Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Believe it or not--Your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, interpretations can be a matter of choice.

If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of automatic choosing that go into your beliefs and your choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.

Beliefs can be changed but in order to have something different, you have to do something different. Your current beliefs have created what you have now.

If you want to have a different reality, you have to change your beliefs—and that starts with looking at your thoughts.

Learn to observe yourself and realize that you have the power to alter your perceptions and your reactions—and believe that you can create what you want in your life.

It’s the lack of awareness of our repetitive thoughts and beliefs that cause us to view circumstances as happening to us—that we have no control over.

You can’t have closeness and connection if you feel at the mercy of circumstances or what another person does or doesn’t do. The first step to creating the relationship you want is to become aware of your thoughts and beliefs--especially those that limit you.

Here are some common examples of limiting thoughts and beliefs:

Men are liars, men cheat. Women are cold and frigid. My freedom will be impinged if we become closer. Don’t be affectionate in public. I’ll feel better about myself if I had a hair transplant. I’m over 50 and I can never be attractive again and no one will want me. I’m too old to find love. It’s too late for us. She’ll/he’ll never change. All men are the same. Things will be better if we can just get the kids out of the house. Men don’t listen. Women boss you around. Men aren’t emotional. Women are too emotional. If I open my heart again, I’ll just get hurt.

Here are the 3 biggest and deadliest beliefs that kill relationships and keep love away...

Continue reading "3 Deadly Beliefs that Keep Love Away..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're feeling like your relationship has lost some of its spark and aliveness--you're not alone.

It's easy to put everything else you have to do in your life above your relationship. Because after all, your relationship will still be there--right?

Maybe--maybe not.

Our question to you is--why leave it up to chance?

Take some steps now to put some life into your relationship--no matter how good or not-so-good you think it is.

You might believe that change takes a very long time to happen.

You might believe that to change something in your life, you peck away at it and eventually you'll have want you want.

Or you might even believe that change isn't possible.

It's been our experience that change is possible and it happens in two ways:

1. Yes, it can take a long time to happen or

2. You can do things to create what we call "Instant Breakthroughs."

You can create these "instant breakthroughs" in any area of your life but since our focus is relationships...

We'll tell you about some instant breakthroughs that are possible in your relationship.

Before we give you some ideas on how to do this, we'll tell you what "instant relationship breakthroughs" are...

An instant relationship breakthrough is one moment when one or both of you in the relationship make a shift to do, say or act differently and there's an opening, a sense of understanding or a feeling of connection and communion in the relationship that wasn't there previously.

Even for a moment both people feel it.

To give you an idea of what we're talking about, here are 2 "Instant Relationship Breakthroughs" that you can begin practicing right now to make your relationships even better...

Continue reading "2 Instant Breakthroughs When Your Relationship Has Lost Its Spark" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whew!

When it comes to relationships...

This must be a crazy holiday season for a lot of people because over the last few days we've been deluged by emails and calls for relationship help.

Several people have asked us if we offer on-on-one relationship help in addition to the books and programs we offer...

The answer is YES.

We work with people all over the world by telephone and if you're in our area, we can work with you in person to help you solve whatever relationship challenges are going on in your life.

and here's some good news...

If you want to work with us personally, we have a couple of relationship coaching spots open right now.

To find out more about working with one of us personally or to take the next step, go to

http://www.passionateheart.com/coaching.htm

We know that the holidays are probably pretty busy for you, but in order to have a better, happier experience with the people you love over the next few weeks, how about considering this...

While it's a time to have a lot of things to do and a lot of places to go, it's also time to be in gratitude for the people in your life--especially your intimate and close relationships.

For your relationships to grow deeper in love and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you carry with you every day.

Gratitude is not only healthy for your relationships but it's healthy for you physically and emotionally.

It's a fact that we've proven over and over in our own lives...

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more love, health, prosperity and well-being into our lives.

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we fear might happen, what upsets us or what went wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and disconnection into our lives.

So what might hold you back from "being" and expressing gratitude?

Continue reading "One Simple Way to Make Your Relationship Better..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The 5 relationship roadblocks and how any one these 5 "blocks" could be keeping you from having the love and relationship you want...

>>Note: If there's anything you'd like Susie and Otto's help with personally concerning your relationships-- we offer one-on-one coaching both in person and by telephone.

No matter whether you have a good relationship that you want to make great or if you have a few problems, issues or challenges you'd like some help with, we're here for you.

Question...

Did you know that any relationship challenge you'll ever have will come down to a problem with one of these five things?

It's true.

As we've been working with people from all over the world to help them create the lives and relationships they really want--

One thing's clear...

If you don't have the love you want and the kind of relationship you desire...

There's a block in one or more of these areas:

~Your Thoughts

~Your Beliefs

~Your Attitudes

~Your Actions

~ Your Strategies.

That's it.

Everything else is just the details.

You can always trace any challenge back to one of these areas and here's a practical example to illustrate this...

Someone wrote to us recently and asked us...

"How can you stop thinking about the past and only think about the good things you and your partner have now?"

This is an excellent question and one we'll answer in this way...

The person who wrote to us didn't say whether it was 'their' past together or the past before getting together that they couldn't stop thinking negatively about so with that being said...

Here are our thoughts...

Continue reading "5 Relationship Roadblocks That Keep Love Away..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Once a month we do a presentation in Columbus, Ohio for our local Passionate Spark ~ Lasting Love group and we want to share an idea with you here that we're going to talk about in-depth in our next meeting that we think can really help you in your relationships no matter where you live.

Last weekend, when we were planning out next meeting (happens on November 28) in Columbus we came up with the topic for the next meeting and it's ...(be sure to join us if you're in our area)

"I'm Right--You're Right"

Which of course is the exact opposite creed of what most people live by which is "I'm RIGHT--You're WRONG."

We are amazed at how easy it is to fall into the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" trap--and how destructive it is to your relationship when you do!

Recently, one of our coaching clients had a huge awakening around this idea--and the changes he's made because of this awakening are saving his marriage.

Without going into details about his situation, let's just say that the bottom line was that he became so tied up in proving he was "right" every time there was a difference between him and his wife, he kept pushing her further and further away from him.

And that wasn't what he wanted!

In fact, every time they had a difference of opinion, he ended bringing up every "mistake" she'd made in the past and as he put it "hitting below the belt."

They were arguing more often and the more he tried to make himself "right," the more she
withdrew and acted in ways he didn't like.

They were definitely stuck in a damaging loop that they couldn't seem to get out of.

How have they gotten out of this loop to create a much better, happier relationship?

If you can relate in any way to the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" loop, here are some ideas that helped our coaching client make some big changes in his relationship...

Continue reading "Communication Advice When You Both Think You're Right..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So here's the question someone asked us the other day...

How do you feel and express yourself when you get triggered--so that a partner can hear you and not shut down to you.

And here's what's interesting about this...

When you're feeling resistant and "hard" toward your partner, it doesn't lead to more intimacy and the love you want.

It leads to more distance and feelings of aloneness--even when you're in the same bed with your partner.

We can hear what you might be saying right now...

And it might go something like this...

"Okay, Susie and Otto, that's all well and good BUT I'm justified to pull away from my partner because of the way he (she) acts! There's no way I'm opening after what's happened."

If that's what you're thinking, we can certainly sympathize because we've felt exactly that way many times before.

We know we SHOULD open (and things would be a lot better if we did) but if I did, I feel like I'd be giving ME away.

For us (and maybe for you too), it comes down to this question...

"How can we open and soften toward a partner if they've just acted like a jerk or bit_h without losing my power and giving up me?"

Believe us when we say that we've played with this one for quite a few years and here's what we've discovered...

Continue reading "How to "Express" Yourself When Things Get Ugly..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why do some relationships become sour after a few months or years and others do not?

This is a question that one of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently and we think it's a question that many people face in their lives.

Earlier this summer, Otto tried to start our lawn mower and it wouldn't start. He pulled on the starter rope over and
over and when the mower finally did start, it ran about 30 seconds and then quit. He was frustrated to say the least!

Finally he decided to empty the gasoline that had been in the mower for a few weeks and buy new gas.

The result was amazing. It was just like going to the store and buying a new lawn mower! It started the very first time after the fresh gasoline was put in the mower.

This is what happens in our relationships. When our relationships are new and fresh, we give them plenty of attention and "fuel." But over time, we don't give our relationships the attention or "fuel" they need to stay strong, alive and vibrant.

In our opinion, there are several reasons why relationships "sour." We can't address all of them in this article but we can give you a few ideas and examples...

Continue reading "Two Big Reasons Why Relationships Go Sour..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Life and Relationships and can be so incredible, and yet at times, can be so frustrating.

Sometimes we're faced with situations that we're really not so sure how to handle but we do the best we can.

We face all kinds of temptations in our lives and our relationships on a daily basis that, if acted upon, would feel so good but be so bad for our relationship or marriage.

If you're human, we all have ways of acting that can ruin relationships and the problem is that even though we may NOT want to fall into those habits, we're tempted to do it anyway.

And the crazy thing is, we do them over and over again and then wonder why our relationship or marriage is in the shape it is in....

Here are a few of those ways...

Continue reading "So Tempting... But Oh So Dangerous For Your Relationship..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you consider yourself to be a "rule breaker" or not, sometimes you've just got to break the rules and when it comes to your relationship, it's often a really good idea.

The fact is, we all live by a set of rules. We may not call them that or even be aware of what these rules are most of the time.

So what rules are we talking about and why "Should" we break them?

We're talking about the "rules" that you, us and everyone else lives in every moment of our lives.

These rules that we're talking about could include ideas and beliefs that your parents either preached about
or showed you by example and you adopted even though you may not have realized it.

Also, these rules are the beliefs that society subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) says you should or shouldn't
do.

These rules that you live by (often unconsciously) act as the rudder or guide for what you will or won't do in your life.

In fact, most of the rules we live by in our relationships and marriages actually keep us from having all the love and
passion that is possible for us instead of giving us more.

You know the ones we're talking about...

You have them in your own life if you think about them.

Things like "Marriage is hard so just make the best of it," "It's your duty as a woman so lie down and get through
it the best way you can," or our favorite "Passion dies after a few years of being together so don't expect it to last very long."

Wow--even though you may not have those specific beliefs, we're guessing that you have some beliefs and
rules that hold you back from experiencing your best life and relationships possible.

Here are 5 rules that we love to break so we can keep passion alive in our relationship (and we urge you to break them often too!)....

Continue reading "5 Relationship "Rules" Every Couple Should Break" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There's a common myth that runs rampant in the minds of millions and millions of men and women that almost singlehandedly does more to kill passion, love, connection, intimacy than anything.

This myth can also turn even the most hopeful of relationships into piles of rubble waiting for divorce attorneys to sort out...

It's tragic but It's true...

...And you don't have to let this myth ruin your relationship and destroy something so precious that you want so badly.

All you have to do is do certain things in certain ways in your relationship or marriage and you can totally eliminate any possibility that this myth will wreck its terrible fate on you and your love.

One thing you can count on is the fact that we're here to help you with this every step of the way...

So what is this myth that we're talking about and what can you do about it?

Continue reading "This kills passion, love, intimacy and ruins relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What we know for sure is that disagreement is normal and natural within a relationship or marriage. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating and NOT what you want to do--but there it is and you have to deal with it.

HOW you deal with disagreement is a large part of what determines whether you stay in love over the years and there are certainly "right" ways and "wrong" ways of doing it.

A person who got our "No More Jealousy" program sent us a message about what she's learned and how she's turning her relationship around that goes far beyond the subject of stopping jealousy.

What she's learned and is practicing goes to the very heart of how to stop disagreements and fights before they even get started.

Her letter is so compelling (whether jealousy is a problem for you or not), we're including it here along with our summary of her ideas...

Continue reading "3 Tips for Stopping Fights Before They Start" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, is it really possible to keep love and passion alive over the long haul?

We have said many times before and continue to say a resounding--

YES!

It is possible to keep love, passion and connection alive for as long as you want...

...and here are some thoughts about how this is not only possible but how you can do it in your own relationship,
marriage and life as well.

In addition to our own relationship that just keeps getting better and better year after year, we're always excited when we actually see it in action in other couples.

Here's one example...

Otto met "Nick" (not his real name) at the Aikido dojo where they both train and Otto instantly liked him.

He liked Nick even more when he saw how he interacted with his wife of 22 years.

Continue reading "Can love and passion last?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're like most people, you're busier than ever and it's becoming even more of a challenge than it used to be to connect with those you love, especially your intimate partner.

As we were thinking about what we learned from our awesome "Get Closer Weekend" workshop we gave this past weekend, one thing is really clear...

Many people have a challenge connecting with each other on a daily basis.

What we've discovered is that making some kind of positive connection on a daily basis is part of the glue that holds two people together and keeps passion alive over the long haul.

As we were working with the couples who attended our workshop, we realized that there are some very simple things they can do to connect with each other that take only moments...but the results can be very powerful and significant.

Here are a few of those ways we shared...

Continue reading "3 Instant Love Connectors for Couples..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's what we've discovered...

A great "anything" does not happen by accident.

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over. Here are just a few...

Continue reading "3 Ways to Stay in Love" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today we have a very sincere and important question that one of our readers sent in to us and our suggestions for what she might consider doing to solve this relationship situation.

Whether you're a man or a woman and regardless of your situation, we think there are some really good take-ways for you in here that you'll benefit greatly from.

In the meantime...

We wanted to let you know that if you have any desire at all to "get closer" to your partner, spouse or lover, we
still have a few spots open for our "Get Closer" weekend.

For the last few remaining spots, we're bringing back the "early bird" prices for the remaining spots so that we can
make this as affordable as possible for you.

If you want to come and your partner can't come or you feel that you are more motivated than your partner to
improve your relationship, we still want you to come to our "Get Closer Weekend."

We'll personally show you our best secrets for creating a deeper connection, rebuilding trust, igniting the passion
once again, improving communication and much more...

****

Question from a Reader>>>

Dear Susie and Otto--

"How can I implement your suggestions and hope for any success when my husband refuses to believe that there is anything to improve?

"His answer to everything is... "I'm perfectly happy--if there is a problem, it's YOUR problem, so you'd better fix your problem and then everything would be OK. Are all men like this?

"Despite your assurances that changes I make within myself will offer him options to change, it has not worked that
way, and I'm tired. Tired of trying every suggestion, being more open, listening without judgment, all the things you and all the other self-help gurus preach, and seeing no results.

"It's very frustrating. I am pulling more and more into my own world and spending time with people who relate to me the way I am and with whom I can connect without "talking on eggshells." It's just too exhausting, so I've resigned myself to living with a 'roommate.'

"It's sad, but my marriage will never be one of connectedness, soul-mate-ness. It's just two flawed people living under the same roof, trying to get through each day."

Our Comments>>>

We can understand how painful this is for you and believe us when we say that it isn't just men who don't take any responsibility for fixing upsets in a relationship.

Women can be just as guilty of this too.

We've worked with enough couples with similar stories that we know the drill...

Continue reading "He's perfectly happy in their relationship--she's not..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So things are going along pretty well and one day, your partner withdraws and you don't have a clue what happened. It's like the bottom just fell out, you're left dangling and you don't know what to do.

Whether you're just starting to date or you've been in a committed relationship or marriage for many years, when this happens, it can really put you into a tail-spin and play havoc with your confidence and your life.

If this has ever happened to you and you were clueless as to the cause, here's a question from a reader and our answer to her that might help...

**Reader's Question**

"I want to know, what do you do when he starts withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you?"

**Our response**

If he is withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you then for some reason it feels safer for him or more pleasurable for him to withdraw than to come closer to you.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Withdraws..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You've been hearing us talk a lot about our upcoming "Get Closer Weekend" and if you are considering coming...

NOW is the time to act.

This is because the early bird special which means big savings on our "Get Closer Weekend" is about to expire.

Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, come learn the secrets to keeping love, passion and a great connection alive for as long as you want.

Just go here to get the details or to sign up for THIS incredible "Get Closer Weekend."

When people ask us what's one thing they can do to get closer in their relationship, we give them a suggestion
that goes something like what we talked about in our free teleclass we gave this past week...

If you want to get closer, one way is to focus on getting on the same team.

This seems so obvious but "getting on the same team" and getting the two of you lined up in the same way and focused in the same direction is one of the real challenges of relationships.

We can tell you from personal experience that when both of you work as a team as you move through life together, you can literally conquer anything and everything that gets in your way of keeping the passion, love and connection alive.

When it comes to great examples of "getting on the same team," you don't have to look any further than sports for inspiration, especially this time of year when the NCAA college basketball teams are gearing up for the "big dance."

Since we're from Columbus, of course we follow our Buckeyes and are excited the men are #1 right now in the standings.

As we've watched college basketball and other sports, especially the Cincinnati Reds baseball team, we've come to some conclusions about winning teams...

*It's not only talent that creates a winning team but it's also the way they work together as a team

*In winning teams, individual roles are clearly defined

*Individuals on a winning team appreciate their teammates and build them up. You don't hear them talking badly about each other.

*Winning teams have a sense of community and working toward a common objective. They are lined up in the same direction with the same purpose.

What does this have to do with your relationship?

Plenty.

When you take the time to get lined up and get on the same team, everything's easier. Disagreements are less intense and don't last as long--and passion and closeness are greater.

The problem is that most couples don't feel they're always (or even sometimes) on the same team.

What do couples do when they aren't on the same team?

Continue reading "8 Sure Signs Your Relationship Could Be In Trouble (Without You Even Knowing It)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How do you keep a relationship loving, intimate, alive and growing over the long haul?

We are constantly on the look out for ideas to keep the spark alive in our relationship and we love passing them on to you. Just the other day, the Borders book store that is not far from our home had a going-out-of-business sale and we went shopping. Since we love books and our house is full of them, we had fun picking out some new books that would give us some new ideas to keep our love-making fresh and exciting.

One of the books is filled with erotic (but not too over the edge) stories that we're going to read to each other while we're on a vacation that's coming up.

So a trip to the book store might be fun for the two of you or you might choose something else...

One way you and your partner can reactivate your love and passion is to attend our workshop that's coming up--a "Get Closer Weekend." (Check out our short video about getting closer to your partner)

Here are some ideas other ideas from three people who agreed to share how they keep their passion and relationship alive and growing...

Continue reading "3 Ways to Keep Your Love and Passion Alive" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Registration is now open for our "Get Closer Weekend" and this is really exciting because if you've enjoyed our articles, books and courses, you'll have the opportunity to work with us personally on creating the relationship you've always wanted.

If you want to "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover, then you're going to want to click on over to this web page and watch the special relationship advice video we just created for you that will tell you all about how you can do it.

When you apply what we are going to share with you during this incredible event, the possibilities for what you can create in your relationship or marriage are amazing.

For people who attend this event...

*Closed Hearts are going to open

*Passion is going to be reignited

*Sex is going to get hotter, juicier, more delicious and possibly more frequent

*Lost connections of the heart are going to be restored

*Trust is going to be rebuilt

*Resentments are going to melt away

*Communication is going to get easier

And you might even feel like you've fallen in love all over again.

Check out this video that describes this amazing opportunity for you to truly "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you've probably noticed, we are all being bombarded with messages like don't forget the flowers, boxes of candy, and of course, the diamonds (even chocolate diamonds!) because of Valentine's day.

Most holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions but this one is especially ripe for unearthing hidden and not so hidden expectations.

You emotions can be all over the place from feelings of deep love and excitement to deep disappointment and loneliness.

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

Here are 10 suggestions to make your relationships better--no matter what day it is from our "Red Hot Love Relationships" course...

Continue reading "10 Ways to Make Valentine's Day Special" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For a couple, there is nothing more important in their relationship than their ability to communicate.

We know those are strong words but if you've ever been in a relationship where you DIDN'T communicate, you know how true they are.

This is why we've created a brand new program just for men called "A Crash Course In Communication For Men..."

It's not that we think that all men are dolts at communicating and all women are experts at it...

We just recognized that very little is written for a man about how to communicate with his woman and we wanted to share what we've discovered. (Women everywhere are going to be glad we did.)

You see, what we've figured out is...

No matter what you want in a relationship or marriage and whether you get it or not depends largely (if not totally) on your ability to communicate and connect with each other.

Do you...

Want more love?

More appreciation?

or

More intimacy?

Crazy as it sounds, your ability to communicate and connect will determine whether you get these things or not.

What about the things your partner's doing that you'd like to change or stop doing?

Again...

It's your ability to communicate and connect with your love that determines how much change can happen in your relationship.

And it doesn't always mean talking either.

For example...

Continue reading "Nothing is more important than this..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've got a couple of big things we want to share with you today as well as a very inspiring and motivating article that has some really powerful relationship insights in it ...

First... We're really excited because we just booked the facility where we're going to hold our first ever "Get Closer" weekend seminar that we'll be doing this spring.

This week, we're going to release the first communication program ever "just for men" ... it's our new "Crash Course In Communication For Men" book and audio program.

More details coming soon on both of these things.

and...

In case you missed it from last week's news...

The fitness fanatic and teacher extraordinaire Jack LaLanne died at his home in California at the age of 96 and what a life he lived.

Not only was he a true exercise and fitness pioneer who many years ago invented some of the ways we still exercise today, but when it comes to relationships...

We also don't have too look to far into Jack's fitness and exercise philosophies to show you how these same philosophies can also work to help you create closer, more connected and more passionate relationships and marriages.

Here's how...

When Jack LaLanne said his famous "LaLanneisms" like... .

"It's not what you do some of the time that counts, it's what you do all of the time that counts" and "Anything in life is possible and you can make it happen"

He could have been just as easily have been talking about how to have a happy, joyous and passionate relationship or marriage.

This is because....

While most people believe that it's normal and natural for our bodies to get sick, break down prematurely. most people also believe that it's normal and natural for love, passion and intimacy to fade away and die after the " honeymoon" period of your relationship has passed, but not us.

Most people also don't believe that it's possible to keep passion and close connected intimacy alive for as long as you and your partner are together but we do and our lives are a living experiment about this idea.

This was really funny when this happened....

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Jack LaLanne" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Where we live in Ohio, the temperature in the wintertime ranges from mildly cold to very cold, depending on the day and what you think "cold" is.

Otto's hot-natured and he leaves the house in short-sleeved shirts while Susie bundles up with a long coat, scarf, gloves and hat.

Sometimes we're a strange sight when we go out together this time of year.

While we might not all agree on whether the outside temperature is cold or not and how best to dress for the
weather, most of us can agree on how it feels when our partner acts "chilly" to us or even "cold."

It's unpleasant and upsetting to say the least.

When this happens, you might know what caused the "big freeze"--maybe it was something you did or didn't do that irritated your partner or worse.

But sometimes you don't have any idea why you're getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment.

Your partner's coldness can show up in a lot of different ways...

-Giving you short, one-syllable answers when you'd love to have a conversation

-Not looking you in the eyes or turning their back on you when you talk to him or her

-Physically pulling away when you touch him or her

-Having every excuse in the world to not make love with you--or not even giving you an excuse

The list could go on and on and we're certain you could add some to it also.

When this happens, you may have tried a lot of things that didn't work (like pleading or pulling away yourself) and you may have just given up until the thaw, which may or may not happen.

Here are 5 ideas from our "Red Hot Love Relationships" course available at to help you more easily create the thaw you want so you can regain your connection...

Continue reading "5 Ways to "Warm Up" a Cold Partner..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Believe it or not, there are many things you can do right now to instantly transform your relationship. We've written quite a bit over the years about what some of these things are and here are two very important ones...

Continue reading "2 Ways to Instantly Transform for Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

About an hour ago, we launched Otto's "Light Her Up" ebook and we're really excited to bring it to you.

If you're a man who wants to know how to light up your woman so you can get the love, appreciation and sex you really want, then you're going to want to get your hands on this info.

And if you're a woman in a relationship, we're guessing that inviting your man read or listen to suggestions on how to light you up would make far greater impact than if you TELL him.

When you get a copy of "Light Her Up," not only will you get access to the downloadable book but also you'll get the audios of Otto reading the book as part of the package.

To top that off, for the first 50 people who buy, you'll get this incredible bonus...

"What Women Really Want: 500 Women Reveal What Gets Them In the Mood For Love and S** More Often."

We kept having men tell us that they wanted to figure out how to get their woman "in the mood" for love (and S**) more often and we decided to survey women and ask them.

We got well over 500 responses and what these women told us was so amazing that we decided to compile their
answers, along with our thoughts and suggestions, into a book and make it available to you.

The good news is, you don't have to pay a dime for it if you act quickly.

Once again...

To jump in the front of the line and get this "fast-mover" bonus at no charge whatsoever, just go to THIS web page..

http://www.LightHerUp.com/Book

This is truly exciting to be able to offer this info and share these secrets with you.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We were fascinated the other day to see an online article about the "15 Jobs Most Likely to End in Divorce." for 2010 Even if you're not in one of these professions, because so many couples are ending their marriages, it's easy to get caught up in the fear that your marriage will end in divorce too.

It doesn't have to be that way. Even if you or your spouse is working in one of these jobs, you can create ways to keep your relationship alive and growing.

That's the secret--to consciously do things to keep your marriage growing and not lose each other by allowing "life" to take over.

Whether you or your spouse is working in one of these jobs or you're in other jobs, you can beat the odds. Here are 3 ways you can avoid divorce and keep your marriage strong...

Continue reading "3 Ways to Avoid Divorce and Make Your Marriage Better" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This has totally shocked us!

As you may know, we've been coaching men and women and writing about how to have and keep connected, loving, passionate relationships for many years now.

We'll admit that until this most recent survey of Otto's Light Her Up men subscribers, we had some preconceived ideas that have been blown right out of the water!

As the results of the survey are coming in, one thing is becoming clear...

In relationships and in life, the smallest things can make the biggest difference.

With all the talk in the world (from both supposed experts and men and women alike) about how different men and woman are and how differently we navigate through life and the world...

We're finding that even though at some levels men and women are very different... at many other levels men and women want the same things.

What we're finding in our research of real men and women is at their core, men want the same things that we heard women say they wanted.

Pretty much a "Duh" moment for us, but here's what it can mean for your relationship...

The lesson here is whether you're a man or a woman, you can both get what you want if you let go of some of your defenses and hurts from the past and take a step toward one another.

In other words, quit fighting one another!

Now of course we know that what we're suggesting isn't easy or you'd already be doing it.

It's easy and natural for all of us to think that holding onto past hurts is a way to protect ourselves from it happening again.

For both men and women, putting up defenses and holding onto the past seems to be the "default" position when we're hurt.

But the problem is that if you shut yourself down and hold onto past hurts, even if it's been many years since it
happened or you are no longer with that person, all that happens is that you keep yourself from fully experiencing
love and connection with a partner--any partner.

Okay so back to the survey results that totally blew us away...

Continue reading "One Idea That Can Stop Fights..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

The other day, a friend of ours asked us if people were still getting married because divorce rates are so high--(One source cites 50% for first marriages, 67% for second, and 74% for third ones).

Although we don't do research in that area, of the people who contact us, they are very much interested in a committed, intimate relationship if not marriage.

So are people getting scared away from making relationship commitments because of statistics and what they see happening to others around them?

We don't think so.

While we urge people to be open to making and keeping this kind of commitment, we also know that without the follow-through actions of doing what it takes to create the relationship you want--

A commitment alone is pretty hollow.

A lot can happen in a relationship, especially one that lasts many years, so we've identified 10 "worst case relationship scenarios" and some pointers on how to deal with them.

You (or someone you love) might be experiencing one or more of these right now and if so, we invite you to take conscious, positive steps toward what you want.

Here are the 10 scenarios (in no particular order)...

Continue reading "Top 10 Worst Case Relationship Scenarios..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most of us remember that incredibly blissful feeling of being "in love" at least once in our lives.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate and all you wanted to do was to be with your beloved, basking in that delicious magnetic pull toward each other. You couldn't get enough of one another. You felt like it was "right" and you were "home."

Now we know that it's not realistic (or even desirable) to go through life like this--feeling so ungrounded, scattered and unfocused all the time that you can't get much done.

What happens for most couples is...

For some mysterious reason in the process of "settling down", we lose all or most of this excitement and powerful
feelings of love and attraction we felt for one another.

We settle into comfort and routine and those intense feelings get so watered down that we have trouble finding them.

Most of the people who begin to question whether they want to be in the relationship they're in or not (and the ones who are living with the question of whether to stay or go tell us that what happened for them is what happened for many couples...

Somewhere along the line they lost the passion, spark and desire that they once had. It all sort of faded away and they ended up wondering "what just happened?"

We've discovered that it doesn't have to be this way...

While you probably don't want those exact feelings you had when you were first in love (we don't), but what you may want is a more seasoned hybrid of it. In other words, you may want a little more spark than what you have now without all the drama and intensity that's over the edge.

The good news is that you don't have to get divorced or go find a new partner to find it.

Here are 4 ways that we and other couples use to fall in love over and over again with each other...

Continue reading "4 Ways to Fall in Love Again (Without Getting a New Partner)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you were to get 100 people together and ask them this question...

"Do you do things to try control or manipulate your husband, wife, partner or other loved ones?"

We think you'd find that almost every one of them would say "No, I don't do this."

But...regardless of what most people's first "reaction" to this question is...

The truth is almost everyone tries to control and manipulate the people they love most and most of
the time it's totally unconscious.

So, why do we do this?

Why do we have this need to control and manipulate?

How does this play out in our important relationships?

For starters...

It's just a part of being human--we all want our way and to feel loved and appreciated.

We all have different ways of doing it--sometimes being forceful and domineering and sometimes withdrawing and being aloof.

And much of this is unconscious behavior learned very early in our lives.

So if we're all trying to control one another, how can two people ever find peace, happiness and love together as a couple?

The answer's pretty simple but not always easy to do...

Continue reading "Control, Manipulation and Other Things That Really Screw Up Relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since it's "vacation season" here in the US, we've had more than one couple tell us how they are wondering if they've spent too much time together for their own good...

In just a moment, we'll give you our thoughts about whether it's really possible to spend TOO much time together but
first, we want to tell you about something we're doing in just a few days for men.

As you may recall, Otto has just launched his new website for MEN and is giving away a free ebook called "10 Keys To Lighting Up Your Woman" to every man who signs up for his newsletter.

Also... something Otto just announced is that we're doing a teleseminar for men in just a few days called "10 Things EVERY Woman Wants From Her Man AND How You Can Give These Things To Her." If you're a guy and want to find out more, check it out.

As record heat fries the eastern half of the USA (including where we live) over the past few days, experts warn of the dangers of over-exposure to our bodies.

It's just plain hot.

Even if you aren't struggling with this heat wave where you live, chances are you've taken some kind of vacation
with your family or maybe gotten together with family or friends for an extended time together.

If you have ever spent some extended time with more intense interaction than you normally do, there's also a pretty good chance that with all of this social interaction and "togetherness," you might feel a bit "over-exposed" to the ones you love.

You might have felt like there was a little too much togetherness and your love (and patience) may have been tested :-) .

After a brief vacation together, one family we know found themselves picking arguments with each other that was out of the ordinary for them.

The dad made the comment to us that "We've been together a little bit too too long right now."

What we know is that "over-exposure to the ones we love" feeling, along with the stresses that vacations can bring--heat, dealing with crowds of people, trying to get around in unfamiliar places, erratic eating schedules or rich and unfamiliar food --can certainly play havoc in the best relationships, even if you think you're doing pretty well.

If you can relate...

Here are some specific ways you might react when you've been together a little too long or have "vacation-itis" and
some suggestions to "cool" down your and others' emotions and reactions...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: Can you have TOO much togetherness?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over.

Here are a few..

Continue reading "3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay In Love Forever" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Falling in love is easy. It's a matter of feeling that attraction to another and then acting on it. It's allowing yourself to feel that urge to want to be with that person above all else and share your life with him or her.

What deliciousness when it happens!

But when that feeling of being "in love" fades, you're left with a pretty hopeless, dismal feeling.

Here's a question a woman asked us and our answer to her...

"I have fallen out of love with my husband for the past 3 years and I am wondering if it is too late to get those 'in love' feelings back?"

Our answer...

Here's the truth--Most of us move in and out of feeling "in love" with our partners. Feeling "in love" is just a concept that means something different to everyone. When things are going well and we feel close and connected--and our beloved is feeling the same, we're in love. When one of us is not, we can find ourselves feeling love for the other but not "in love" at that moment. You may not even like him or her in those moments let alone feeling amorous love.

Now if this distance and disconnection goes on for a long time, it's a serious problem in the relationship--especially if one or both people want more.

Can you rekindle love?

Yes, you certainly can but you both have to WANT it to happen. You can't do it if you have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.

Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Falling Back in Love with Your Spouse" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common complaints that we hear from couples, especially ones who have been together for many years, is this...

"We love each other but we've lost track of one another in the busy-ness of our lives. We barely talk to one another outside of the bare essentials of taking care of the kids and getting things done."

In our experience, this lack of intimate communication beyond the basics of living is what kills passion and ultimately relationships.

The TV show "Bones" star David Boreanaz recently admitted to infidelity in a People magazine interview.

Although the admission of a star's infidelity certainly isn't unusual or a surprise, Boreanaz's wife's response is.

While she didn't "blame" herself for her husband's affairs (he took full responsibility for his actions), she did admit that they led separate lives and when they were together, they were each focused on their computers and not on each other.

Is this an excuse for cheating?

Of course not but why even allow your relationship to get to this point?

So what might have prevented their relationship breakdown as well as many other couples' breakdowns who may not be dealing with cheating but rather vague feelings of distance and wanting more?

The answer is simple...

Continue reading "Automatic Intimacy: 5 Questions That Make It Happen and Prevent Cheating..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When we are at our busiest--like when there's a lot going on with our kids, work, school, housework, making money or even when we get sick--one of the first things to go is communication.

We take shortcuts.

Most shortcuts in relationships don't work and we've got some good examples of relationship and communication shortcuts that don't work to share with you in a moment...

But first...

How about a shortcut that DOES work?

Someone emailed us today and told us that she loved our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio program so much and got so much out of it that she made a "cheat sheet" of the magic words and phrases we offer.

Then...she put the cheat sheet with the "magic words" in her pocket so she could study the words and get to them easily in a stressful conversation or situation.

We thought that was such a great idea and one we'll suggest to everyone who gets our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio program.

But what about communication and relationship shortcuts that DON'T work?

What relationship traps do you want to make sure you stay out of if you want your relationship or marriage to last?

Those are good questions and...

Continue reading "Relationship Shortcuts NOT To Take... (If You Want a Great Relationship)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What's the #1 thing that women say they want from their men that would get them "in the mood" more often?

It's what we call "Passion Play All Day."

(By the way, this strategy is NOT just for men to do for women but involves both people in the relationship.)

"Passion Play All Day" goes something like this...

Doing little things throughout the day to show your partner that you care and that he or she is important to you.

It's not just about leading up to what happens in the bedroom...

The health of your relationship could depend on doing these little things and not stopping.

Yes, passion play-- all day IS that important.

Here are some ideas from what we do in our own lives to keep our relationship juicy, as well as a few suggestions from a recent survey we did...

Continue reading "The #1 Thing Women Want That Gets Them "In the Mood" More Often..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night we saw the 2010 remake of the movie "Death at a Funeral" and laughed harder than we've laughed in a long time.

We recognize that it didn't get very good reviews but we loved it!

In the middle of all the silly, outlandish situations, there was some solid relationship advice for people--if you just looked hard enough.

Without spoiling the movie for you, we'll just say that most of us can relate at least somewhat with the family strife, discord, grudges and misunderstandings that we saw portrayed in the film.

Brother jealous of more successful brother, mother favoring one son over another, wife feeling not approved of by mother-in-law, father not approving of daughter's choice in men--all pretty common themes that run in "real" families, as well as this fictional family.

In the film, the family finally began to resolve their differences when several of the characters decided to change.

We loved the description of "change" from a book we've been reading--Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard.

The authors Chip and Dan Heath say that "someone has to start acting differently" for there to be change.

And in "Death at a Funeral" as in our lives--somebody has to decide that it's time to act differently if change is to happen.

Here are a few ideas about how to act differently so change happens in your relationships...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You're Stuck in a Destructive Loop..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Announcing:

Otto's new website for MEN who want relationship and marriage tips and advice is now open... http://www.LightHerUp.com

Discover How To Light Up Your Woman and Keep Your Relationship or Marriage Hot, Fresh, Sexy and Alive...No Matter How Long You've Been Together...

Get FREE instant access to Otto's Special Report: "10 Keys To Lighting Up Your Woman" when you sign up for his FREE LightHerUp.com E-Newsletter

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the movies, on TV, in plays and in novels, they're called "plot points..."

These are the points in a story where everything is going along in one direction and one thing (usually unexpected) happens and then everything shifts, changes and typically goes off in a whole different direction.

We have these in our lives too.

Most of us can look back and find moments in time when we made decisions that changed the course of our lives.

For us, one of these times happened when we made a 1 minute decision back in 1997 that saved our relationship.

Whether you're consciously aware of them or not...

If you take a real good look back through your life, we're sure that there have been plenty of moments where you can look back at a given moment and be able to say "that changed everything."

These moments might be the "big" decisions you made-- to take a certain job, buy a house, move from your home town, get married, have a baby, get divorced...

Or they might be the "private" decisions you made like stopping a destructive habit like smoking or starting a new habit like an exercise program that brought you closer to what you wanted your life experience to be.

Some of these "decisions" might have been made for you--maybe your partner decided to leave your relationship or there was a death in your family that created massive changes in your life.

Whatever happened in these moments that caused you to make the decisions you did--nothing happened until you took some action to support that decision.

And you had to keep taking action in that direction for true changes to happen in your life.

But if you never had taken that first step of making the decision, things probably would have stayed the same.

So, what about that 1 minute decision we just mentioned that saved our relationship?

Continue reading "The 1 Minute Decision That Saved Our Relationship in 1997..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a time machine to be able to turn back the clock to make the changes that might cause things to turn out a little (or a lot) differently?

These are the "woulda," "coulda," "shoulda's" that most of us carry around with us to some degree or the other.

So if you could go back in time, what would you do differently?

One woman told us that she should have talked to her partner before she left the relationship--to see if they could work out their issues. She's now in this agonizing place of living with the "shoulda's"--still trying to decide if she did the "right" thing by leaving.

A man said that he and his wife would have more passion in their relationship if only they had more time outside of work and caring for extended family members.

Another woman told us that when she and her husband disagree or he feels "stepped on" for some reason, they get into a communication pattern they can't get out of. He reacts angrily, she responds that she feels hurt and he gets silent.

He says enough has been said and she feels even more hurt. She said that an issue that could have been resolved in a matter of minutes will take a day or more to resolve--if at all.

Along with these people--we're guessing that there are some woulda, coulda, and shoulda's that you have about previous relationships or one or more relationships you are currently in.

Continue reading "The Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda's that Lead To Relationship Disasters..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's been all over the national news and the internet yesterday and in case you missed it...

Tiger Woods broke his silence about his infidelity that's been in the news for the last several months.

Although you may be tired of hearing about his affairs and cheating, what his wife Elin told him is certainly worth paying attention to.

According to Tiger during his message to the world, his wife Elin told him that his real apology will not come in words but in his behavior over time.

This is very, very good advice for anyone who is dealing with a similar situation--or for that matter any time we have wronged another person for any reason.

Elin is essentially saying to Tiger that it's going to take time to prove to her that he is trustable or not!

(And it certainly seems that she's still deciding whether to stay or go!)

An apology in words only that is not followed up by trustable actions over time is worthless.

WOW, what a great insight and excellent advice.

Elin's words are also good advice where trust has been violated in other ways.

Continue reading "Elin's Advice: The Apology is about Behavior not the Words." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

What if you could know (before it happened) that a tire on the car you were driving was about to have a "blowout" that would be so violent that it caused you to have a wreck?

Would you want to know what was coming before it happened so you could avoid a potentially dangerous wreck?

Of course you would.

But what about your relationship or marriage?

Have you ever said or done something and instantly you just knew that you had pushed someone away?

Have you ever been at a loss for why passion suddenly cooled between the two of you?

Then you may have been using a "passion eraser" without even knowing it..

Passion erasers cause relationship wrecks and if you're not familiar with this term...

A passion eraser is anything that you think, say or do that reduces or eliminates passion and connection from your
relationships and your life.

It can even be a belief that holds you back from giving or receiving love.

Most of us don't take the time to find out what our particular passion erasers are.

But what we know is that we all have to stop using them if we want closer, more connected relationships and
happier lives.

Here are a few example of "Passion Erasers"...

Continue reading "How to Stop a Relationship Wreck Before It Happens..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Valentine's Day is coming in just a few days and we want to help you make it your best ever...

Here's how to not only have the best Valentine's Day ever but to take what you do on Valentine's Day and carry it with you throughout the entire year...

Now through Thursday night, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern Time, we're going to give you the chance to get your copy of ...

"Susie and Otto Uncensored"

This is the juiciest, sexiest, steamiest, most provocative audio about relationships, intimacy and lovemaking we've ever recorded.

You get to download a copy of it at no charge *if * you are one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link only.

Now for a bit of bad news...

Continue reading "Make This Valentine's Day the Best Ever..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As Valentine's Day approaches, we all know that this is the season of love, right?

Or is it?

The truth is...

For a lot of couples, even though there might be a special dinner, flowers, or a night out together to celebrate (or not)--there's still an underlying tension or distance that seems to always be there.

The fights, arguments and disagreements just seem to erupt out of no where and neither person knows how to stop the pattern.

If you would like to stop fighting and start loving before Valentine's Day, here are 5 ways you're going to love...

These 5 ways to create more love have worked for us and others and we invite you to try them in your relationship right now.

This way, there's more love no matter what time of the year it is...

Continue reading "5 Ways to Stop Fighting and Start Loving Before Valentine's Day" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the relationship is over.

We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...

Continue reading "3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay in Love Forever" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We hope you haven't made the same mistake we have.

In fact, this isn't like us at all.

it's already the middle of January and we're just now getting around to thinking about and working on our relationship, life and business goals for 2010...

It's not an excuse but it's a fact...

We've been so busy working on a brand new relationship program for you that will available soon that we've totally blown past the last few weeks.

Up until now we haven't put much thought into thinking about or setting any new goals for 2010.

When we realized this a day or two ago...

We asked ourselves a really important question:

What are some things ANYONE (including us) could start doing right now that would have an immediate positive impact on their love life and relationships in 2010?

So, we came up with 10 tips you're going to love...

Continue reading "10 Smart Relationship Tips For 2010" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's a fact ...

No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.

When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?

If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.

If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck--you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.

Nothing new here, right?

We all do this.

Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.

The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.

We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.

When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.

Susie had this happen one morning this week.

She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...

She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.

And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.

In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.

She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment

Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?

Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?

Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..

Please Note: If you're coming into the new year and you're living with the relationship question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship--then don't make this decision without getting a copy of our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" book and audio program.

It's such a great resource for helping you get clear about what's really going in your relationship and whether to stay or go is the right question you should be asking yourself right now.

If it is, this program helps you to make your decision with more certainty and ease.

Read what Janice wrote to us recently and said...

"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" helped me evaluate a so-so, long-distance relationship which I ended... and then I found my soulmate. thank you!" Janice

So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Getting Unstuck" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're like most people, you've probably gotten caught up in this relationship trap at least once in your life--especially if you're a woman...

You worry that you aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or desirable enough to hold a man and keep him interested over the long haul.

Well, if that idea hasn't been debunked many times before, Tiger Woods has blown this myth straight out of the water and here's why...

Otto was talking to his personal trainer yesterday while he was working out and of course the conversation got around to Tiger Woods and his alleged affairs.

Monica, his personal trainer, said that the big question her other clients had was why in the world Tiger would ever cheat because his wife Elin was so thin and beautiful.

Why would he go elsewhere when he had such beauty at home?

Good question isn't it?

A lot of people (especially women) fall into the trap of thinking that "If I were more attractive, a better lover, a better whatever that I'd never have anything to worry about when it comes to my man cheating on me."

WRONG.

It simply isn't the case with Tiger and his beautiful wife Elin.

He apparently went elsewhere because beauty alone wasn't enough to hold him to faithfulness in his marriage.

Now of course we don't know the inner workings of his relationship with Elin and we won't claim to know the real reasons (right or wrong) that drove Tiger to cheat.

What we do know is that being beautiful and thin doesn't insure faithfulness over the long haul.

We bring this up because so many women tell us they're jealous and worry about someone more beautiful or thin stealing their man away.

We know that keeping a relationship alive, juicy, connected, loving and monogamous through the years is so much more.

Recently, we got a copy of T.W. Jackson's book for people who've just gone through a break up and want to get back with their partner or spouse...

The book is called, "The Magic of Making Up" and we highly recommend it and we agreed with much of what he was saying and...

We're paraphrasing here...

He said that men crave admiration and when they feel they aren't getting it--perhaps like they used to--they try to find it elsewhere.

He also said that women want to feel appreciated and praised for who they are--and if they don't find it in their relationship, they may look for it in some other place.

Of course, these aren't the only reasons people cheat or emotionally "drop out" of their relationships, but they are important ones to pay attention to if you want to keep yours vital, alive and growing.

Much more important than beauty and the size of one's body!

When you really get down to it, when you "check out" of a relationship, in whatever way you choose to do it, you aren't getting your needs met.

You may not choose to cheat, as Tiger has, but there are other ways to check out of your relationship...

Continue reading "The "I'm not pretty enough" trap and Tiger Woods" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If there's one thing that can create better relationships, it's this...

For your relationships to grow in deeper love and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you carry with you every day.

Gratitude is not only healthy for your relationships but it's healthy for you physically and emotionally.

It's a fact that we've proven over and over in our own lives...

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more love, health, prosperity and well-being into our lives.

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we fear might happen, what upsets us or what went wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and disconnection into our lives.

Gratitude is something that we all know we SHOULD have and SHOULD express but often "life" and our beliefs get in the way.

So what might hold you back from "being" and expressing gratitude?

You might have any or all of these beliefs about gratitude...

-"If I tell him I'm grateful, he'll stop doing it and quit trying."

-"She doesn't tell me what I'm doing "right" or thank me so why should I tell her?"

-"He'll think I'm needy or that I have an ulterior motive."

-"I'm afraid she'll take advantage of me and think she can run over me if I'm TOO grateful."

The truth is that if you have any of those beliefs, there's probably been a good reason that you developed them.

They served you in some way in the past. They protected you in some way.

The choice for you now is to take a look at what you are believing and decide if you still want to carry those beliefs into your current relationships and the present moment.

For the two of us, gratitude is a state of mind that feeds our relationship.

But it wasn't always so...

Continue reading "One thing you must do for your relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"[My problem is] my husband's inability to take the initiative in our relationship, to find what I like/want. He is unable to make me feel like a woman. I feel needed not loved.

"Is this his personality and can he change or is what we have now all there will ever be?

"If my needs cannot be met, I think I will try to leave this marriage again. I agreed to stay if things change. He believes he has changed dramatically, but he is even more insecure now.

"Why is it that it is mostly women who look for information to solve these problems? Men need to be made aware of how we feel, and start doing something about it.

"My husband admitted he knew I was unhappy but did not see divorce as an option. How long did he think a relationship could go on like this?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Wow! We really hear you.

You, like a lot of other women, are tired of doing ALL the work on the relationship.

You want him to step up to the plate and and you feel like it's not happening.

You say he's unable to make you feel like a woman and you feel NEEDED not loved!

And he may not have a clue how to go about giving you what you want--let alone think of doing it on his own.

Now of course by answering this woman's question, we are in no way implying that ALL men are like this--not being able to give the women they love what they want.

But what we do know from research--ours and others--as a broad generalization, (and we do mean broad) women are the ones who are more interested in personal growth and making their relationships better.

Women by in large are the ones who will lead their partners to therapy, coaching or relationship books and courses.

Again, as a generalization, men tend to seek out relationship help only when the relationship is falling apart and will end very soon if they don't do something quickly.

Why is this?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: 3 Ways to Get Your Needs Met" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're like us...

You wish no one ever lied.

You wish everyone was honest and forthcoming.

You wish there could be enough trust and communication to be able to tell the people you love anything and have them do the same without judgment...

But, the truth is sometimes people lie to us and hurt us.

Sometimes even the people closest to us lie to us (including our partner, spouse or lover)

Sometimes these lies are small, innocent lies and other times these lies are about much bigger things like cheating, an affair or infidelity.

We ALL want to trust others and it's painful when you feel you can't.

As you think about it...

Wouldn't life be much easier if you could tell instantly and with certainty if someone
(especially your intimate partner or spouse) is telling you the truth or not?

Just think about it...

Whether you're dealing with a partner who is constantly late from work and doesn't give you much of an explanation, your teenager who gives you a one-word answer about who he or she was with, or your co-worker who says the project will be finished tomorrow...

It would be great if there was a magic doorway they had to pass through and lights started flashing if they were lying to you.

Well we don't know of any magic doorway with flashing lights but we have done some research and can offer you some very practical ways to tell if someone is lying to you, especially if you suspect your partner may be cheating.

This is why we're doing a brand new web audio cast and teleseminar next week that you can listen in to (no matter where you live)...

The online class we're doing is called...

"How to Spot a Liar"

...and you can read more about it or sign up if you're afraid someone close to you is lying to you.

So why do people lie to us--especially those we love or claim to love us?

Continue reading "Think He or She is LYING? (One Thing You MUST Do)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who's the "problem" in your relationship?

If you're like most people, your answer is probably pretty quick and definite...

Your partner!

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I am certain that my husband is the 'Problem' in our marriage because of the way he communicates negatively and messes things up and he is certain that I am the 'Problem' in the relationship.

"How do we find out 'who' is causing the bad communication, but I need to know who is causing it because I only get upset at the way my husband talks or handles our problems and not at the actual issue itself.

"How do we find out who is causing the problem even though I know we shouldn't put the blame on each other, but I'm certain our relationship would be better if my husband handled things differently."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

What a wonderful question!

We don't care how "enlightened" and "together" you are--

At some point in your life and in some relationship (maybe more than one), you've had this very same thought.

You may or may not have voiced it--but you sure thought it.

We know because we've certainly been there--even in our own relationship!

This thought we're talking about is...

"If only he (or she) would do this (or stop doing this), everything would be okay!"

Well, if you've ever had this thought, there's good news and there's bad news.

Continue reading "Communication in marriage: Who's the Problem?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's a fact.

Arguments happen in relationships....

There's nothing new about this.

The challenge is...

What do you do when you have a disagreement or difference of opinion with someone?

One thing you DON'T want to do is what we call "talk on eggshells".

"Talking on eggshells" is to keep silent and NOT say what's true or what's coming up for you out of fear of what your partner will say, what they'll think or how they'll react.

And most of us find that we do "talk on eggshells" after an argument.

What do you do to work through arguments when they happen AND keep or regain your connection--even when you have a difference of opinion?

This is such a great question and...

Believe it or not--what you do in the split second that you feel a disconnection with another person, especially your loved ones, will determine how long you stay disconnected and distant--and if you ever feel truly close again.

Take a second right now and think about a time when you felt triggered or disconnected from a loved one.

What did you do?

Rewind the tape of the incident in your mind and slow it down so you can really see it.

We're guessing that unless you're really highly evolved and very self-aware, your initial reaction was one of three responses in some form or the other...

Fight, flight or freeze

And you might have different reactions in different situations with different people but there's probably one of these that you can pin-point that happens inside you more often.

Do you see which reaction you have most of the time?

We want to tell you which reactions the two of us have fallen into most of the time and how we work through any problems, challenges or misunderstandings that come up because of these reactions...

Consider using our example we're about to share to help you change any negative patterns in your relationship that happen when challenges come up for you.

Continue reading "The Biggest Mistake When Arguing With Your Partner..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What do you do when you're in a relationship that's got some aspect to it that's "OK" but you find that you're still wanting more?

No matter what that one part is...

You're got to be able to identify what it is you want more of and to think that it's possible to get it.

We know what it's like...

Maybe you're like the person who wrote us today--who had worked through her jealousy but she's frustrated because she can't get her partner to share his feelings with her.

Maybe you and your partner have the same fight over and over and you can't seem to agree--but a lot of your relationship is good.

Maybe you love each other and you don't want to leave but sometimes you wonder just who this person is and why you are with him or her.

If you can relate, we know what you mean because we've been there.

We were there most of the time in both of our previous marriages...

We know what it feels like to love someone and your relationship to be "okay" but you want something more--but maybe don't know what it is or how to go about getting it.

Our question to you is this...

Are you feeding and expanding your relationship potential?

And another important question for you is...

Do you believe that more is possible for you in your relationship or marriage?

Continue reading "" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are two typical ways you (and almost everyone else) reacts to relationship challenges and issues (especially if you want to keep the peace)...

The first way is to "withdraw" or "retreat"...

And the second way you most often react is by lashing out, striking back or complaining...

If your typical pattern in relationships is to "withdraw" or step back and NOT always say what's important to you or what's on your mind--then you do what we call "talking on eggshells."

This is just as destructive for your relationship as what the flip side of this (which we'll talkabout in a moment...

What we've found is...

It's always better to say what's on your mind in your relationship than to hold it in--don't you agree?

The problem is there's usually a right way and a wrong way to do it.

So what about the other strategy we often use that almost never works?

Of course we're talking about complaining...

You may complain more or less than other people--but if you're human, you probably do it from time to time.

Besides, complaining to the right person--someone who will lovingly nod when you pour out your heart--just plain feels good...

But does it?

It's kind of like eating that thing that you know will upset your stomach later--but it looks so good and tastes so good going down that you eat it anyway.

Complaining can be fun while you're doing it--in an odd sort of way--but afterwards, you're left with an empty
feeling that something isn't quite right.

That warm, fuzzy feeling just slips away.

Somehow we think that if we complainn loud enough and often enough, we'll get our point across--but it usually
doesn't turn out that way.

We all complain for various reasons even if we're not aware of them...

1. We get validation that we are "right."
2. We get love and sympathy.
3. We get attention--even if it's negative
and given grudgingly.

Continue reading "2 Communication Strategies that Usually Backfire" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I have a question which possibly reflects other relationships & hope you may have some suggestions.

"We are a couple married about 7 years, both in our mid 50s. My first wife passed away 10 years ago, my current wife had a 20 year marriage which she chose to end, then a 7-year relationship which she was left behind.

"We have no children living with us from either of our earlier marriages & we are very much in love.

"My problem is however the loss of her libido. We had a fully satisfying physical side to our courtship & early married years, but over the past 2 - 3 years her desire has dwindled to zero.

"I am not interested in going outside the marriage for satisfaction. We have talked this over repeatedly but despite her wishing to be my mate in the fullest sense, there has been no regular positive reaction to my approaches.

"I am not demanding. I believe I am fully understanding. If anything, I take the earliest signs of her discomfort & back off without further pushing my desire.

"I love this woman & she loves me. Is there anything you think can help?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Thanks for your question--And you are so right!

You are one of many living with the same question--

There's love--but how do you deal with your partner's lower libido?

And it's a very frustrating situation.

You don't want to leave or go outside the relationship.

You just want to have that special, intimate connection that you used to have with your beloved.

Since we don't have a special crystal ball that shows us exactly what's going on in your relationship, we can't say for sure but here are some possible reasons for lower libido that other people have expressed and some suggestions for what to do about it...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: When libido dies--What to do" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Imagine just for a moment that you are the contestant in
a new TV game show about relationships and we'll be the hosts...

Since you've decided to play along, here's our question for you...

What do you think is the single most important feature desired in a s*e*x*u*a*l or Intimate partner by BOTH men and women?

Is it...

A. Beauty?
B. Intelligence?
C. Status?
Or
D.Something else?

Beauty is a good answer because after all, we ALL want an attractive or good-looking partner, don't we?

Intelligence is a good answer because who doesn't want a partner who is smart, can figure things out and have the intelligence to work with you to create the best life possible for the two of you (and your family, if you have kids.)

Some people might also think status is the most important feature in attracting a relationship partner or in the one you have.

After all, isn't the success you have in life and the future you create for yourself and your family affected greatly by status?

Of course it is...

But when it comes to the #1 single most important feature in a relationship, there is one thing that trumps, beauty, brains, social status and everything else in the desirability area of relationships and attraction.

So, what is it that trumps all the things we just mentioned?

The answer may surprise you...

It certainly surprised us when we first read about this study about what people (and couples) want in relationships...

And it just might have a huge impact on your relationship or your future relationship!

The answer is...(Drum Roll Please) ...

Continue reading "The one thing you must do to insure relationship success..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What nasty game are we talking about?

It's a "game" that many couples play that ALWAYS creates major problems for them and their relationship and STILL yet--most couples continue to do it even after this "game" has sucked the life out of their relationship
or marriage.

So, what is this "game" and how can you make sure this doesn't cause problems for you in your relationship?

It's easy...

The name of the game is the "blame game" and it can absolutely destroy a relationship.

Here's how the "blame game" is played and how one couple stopped playing...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Stopping this Nasty Game" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If you're a woman who thinks he's looking at and paying too much attention to "other" women OR...If you're a man who feels you're being constantly accused of paying too much attention to other women, then you might want to check this out... Wandering Eyes

In relationships, when should you "trust" your gut instincts?

When you know you have jealousy and trust issues, when do you believe what your "gut" tells you and when do you not pay attention to it?

For that matter, HOW do you turn off those feelings?

What we're talking about here are those nagging feelings that won't go away--the feeling that something bad is about to happen (or already has happened)--and you're constantly on the look out for evidence to prove it!

Here's a question from a guy who is struggling with this issue and our take on it...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Well I feel like I am always trying to prove my gut instincts right. It makes me feel unloved when I get this way. Yet I have never had any reason to prove my partner is doing anything wrong."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

This is a problem we've heard over and over, especially when there are jealousy and trust issues.

Before we get into some practical tips, we want to help you get really clear where your "gut instincts" are coming
from--because they may or may not be reliable information to pay attention to.

Continue reading "Should You Trust Your "Gut Instincts" when there's Jealousy?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...

It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.

There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.

But, before we give you that example...

We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."

You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.

We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.

And here's some good news...

These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words

So, what about the example we promised you?

Continue reading "Magic Relationship Words That Work" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Why do we repeat the same BAD relationship patterns--even when we know we're doing it ?

We all want great relationships but when it comes to making the changes that will allow us to experience something better, something happens...

Even though we may want to change, most of us have a tough time doing it!

Even if we know what we need to do, we don't do it!

Here's a question from a reader that most of us can identify with because we've all been there--and maybe even there right now...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Even though we know what we are doing 'wrong' in the way that we speak to each other, why do we keep repeating the same bad patterns. We have gone to counseling, we have done the personal growth stuff....we can even manifest some amazing stuff when we are truly "in tune" with each other...But some days it's as if we haven't learned anything and we push each others buttons and we don't listen and we are not 'in the moment' at all.....WHY AFTER ALL OF THIS LEARNING AND KNOWING DO WE STILL REPEAT THE WRONG THINGS..TONES OF VOICE & ASSUMPTIONS?? WHY HAVEN'T WE TRULY 'GOT IT' ALL THE TIME!!!!"

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Breaking Bad Patterns" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is good communication a mystery sometimes between you and your partner--especially if you both lead busy lives and time for the two of you is hard to come by?

Try our 5-step communication communication recipe for busy couples (especially when it's tough)...

1. Relax

It might seem crazy to suggest that you relax because you're probably stretched to the limit on demands for your time and attention.

If your mind goes a mile a minute, you're always on the go, you never have time for yourself or your partner--it's even more important for you to help yourself by doing some inner relaxation.

There are lots of ways to start doing this but we urge you to start before it's too late--either for the sake of your relationship or for your physical body.

Inner relaxation can be as simple as taking a long, deep breath every hour or saying to yourself in a
gentle tone--"relax."

You can start a simple meditation practice of sitting and breathing for 10 minutes or so.

Whatever it is, focus inward and feel the knots untie.

Can't stop your mind?

Our new favorite phrase from singer-songwriter Shawn Mullins might help--

"What if it's all okay without me knowing?"

When you are relaxed, you are more open. When you are more open, you can communicate better.

Continue reading "A 5-Step Communication Recipe for Busy Couples" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so I'm the last woman who's a fan of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series to see the movie Twilight, based on her first book.

While it certainly wasn't a "great" film, "Twilight" did bring up a few questions for me...

Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them like Edward was of Bella?

Do all women secretly want to be swept off their feet, not just once, but continually by a man?

Does fascination for each other have to die as the relationship matures?

Here's a question from one of our readers--and our answer--that speaks to this and much more...

"My hubby once seemed mesmerized by me and my love, my very person, fascinated by my tiny quacks that determine the person that I am. Now he seems threatened, insecure, out to compete with me, or rather what is it that took away my power. I don't seem to get through to him, to tell him about my wants, or how his behavior of
inconsideration makes me feel. And yet he still seems in want of my love and acceptance."

Here are our comments...

Continue reading "Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?

Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?

Or are you and your relationship...

2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?

If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.

The reason we say this is...

As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."

We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.

Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.

Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner (or anyone else for that matter) didn't make some changes that you wanted them to make and because of this, you felt like you weren't being respected?

Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. We just wanted the other person to "respect" us in a certain
way and didn't know how to go about getting it.

One thing we've noticed is...

One of the reasons people who are considering leaving a relationship buy our book and audio program "Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is that they don't feel respected, appreciated and important.

Yes, feeling respected is that important!

It's important to feel respected and be "heard" in a relationship--but what if the other person doesn't seem to want to make changes that you want him or her to make?

Here's a question from a reader who feels like she is being disrespected by a guy she's dating in a most unusual way...

Continue reading "Relationship advice for getting "respect"..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one dynamic that's a sticky issue between two people who decide to be a couple, it's this...

One person feels the need to "retreat" every now and then and the other person feels unloved and abandoned when it happens.

Pretty simple to describe but not simple to deal with!

One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote to ask if we support the "rubber band" theory in relationships in relationship breakthrough coaching practice.

We hope we're talking about the same thing because as we think about it, the first time we heard about the
"rubber-band" theory was when we originally read John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus."

While we know that many people get a lot of benefit from John Gray's gender difference information, we
think the issue is much broader and deeper than just being about a differences between men and women.

We have seen this dynamic too many times in both genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and another set to another.

In the past, we've called this dynamic the "relationship push-pull."

Here's a description of what we've seen...

Continue reading "Is the "Rubber Band" Theory True?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Talk about a communication challenge!

Here's one for you...

When we are in a relationship with someone (especially our intimate partner or spouse) and we get triggered or
upset, the first thing that usually happens is that we shut down to the other person in some way or another.

Some of us get mad or just peeved and some of us withdraw, either agreeing to something we don't want or
disagreeing but withdrawing our energy.

However you shut down, the outcome is still the same--disconnection.

When you shut down emotionally or energetically, you are nowhere close to coming together on an agreement
and a way to proceed to resolve the difference when this happens.

No matter how insignificant the issue, resentment can build and continue to separate you from the love and connection that you both may want.

You start doing what we call "talking on eggshells," not really saying what you mean because irritation seems to be a constant between you.

So what can you do when this happens?

How can you learn to say what you mean when it's important to do so and it's difficult to do so?

Here's an example of what we mean and some ways to deal with this type of communication problem..

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Communicating to Connect" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Valentine's Day can be a great day to celebrate but if you're jealous or with a partner who is-it can be a day that you dread-but it doesn't have to be.

Note: If jealousy is a problem for you in your relationship, you might want to pick up a copy of our "No More Jealousy" program.

So how can you get through Valentine's Day and even be jealousy free?

Here's the problem with jealousy and Valentine's Day and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues…

Valentine's Day is a day for lovers to express their love for each other in ways that may be a little out of the ordinary. They maybe get a baby sitter and go out to dinner or to a movie. They send cards, flowers, candy, diamonds-something to show love on this special day.

If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, you're probably not feeling very loving toward one another. Seeing
all of this expression of love everywhere that the two of you aren't feeling right now is rubbing salt in the wound.

You may even be comparing yourself and your partner with other people and are feeling alone and sad that you're
coming up short and maybe even a failure.

There are so many expectations about this one day that even if you didn't have jealousy in your life, it can really
create problems.

So what do we suggest?

We suggest that you put yourself and your partner on a 24 hour jealousy diet.

Continue reading "Be Jealousy-Free on Valentine's Day-3 Ways to Make it Happen" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we've been talking about restarting the spark in your relationship over the past few weeks, a common question comes up for some people.

Here's what one woman asked...

"If I make the effort, will he make an effort also?"

What a great question--because it is just human nature to not want to stick our necks out if we're all alone on that skinny branch.

This doesn't just apply in our intimate relationships or marriages-- it also applies to all of our other relationships as well.

Here's what we typically find...

Before we start putting some energy into making some changes in the way we act or speak, we want some assurance that the other person will also make some changes.

We don't want to feel like we're the only ones "trying to make it better."

Whether the issues that come between the two of you are small ones or are significant...

If you're like most other people, you want to feel that you're not the only one who should make changes and you don't want to waste your time and energy if it's not reciprocated.

You also might not want to put yourself in a vulnerable position if your partner isn't going to do the same.

So what do you do if you want more spark in your relationship and are willing to try but you don't know if your partner is willing?

What do you do if you feel like you are the only one interested in working on your relationship?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Doesn't Seem to Want to Make the Effort..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all go through “off” times that seep into our love relationships. Perhaps the dark and dreary days of winter get you down. Or maybe you're facing some tough dynamics at your workplace that you can't seem to leave at the office. Whatever the case might be, these “bad days” can have an affect on your ability to stay open and connect with your partner.

But what if what you and your mate are experiencing is not just the residue of one or both of you having a “bad day?” How can you tell if the spark between you two has significantly dwindled or even died out?

Continue reading "Relationship Tips: “Are we having a bad day or has our spark died out?”" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do you long for the early days of your relationship when it all seemed more magical? Perhaps you remember the times when your love used to bring you flowers for no reason, write you love poems, or even serenade you with a gushy song. Maybe you wonder what happened to the two of you? Where did your spark and sense of excitement about one another go?

There's a bold-faced lie being spread around that goes something like this: Two people meet. If the chemistry and conditions are favorable, they fall in love. In this “honeymoon phase” they shower one another with adoration and just can't seem to get enough of one another. After time passes in the relationship, the two truly love and care for one another, but that spark and feeling of aliveness slowly dies down. In the best cases, the couple is left in a more “mature” state-- deeply bonded but not very passionate about one another or their relationship.

It truly doesn't have to be that way!

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark: Don't Stop Dating Your Mate!" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We all have our comfort zones when it comes to intimacy with the special someone in our lives. Some couples choose to intimately connect in more traditional ways while others enjoy a wider variety of sensual activities. What do you do when your partner suggests that you two try role playing or fantasy to spice things up? Is this a healthy way to connect?

Our answer to these questions is that role playing and fantasy can most certainly be part of a healthy relationship and can infuse passion and sense of fun into your lovemaking. But only when both partners agree and feel comfortable with the intimate activities and only when the “golden rule” is addressed first.

What's our relationship “golden rule” when it comes to role playing and fantasy? Ask yourself the question: “Does this take me further away from my partner or closer to him or her?” If the intimate activities you are considering feel like they will bring you closer to your love and you are interested in exploring them, go for it! If not, take some time to go within and look at the possible blocks to what's being suggested and talk more about it before making a final decision.

The hit movie “Twilight” about a teenage young woman who falls in love with a vampire has not only enthralled teenage girls, but also (predominantly) women of all ages. The book series and movie centers on the intense romantic relationship between the two main characters: Bella-- a human teenage young woman and Edward-- an oh-so-attractive and chivalrous vampire. It's quite probable that many a woman has imagined the man in her life as Edward while making love or perhaps even asked him to pretend to be a vampire during intimate sharing.

This type of fantasy or role playing may be just what both people in the relationship have been wanting-- a bit of variety and excitement. Many of us played dress up games as children and now, as adults, it can be taken to a different level and shared with your partner. But fantasy and role play really has to be shared and agreed to in order for that “golden rule” to work. Bringing you and your love closer together is the goal and guide.

Since this is "Restart the Spark" month, here are some suggestions for you to consider as you "play" with this idea...

Continue reading "Love Relationships:" Are Role Playing and Fantasy Good Ideas for My Relationship?"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's official:

2009 is here and if you're like most people, you could use a little more spark in your relationships and your life.

So, how do you create more of what you want?

Announcing:

"Restart The Spark Month."

"Resart The Spark" is a Month long celebration going on all month long here in January and here's why you're
going to love it...

We've got a FR*EE gift for you today and we'll have several more relationship spark building gifts for you throughout the month for you as well.

We're also going to be releasing our brand new audio program called "Restart The Spark." later this month.

We'll tell you more about that later but for now we wanted to tell you that everything we're doing this month (January) is about helping you "Restart The Spark." ...

So, lets get started...

Here's how to access the first of many free relationship spark building gifts we're talking about.

Just go to http://www.RestartTheSpark.com to claim your gift from us.

It's yours at no charge as our gift to you as we get started with Restart The Spark month.

This "gift" from us is actually two gifts in one.

The first is our email mini-course "5 Keys to a great relationship and the second gift is an audio we've never released before where we're being interviewed by Iris Benrubi of SimplySucccess.ca for her Blog Talk Radio Success series and you're going to love it.

This interview was originally going to be just about how to Stop Talking on Eggshells but as you'll find by listening, we went a whole lot deeper than that.

In this interview, you'll learn some great ideas for improving your relationships, connecting deeper, putting more passion and spark in your relationship.

You'll also discover some ideas for improving communication, dealing with differences, starting a new relationship,
building a deeper connection and much more…

Once again, be sure to claim your relationship advice audio at no charge.

Enjoy,
Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A couple of days ago, a friend of wished us a happy new year by telling us that "everything's going to be fine in 2009."

While this is certainly our wish for you, we think that our lives and relationships can be even better than "fine" in the coming year and so can yours.

We all can restart the spark--the spark in our significant relationship; the spark in our everyday lives; the spark in other relationships that are important to us.

We can ALL create more happiness and joy in the coming year.

We think it all starts with putting the spark back in your relationships and lives.

So as you're reading this, your question might be ...

How do you put the spark back or even find it after it's been buried under fear, distance, apathy, tiredness or disconnection?

Here are some ways that you can begin starting right now to invite more spark into your life...

Continue reading "Restart the Spark in 2009" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, we saw an article that suggested that maybe the romantic comedies that some of us love to watch are actually harmful to our real relationships! This article was based on research done by relationship experts in Edinburgh and their findings posed some interesting questions.

They found that romantic comedies "give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to 'fail to communicate with their partner.'"

So the question that we ask is this...

What is it that we get out of watching these romantic comedy films and do they help or hurt our real relationships?

Continue reading "Do you expect too much from your marriage or relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Would you like to enjoy a deeper, closer connection with your love? If so, we recommend that you two create space in your relationship. This may sound like the exact opposite way to get closer, but we think it's key. When there is space for each of you to know what you want, follow your bliss and communicate your needs and desires, then there is actually more space AND potential for connection and passion.

In essence, greater space in your relationship allows you and your partner to fully explore who you each are as individuals and therefore come to one another better able to give and receive deep heart-felt love.

But isn't space the same thing as distance?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This past weekend, we gave what we think was our best ever presentation on the soul mate spark--how to get it and how to keep it. As we were talking with people from the audience, it was abundantly clear that many had felt the thrill of finding a "soul mate" and only to have the relationship lapse into "ordinary" and full of disagreements.

What we told them was that once you find your soul mate, you can keep the passion and even deepen it throughout the years. Your relationship doesn't have to become empty and lifeless as a lot of long-term relationships seem to be.

One bit of relationship advice is to keep loving with abandon as you did when you were first together.

Even if you have been together for many years, you can go back to that feeling.

Here are a couple of ways you can begin doing that...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keep Love Alive" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who can forget the lyric "a kiss is just a kiss" from the classic Louis Armstrong song "As Time Goes By." Kissing is something we often associate with those fumbling experiments with romance that may have happened during teen years.

Perhaps sloppy or nervous or even knee-wobbling, that first kiss is probably something you'll never forget. But did you know that even if you and your partner are far past your teen years and you've been together a long time, you can still enjoy the power of a kiss?

In fact, a kiss can be more than "just" a kiss. A kiss can be a key to keeping the connection between you and your love passionate and alive!

Here's what we mean...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for more Passion, Romance and Fun" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Expressing gratitude and saying thank you is something that many of us were taught to do from a very early age. Coaxing a toddler, then teenager to say “thank you” is a regularly occurring occasion for most parents. It's the polite thing to do, after all, and shows good manners. Once we're adults, saying “thanks” is often not given much thought if we remember to say it at all. In the day to day of your love relationship, gratitude tends to be completely forgotten except for those special favors we ask of each other. Making a habit of offering heartfelt thanks to the one you love can not only make your partner feel appreciated, it can enhance intimacy and bring your closer together.

As unsexy as “thank you” seems, gratitude can put you and your mate on the path to a more passionate relationship. After all, how many times have you and your partner become so busy with your jobs, the kids, the pets, the house and everything else in life that you pretty much only connect when making love? And that might even be fit in rather hurriedly. How much deeper would your intimate connecting be when it's built on a foundation of regularly expressed gratitude that comes with a sense of presence and from the heart?

Continue reading ""Thank" your way to Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our recent survey, lying was a big topic that we thought we'd address a specific question...

Here's one--
“My husband lied to me so much in the past that I don’t know what to believe anymore. Even if he says something nice or says he loves me, I have trouble believing him. How will I know when he is being honest with me again?”

Here's our take on lying and our answer to this specific question...

Continue reading "Lies and Lying: How to See Through the Lies" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A woman who bought our newly released "Stop Talking on Eggshells" package wrote to us and asked a question that we're sure many women (and men) are dealing with-

She said that her husband was good looking, funny and women especially liked him. She thought that they were flirting with him but has noticed that he is actually flirting with them by winking at them! His actions hurt her and she feels like he would rather be with them instead of her. She wanted to know whether she should ignore it or not.

Here's what we told her...

Continue reading "Flirting: What to do about a husband who flirts" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other.

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try a relationship reverse and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

Continue reading "Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.

An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.

New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.

This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.

Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?

If so, try out these 3 tips…

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.

Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.

You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.

We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.

Let us show you how…

Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We’ve all heard about the infamous “mid-life crisis” where one person in a seemingly happy marriage becomes dissatisfied with the way life is going and has an affair. Mid-life divorces can be the result of the crisis.

Of course, not all affairs happen after many years of marriage. They occur in relationships where the couple is not married as well as in marriages that are just a few months old. When a couple makes the agreement to be monogamous and this agreement is broken, it is usually an indication of overall disconnection.

So is it possible to head off an affair before it happens?

Continue reading "Heading Off an Affair Before It Happens" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You are probably wondering "What's a helmet head"?

As you continue reading this article, you're going to learn about "helmet heads" and why your level of relationship success and happiness depends on you NOT being one.

So, if NOT being a "helmet head" is so important, not just in our relationships but in our lives, then you'll want to know our definition and how you can recognize when you are being one.

Read on to find out more...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for NOT being a "Helmet Head"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When passion dies in a long-standing committed relationship, what do you do?

Recently, a woman wrote to us saying that she had been in a committed relationship for 7 years and that although they live together compatibly, her partner was no longer interested in sex. He had had a heart attack 3 years ago, takes a lot of medicine and their love-making just isn't what it used to be. She said he told her that she doesn't do anything to turn him on and she said that he does nothing to change. She went on to say that he needed to exercise and that she's scared of future health problems. She's very frustrated and wanted help.

Here's the advice we gave her...

Continue reading "What Do You Do When Passion Dies?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A few days ago we received a question from a woman that reminded us of a big chance at "fame" that we passed up a year or so ago when we were asked to be on a TV show called "Wife Swap."

If you're not familiar with the show, "Wife Swap" is an unscripted reality TV show that airs weekly on the ABC Television Network where each week from across the country, two families with very different values are chosen to take part in a two-week long challenge. The wives from these two families exchange husbands, children and lives (but not bedrooms) to discover just what it's like to live another woman's life.

As you can imagine, it didn't take us long to decline their offer because it simply isn't in alignment with what we are all about or want for our lives and our relationship.

Which brings us back to this woman's question...

She wrote that her husband says that he still loves her but wants to do "wife swapping." She doesn't want to and is feeling a great deal of pressure from him to do it. He told her that she has "issues" about the topic that he doesn't. She said that she feels that she's not enough.

Her question to us--which is one that we receive every day from people about all sorts of topics--is this...

"Am I right to feel the way I do?"

Whether the relationship challenge is about wife swapping, jealousy over someone at work, helping with child care, housework, or any other conflict, the nagging question that many people have is the one this woman had. It just manifests itself in different forms for different people and with different issues.

So with that in mind, we'll answer her question "Am I right to feel the way I do?" for anyone living with this question...

Continue reading "Wife Swapping, Love Relationships and Marriage" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a quick question for you...

Have you ever done or created any thing any time or any where in your life that you would consider a "peak experience"?

If we think about it for a moment almost all of us can come up with something that has happened in our lives that we consider a "Peak experience" but here's what's interesting in thinking about peak experiences ....

Most of us have the belief that peak experiences happen rarely, if at all, in our lives and our relationships. We often resort to living vicariously by reading romance novels, watching sports events or "Grey's Anatomy" on television to get a similar "charge" from a peak moment.

While we certainly don't think doing any of those things is bad, we think that everyone can (and does) create peak experiences in their own lives more of the time. In our opinion, the goal is to take these "peak experiences" and make them the "norm" and repeatable.

Sound impossible?

It isn't and here's why...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Making Peak Experiences Last" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.

This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.

The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.

Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.

So, here goes...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from Sophie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What do you do if you no longer desire your partner or your desire seems to have faded?

That question is similar to one that a woman asked us recently and not only were we intrigued by her question but her situation seemed similar to the challenges that many people face in their relationships.

Because of this, we decided to share our answer to this question with all of you.

First of all, when it comes to the question like "what do you do if you no longer desire your partner or your desire seems to have faded?" one thing is for sure... this is the kind of question that no one likes to admit, let alone deal with.

This is especially true if you have been with your partner for many years, truly love him or her and have no intention of leaving your relationship.

What we have discovered is that when physical intimacy is lacking or non-existent in a marriage or long-lasting relationship, there can be a lot of unspoken thoughts, feelings and beliefs that build walls instead of create connection.

The relationship usually limps along and one or both people find that they have a desire for something more somewhere inside themselves.

So what's going on when there's love between two people but the desire just isn't there any longer? How does this happen?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice when Desire Fades or is Gone" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

It's been said that there are only two things in life that are certain and those are death and taxes.

To that short list, we would definitely add "change" and along with changes there are always "transitions" that
we must navigate through as well.

It's how we handle these "changes" and "transitions" in our relationships and lives that are partially responsible
for our degree of happiness we feel in life.

So, why is this so important and how do we do this with as much skill and grace as possible?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about How to Deal with Transitions" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Could it be possible that we all unconsciously tell ourselves lies in almost every moment that keep us from having the love, relationships and the life that we really want?

Consider just for a moment that this could be true and then consider this next question...

What limiting lies do you tell yourself and what problems do they create in your life and relationships?

If you're like most people, your quick "flinch reaction" to the question we just asked you is "I don't tell myself any lies, I'm honest with myself and everyone else."

Or your answer might have been, "I know other people that lie to themselves all the time but not me."

We've been wondering about this question quite a bit over the past few days since we've been listening to Steve Chandler's audio program "17 Lies That Are Holding You Back and The Truth That Will Set You Free."

What we have discovered is that yes...we, you and everyone else do indeed tell ourselves more lies than we can even imagine and these "lies" that limit us and keep us from having the courage to create what we really want.

If we're all consistently telling all these lies to ourselves, what are some of the common ones?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about the Lies We Tell Ourselves" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one thing that we know from first-hand experience, it's how challenging it can be to stay connected during major (or even minor) changes in our lives.

We're in the process of moving from a small town and house where we have lived for many years to a larger city about an hour away.

If you've made a move like this yourself, you know the amount of "stuff" that has accumulated during those years--and you have to move it, sell it or give it away.

For us, the challenge has been to find ways to stay connected through the stress of selling our house, buying a new one and preparing to move to our new location.

We know that moving is not the change that can create challenges for a couple to stay connected. We'll list just a few and we're sure you could add many more to it...

* Birth of a child
* Loss of a job
* New Job
* New Boss
* Child leaving home for college or moving out
* Financial challenges
* Health challenges
* Death of parent
* Becoming the care-giver for a parent
* Death of a child

And the list could go on and on...

The changes that can challenge your connection can be major ones or even not-so-major ones. Believe it or not, even planning and going on a vacation or the kids starting back to school can create disconnection!

So how do you keep your connection through changes, whether big or small, that come up in your life?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Staying Connected Through Changes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.

In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.

In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.

"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.

So the question is this...

Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about Fantasies and Crushes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.

Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.

One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.

In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We saw the movie "Knocked Up" over the weekend and totally agreed with the reviewers that it was funny and worth seeing. There were so many observations that we could make about relationships and if you've seen it, we're sure that you have plenty of your own.

One of our teachers said it this way--"Men marry women hoping they don't change; Women marry men hoping they do"--and that's one of the big themes in "Knocked Up."

It goes something like this--Can the guy who doesn't hold a job, smokes dope and seems really irresponsible become responsible enough to become a good partner and parent? Can women change men and if men do change, are they happy?

So what about trying to change your partner? Can you do it and is it worth it if you do?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from the "Knocked Up" movie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You may not be aware of it, but one of the reasons that couples pull apart from one another and they can't seem to talk without an argument is that they don't listen to what's inside them. We've written a lot about how to create a red hot love relationship and of the "secrets" that we've discovered is to learn how to listen to yourself.

Here's what happened to Otto...

Continue reading "Advice for a Closer Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In order to have a red-hot love relationship that is vibrant, alive, sexy, juicy and filled with lots of connection there is one decision that every person and couple must make.

This decision is to individually and together decide what this kind of relationship means to you and then commit with your whole heart, mind and soul to creating this kind of relationship. Refuse to settle for anything less than what you want. Commit to creating and having a passionate, juicy, alive and connected relationship.

Refuse to settle for anything less than the highest vision you have for what you want your love and relationship to be. Commit to always expanding that vision for what you want and finding new ways for expanding and opening to more.

Continue reading "Heating Up Your Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We thought we'd heard just about everything until we saw this...

It was an ad for guys about how to seduce the "hottest" women by doing magic tricks.

Now, if you've been reading any of our materials, you know that we are NOT about seduction for the sake of manipulation.

We are about love, juiciness, aliveness, passion and connection.

But after we mulled over this magician's idea, we thought that there was something that we all could learn from it to make our relationships come alive.

Continue reading "Romantic Ideas Using "Magic"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

During the past few weeks, there has been a furor over Actor Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty on the cheek
during an AIDS awareness benefit in India.

There's even been a lawsuit brought against Gere over his actions and there's talk of arresting Shetty as well.

While we're not avid followers of Hollywood gossip, this story was intriguing to us because this is much to be learned about relationships if we really think about this incident for a moment. .

This whole situation has been very polarizing for different groups of people.

Some people are dismissing these allegations as the actions of extremists and that they are embarrassing to the Indian culture. Some people are saying that Gere was out of line and that he should have known better.

Needless to say, if this had happened in the US, this would certainly not have been an issue. The reality is it happened in India and because of this it is a problem.

So what does all of this have to do with your relationships?

Plenty and here's why...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Gere's Controversial Kiss" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether we know it our not--we all want to connect deeper with someone or something. We might connect with animals instead of people but we all feel better when we are connected.

In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go--and when it goes, we really feel it.

Here's a question along those lines from a woman...

"I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We were engaged but recently we have been having some problems. He says that he doesn't feel a connection to me anymore, but he wants to work on getting the connection back. How do you go about getting the connection back in your relationship? I still love him more than anything in the world, he is the one who's feeling unsure about our relationship."

Connection is something that we can take for granted until we feel its absence. Here are a few suggestions for getting a connection back...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We've heard of a lot of crazy things but one of the craziest is the idea of choosing 7/7/07 for your wedding date will help you to have good luck in your marriage.

As Relationship Coaches, we know that it takes much, much more than choosing a "lucky" day for your wedding ceremony.

Here are some of ideas of what we're talking about...

Continue reading "7/7/07 Wedding Date: Is this Date Lucky?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you want to create a great (or even good) relationship or marriage, here's something you might want to keep an eye open for...

Whether you are currently in a marriage, in a long-term relationship, at the beginning stages of coming together with someone or not with a partner at the present time--one of the best ways we know of to begin creating the kind of relationship that you want is to keep your eyes open for role models.

Role models are everywhere and you don't even have to know or even talk to them for them to an inspiration for you.

Here's some info that might explain what we mean...

Continue reading "The Secrets To Lasting Love" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Recently, we received a couple of great questions from one of our newsletter subscribers and we thought that the topic raised a challenge that many people seem to have in their relationships.

Here is what the person wrote...

"Is it possible to treat someone too special? Can you give some examples on how to become someone who can attract more love, passion and connection?"

Here's our take on treating someone too special...

Continue reading "Dating and Marriage Advice for a Common Relationship Problem" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the December 2006 issue of "Performing Songwriter," there's a great interview with Keith Urban of country music fame where he not only talks about his music but also discusses marriage and relationships. Since he did not marry until he was 38 to actress Nicole Kidman, we thought he had some insightful things to say about the institution of marriage.

Continue reading "What You Can Learn from Keith Urban about Marriage and Dating" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently...

"How can I tell the difference between falling in love with a person's 'potential' and falling in love with someone who I can have a true soul/heart connection with?"

This is such a good question because whether you are single, between relationships or are in a long-term
committed marriage or relationship, this question is one that many people face as they change, grow and move through their lives.

The typical scenario around this topic goes something like this...

Continue reading "Falling in Love with Potential" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we're all about helping you experience the gifts of connection more of the time in your relationships and lives, here's an interesting question for you...

What is it that irritates or annoys you?

If you're like most people, there's probably been some time or another you've found yourself irritated by the small things that others say or do.

These could be mannerisms or annoying habits of loved ones or co-workers that seem to drive you crazy. For most of us there always seems to be something that doesn't seem to be such a big deal to others but is a big deal to us.

For Susie, loud gum "cracking" and "loud" eating have always been irritating to her. To you, these may be really small things and may not bother you but we're sure that you probably have things that seem to get "under your skin" as well.

Continue reading "Dealing With The Big and Little Things That Annoy You" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Although they may not be aware of them, everyone who creates a great relationship has certain things that they do over and over to create more love,passion, connection (or whatever is important to them) on a consistent basis in their relationships.

In any relationship it's usually not just one thing we do that creates the magic but many different things. Sort of like ingredients that go into a recipe for a favorite food or dessert-- if you leave out one of the key ingredients things don't go so well.

So what are the key ingredients in a close, connected and loving relationship?

Continue reading "A Key Ingredient for Creating Close, Connected Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do people want for their relationships and lives today?

One thing we've noticed as we listen to relationship questions and work with people in our coaching practice is that they are wanting more out of their relationships and their lives.

You've probably looked around and noticed that some relationships seem to be dissolving because people are no longer willing to stay in relationships or marriages that aren't happy and satisfying. They want more.

You might have also noticed that other people stay in relationships that seem to have died a long time ago and even though they seem to be staying in these unfulfilling relationships, they still want more.

In the back of their minds, whether they leave their relationships or stay in them, they wonder if it's even possible to have a lasting relationship that's passionate and alive.

We not only know that it's possible--we've seen evidence of it and have lived it ourselves.

Continue reading "Looking at Your Marriage with New Eyes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a fascinating question that we received from one of our newsletter subscribers and we are fairly certain that the question has come up for many other people in their relationships.

Our subscriber asked...

"Can you say 'I love you' too much? How can I make my partner believe that you can not overuse the 'I love you' term. He says if we say it too often, it will become meaningless."

We've heard this question more than once and our answer may surprise you...

Continue reading "Can You Say 'I Love You' TOO Much?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the questions about relationships that many people struggle with is this--

"Can you have passion, love and connection in one relationship?"

Some people say yes and some say no.

With most relationships and marriages, here's what we find...

--There might be friendship or compatibility with a partner but no passion.

--There might be a feeling of being taken care of or taking care of someone physically, emotionally, or financially but that's as far as the connection goes.

--There might be passion at times and very little or no connection otherwise.

--There might be a deep feeling of love between the two people but they seem to be going in different directions much of the time with no real passion or connection.

So the question remains--Can you have it all?

Can you have Love, Passion AND Connection in one relationship?

Continue reading "Passion, Love and Connection in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are you minding your own business instead of someone else's?

We're all the time trying to change people andmake others the way we want them to be. When we do this , it's pure arrogance to believe that we know what's best for anyone else.

We've all said things like this about someone else in our lives--"Why can't he pick up his socks?" or "Why doesn't she take better care of herself?"

When we ask those questions, even in our minds, we are in someone else's business and this is where a lot of our "stress" comes from.

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Minding Your Own Business" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In this day of almost disposable relationships, a question on the minds of many singles and couples is how to create a relationship that will last and one that will keep its vibrancy throughout the years.

We're taking ballroom dancing lessons with another couple Sam and Rosie, who have been Otto's friends for many years. They have been married for 24 years and by spending a lot of time with them, we were able to get a glimpse of the reasons they still have such a good marriage.

Continue reading "The Secrets to a Long, Lasting Marriage" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the issues that many people are facing in their lives and showed up several times in our recent survey of our email newsletter list when we asked —“What’s the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your relationship and your life?"—was the problem of growing apart over the years and what to do about it.

Here’s what one person asked and the questions are certainly ones that we hear frequently from couples in relationships that have lasted many years…

“What do you do once you have already started to 'grow apart' after many years together and several kids? Can the closeness be restored and if so how?”

Here's our answer...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice When You've Grown Apart" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Many marriages get stale after awhile, often from lack of attention and the intention to keep connecting on a regular basis. Lately, we've both been thinking about ways that we could experience the gifts of connecting even more than we do already.

With that in mind, here's what Otto said that not only shocked Susie but some of our closest friends as well...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Keeping passion and spark in a long-term relationship is a challenge for most couples. Recently we received a series of questions about passion and spark and it's such an important topic that we thought we'd respond on this blog.

Continue reading "Passion in Relationships--A Few Questions about it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When two families come together, there can certainly be wonderful things that come from the union but there can also be some aspects that are very uncomfortable for everyone involved. I found a few blogs about it and the topic is certainly a big one, especially if you're in one!

While the blended family can certainly be troublesome for the kids that are involved, it certainly has challenges for the new couple.

Often, there may be a feeling that there's a conspiracy against the new couple because it may seem like there's
never enough time, privacy, or energy to really be together and to have the fun and connection they once had together.

While our blended family has not always been perfect, we have learned some things that we'd like to share that have made our lives easier and happier.

Continue reading " The Blended Family: How to Survive It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)