Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Most of us remember that incredibly blissful feeling of being "in love" at least once in our lives.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate and all you wanted to do was to be with your beloved, basking in that delicious magnetic pull toward each other. You couldn't get enough of one another. You felt like it was "right" and you were "home."

Now we know that it's not realistic (or even desirable) to go through life like this--feeling so ungrounded, scattered and unfocused all the time that you can't get much done.

What happens for most couples is...

For some mysterious reason in the process of "settling down", we lose all or most of this excitement and powerful
feelings of love and attraction we felt for one another.

We settle into comfort and routine and those intense feelings get so watered down that we have trouble finding them.

Most of the people who begin to question whether they want to be in the relationship they're in or not (and the ones who are living with the question of whether to stay or go tell us that what happened for them is what happened for many couples...

Somewhere along the line they lost the passion, spark and desire that they once had. It all sort of faded away and they ended up wondering "what just happened?"

We've discovered that it doesn't have to be this way...

While you probably don't want those exact feelings you had when you were first in love (we don't), but what you may want is a more seasoned hybrid of it. In other words, you may want a little more spark than what you have now without all the drama and intensity that's over the edge.

The good news is that you don't have to get divorced or go find a new partner to find it.

Here are 4 ways that we and other couples use to fall in love over and over again with each other...

Continue reading "4 Ways to Fall in Love Again (Without Getting a New Partner)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were certainly intrigued yesterday when we saw the article about the AskMen.com's Great Male Survey 2010 Edition.

There were a lot of interesting "aha's" from the results but what really got our attention was the comparison between this survey of men and Cosmo's Great Female Survey about romance.

Drum roll please...

Here's one finding that will blow your socks off...

According to the article, "Nearly 40% of women report that their boyfriends or husbands are “not very often” or “never” romantic, yet 75% of men claim that they are romantic consistently."

So if this is what women and men think, what's going on here?

Who's got it right and who's fooling themselves?

Here are a few of our thoughts about romance and the differences between the sexes...

Continue reading "What we learned from the Great Male Survey about Romance..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over.

Here are a few..

Continue reading "3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay In Love Forever" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Falling in love is easy. It's a matter of feeling that attraction to another and then acting on it. It's allowing yourself to feel that urge to want to be with that person above all else and share your life with him or her.

What deliciousness when it happens!

But when that feeling of being "in love" fades, you're left with a pretty hopeless, dismal feeling.

Here's a question a woman asked us and our answer to her...

"I have fallen out of love with my husband for the past 3 years and I am wondering if it is too late to get those 'in love' feelings back?"

Our answer...

Here's the truth--Most of us move in and out of feeling "in love" with our partners. Feeling "in love" is just a concept that means something different to everyone. When things are going well and we feel close and connected--and our beloved is feeling the same, we're in love. When one of us is not, we can find ourselves feeling love for the other but not "in love" at that moment. You may not even like him or her in those moments let alone feeling amorous love.

Now if this distance and disconnection goes on for a long time, it's a serious problem in the relationship--especially if one or both people want more.

Can you rekindle love?

Yes, you certainly can but you both have to WANT it to happen. You can't do it if you have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.

Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Falling Back in Love with Your Spouse" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What's the #1 thing that women say they want from their men that would get them "in the mood" more often?

It's what we call "Passion Play All Day."

(By the way, this strategy is NOT just for men to do for women but involves both people in the relationship.)

"Passion Play All Day" goes something like this...

Doing little things throughout the day to show your partner that you care and that he or she is important to you.

It's not just about leading up to what happens in the bedroom...

The health of your relationship could depend on doing these little things and not stopping.

Yes, passion play-- all day IS that important.

Here are some ideas from what we do in our own lives to keep our relationship juicy, as well as a few suggestions from a recent survey we did...

Continue reading "The #1 Thing Women Want That Gets Them "In the Mood" More Often..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you want to light up your woman...

It's going to be really important to tell her and show her that you want to light her up.

No...

You're NOT going to go up to your woman next time you see her and say something ridiculous like...

"I want to light you up..."

That probably wont help.

What you do want to do is NOT make it a mystery that she's important to you and you want her--really want her.

If your relationship is like most relationships today..

She wants desperately to feel you and when she cant feel you and your love she will do all kinds of bizarre things to try to get you to show her that you want her and she's important to you.

Question From A Reader...

How can I create more intimacy/passion between myself and my woman without making it seem obvious?

My Answer...

First of all I commend you for wanting to create more intimacy and passion in your relationship with your woman.

This is great because not only are you acknowledging that you want more...

It's showing you that you're different than most guys in that most guys don't want to do anything when they first notice that passion is starting to fade way.

They might notice it but do do anything about it.

Again, it's great that you're not doing that.

The challenge I have with what you are asking is the part where you are wanting to "not make it obvious that you are trying to create more intimacy between you and your woman.

What I do and what other men do who go for what they want is this..

Continue reading "3 Ways to Light Up Your Woman...Without Being Obvious About It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What if you could know (before it happened) that a tire on the car you were driving was about to have a "blowout" that would be so violent that it caused you to have a wreck?

Would you want to know what was coming before it happened so you could avoid a potentially dangerous wreck?

Of course you would.

But what about your relationship or marriage?

Have you ever said or done something and instantly you just knew that you had pushed someone away?

Have you ever been at a loss for why passion suddenly cooled between the two of you?

Then you may have been using a "passion eraser" without even knowing it..

Passion erasers cause relationship wrecks and if you're not familiar with this term...

A passion eraser is anything that you think, say or do that reduces or eliminates passion and connection from your
relationships and your life.

It can even be a belief that holds you back from giving or receiving love.

Most of us don't take the time to find out what our particular passion erasers are.

But what we know is that we all have to stop using them if we want closer, more connected relationships and
happier lives.

Here are a few example of "Passion Erasers"...

Continue reading "How to Stop a Relationship Wreck Before It Happens..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Valentine's Day is coming in just a few days and we want to help you make it your best ever...

Here's how to not only have the best Valentine's Day ever but to take what you do on Valentine's Day and carry it with you throughout the entire year...

Now through Thursday night, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern Time, we're going to give you the chance to get your copy of ...

"Susie and Otto Uncensored"

This is the juiciest, sexiest, steamiest, most provocative audio about relationships, intimacy and lovemaking we've ever recorded.

You get to download a copy of it at no charge *if * you are one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link only.

Now for a bit of bad news...

Continue reading "Make This Valentine's Day the Best Ever..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As Valentine's Day approaches, we all know that this is the season of love, right?

Or is it?

The truth is...

For a lot of couples, even though there might be a special dinner, flowers, or a night out together to celebrate (or not)--there's still an underlying tension or distance that seems to always be there.

The fights, arguments and disagreements just seem to erupt out of no where and neither person knows how to stop the pattern.

If you would like to stop fighting and start loving before Valentine's Day, here are 5 ways you're going to love...

These 5 ways to create more love have worked for us and others and we invite you to try them in your relationship right now.

This way, there's more love no matter what time of the year it is...

Continue reading "5 Ways to Stop Fighting and Start Loving Before Valentine's Day" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the relationship is over.

We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...

Continue reading "3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay in Love Forever" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I have a question which possibly reflects other relationships & hope you may have some suggestions.

"We are a couple married about 7 years, both in our mid 50s. My first wife passed away 10 years ago, my current wife had a 20 year marriage which she chose to end, then a 7-year relationship which she was left behind.

"We have no children living with us from either of our earlier marriages & we are very much in love.

"My problem is however the loss of her libido. We had a fully satisfying physical side to our courtship & early married years, but over the past 2 - 3 years her desire has dwindled to zero.

"I am not interested in going outside the marriage for satisfaction. We have talked this over repeatedly but despite her wishing to be my mate in the fullest sense, there has been no regular positive reaction to my approaches.

"I am not demanding. I believe I am fully understanding. If anything, I take the earliest signs of her discomfort & back off without further pushing my desire.

"I love this woman & she loves me. Is there anything you think can help?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Thanks for your question--And you are so right!

You are one of many living with the same question--

There's love--but how do you deal with your partner's lower libido?

And it's a very frustrating situation.

You don't want to leave or go outside the relationship.

You just want to have that special, intimate connection that you used to have with your beloved.

Since we don't have a special crystal ball that shows us exactly what's going on in your relationship, we can't say for sure but here are some possible reasons for lower libido that other people have expressed and some suggestions for what to do about it...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: When libido dies--What to do" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest dating questions that can be pretty confusing to figure out is this...

Is it love or is it lust?

You might feel a terrific connection in the bedroom but wonder if it's really going to go any further than that.

You may even wonder how long this terrific attraction (or lust for each other) will last.

Here are a couple of checklists to know if it's love or is it lust...

1. Lust is satisfying an itch at a surface level and you don't necessarily feel a deep connection, friendship, or want to be with the other person and enjoy their company--outside of the bedroom.

Don't get us wrong--lust is fun and you can experience lust within love--but if there's nothing deeper going on, lust by itself can be pretty shallow.

Check to see if any of these apply to your relationship...

**You only get together every now and then and not necessarily on weekends.
**Your dates always involve making love and end up in the bedroom.
**You don't have a lot to talk about and you don't talk about your future together.
**There is a feeling that something is missing
**You don't feel important outside of the bedroom
**If you raise the topic of commitment, one of you runs.
**You do not share any interests outside of s*e*x

2. Love is in the eye of the beholder so it's important to find out what love means to you.

Make a list of what love means to you and be specific like this...

**You feel important to each other
**Being supportive like a true friend would
**Being honest when you made a mistake
**You want to just be together and doesn't always involve love-making (but can)
**You can talk to one another
**Calling when you're going to be late
**You feel a deep connection
**You are kind toward one another
**You like to touch one another

Check this list against what's happening in this relationship right now--and don't be blind and kid yourself.

Be honest!

Okay, so now that you have a better idea of what's going on, you can make a more conscious choice.

As we said, you can feel lust for each other and be in love--even after many years of being together!

We do.

But you have to have the solid foundation of a love that grows--and be in agreement about what love means.

We invite you to open to the idea that both are available to you and you can have what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have our comfort zones when it comes to intimacy with the special someone in our lives. Some couples choose to intimately connect in more traditional ways while others enjoy a wider variety of sensual activities. What do you do when your partner suggests that you two try role playing or fantasy to spice things up? Is this a healthy way to connect?

Our answer to these questions is that role playing and fantasy can most certainly be part of a healthy relationship and can infuse passion and sense of fun into your lovemaking. But only when both partners agree and feel comfortable with the intimate activities and only when the “golden rule” is addressed first.

What's our relationship “golden rule” when it comes to role playing and fantasy? Ask yourself the question: “Does this take me further away from my partner or closer to him or her?” If the intimate activities you are considering feel like they will bring you closer to your love and you are interested in exploring them, go for it! If not, take some time to go within and look at the possible blocks to what's being suggested and talk more about it before making a final decision.

The hit movie “Twilight” about a teenage young woman who falls in love with a vampire has not only enthralled teenage girls, but also (predominantly) women of all ages. The book series and movie centers on the intense romantic relationship between the two main characters: Bella-- a human teenage young woman and Edward-- an oh-so-attractive and chivalrous vampire. It's quite probable that many a woman has imagined the man in her life as Edward while making love or perhaps even asked him to pretend to be a vampire during intimate sharing.

This type of fantasy or role playing may be just what both people in the relationship have been wanting-- a bit of variety and excitement. Many of us played dress up games as children and now, as adults, it can be taken to a different level and shared with your partner. But fantasy and role play really has to be shared and agreed to in order for that “golden rule” to work. Bringing you and your love closer together is the goal and guide.

Since this is "Restart the Spark" month, here are some suggestions for you to consider as you "play" with this idea...

Continue reading "Love Relationships:" Are Role Playing and Fantasy Good Ideas for My Relationship?"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yesterday, we saw an article that suggested that maybe the romantic comedies that some of us love to watch are actually harmful to our real relationships! This article was based on research done by relationship experts in Edinburgh and their findings posed some interesting questions.

They found that romantic comedies "give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to 'fail to communicate with their partner.'"

So the question that we ask is this...

What is it that we get out of watching these romantic comedy films and do they help or hurt our real relationships?

Continue reading "Do you expect too much from your marriage or relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who can forget the lyric "a kiss is just a kiss" from the classic Louis Armstrong song "As Time Goes By." Kissing is something we often associate with those fumbling experiments with romance that may have happened during teen years.

Perhaps sloppy or nervous or even knee-wobbling, that first kiss is probably something you'll never forget. But did you know that even if you and your partner are far past your teen years and you've been together a long time, you can still enjoy the power of a kiss?

In fact, a kiss can be more than "just" a kiss. A kiss can be a key to keeping the connection between you and your love passionate and alive!

Here's what we mean...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for more Passion, Romance and Fun" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we looked at the questions that over 800 people asked us in our recent survey about what's your biggest relationship question--one of themes that stood out most was this...

"How do you stay desirable for one another?"

As we talked about how we'd like to answer that question, Otto came up with a great analogy--

Staying desirable for one another in a committed relationship is like prepared packaged foods-- in a weird sort of way.

Before you laugh at us and think we're crazy, read on...

What keeps prepared foods looking and tasting fresh?

Additives and preservatives, right?

They are the long names on the packaging labels that you have no idea what they are.

Now, by using this analogy, we're certainly not encouraging you to eat foods that are filled with additives and preservatives unless that's something you choose to do.

But we are saying that if you want to stay desirable to one another or re-awaken desire, you have to keep adding things to your life and relationship that will do that. You also need to do things to preserve your connection and love on a daily basis.

Here are 10 ways that we add to our relationship to keep desirability high between us. These are
some of the ways we preserve our love. We invite you to try out a few in your relationship or if you're single, practice with the people in your life.

Here's our list...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Staying Desirable for One Another" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When passion dies in a long-standing committed relationship, what do you do?

Recently, a woman wrote to us saying that she had been in a committed relationship for 7 years and that although they live together compatibly, her partner was no longer interested in sex. He had had a heart attack 3 years ago, takes a lot of medicine and their love-making just isn't what it used to be. She said he told her that she doesn't do anything to turn him on and she said that he does nothing to change. She went on to say that he needed to exercise and that she's scared of future health problems. She's very frustrated and wanted help.

Here's the advice we gave her...

Continue reading "What Do You Do When Passion Dies?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you've been in a long-term intimate relationship, it’s likely that you’ve been making love together for many years. You may even wonder why you even need to read an article about lovemaking but keep reading for some surprises that may just help you re-energize your love connection.

You’ve possibly forgotten a few things over the years and there could be some new things you’d like to try out.

Consider these love making tips…

Continue reading "Love Making Tips for Long-Term Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)