recipe for Busy Couples" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so I'm the last woman who's a fan of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series to see the movie Twilight, based on her first book.

While it certainly wasn't a "great" film, "Twilight" did bring up a few questions for me...

Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them like Edward was of Bella?

Do all women secretly want to be swept off their feet, not just once, but continually by a man?

Does fascination for each other have to die as the relationship matures?

Here's a question from one of our readers--and our answer--that speaks to this and much more...

"My hubby once seemed mesmerized by me and my love, my very person, fascinated by my tiny quacks that determine the person that I am. Now he seems threatened, insecure, out to compete with me, or rather what is it that took away my power. I don't seem to get through to him, to tell him about my wants, or how his behavior of
inconsideration makes me feel. And yet he still seems in want of my love and acceptance."

Here are our comments...

Continue reading "Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?

Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?

Or are you and your relationship...

2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?

If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.

The reason we say this is...

As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."

We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.

Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.

Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner (or anyone else for that matter) didn't make some changes that you wanted them to make and because of this, you felt like you weren't being respected?

Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. We just wanted the other person to "respect" us in a certain
way and didn't know how to go about getting it.

One thing we've noticed is...

One of the reasons people who are considering leaving a relationship buy our book and audio program "Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is that they don't feel respected, appreciated and important.

Yes, feeling respected is that important!

It's important to feel respected and be "heard" in a relationship--but what if the other person doesn't seem to want to make changes that you want him or her to make?

Here's a question from a reader who feels like she is being disrespected by a guy she's dating in a most unusual way...

Continue reading "Relationship advice for getting "respect"..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one dynamic that's a sticky issue between two people who decide to be a couple, it's this...

One person feels the need to "retreat" every now and then and the other person feels unloved and abandoned when it happens.

Pretty simple to describe but not simple to deal with!

One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote to ask if we support the "rubber band" theory in relationships in relationship breakthrough coaching practice.

We hope we're talking about the same thing because as we think about it, the first time we heard about the
"rubber-band" theory was when we originally read John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus."

While we know that many people get a lot of benefit from John Gray's gender difference information, we
think the issue is much broader and deeper than just being about a differences between men and women.

We have seen this dynamic too many times in both genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and another set to another.

In the past, we've called this dynamic the "relationship push-pull."

Here's a description of what we've seen...

Continue reading "Is the "Rubber Band" Theory True?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Talk about a communication challenge!

Here's one for you...

When we are in a relationship with someone (especially our intimate partner or spouse) and we get triggered or
upset, the first thing that usually happens is that we shut down to the other person in some way or another.

Some of us get mad or just peeved and some of us withdraw, either agreeing to something we don't want or
disagreeing but withdrawing our energy.

However you shut down, the outcome is still the same--disconnection.

When you shut down emotionally or energetically, you are nowhere close to coming together on an agreement
and a way to proceed to resolve the difference when this happens.

No matter how insignificant the issue, resentment can build and continue to separate you from the love and connection that you both may want.

You start doing what we call "talking on eggshells," not really saying what you mean because irritation seems to be a constant between you.

So what can you do when this happens?

How can you learn to say what you mean when it's important to do so and it's difficult to do so?

Here's an example of what we mean and some ways to deal with this type of communication problem..

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Communicating to Connect" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Valentine's Day can be a great day to celebrate but if you're jealous or with a partner who is-it can be a day that you dread-but it doesn't have to be.

Note: If jealousy is a problem for you in your relationship, you might want to pick up a copy of our "No More Jealousy" program.

So how can you get through Valentine's Day and even be jealousy free?

Here's the problem with jealousy and Valentine's Day and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues…

Valentine's Day is a day for lovers to express their love for each other in ways that may be a little out of the ordinary. They maybe get a baby sitter and go out to dinner or to a movie. They send cards, flowers, candy, diamonds-something to show love on this special day.

If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, you're probably not feeling very loving toward one another. Seeing
all of this expression of love everywhere that the two of you aren't feeling right now is rubbing salt in the wound.

You may even be comparing yourself and your partner with other people and are feeling alone and sad that you're
coming up short and maybe even a failure.

There are so many expectations about this one day that even if you didn't have jealousy in your life, it can really
create problems.

So what do we suggest?

We suggest that you put yourself and your partner on a 24 hour jealousy diet.

Continue reading "Be Jealousy-Free on Valentine's Day-3 Ways to Make it Happen" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we've been talking about restarting the spark in your relationship over the past few weeks, a common question comes up for some people.

Here's what one woman asked...

"If I make the effort, will he make an effort also?"

What a great question--because it is just human nature to not want to stick our necks out if we're all alone on that skinny branch.

This doesn't just apply in our intimate relationships or marriages-- it also applies to all of our other relationships as well.

Here's what we typically find...

Before we start putting some energy into making some changes in the way we act or speak, we want some assurance that the other person will also make some changes.

We don't want to feel like we're the only ones "trying to make it better."

Whether the issues that come between the two of you are small ones or are significant...

If you're like most other people, you want to feel that you're not the only one who should make changes and you don't want to waste your time and energy if it's not reciprocated.

You also might not want to put yourself in a vulnerable position if your partner isn't going to do the same.

So what do you do if you want more spark in your relationship and are willing to try but you don't know if your partner is willing?

What do you do if you feel like you are the only one interested in working on your relationship?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Doesn't Seem to Want to Make the Effort..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all go through “off” times that seep into our love relationships. Perhaps the dark and dreary days of winter get you down. Or maybe you're facing some tough dynamics at your workplace that you can't seem to leave at the office. Whatever the case might be, these “bad days” can have an affect on your ability to stay open and connect with your partner.

But what if what you and your mate are experiencing is not just the residue of one or both of you having a “bad day?” How can you tell if the spark between you two has significantly dwindled or even died out?

Continue reading "Relationship Tips: “Are we having a bad day or has our spark died out?”" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do you long for the early days of your relationship when it all seemed more magical? Perhaps you remember the times when your love used to bring you flowers for no reason, write you love poems, or even serenade you with a gushy song. Maybe you wonder what happened to the two of you? Where did your spark and sense of excitement about one another go?

There's a bold-faced lie being spread around that goes something like this: Two people meet. If the chemistry and conditions are favorable, they fall in love. In this “honeymoon phase” they shower one another with adoration and just can't seem to get enough of one another. After time passes in the relationship, the two truly love and care for one another, but that spark and feeling of aliveness slowly dies down. In the best cases, the couple is left in a more “mature” state-- deeply bonded but not very passionate about one another or their relationship.

It truly doesn't have to be that way!

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark: Don't Stop Dating Your Mate!" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We all have our comfort zones when it comes to intimacy with the special someone in our lives. Some couples choose to intimately connect in more traditional ways while others enjoy a wider variety of sensual activities. What do you do when your partner suggests that you two try role playing or fantasy to spice things up? Is this a healthy way to connect?

Our answer to these questions is that role playing and fantasy can most certainly be part of a healthy relationship and can infuse passion and sense of fun into your lovemaking. But only when both partners agree and feel comfortable with the intimate activities and only when the “golden rule” is addressed first.

What's our relationship “golden rule” when it comes to role playing and fantasy? Ask yourself the question: “Does this take me further away from my partner or closer to him or her?” If the intimate activities you are considering feel like they will bring you closer to your love and you are interested in exploring them, go for it! If not, take some time to go within and look at the possible blocks to what's being suggested and talk more about it before making a final decision.

The hit movie “Twilight” about a teenage young woman who falls in love with a vampire has not only enthralled teenage girls, but also (predominantly) women of all ages. The book series and movie centers on the intense romantic relationship between the two main characters: Bella-- a human teenage young woman and Edward-- an oh-so-attractive and chivalrous vampire. It's quite probable that many a woman has imagined the man in her life as Edward while making love or perhaps even asked him to pretend to be a vampire during intimate sharing.

This type of fantasy or role playing may be just what both people in the relationship have been wanting-- a bit of variety and excitement. Many of us played dress up games as children and now, as adults, it can be taken to a different level and shared with your partner. But fantasy and role play really has to be shared and agreed to in order for that “golden rule” to work. Bringing you and your love closer together is the goal and guide.

Since this is "Restart the Spark" month, here are some suggestions for you to consider as you "play" with this idea...

Continue reading "Love Relationships:" Are Role Playing and Fantasy Good Ideas for My Relationship?"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's official:

2009 is here and if you're like most people, you could use a little more spark in your relationships and your life.

So, how do you create more of what you want?

Announcing:

"Restart The Spark Month."

"Resart The Spark" is a Month long celebration going on all month long here in January and here's why you're
going to love it...

We've got a FR*EE gift for you today and we'll have several more relationship spark building gifts for you throughout the month for you as well.

We're also going to be releasing our brand new audio program called "Restart The Spark." later this month.

We'll tell you more about that later but for now we wanted to tell you that everything we're doing this month (January) is about helping you "Restart The Spark." ...

So, lets get started...

Here's how to access the first of many free relationship spark building gifts we're talking about.

Just go to http://www.RestartTheSpark.com to claim your gift from us.

It's yours at no charge as our gift to you as we get started with Restart The Spark month.

This "gift" from us is actually two gifts in one.

The first is our email mini-course "5 Keys to a great relationship and the second gift is an audio we've never released before where we're being interviewed by Iris Benrubi of SimplySucccess.ca for her Blog Talk Radio Success series and you're going to love it.

This interview was originally going to be just about how to Stop Talking on Eggshells but as you'll find by listening, we went a whole lot deeper than that.

In this interview, you'll learn some great ideas for improving your relationships, connecting deeper, putting more passion and spark in your relationship.

You'll also discover some ideas for improving communication, dealing with differences, starting a new relationship,
building a deeper connection and much more…

Once again, be sure to claim your relationship advice audio at no charge.

Enjoy,
Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A couple of days ago, a friend of wished us a happy new year by telling us that "everything's going to be fine in 2009."

While this is certainly our wish for you, we think that our lives and relationships can be even better than "fine" in the coming year and so can yours.

We all can restart the spark--the spark in our significant relationship; the spark in our everyday lives; the spark in other relationships that are important to us.

We can ALL create more happiness and joy in the coming year.

We think it all starts with putting the spark back in your relationships and lives.

So as you're reading this, your question might be ...

How do you put the spark back or even find it after it's been buried under fear, distance, apathy, tiredness or disconnection?

Here are some ways that you can begin starting right now to invite more spark into your life...

Continue reading "Restart the Spark in 2009" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, we saw an article that suggested that maybe the romantic comedies that some of us love to watch are actually harmful to our real relationships! This article was based on research done by relationship experts in Edinburgh and their findings posed some interesting questions.

They found that romantic comedies "give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to 'fail to communicate with their partner.'"

So the question that we ask is this...

What is it that we get out of watching these romantic comedy films and do they help or hurt our real relationships?

Continue reading "Do you expect too much from your marriage or relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Would you like to enjoy a deeper, closer connection with your love? If so, we recommend that you two create space in your relationship. This may sound like the exact opposite way to get closer, but we think it's key. When there is space for each of you to know what you want, follow your bliss and communicate your needs and desires, then there is actually more space AND potential for connection and passion.

In essence, greater space in your relationship allows you and your partner to fully explore who you each are as individuals and therefore come to one another better able to give and receive deep heart-felt love.

But isn't space the same thing as distance?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This past weekend, we gave what we think was our best ever presentation on the soul mate spark--how to get it and how to keep it. As we were talking with people from the audience, it was abundantly clear that many had felt the thrill of finding a "soul mate" and only to have the relationship lapse into "ordinary" and full of disagreements.

What we told them was that once you find your soul mate, you can keep the passion and even deepen it throughout the years. Your relationship doesn't have to become empty and lifeless as a lot of long-term relationships seem to be.

One bit of relationship advice is to keep loving with abandon as you did when you were first together.

Even if you have been together for many years, you can go back to that feeling.

Here are a couple of ways you can begin doing that...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keep Love Alive" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who can forget the lyric "a kiss is just a kiss" from the classic Louis Armstrong song "As Time Goes By." Kissing is something we often associate with those fumbling experiments with romance that may have happened during teen years.

Perhaps sloppy or nervous or even knee-wobbling, that first kiss is probably something you'll never forget. But did you know that even if you and your partner are far past your teen years and you've been together a long time, you can still enjoy the power of a kiss?

In fact, a kiss can be more than "just" a kiss. A kiss can be a key to keeping the connection between you and your love passionate and alive!

Here's what we mean...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for more Passion, Romance and Fun" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Expressing gratitude and saying thank you is something that many of us were taught to do from a very early age. Coaxing a toddler, then teenager to say “thank you” is a regularly occurring occasion for most parents. It's the polite thing to do, after all, and shows good manners. Once we're adults, saying “thanks” is often not given much thought if we remember to say it at all. In the day to day of your love relationship, gratitude tends to be completely forgotten except for those special favors we ask of each other. Making a habit of offering heartfelt thanks to the one you love can not only make your partner feel appreciated, it can enhance intimacy and bring your closer together.

As unsexy as “thank you” seems, gratitude can put you and your mate on the path to a more passionate relationship. After all, how many times have you and your partner become so busy with your jobs, the kids, the pets, the house and everything else in life that you pretty much only connect when making love? And that might even be fit in rather hurriedly. How much deeper would your intimate connecting be when it's built on a foundation of regularly expressed gratitude that comes with a sense of presence and from the heart?

Continue reading ""Thank" your way to Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our recent survey, lying was a big topic that we thought we'd address a specific question...

Here's one--
“My husband lied to me so much in the past that I don’t know what to believe anymore. Even if he says something nice or says he loves me, I have trouble believing him. How will I know when he is being honest with me again?”

Here's our take on lying and our answer to this specific question...

Continue reading "Lies and Lying: How to See Through the Lies" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A woman who bought our newly released "Stop Talking on Eggshells" package wrote to us and asked a question that we're sure many women (and men) are dealing with-

She said that her husband was good looking, funny and women especially liked him. She thought that they were flirting with him but has noticed that he is actually flirting with them by winking at them! His actions hurt her and she feels like he would rather be with them instead of her. She wanted to know whether she should ignore it or not.

Here's what we told her...

Continue reading "Flirting: What to do about a husband who flirts" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other.

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try a relationship reverse and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

Continue reading "Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.

An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.

New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.

This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.

Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?

If so, try out these 3 tips…

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.

Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.

You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.

We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.

Let us show you how…

Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We’ve all heard about the infamous “mid-life crisis” where one person in a seemingly happy marriage becomes dissatisfied with the way life is going and has an affair. Mid-life divorces can be the result of the crisis.

Of course, not all affairs happen after many years of marriage. They occur in relationships where the couple is not married as well as in marriages that are just a few months old. When a couple makes the agreement to be monogamous and this agreement is broken, it is usually an indication of overall disconnection.

So is it possible to head off an affair before it happens?

Continue reading "Heading Off an Affair Before It Happens" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You are probably wondering "What's a helmet head"?

As you continue reading this article, you're going to learn about "helmet heads" and why your level of relationship success and happiness depends on you NOT being one.

So, if NOT being a "helmet head" is so important, not just in our relationships but in our lives, then you'll want to know our definition and how you can recognize when you are being one.

Read on to find out more...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for NOT being a "Helmet Head"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When passion dies in a long-standing committed relationship, what do you do?

Recently, a woman wrote to us saying that she had been in a committed relationship for 7 years and that although they live together compatibly, her partner was no longer interested in sex. He had had a heart attack 3 years ago, takes a lot of medicine and their love-making just isn't what it used to be. She said he told her that she doesn't do anything to turn him on and she said that he does nothing to change. She went on to say that he needed to exercise and that she's scared of future health problems. She's very frustrated and wanted help.

Here's the advice we gave her...

Continue reading "What Do You Do When Passion Dies?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A few days ago we received a question from a woman that reminded us of a big chance at "fame" that we passed up a year or so ago when we were asked to be on a TV show called "Wife Swap."

If you're not familiar with the show, "Wife Swap" is an unscripted reality TV show that airs weekly on the ABC Television Network where each week from across the country, two families with very different values are chosen to take part in a two-week long challenge. The wives from these two families exchange husbands, children and lives (but not bedrooms) to discover just what it's like to live another woman's life.

As you can imagine, it didn't take us long to decline their offer because it simply isn't in alignment with what we are all about or want for our lives and our relationship.

Which brings us back to this woman's question...

She wrote that her husband says that he still loves her but wants to do "wife swapping." She doesn't want to and is feeling a great deal of pressure from him to do it. He told her that she has "issues" about the topic that he doesn't. She said that she feels that she's not enough.

Her question to us--which is one that we receive every day from people about all sorts of topics--is this...

"Am I right to feel the way I do?"

Whether the relationship challenge is about wife swapping, jealousy over someone at work, helping with child care, housework, or any other conflict, the nagging question that many people have is the one this woman had. It just manifests itself in different forms for different people and with different issues.

So with that in mind, we'll answer her question "Am I right to feel the way I do?" for anyone living with this question...

Continue reading "Wife Swapping, Love Relationships and Marriage" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a quick question for you...

Have you ever done or created any thing any time or any where in your life that you would consider a "peak experience"?

If we think about it for a moment almost all of us can come up with something that has happened in our lives that we consider a "Peak experience" but here's what's interesting in thinking about peak experiences ....

Most of us have the belief that peak experiences happen rarely, if at all, in our lives and our relationships. We often resort to living vicariously by reading romance novels, watching sports events or "Grey's Anatomy" on television to get a similar "charge" from a peak moment.

While we certainly don't think doing any of those things is bad, we think that everyone can (and does) create peak experiences in their own lives more of the time. In our opinion, the goal is to take these "peak experiences" and make them the "norm" and repeatable.

Sound impossible?

It isn't and here's why...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Making Peak Experiences Last" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.

This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.

The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.

Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.

So, here goes...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from Sophie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What do you do if you no longer desire your partner or your desire seems to have faded?

That question is similar to one that a woman asked us recently and not only were we intrigued by her question but her situation seemed similar to the challenges that many people face in their relationships.

Because of this, we decided to share our answer to this question with all of you.

First of all, when it comes to the question like "what do you do if you no longer desire your partner or your desire seems to have faded?" one thing is for sure... this is the kind of question that no one likes to admit, let alone deal with.

This is especially true if you have been with your partner for many years, truly love him or her and have no intention of leaving your relationship.

What we have discovered is that when physical intimacy is lacking or non-existent in a marriage or long-lasting relationship, there can be a lot of unspoken thoughts, feelings and beliefs that build walls instead of create connection.

The relationship usually limps along and one or both people find that they have a desire for something more somewhere inside themselves.

So what's going on when there's love between two people but the desire just isn't there any longer? How does this happen?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice when Desire Fades or is Gone" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's been said that there are only two things in life that are certain and those are death and taxes.

To that short list, we would definitely add "change" and along with changes there are always "transitions" that
we must navigate through as well.

It's how we handle these "changes" and "transitions" in our relationships and lives that are partially responsible
for our degree of happiness we feel in life.

So, why is this so important and how do we do this with as much skill and grace as possible?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about How to Deal with Transitions" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Could it be possible that we all unconsciously tell ourselves lies in almost every moment that keep us from having the love, relationships and the life that we really want?

Consider just for a moment that this could be true and then consider this next question...

What limiting lies do you tell yourself and what problems do they create in your life and relationships?

If you're like most people, your quick "flinch reaction" to the question we just asked you is "I don't tell myself any lies, I'm honest with myself and everyone else."

Or your answer might have been, "I know other people that lie to themselves all the time but not me."

We've been wondering about this question quite a bit over the past few days since we've been listening to Steve Chandler's audio program "17 Lies That Are Holding You Back and The Truth That Will Set You Free."

What we have discovered is that yes...we, you and everyone else do indeed tell ourselves more lies than we can even imagine and these "lies" that limit us and keep us from having the courage to create what we really want.

If we're all consistently telling all these lies to ourselves, what are some of the common ones?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about the Lies We Tell Ourselves" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one thing that we know from first-hand experience, it's how challenging it can be to stay connected during major (or even minor) changes in our lives.

We're in the process of moving from a small town and house where we have lived for many years to a larger city about an hour away.

If you've made a move like this yourself, you know the amount of "stuff" that has accumulated during those years--and you have to move it, sell it or give it away.

For us, the challenge has been to find ways to stay connected through the stress of selling our house, buying a new one and preparing to move to our new location.

We know that moving is not the change that can create challenges for a couple to stay connected. We'll list just a few and we're sure you could add many more to it...

* Birth of a child
* Loss of a job
* New Job
* New Boss
* Child leaving home for college or moving out
* Financial challenges
* Health challenges
* Death of parent
* Becoming the care-giver for a parent
* Death of a child

And the list could go on and on...

The changes that can challenge your connection can be major ones or even not-so-major ones. Believe it or not, even planning and going on a vacation or the kids starting back to school can create disconnection!

So how do you keep your connection through changes, whether big or small, that come up in your life?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Staying Connected Through Changes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.

In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.

In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.

"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.

So the question is this...

Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about Fantasies and Crushes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.

Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.

One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.

In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We saw the movie "Knocked Up" over the weekend and totally agreed with the reviewers that it was funny and worth seeing. There were so many observations that we could make about relationships and if you've seen it, we're sure that you have plenty of your own.

One of our teachers said it this way--"Men marry women hoping they don't change; Women marry men hoping they do"--and that's one of the big themes in "Knocked Up."

It goes something like this--Can the guy who doesn't hold a job, smokes dope and seems really irresponsible become responsible enough to become a good partner and parent? Can women change men and if men do change, are they happy?

So what about trying to change your partner? Can you do it and is it worth it if you do?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from the "Knocked Up" movie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You may not be aware of it, but one of the reasons that couples pull apart from one another and they can't seem to talk without an argument is that they don't listen to what's inside them. We've written a lot about how to create a red hot love relationship and of the "secrets" that we've discovered is to learn how to listen to yourself.

Here's what happened to Otto...

Continue reading "Advice for a Closer Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In order to have a red-hot love relationship that is vibrant, alive, sexy, juicy and filled with lots of connection there is one decision that every person and couple must make.

This decision is to individually and together decide what this kind of relationship means to you and then commit with your whole heart, mind and soul to creating this kind of relationship. Refuse to settle for anything less than what you want. Commit to creating and having a passionate, juicy, alive and connected relationship.

Refuse to settle for anything less than the highest vision you have for what you want your love and relationship to be. Commit to always expanding that vision for what you want and finding new ways for expanding and opening to more.

Continue reading "Heating Up Your Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We thought we'd heard just about everything until we saw this...

It was an ad for guys about how to seduce the "hottest" women by doing magic tricks.

Now, if you've been reading any of our materials, you know that we are NOT about seduction for the sake of manipulation.

We are about love, juiciness, aliveness, passion and connection.

But after we mulled over this magician's idea, we thought that there was something that we all could learn from it to make our relationships come alive.

Continue reading "Romantic Ideas Using "Magic"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

During the past few weeks, there has been a furor over Actor Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty on the cheek
during an AIDS awareness benefit in India.

There's even been a lawsuit brought against Gere over his actions and there's talk of arresting Shetty as well.

While we're not avid followers of Hollywood gossip, this story was intriguing to us because this is much to be learned about relationships if we really think about this incident for a moment. .

This whole situation has been very polarizing for different groups of people.

Some people are dismissing these allegations as the actions of extremists and that they are embarrassing to the Indian culture. Some people are saying that Gere was out of line and that he should have known better.

Needless to say, if this had happened in the US, this would certainly not have been an issue. The reality is it happened in India and because of this it is a problem.

So what does all of this have to do with your relationships?

Plenty and here's why...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Gere's Controversial Kiss" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether we know it our not--we all want to connect deeper with someone or something. We might connect with animals instead of people but we all feel better when we are connected.

In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go--and when it goes, we really feel it.

Here's a question along those lines from a woman...

"I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We were engaged but recently we have been having some problems. He says that he doesn't feel a connection to me anymore, but he wants to work on getting the connection back. How do you go about getting the connection back in your relationship? I still love him more than anything in the world, he is the one who's feeling unsure about our relationship."

Connection is something that we can take for granted until we feel its absence. Here are a few suggestions for getting a connection back...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We've heard of a lot of crazy things but one of the craziest is the idea of choosing 7/7/07 for your wedding date will help you to have good luck in your marriage.

As Relationship Coaches, we know that it takes much, much more than choosing a "lucky" day for your wedding ceremony.

Here are some of ideas of what we're talking about...

Continue reading "7/7/07 Wedding Date: Is this Date Lucky?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you want to create a great (or even good) relationship or marriage, here's something you might want to keep an eye open for...

Whether you are currently in a marriage, in a long-term relationship, at the beginning stages of coming together with someone or not with a partner at the present time--one of the best ways we know of to begin creating the kind of relationship that you want is to keep your eyes open for role models.

Role models are everywhere and you don't even have to know or even talk to them for them to an inspiration for you.

Here's some info that might explain what we mean...

Continue reading "The Secrets To Lasting Love" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently, we received a couple of great questions from one of our newsletter subscribers and we thought that the topic raised a challenge that many people seem to have in their relationships.

Here is what the person wrote...

"Is it possible to treat someone too special? Can you give some examples on how to become someone who can attract more love, passion and connection?"

Here's our take on treating someone too special...

Continue reading "Dating and Marriage Advice for a Common Relationship Problem" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the December 2006 issue of "Performing Songwriter," there's a great interview with Keith Urban of country music fame where he not only talks about his music but also discusses marriage and relationships. Since he did not marry until he was 38 to actress Nicole Kidman, we thought he had some insightful things to say about the institution of marriage.

Continue reading "What You Can Learn from Keith Urban about Marriage and Dating" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently...

"How can I tell the difference between falling in love with a person's 'potential' and falling in love with someone who I can have a true soul/heart connection with?"

This is such a good question because whether you are single, between relationships or are in a long-term
committed marriage or relationship, this question is one that many people face as they change, grow and move through their lives.

The typical scenario around this topic goes something like this...

Continue reading "Falling in Love with Potential" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we're all about helping you experience the gifts of connection more of the time in your relationships and lives, here's an interesting question for you...

What is it that irritates or annoys you?

If you're like most people, there's probably been some time or another you've found yourself irritated by the small things that others say or do.

These could be mannerisms or annoying habits of loved ones or co-workers that seem to drive you crazy. For most of us there always seems to be something that doesn't seem to be such a big deal to others but is a big deal to us.

For Susie, loud gum "cracking" and "loud" eating have always been irritating to her. To you, these may be really small things and may not bother you but we're sure that you probably have things that seem to get "under your skin" as well.

Continue reading "Dealing With The Big and Little Things That Annoy You" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Although they may not be aware of them, everyone who creates a great relationship has certain things that they do over and over to create more love,passion, connection (or whatever is important to them) on a consistent basis in their relationships.

In any relationship it's usually not just one thing we do that creates the magic but many different things. Sort of like ingredients that go into a recipe for a favorite food or dessert-- if you leave out one of the key ingredients things don't go so well.

So what are the key ingredients in a close, connected and loving relationship?

Continue reading "A Key Ingredient for Creating Close, Connected Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do people want for their relationships and lives today?

One thing we've noticed as we listen to relationship questions and work with people in our coaching practice is that they are wanting more out of their relationships and their lives.

You've probably looked around and noticed that some relationships seem to be dissolving because people are no longer willing to stay in relationships or marriages that aren't happy and satisfying. They want more.

You might have also noticed that other people stay in relationships that seem to have died a long time ago and even though they seem to be staying in these unfulfilling relationships, they still want more.

In the back of their minds, whether they leave their relationships or stay in them, they wonder if it's even possible to have a lasting relationship that's passionate and alive.

We not only know that it's possible--we've seen evidence of it and have lived it ourselves.

Continue reading "Looking at Your Marriage with New Eyes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a fascinating question that we received from one of our newsletter subscribers and we are fairly certain that the question has come up for many other people in their relationships.

Our subscriber asked...

"Can you say 'I love you' too much? How can I make my partner believe that you can not overuse the 'I love you' term. He says if we say it too often, it will become meaningless."

We've heard this question more than once and our answer may surprise you...

Continue reading "Can You Say 'I Love You' TOO Much?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the questions about relationships that many people struggle with is this--

"Can you have passion, love and connection in one relationship?"

Some people say yes and some say no.

With most relationships and marriages, here's what we find...

--There might be friendship or compatibility with a partner but no passion.

--There might be a feeling of being taken care of or taking care of someone physically, emotionally, or financially but that's as far as the connection goes.

--There might be passion at times and very little or no connection otherwise.

--There might be a deep feeling of love between the two people but they seem to be going in different directions much of the time with no real passion or connection.

So the question remains--Can you have it all?

Can you have Love, Passion AND Connection in one relationship?

Continue reading "Passion, Love and Connection in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are you minding your own business instead of someone else's?

We're all the time trying to change people andmake others the way we want them to be. When we do this , it's pure arrogance to believe that we know what's best for anyone else.

We've all said things like this about someone else in our lives--"Why can't he pick up his socks?" or "Why doesn't she take better care of herself?"

When we ask those questions, even in our minds, we are in someone else's business and this is where a lot of our "stress" comes from.

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Minding Your Own Business" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In this day of almost disposable relationships, a question on the minds of many singles and couples is how to create a relationship that will last and one that will keep its vibrancy throughout the years.

We're taking ballroom dancing lessons with another couple Sam and Rosie, who have been Otto's friends for many years. They have been married for 24 years and by spending a lot of time with them, we were able to get a glimpse of the reasons they still have such a good marriage.

Continue reading "The Secrets to a Long, Lasting Marriage" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the issues that many people are facing in their lives and showed up several times in our recent survey of our email newsletter list when we asked —“What’s the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your relationship and your life?"—was the problem of growing apart over the years and what to do about it.

Here’s what one person asked and the questions are certainly ones that we hear frequently from couples in relationships that have lasted many years…

“What do you do once you have already started to 'grow apart' after many years together and several kids? Can the closeness be restored and if so how?”

Here's our answer...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice When You've Grown Apart" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Many marriages get stale after awhile, often from lack of attention and the intention to keep connecting on a regular basis. Lately, we've both been thinking about ways that we could experience the gifts of connecting even more than we do already.

With that in mind, here's what Otto said that not only shocked Susie but some of our closest friends as well...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Keeping passion and spark in a long-term relationship is a challenge for most couples. Recently we received a series of questions about passion and spark and it's such an important topic that we thought we'd respond on this blog.

Continue reading "Passion in Relationships--A Few Questions about it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When two families come together, there can certainly be wonderful things that come from the union but there can also be some aspects that are very uncomfortable for everyone involved. I found a few blogs about it and the topic is certainly a big one, especially if you're in one!

While the blended family can certainly be troublesome for the kids that are involved, it certainly has challenges for the new couple.

Often, there may be a feeling that there's a conspiracy against the new couple because it may seem like there's
never enough time, privacy, or energy to really be together and to have the fun and connection they once had together.

While our blended family has not always been perfect, we have learned some things that we'd like to share that have made our lives easier and happier.

Continue reading " The Blended Family: How to Survive It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)