Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Have you ever lost trust in your partner (maybe because of cheating) and in the process, lost trust in yourself?

That's just what happened to one of our readers. Here's what she wrote to us...

"Well, my boyfriend of 4.5 years, cheated on me with somebody for the last 5 months. I'm sure it stopped completely...but every time I'm not with him, I feel extremely anxious and bad memories start bombarding me. II really love him, but even though he's with me now and didn't want to stay with her and leave me... (even though she threatened him with the "I'm pregnant" excuse)... it's been hard for me to get back my confidence. What do I do?"

It's true...

Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you (and for 5 months) absolutely rocks your world and shatters your self confidence in the process.

Even if he (or she) wants to come back to you (and you are willing), you can't stop thinking that your partner chose someone else and somewhere deep inside you, you wonder what's wrong with you that you weren't enough.

It's that doubt and lack of self confidence that can keep you from fully mending your relationship after infidelity.

And in saying this, it's certainly not excusing the person who cheated and blaming the one who was cheated on if the relationship eventually can not recover.

We're saying that if you want to regain trust that you need to do a few things to help you be successful.

If you have had something similar happen to you, here's what we recommend...

Continue reading "He cheated, You took him back but you're anxious..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What we know for sure is that disagreement is normal and natural within a relationship or marriage. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating and NOT what you want to do--but there it is and you have to deal with it.

HOW you deal with disagreement is a large part of what determines whether you stay in love over the years and there are certainly "right" ways and "wrong" ways of doing it.

A person who got our "No More Jealousy" program sent us a message about what she's learned and how she's turning her relationship around that goes far beyond the subject of stopping jealousy.

What she's learned and is practicing goes to the very heart of how to stop disagreements and fights before they even get started.

Her letter is so compelling (whether jealousy is a problem for you or not), we're including it here along with our summary of her ideas...

Continue reading "3 Tips for Stopping Fights Before They Start" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes and we just never know when it will catch us by surprise.

Here's a recent question from Chris and it's one that many people--male and female--have whether their in new relationships or ones that have been around for many years...

(In fact, you could substitute "her dad" for mom, ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, any relative, friend or co-worker.)

What it boils down to is that one person in the relationship doesn't feel as important to their loved one as someone else is.

Question from Chris::

"My girlfriend of a year asks me for advice but I have noticed that she would than ask her dad the same advice question as if my answer was not good enough or making sure that I am right. She does not think this or say this aloud but this is what I feel. I'm I wrong to feel this way?"

Our Answer:

Chris, let's get this straight--you feel what you feel and even if you aren't calling it jealousy, we're sure that this hasn't escaped your mind.

Here's the thing...

Your girlfriend could be feeling that your answer wasn't good enough but what also could be true is that you could be making up a story that she thinks you are a dolt in the advice department.

There are all kinds of reasons why your girlfriend asks her dad for advice after she asks you..

Continue reading "Jealousy: He's Jealous of Her Dad..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The holidays can be a lot of fun but if you're jealous or with a partner who is, it can be a season that you dread.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Note: If jealousy is a problem for you in your relationship, pick up a copy of our "No More Jealousy" program.

So how can you get through the holidays and even be jealousy free?

Here's the problem with jealousy and these holidays--and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues...

Christmas and New Year celebrations (whether you celebrate these holidays or others) usually include parties,
get togethers and being more "social" than you normally have been throughout the year.

There could also be expectations about gift-giving with your loved one that can get so tangled up when there's
jealousy.

If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, you're probably not feeling very loving toward one another. Putting up a good front and pretending everything is okay can really take its toll on you and on your relationship.

You may even be comparing yourself or your partner with other people and are feeling alone and sad that you're coming up short and maybe even a failure.

So what do we suggest?

We suggest that you put yourself and your partner on a no-jealousy diet.

A no-jealousy diet is an intention you create to be free of jealousy for a specific period of time.

It might be over the Christmas weekend or maybe it's on New Year's Eve that you take this no-jealousy pledge.

Here are 3 ways to help you do on this no-jealousy diet and actually enjoy it...

Continue reading "3 Ways to be Jealousy-Free During the Holidays" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Unwarranted jealousy is one of the most difficult things to deal with because even though you KNOW that your partner isn't doing anything wrong, you still get those awful, sick feelings inside and you end up making a fool of yourself--and your partner very angry and exasperated.

You try to "let go" of your suspicions, but they keep coming back over and over--and you don't seem to have any control over yourself.

If you relate, here's a question from a reader that you probably have also...

***QUESTION FROM A READER

"How do I 'let go' and ultimately just decide to trust and overcome feelings of jealousy when there is no reason to doubt or fear?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Okay--we know that "letting go" of your jealousy even if there's absolutely no reason for it can be one of the most difficult things you do.

You're jealous.

It's painful. It's embarrassing and keeping you from having the love and relationship you really want.

If you're like our reader, you're jealous and you KNOW that you need to trust--that there's really nothing preventing it--but something holds you back from trusting and you don't know how to take a step toward it.

So, what is it that keeps you from being able to trust?

Here's our take on it...

Continue reading "Unwarranted Jealousy: 3 Ways to Stop It Before It Ruins Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

“Have I gone crazy?”
“Am I just being paranoid?”
“Is this my jealousy confusing me?”

When you feel suspicious that your partner is lying to you and possibly having an affair, you might start to question yourself.

These doubts about your ability to trust your own sense of what is going on in your love relationship or marriage might not only come from you.

Perhaps you have asked your partner about his/her late-night phone calls from a mysterious person or long periods of time on Facebook, for example, and your question has been brushed aside with something like, “You're just making things up--It was nothing.”

You may have also had past experiences that planted beliefs in your mind that you can't fully trust your own self.

If you are tired of doubting yourself and of your incessant suspicions and jealousy about what your partner is doing, it's time to gain some clarity.

Use these 4 questions that follow to help you differentiate between jealousy and information that may (or may not) indicate that your partner is lying to you.

When you notice that you feel suspicious and you're not sure if you can trust what you are thinking and believing, ask yourself these questions first...

Continue reading "Jealous and Suspicious? 3 Ways to Deal With Your Fears" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've all heard the phrase "love is blind" but a new study says that so is the jealous person.

If you're jealous, you're well-familiar with this scenario...

You and your partner are enjoying a nice dinner out (even though you're watching the room for where the attractive people are) and it happens.

Instead of looking at you, your partner looks in the direction of an attractive man or woman--and you get thrown into a tail-spin. Even though the dinner might have been good up until that moment--your partner's looking or flirting is all you can think of.

Your fearful thoughts are all-consuming and you end up fighting and ruining a perfectly enjoyable evening.

If you've felt this way, you aren't alone.

In fact, some new jealousy research suggests that jealous women who are already suspicious are blinded by their intense emotions when their partner checks out other women.

Continue reading "Are You Blinded by Your Jealousy?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, a woman wrote to us and told us that she didn't want her boyfriend to see that she was getting information about jealousy so she didn't want any more of our jealousy tips.

While we certainly don't take it personally when a person decides they don't want to get our emails any longer...

In this case, we couldn't help sharing a few observations and mistakes she's making that may help and encourage you to keep moving in the direction of a jealousy-free life.

If jealousy is a problem for you in your relationship or marriage...

We HIGHLY recommend you attend this special online class we're doing next week...

This special one-time only class is called ....

"Discover The Jealousy Cure"

It will run about 70 minutes and you can listen by phone or in front of your computer from anywhere in the world.

This is for ANYONE who wants to take know the secrets to getting rid of jealousy forever.

Learn more or sign up here... "Discover the Jealousy Cure"

To give you a sneak peak at what we'll be covering in next week's class, here are 3 jealousy mistakes to avoid right now...

Continue reading "3 Jealousy Mistakes To Avoid If You Want To Be Jealous-Free" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When your partner's cheated on you, you go through so many emotions from anger and rage to sadness and grief to disbelief that this could be happening in your relationship.

After the dust settles, assuming that your partner is sorry and wants to come back to you--there's something else that arises that may not have been there before...

Jealousy

And not only jealousy of the "other man" or "other woman," but also anyone who you think your partner might be attracted to from the server at a restaurant to good-looking actors or actresses on television.

This jealousy can become all-consuming and tear your world apart as if it could get any worse after an affair has been discovered.

Rebuilding trust after an affair is difficult enough and when you add the stress jealousy puts on a relationship, it's nearly impossible for it to happen.

But it doesn't have to be that way...

Continue reading "Jealousy after Cheating--How to Handle It..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been all over the national news and the internet yesterday and in case you missed it...

Tiger Woods broke his silence about his infidelity that's been in the news for the last several months.

Although you may be tired of hearing about his affairs and cheating, what his wife Elin told him is certainly worth paying attention to.

According to Tiger during his message to the world, his wife Elin told him that his real apology will not come in words but in his behavior over time.

This is very, very good advice for anyone who is dealing with a similar situation--or for that matter any time we have wronged another person for any reason.

Elin is essentially saying to Tiger that it's going to take time to prove to her that he is trustable or not!

(And it certainly seems that she's still deciding whether to stay or go!)

An apology in words only that is not followed up by trustable actions over time is worthless.

WOW, what a great insight and excellent advice.

Elin's words are also good advice where trust has been violated in other ways.

Continue reading "Elin's Advice: The Apology is about Behavior not the Words." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Something we love to talk about when we teach strategies for stopping your jealousy when it comes up is the idea that...

"Your past doesn't equal your future."

OR

Said another way...

Your past doesn't have to equal your future (unless of course you want it to)...

This is what our whole "No More Jealousy" program is all about-- giving you the strategies, skills and ideas for making sure your jealousy is a thing of the past.

Unfortunately, for some people, the past and what happened does seem to act as if it's on automatic repeat and "bad" things just keep repeating over and over.

Not good.

If you were hurt in the past in your relationships, you can start now to create the relationship and life that you want in your future.

We've seen it in our own lives and in the lives of hundreds of people we've worked with.

This statement of ours that we like to say "the past does not equal the future" is not just a nice, affirming statement meant to lift your spirits.

It's a very concrete way your reality can be.

But what if your present is just a repeat of what happened in your past?

What do you do then?

How do you get out of repeating the same thing over and over (especially about something like jealousy that can drive you crazy)?

Here's a question that you may have if you're in a similar situation...

***QUESTION FROM A READER

"But what happens when you know for sure that the past IS equaling the future?"

Continue reading "One Strategy that really works to stop jealousy..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If you're like most people, you've probably gotten caught up in this relationship trap at least once in your life--especially if you're a woman...

You worry that you aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or desirable enough to hold a man and keep him interested over the long haul.

Well, if that idea hasn't been debunked many times before, Tiger Woods has blown this myth straight out of the water and here's why...

Otto was talking to his personal trainer yesterday while he was working out and of course the conversation got around to Tiger Woods and his alleged affairs.

Monica, his personal trainer, said that the big question her other clients had was why in the world Tiger would ever cheat because his wife Elin was so thin and beautiful.

Why would he go elsewhere when he had such beauty at home?

Good question isn't it?

A lot of people (especially women) fall into the trap of thinking that "If I were more attractive, a better lover, a better whatever that I'd never have anything to worry about when it comes to my man cheating on me."

WRONG.

It simply isn't the case with Tiger and his beautiful wife Elin.

He apparently went elsewhere because beauty alone wasn't enough to hold him to faithfulness in his marriage.

Now of course we don't know the inner workings of his relationship with Elin and we won't claim to know the real reasons (right or wrong) that drove Tiger to cheat.

What we do know is that being beautiful and thin doesn't insure faithfulness over the long haul.

We bring this up because so many women tell us they're jealous and worry about someone more beautiful or thin stealing their man away.

We know that keeping a relationship alive, juicy, connected, loving and monogamous through the years is so much more.

Recently, we got a copy of T.W. Jackson's book for people who've just gone through a break up and want to get back with their partner or spouse...

The book is called, "The Magic of Making Up" and we highly recommend it and we agreed with much of what he was saying and...

We're paraphrasing here...

He said that men crave admiration and when they feel they aren't getting it--perhaps like they used to--they try to find it elsewhere.

He also said that women want to feel appreciated and praised for who they are--and if they don't find it in their relationship, they may look for it in some other place.

Of course, these aren't the only reasons people cheat or emotionally "drop out" of their relationships, but they are important ones to pay attention to if you want to keep yours vital, alive and growing.

Much more important than beauty and the size of one's body!

When you really get down to it, when you "check out" of a relationship, in whatever way you choose to do it, you aren't getting your needs met.

You may not choose to cheat, as Tiger has, but there are other ways to check out of your relationship...

Continue reading "The "I'm not pretty enough" trap and Tiger Woods" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're jealous--or have jealousy issues and problems in your relationship ...it's embarrassing

AND....

You don't want anyone to know what's going on and that this is a problem for you.

It was that way for us when we had jealousy issues come up for us and we're sure it's the same way for you.

Whether it's because you've acted in ways that others can see or it's your thoughts alone--

You don't feel very good about yourself and wonder why you have this problem while others don't.

You ask yourself what's wrong with me that I feel jealous and act in ways that sabotage my relationship.

So here's a news flash for you about jealousy...

We all have ways of separating ourselves from others and messing up relationships--and jealousy is just one way.

So if you're jealous, stop beating yourself up.

You won't get very far in healing yourself and stopping jealousy if you keep making YOU wrong and punishing yourself.

Just make a small but powerful shift instead.

That shift is to see your jealousy as a way the broader, all-knowing you is trying to get your attention.

The shift can look like this...

Continue reading "Jealousy: Stop Beating Yourself Up About It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you've ever had a jealousy "meltdown" and accused your partner of something which may or may not be true, you know that it just caused even more problems than you had before.

Jealousy can ruin your relationship and wreck havoc with your life if you don't do something about it--and fast!

If you want help stopping jealousy, our "No More Jealousy" book and audio program will give you the tools to stop it BEFORE it rips your relationship to shreds and you find yourself looking for a new partner or in divorce court.

***QUESTION FROM A READER

"My biggest challenge in our relationship is my low self-esteem which I feel promotes my jealousy. I am even jealous over people on the television. How can I feel better about myself and not look at others as so much better?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

There are a lot of things that fuel jealousy...

And one BIG thing that fuels it is the feeling that you aren't as good as someone else in some way (or maybe many ways.)

You might feel good about yourself in some areas of your life but when it comes to having a great personality, body or anything else--you think (or rather you KNOW) that you don't measure up.

You think this other person is always more beautiful, has a better body, is more fun than you and you are scared that your partner will find that other person more attractive than you and will leave you.

Your partner may be looking too long at the other person, talking about someone else a little too much, or may even have commented once (or more than once) about another person's qualities.

That certainly adds to your belief that you aren't good enough.

Chances are your low self-esteem didn't just appear in this relationship.

Bits and pieces of it probably started long before--but that doesn't mean you can't do something
about it!

It might be that you were teased as a child by a parent or siblings.

It might be that previous partners cheated on you and you got the idea that because he or she cheated, YOU weren't good enough.

What we know about low self-esteem is that it is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Once you see the "evidence" that you aren't as good as others, you draw those kinds of situations to you and people who will treat you as if you aren't as good--over and over again.

Janet's father told her that she wasn't as pretty as her sister (or at least that's the main message she heard from him).

Continue reading "Jealousy Meltdowns--3 Ways to Cure Them" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you're like us...

You wish no one ever lied.

You wish everyone was honest and forthcoming.

You wish there could be enough trust and communication to be able to tell the people you love anything and have them do the same without judgment...

But, the truth is sometimes people lie to us and hurt us.

Sometimes even the people closest to us lie to us (including our partner, spouse or lover)

Sometimes these lies are small, innocent lies and other times these lies are about much bigger things like cheating, an affair or infidelity.

We ALL want to trust others and it's painful when you feel you can't.

As you think about it...

Wouldn't life be much easier if you could tell instantly and with certainty if someone
(especially your intimate partner or spouse) is telling you the truth or not?

Just think about it...

Whether you're dealing with a partner who is constantly late from work and doesn't give you much of an explanation, your teenager who gives you a one-word answer about who he or she was with, or your co-worker who says the project will be finished tomorrow...

It would be great if there was a magic doorway they had to pass through and lights started flashing if they were lying to you.

Well we don't know of any magic doorway with flashing lights but we have done some research and can offer you some very practical ways to tell if someone is lying to you, especially if you suspect your partner may be cheating.

This is why we're doing a brand new web audio cast and teleseminar next week that you can listen in to (no matter where you live)...

The online class we're doing is called...

"How to Spot a Liar"

...and you can read more about it or sign up if you're afraid someone close to you is lying to you.

So why do people lie to us--especially those we love or claim to love us?

Continue reading "Think He or She is LYING? (One Thing You MUST Do)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do you do when your partner isn't making it easy for you to stop being jealous?

What do you do next to stop the jealousy and put this behind you forever?

Let's look at your best case scenario...

A "best case" scenario for healing jealousy is when you and your partner work together to make the changes in your relationship that help each of you feel loved and supported--but what happens when you don't get that support?

What happens when you want to stop feeling your intense, sometimes out-of-control jealous feelings but your partner tells you it's your problem--not his or her's?

What happens when you want to get over jealousy and your partner keeps doing what he or she has been doing that brings up jealousy and refuses to stop doing it?

Your partner may even be saying or doing things that undermine your self-confidence, self-esteem, love and connection and..

How does that make you feel that your partner--the one that you love-- isn't supporting you in ways that would help both of you and the relationship?

Frustrating and upsetting probably wouldn't even begin to describe how you feel inside about this situation.

Recently, a woman wrote to us telling us that her partner wasn't making it easy for her to stop being jealous--and she wanted some advice.

If you are in this kind of situation right now, you certainly know how this woman feels.

We're guessing that you feel very alone, frustrated and don't know where to turn.

You've probably tried to talk with your partner about it but it doesn't seem to do any good; in fact, he or she just gets angry and moves further from you.

As you can guess, there is no easy answer.

It would be nice if your partner made it "easy" for you to trust and not be jealous...but that's just not what's happening.

What's happening is that you are left to deal with this by yourself.

But strange as it sounds, that doesn't have to stop you from healing jealousy--and here's how...

Continue reading "How to Stop Jealousy: When your partner isn't helping you" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Most of us, you probably included, have been in relationships where when we look back, there were glaring red flags that we chose to ignore at the time.

The reverse is also a common experience...

Where we've made a "big deal" out of something that turned out not to be such a big deal.

So the question is...

Is this a red flag to pay attention to in your relationship or is it something benign that you should just ignore?

Here's one woman's description of her situation that seems similar to what many people are faced with--and our answer...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Back in late December of last year I met this wonderful man, we began dating, all went well and he proposed marriage to me for next year.

"However, there is a co-worker that recently sent him a txt message to his personal phone saying "nite-nite".

"At the beginning of our relationship one of his friends told me she was happy I was in his life because the person he was dating previous to me was not being too nice to him.

"His friend also told me his previous girlfriend was this woman from work that sent him the txt.

"How should I deal with this? I trust him but something is nudging me behind my head. I told him he should tell her not to txt him. And to keep it professional.

"Also, when you trust, does that mean I can't check his phone? Does trust mean surrender? Because if it is then this will be a challenge."

Continue reading "The Marriage or Relationship "Red Flags" to Pay Attention to..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Imagine just for a moment...

You're in a relationship and you're jealous...

Here's what you don't want...

You don't want sharp, cutting, uncaring, negative words from the people close to you that tear you down...

What you do want is this...

You want help in overcoming your jealousy...

You want kind words, encouragement and most of all solutions for stopping it now.

Sadly enough, most people who are jealous don't get "kind words" and encouragement from their partners and the other important people in their lives.

The fact is-- very often in many relationships, when jealousy and trust issues are present, there are things the partner of a jealous person does and says (often without even knowing it) that are killing their relationship.

If there's one phrase we hear over and over from our Relationship Breakthrough Coaching clients and newsletter subscribers that people say to their jealous partners that is simply NOT helpful...

It's being told these 4 simple words...

"Just get over it!"

This is a common comment from someone who's with a jealous partner--and they don't want to deal with the situation (or their partner's fears and complaints) anymore.

If you hear this phrase and you're jealous, you probably shut down and you feel like you are completely on your own in solving this issue--and you feel that the "fault" is yours and yours alone.

We spoke with a woman yesterday who said that her husband told her to, "Just get over it"--referring to her jealousy that came up when she thought he was a little too "touchy-feely" with other women when they went out to bars.

She was confused and she felt very alone.

Her question to us was one that we've heard time and time again...

"How do you know the difference between jealousy triggered from the past (and it's only YOUR problem) and inappropriate actions that your partner's doing that needs to stop?"

We'll talk about this difference in just a moment but first, we want to make a few comments about this phrase--"Just get over it!"

Continue reading "Jealousy: 4 Words NOT to Say to a Jealous Person" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When it comes to jealousy...

This is the worst thing that could possibly happen!

When stress, run-away thoughts of jealousy and feelings that your world is crumbling around you merge-- the worst can happen...

And for one couple this week, jealousy did cause the worst to happen and it played itself out on the national and network news outlets.

So what is it we're talking about here that was such a big tragedy?

We're talking about the death of retired NFL star quarterback Steve McNair.

According to an Associated Press report and the police, McNair was shot and killed by "a 20 year-old girlfriend distraught about mounting financial problems AND her belief that he was seeing someone else."

Although this is an extreme case of jealousy in action, we bring this up because there are some lessons to be learned from it.

Even though your jealousy and mistrust issues will hopefully not result in this type of tragedy, it could be time for you to do something about your situation--no matter how weak your symptoms appear to be.

If the woman who allegedly killed McNair had gotten help for her anger and jealous-- and learned how to deal with her financial problems, both of them would perhaps still be alive.

What pain this woman must have been in to do this extreme act and what pain McNair's and this woman's family must be in now!

All of it didn't have to happen.

Jealousy and this woman's other problems were so big in her mind that (according to police reports) they caused her to take the life of Mr. McNair and then herself.

This is tragic and here's what we'll say to you if jealousy or lack of trust is an issue for you in your life...

No matter how severe your jealousy is, here are some ways you can begin to tackle it...

Here's what we'll suggest...

Continue reading "Overcome Jealousy: What the McNair Tragedy can Teach Us" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week, we took a much needed day off and the two of us--along with Otto's son --took a "road trip" to Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see the Bruce Springsteen exhibit.

With all the music being played and exhibits that had music in them, we certainly came home with our share of "ear worms" ...

If you're not familiar with what an ear worm is...

It's a song that gets in your head and plays over and over--and over.

You usually can't get rid of it until you exorcise it by listening to another song or in some cases actually listening to a recording of the song that's been driving you crazy--or you get focuses on something else.

For us, Bruce Springsteen songs often become ear worms.

While there's nothing wrong with them, it can get annoying to have the same song playing over and over in your mind until you do something about it to change your focus.

An ear worm doesn't have to be a song.

It can be something that someone says to you--usually it's something critical that you've taken in and repeated over and over to yourself until you believe it.

For example, someone might make an off-handed remark about your hair and it stays with you all that day and can even run your life for years!

You might be wondering right now what a "jealousy ear worm" is...

Continue reading "Stop Jealousy by Getting Rid of Your "Jealousy Ear Worm"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When you're in the middle of intense feelings of jealousy, it can seem like it will be that way forever.

But it doesn't have to be that way...

You can do something to change your life and one of best ways to help yourself is to start learning new skills. If you're ready, check out our "No More Jealousy" course.

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Can I have some reassurance that it [jealousy] will go away from my life? I guess it's all about learning to love yourself and building your self esteem, isn't it? Will that help eliminate the problem?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

The first thing we'll say about jealousy is that NO ONE is born jealous.

This is good news because what this means is...

While we can't say with certainty that jealousy will stop in your particular situation, we can say that the odds are in your favor if you are willing to make your healing your focus and your practice.

You're exactly right that it start with learning to love yourself and building self-esteem.

Because here's the thing...

When you're jealous, you see someone or something else getting what you want--or you fear that it will happen
sometime in the future.

Even when there's no truth to your suspicions--and you know it--somewhere inside you, you are fearful that you won't get your needs met.

What does this have to do with self-esteem and not loving yourself?

Let's get this straight...

We all--whether we have jealousy issues or not--experience times in our lives when we don't love and don't feel very good about ourselves.

So self-esteem issues and not loving yourself are really part of being human--and some of us are better at loving ourselves than others.

Some of us have had better life experiences than others.

Some of us have had partners (and others) lie to us, cheat on us and have affairs and these kinds of things can certainly make trusting difficult.

Some of us have been exposed to beliefs that foster and strengthen self-esteem as opposed to those beliefs that tear it down.

And all of this can change in the present moment.

It's an absolute fact that no matter how hard you try--your past will never change.

Your past is just as over as the revolutionary war and...

Maybe, your past experiences won't change but what can change are your beliefs--your beliefs about yourself and what's possible.

Let's get practical now...

If you are afraid of being jealous forever, here are some ways to begin changing your beliefs so that you can see a glimmer of truth that you can stop being jealous.

Continue reading "Afraid of being jealous forever? What to do about it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's not even summer yet and the temperatures are heating up where we live in Ohio and this is bad if you've got jealousy issues in your relationship.

We've noticed that very often it's not just the temperature that heats up this time of year.

It's jealousy and issues around trust that seem to heat up too.

If you're in a relationship where jealousy and trust are problems, this probably doesn't come as any shock to you.

You're probably feeling the effects of it already.

Here are a few reasons we've observed...

Continue reading "Summertime Jealousy and Trust Issues Heat Up" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're jealous or you're with a jealous partner, we don't have to tell you how painful it is when jealous explosions hit your relationship. If you're tired of jealousy ruling your life, check out our "No More Jealousy" program.

Right now, we're going to speak to the person who's with a jealous partner....

But if you're someone who's jealous, you'll also want to keep reading because we're pretty sure that you'll get
some valuable insights that may help you heal jealousy as well.

As we've worked with people who have jealousy issues in our Relationship Breakthrough coaching practice, we've seen quite a few "mistakes" that people with jealous partners make that actually make the situation worse and not better.

If you're the partner of someone who's jealous--we certainly don't want to start blaming you exclusively for this painful situation because ultimately...

...it IS the jealous person who has to be willing to get help and be committed to doing what it takes to make shifts and changes that will stop it.

We also recognize that if you're with someone who has deeply-rooted jealousy issues from the past carried over to your relationship, it may be that no amount of assurances on your part will be enough.

But no matter what your situation is--we think it's going to be incredibly valuable to you to look at a few "mistakes"
people with jealous partners make and a few suggestions to change them.

Continue reading "Jealousy: 3 Mistakes you could be making if you're with a jealous partner" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're a woman who thinks he's looking at and paying too much attention to "other" women OR...If you're a man who feels you're being constantly accused of paying too much attention to other women, then you might want to check this out... Wandering Eyes

In relationships, when should you "trust" your gut instincts?

When you know you have jealousy and trust issues, when do you believe what your "gut" tells you and when do you not pay attention to it?

For that matter, HOW do you turn off those feelings?

What we're talking about here are those nagging feelings that won't go away--the feeling that something bad is about to happen (or already has happened)--and you're constantly on the look out for evidence to prove it!

Here's a question from a guy who is struggling with this issue and our take on it...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Well I feel like I am always trying to prove my gut instincts right. It makes me feel unloved when I get this way. Yet I have never had any reason to prove my partner is doing anything wrong."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

This is a problem we've heard over and over, especially when there are jealousy and trust issues.

Before we get into some practical tips, we want to help you get really clear where your "gut instincts" are coming
from--because they may or may not be reliable information to pay attention to.

Continue reading "Should You Trust Your "Gut Instincts" when there's Jealousy?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...

It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.

There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.

But, before we give you that example...

We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."

You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.

We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.

And here's some good news...

These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words

So, what about the example we promised you?

Continue reading "Magic Relationship Words That Work" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

If jealousy or lack of trust is an issue in your relationship and life-- maybe it's not your fault...

Or is it?

Several people have asked us recently about the question of who's fault is jealousy?

They want to know...

Who's to blame?

AND

How can you stop it before it's too late?

As we've been helping people deal with their jealousy, if there's one really big hot button, it's this...

A feeling that they are being blamed (and solely at fault) for their jealousy.

If you are feeling blamed and completely at fault for your jealousy, here's something to consider...

Jealousy may not be you fault.

You heard us correctly--

Jealousy may not be your fault and here's why...

Even though we talk a lot about taking responsibility for jealousy in your life and the importance of taking action to heal it, there are reasons that may be beyond your control that contribute to it.

Here are a few of those reasons jealousy may not be your fault...

Continue reading "Jealousy: Is it your fault?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On Monday we're going to start taking registrations for a new teleseminar and webcast we're going to be offering where we'll give you our best solutions for--

"What to do if your partner is looking at and paying too much attention to people of the opposite s.e.x. "

Because we've working on the content for this new teleseminar and webcast...

It also couldn't help but make us wonder...

What if you're in a relationship or marriage and you're being wrongly accused?

What if your partner doesn't trust you and is jealous--but you haven't done anything to deserve mistrust?

When it comes to this kind of mistrust, here's what we can tell you...

If your partner is continually accusing you of being unfaithful and you're not having an affair or breaking any
commitment to him or her, you are probably very frustrated and upset.

Whether it's something small or something much bigger--this hurts.

You may love your partner, but you just want him or her to believe you and stop being so suspicious.

Here are some ideas from our book and audio program "Relationship Trust Turnaround" that you may find
helpful in understanding and breaking this destructive cycle...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: What if you're wrongly accused?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you've turned on the television in the past few weeks, we're sure that you've heard about the relationship trials of the young pop starts Rihanna And Chris Brown. They were most recently in the news for their physical fight that left Rihanna with a battered face and head and Chris with a police report.

Although facts are sketchy about their situation, jealousy is an issue that very likely sparked this latest violence.

Today, Rihanna And Chris Brown are supposedly back together and are "working through their issues."

So what advice would we give these two young stars if we were sitting in a room with them right now?

Continue reading "Rihanna And Chris Brown--What Happens When Jealousy and Violence Mix" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you want to rebuild trust in your relationship or marriage, even after an affair...

We want to let you know that our new program that we've been working on for the past several months.... "Relationship Trust Turnaround" is NOW available

For free samples from the book, visit http://www.RelationshipTrust.com.

We are confident in saying that our new program is the most complete program available anywhere on how to rebuild trust in a relationship or marriage.

Here's what we cover in our new program...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Rebuilding Trust, even after infidelity..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dating is often compared to a game insinuating a sense of competition among people for the “best” man or woman. As you “play the field” looking for a choice match, it's easy to see how insecurity and fear can flourish, especially in the early days of a relationship. Both of you may just want to have fun and get to know people while keeping yourselves open for love. But jealousy-- which can spring from insecurity-- can ruin even the most enjoyable experiences and stand in the way of allowing the relationship you are wanting develop.

Television has entertained viewers with not only the literal “Dating Game” where contestants answered questions and won a date if chosen by the featured bachelor or bachelorette, but scores of similarly focused reality shows as well. The allure in “winning” the attractive man or woman is hard to miss in these shows. It's also hard to miss the fierce and often cruel ways that contestants knock one another out of the running for the “prize”-- a date or relationship.

We certainly don't feel that dating or a love relationship is a game in which people and their affections are won or lost-- often in manipulative ways. However, it seems that the competitive “game” approach to dating persists in the real world outside television sound stages. The perception that the person you are dating could easily turn his or her attentions elsewhere leaving you alone, jealous and rejected is a painful and common one.

Given these subtle yet pervasive tendencies when it comes to dating, it is no surprise that jealousy is also a common occurrence. Jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and fears which usually go back to the jealous person's past experiences and beliefs. To allow the good feelings and sense of a “match” you may feel to grow and develop, it is essential that you stop jealousy before it stops your relationship in the making.

Here are some suggestions to help you stop jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Dating: Relationship Advice for Keeping Jealousy out of your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our recent survey, lying was a big topic that we thought we'd address a specific question...

Here's one--
“My husband lied to me so much in the past that I don’t know what to believe anymore. Even if he says something nice or says he loves me, I have trouble believing him. How will I know when he is being honest with me again?”

Here's our take on lying and our answer to this specific question...

Continue reading "Lies and Lying: How to See Through the Lies" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Pinocchio whose extending nose gave away his lies or the “lying eyes” of the lover in a popular Eagle's song, it seems we are often on the lookout for signs of betrayal from those we love. In fables and songs, lies are just part of a story; but nobody wants that kind of story in a love relationship. If your partner lied to you in the past, you might find yourself suspicious and wondering when he or she will betray you again. No matter the size the of the lie, when someone is dishonest with you, trust is weakened and you two move further apart. When you choose to stay in your relationship, in order to rebuild trust it is important to put the lies behind you and look to your present and future together.

This is not always as easy as it sounds! It could be your partner lied and had an affair. Or maybe he or she did not have an affair but was dishonest about enough little things that added up to a big-feeling betrayal. Chances are, whether you discovered your partner's lies or they were confessed to you probably experienced hurt, doubt and mistrust. After the possible upheaval, it is now time to heal, let go of the past and learn to rebuild trust, especially after an affair.

Here are 4 ways to learn how to trust again...

Continue reading "Lies and Mistrust:--4 Ways to Trust Again" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's this...

If you have low self esteem and you are with someone who doesn't talk about his or her feelings, it's a recipe for mistrust, jealousy, disconnection and heartache.

Here' what one woman asked us...

"My partner isn't the type to give compliments and show his feelings therefore I've never known how he truly feels about me. It's made me insecure, jealous and mistrusting in the relationship. How can I change my feelings of mistrust in the way he feels about me?"

Here's our answer to her...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: "My husband doesn't tell me how he feels!"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You just don’t want to get burned again. That may be how you feel if your partner had an affair and you’ve decided to stay together. You two have probably identified some of the reasons why the affair happened in the first place and are taking steps to re-build your relationship as you reunite. Unfortunately, you may encounter jealous feelings as worries that he or she will cheat again seep into your mind.

Jealousy and the mistrust that comes with it can undermine your efforts to re-connect and enjoy love once more with your partner. It is understandable that you might feel confused about which thoughts and internal concerns to pay attention to. Those voices in your head that link back to the betrayal and hurt may be rooted in the past but they’re probably still there. There are also those inner voices that are encouraging you to trust again and give your partner and your relationship another chance. The difficulty is, you can’t be 100% sure what is true at any moment and that makes jealousy even harder to avoid.

Here's how Kara and Pete dealt with Kara's affair and some tips to deal with jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy Tips after an Affair" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's our new video on overcoming jealousy--

Whether you are the jealous one or you are with a jealous partner, start getting our free jealousy course now!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you haven't seen the film "Sex and the City," do it right now! We know that it didn't get great reviews and that it's a "Chick Flick" but if you want a good look at relationships, watch it.

We don't want to spoil the story for you but one of the topics is infidelity and whether to forgive or not after it happens.

We certainly understand that it's not too easy to forgive after infidelity and we would say that there are some things to consider if this has happened to you...

Continue reading "Infidelity and Forgiveness: 5 ways to get back on track" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we've had quite a few comments on this topic, we thought we'd go a little deeper in talking about insecurity and jealousy. Here's a woman's question that might be similar to what you are feeling....

"I'm in a relationship where my insecurities are causing fights, at least once a week. I'm insecure because of past relationships which I recognize. I am also insecure because he is not as affectionate or romantic as my previous boyfriends have been. I just dont know how to stop being so insecure and to stop expecting the romance to be there. But I do know if I dont stop, I will ruin this relationship. Where do I start?"

Okay, this woman brings up two very important reasons that many people feel insecure and jealous in relationships--
1. Experiences from past relationships
2. Current partner isn't exactly what she wants--She wants him to be different.

So we'll talk about each of these and what you can do to feel more secure and get rid of jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Insecure Behavior--More Thoughts..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from a visitor that is a common one when you're dealing with jealousy issues...

"How do you get over being insecure? I've been told I'm a little insecure and jealous in our relationship but I have my reasons of feeling that way. How do you become easy going and carefree, not worrying about the future or next step in the relationship? We've been together for almost 2 years now and have had a rough road but we've had some really good times as well. Is it worth staying in this relationship?"

We're sure that this person has her reasons for feeling insecure and jealous in her relationship--most people do who battle the green-eyed monster. Here are a few ideas for you to consider if you can identify with her question...

Continue reading "Jealous and Insecure Behavoir: 4 Ways to Stop It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)

If you tend to be a jealous person, probably the last thing you want to hear is “all you need is love!” Many of us have been there. It feels just rotten when you’re in the midst of jealous emotions. It might be that you are sure the way your partner is talking to another person means that he or she will betray you. Or it could be you feel eaten up inside because you just can’t seem to “compete” with a friend, co-worker, family member or another who is so much more _________ than you are. (You can fill in the blank.)

We encourage you to give your jealous habit the “love cure.” When it comes to jealousy, there are almost always feelings of fear and lack underneath. Perhaps you are fearful that you will be abandoned or betrayed and so you see the potential for just that everywhere you look, especially in the actions and words of your partner. Instead, or additionally, you might feel lack-- like you are and never will be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. You project those lack feelings outward and see just about everyone as far better than you. At these moments jealousy rears its head causing you even more pain and upsetting your relationships as well.

Continue reading "Jealousy: One "Cure" You Must Know" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A woman who bought our newly released "Stop Talking on Eggshells" package wrote to us and asked a question that we're sure many women (and men) are dealing with-

She said that her husband was good looking, funny and women especially liked him. She thought that they were flirting with him but has noticed that he is actually flirting with them by winking at them! His actions hurt her and she feels like he would rather be with them instead of her. She wanted to know whether she should ignore it or not.

Here's what we told her...

Continue reading "Flirting: What to do about a husband who flirts" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question about jealousy that we are certain that many people face in one form or another...

"I'm the jealous one, and my partner of 3 years is trying to help, but has lost patience with me. I continue to be bothered & hurt by his subscription to Playboy. He thinks I'm overly sensitive and taking it too personally. Do you have any thoughts on how I can overcome that side of my jealousy?"

Whether it's a subscription to Playboy, looking at photos on the internet, or glancing at a beautiful person on television or in the grocery store --the person dealing with their jealousy issues feels as this woman feels--hurt, bothered, angry, upset and a myriad of other feelings wrapped into one bundle.

So here's our advice to this woman and it can be helpful to you if you are in a similar situation...

Continue reading "Overcoming Jealousy and Playboy Magazine" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.

In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.

In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.

"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.

So the question is this...

Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about Fantasies and Crushes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common denominators that many people who have jealousy as an issue have is that they experienced a betrayal in the past and they are transfering those feelings to their current partner who is really innocent.

Here's what one woman recently wrote to us...

"I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now, and he is the most perfect guy you could ever meet. He does everything for me. But all of a sudden, I have started getting really paranoid about whether he could be cheating on me or not. In my last relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me after 2 years and i did find it realy hard to let go. I know he would never cheat on me, and there are no signs that he could be, but i can not get these evil thoughts out of my head!!! I have told my boyfriend and he has tried to reassure me, but I still get them and I fear that I am starting to really upset him! Please help me, as I feel I'm starting to ruin my relationship."

This woman knows that she has to start doing something different and here's what we suggest...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Letting Go of the Past" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sometimes we feel that people outside of our relationships are tearing them apart. We get angry with the other person and try to "fix" it but the situation just seems to get worse.

Here's a letter from one of our readers who is in this kind of situation...

"What do you think of a brother who does everything his sister tells him to do? We have been togegher for 16 years, we live together,we have two cute kids togther, we have our hopes and dreams. But his sister doesn't like me because I have put her in her place, telling her to keep her nose out of our issues. She acts like a captain--"You do what I say and that's final." I have told her to worry about her family issues and to leave mine alone, that I am capable of taking of my own family and I don't need her negative statements. Ever since then, she has try her best to set her brother against me in any way she could find. It started to irritate me at a level that I try to control but I swear that I am so close to exploding. What do I do?"

Here's our reply to

Continue reading "Jealousy: Coping with Outside Influences" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from one of our web site visitors that certainly may hit home for more than one person--

"I have been married for 3yrs and my husband makes jokes about having sex with other girls. How do I make this not bother me?"

The answer to your question about how to not let your husband's comments bother you is to simply deaden yourself and not care about yourself or the relationship anymore.

We think that you may be asking us the wrong question. In our opinion, the right question to be asking yourself might be "Do his comments bother me?"

Continue reading "Jealousy and Joking about Infidelity" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a good question from one of our web site visitors that we're sure is a problem that many face who struggle with the challenge of jealousy.

Here's what our visitor wrote...

"My firlfriend and I are on a chat site. She is constantly being flirted with. While I have learnd to control my jealousy, I still don't like it. So now I guess the question is, "How do I learn to like something like that?"

Here's what we told him...

Continue reading "Chat Site Flirting--What to do when it creates Jealousy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The recent conduct of Lisa Marie Nowak, a NASA astronaut,has been splashed over the internet, print, television, radio--and just about any other means of communication for a couple of reasons--

1. It's pretty unusual for a NASA astronaut to be caught up in potential charges that Lisa might be facing
2. The story and her conduct in itself are very bizarre

Because we have written a very successful course on eliminating jealousy,a free mini-course that many people find of value, as well as helping many coaching clients with jealousy problems, we have a lot of interaction with people who are jealous.

Although we do not claim that the majority of people go as far as Lisa Nowak did, driven by their jealous behavior, we do say that jealousy can take over one's mind and body to the extent that the person feels like they are not in control of themselves and they end up doing and saying things that they deeply regret later.

If jealousy is a problem in your life, here are some suggestions...

Continue reading "Is the Jealousy of Lisa Nowak, a NASA Astronaut, Unusual?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the challenges in a long-term marriage or relationship is that the two people change through the years and these changes usually cause conflicts and disagreements.

Here's a question from a woman who is facing this kind of challenge in her long-term relationship and our advice to her...

"I have been battling with my husband of 25 years lately about the changes he has made in our marriage. He recently started playing poker with his buddies (which is fine). He stays at this guys house until 2:00 - 3:00 AM in the morning playing poker. I have come to deal with that since he doesn't do it often and not more than once a week.

"After that he started going religiously every Friday afternoon to sit and have a few beers with this same guy. He is never too busy to do this.

"I do not like this person. I feel he is a bad influence on my husband and I have asked him to curtail the amount of time he spends with him. Instead now - we are being invited every weekend to go hang out with him and his wife. I am okay with everyone now and then, but not every weekend.

"He thinks I am being ridiculous. When I ask him to do things around the house - he is too busy. I have compromised and told him that I will hang out with this guy once a month, but not every weekend. He tells me he will do what he wants and if I have a problem with it, I can pack my bags and leave.

"Remember - this isn't how my husband has ever acted in the past. He respected my feelings and at least tried to understand how I felt. Now, I just get this cold shoulder and he says he will do what he wants with no regard to my feelings or respect for how I feel.

"This guy goes to bars late at night without his wife and thinks that is okay. He drinks too much and is an alcoholic. He is dragging my husband right along with him and I do not like it.

"What do I do? We continually fight about this over and over and it just seems that my husband just hangs out with him more and more. What is it about this guy that he is willing to jeopardize his 25 year marriage over?"

Here's our advice...

--

Continue reading "Marriage: How to Cope with Changes throughout the Years" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from one of our website visitors that centers around a problem that tends to create a lot of jealousy in relationships...

"My lover is supporting his ex girlfriend and her 3 children from her marriage to another man. Although, she has another lover currently, my boyfriend feels that she needs financial help with the kids as her current lover can't afford to do that. I'm feeling insecure. I worry that one day his ex lover may take take my lover's help as an indication that he still holds a special place for her in his heart and may try to come back to him. My boyfriend told me that he's over with his ex gal but he's just helping out. Please help me overcome this feeling of jealousy. I feel that he still loves her."

Here's our advice...

Continue reading "Jealousy over an Ex--Can it be overcome?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question we received a couple of days ago and we thought that our answer might be of general interest to many couples in similar situations. Here's this woman's question...

"My boyfriend and I have a jealousy problem. We are both older and in previous relationships have been cheated on and left heart broken. I enjoy his company but we both do not want to get married and have seperate living quaters. We have been spending less time together and need suggestions on how to work thru theese feelings so we can grow stronger together. Please help!"

The truth is that until you both learn to heal your beliefs about yourself and your partner you will both just keep attracting the same kind of situation to you until you do. You seem open to making some changes so let's get started...

Continue reading "Both of Us are Jealous--Now What?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the most frustrating relationship problems happens when your partner becomes jealous--especially when you've done nothing in your mind to deserve the jealousy. You may try reassuring your partner over and over but they never seem to trust you. You may even eventually withdraw from doing things that you love for fear that your partner will get the wrong idea or feel insecure.

As Relationship Coaches, we hear from people who are in this situation how they are frustrated, unhappy and just want their relationship to be "normal" or "the way it used to be." In fact, we're giving a two-part teleseminar series to give some practical suggestions if you're in this type of situation.

Whether you sign up for the teleseminar or not, there's one thing that will help your situation...

Continue reading "Jealousy: How to Deal with a Partner's Jealousy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question that we recently received about jealousy and trust...

"I have been seeing someone for a while now, and we both have fallen very fast and very deeply in love with each other. As much as I do trust her, when we were out at the weekend she was rather drunk and ended up talking to a guy outside who kissed her. I thought nothing of this as she did not want or contribute to the kiss though after walking home a bit she told me she had kissed him back for a few seconds and being as drunk as she was, began telling me she was so sorry and she is just a whore.

This I knew was just the drink talking but she went on to say if I had not come out or if I was not there that night she thinks she may have went all the way and slept with him if the chance came up. I know that before we met she had had a rough time and quite simply herself respect was rather low. Trouble is after her saying she does not really trust herself, where does that leave me in trusting her. I have spoken to her and told her she needs to control her drink and she has said she will and that she does know she would not cheat on me.

The problem is still there though, as if she goes out a night with her friends and I'm not there, what happens if the same thing happens and I'm not there? Though the thing I am most worried about is becoming possessive towards her as every time she goes out side to have a cigarette at the pub, how do I know she isn't fooling around?"

Possessiveness or jealousy is certainly not the route to take and this person who asked this question is certainly wise to not want to go down it. With that being said, what does he do in this situation?

Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: How do you know when to trust?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the most-asked questions that we received during our recent survey of our newsletter list when we asked the question-"What's the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your
relationship and your life?"-was around the issue of trust.

People wanted to know how to simply relax, enjoy and trust their partner without being threatened and insecure.

One person said it this way...

"How is it possible to believe in and trust your mate when there is so much betrayal, lying and cheating in society?
Even when your mate hasn't done anything to arouse suspicions...most magazines, talk shows and other people
have such awful stories that it makes people such as myself wonder if being part of a couple is even a good idea."

Here are our thoughts on this subject...

Continue reading "Creating Trust in Today's World" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As relationship coaches who have written a lot about jealousy, we've discovered many people who deal with jealousy are actually dealing with the past and not what's going on in the present. Here's a note from a person who is trying to cope with this issue...

"I am 22 and currently in my second real relationship. The first was a disaster from day one. I allowed myself to be manipulated and because I am gullable, she used it to her advantage. She cheated on me several times, which I later discovered a week or two after breaking up with her. Now I am with this girl who makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, she really is perfect, however I am plagued with mistrust and severe jealousy. I often accuse her of being unfaithful and I have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go. I have never been so crazy about a girl before in my life, but my trust issues appear to be ruining what we have. I talk to her about this, and she says she understands, but she is 17 and I am soon to turn 23 and so I feel she doesn't have the life experience that I do. Please offer any advice you can."

Continue reading "Jealousy and Learning to Trust Again" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest questions we get around the topic of jealousy concerns office flirtations--or flirtations with people other than their partner. Many people are caught in the "flirtation trap" and they or their partner can't figure out how to get out of it or have no desire to get out of it.

The "flirtation trap" goes like this...

Whether it's with a willing office co-worker, a person in a chat room, or through a dating service--the "flirtation trap" starts innocently enough with an email message, lunch or a cup of coffee. What starts innocently can and often does turn into an obsession with the other person and neglect of a partner. The two people caught in the "flitation trap" can move into physical intimacy or not.

Whether the flirtation moves into physical intimacy or not, the people who are caught in the trap can cause many problems for themselves and for others in their lives, largely because they aren't willing to look at really what's happening and the underlying causes.

Continue reading "Jealousy and Office Flirtations" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just received a pretty common question about jealousy and we thought we'd give our suggestions in the hopes that any one in this situation can be benefited by them.

Here's what our reader asked...

"HE is driving me crazy!! He goes threw my mail, goes threw the scroll down on the computer to see the sites I have went to. there was a storie on cosmo about this guy who was cheeting on his wife I read it he found out and got mad!! I run a daycare and LITERALLY every dad, grandpa, uncle, and yes, even moms he accuses me of doing stuff, I not only have 2 kids of my own but the daycare kids too, what do he think I am just going to do something in front of them? I have never cheated but at this point I feel as though I am being treated worse than if I did. our daughter is 3 and he is like a step dad and has been there all her life I am afraid if I leave him she will never get to see him and if she does he will tell her dad to start problems and our son is 2 and I know he will drag me threw courtrooms and they have $ i dont nor do I have much support. PLEASE SOMEONE WRITE ANYTHING YOU THINK WILL HELP, he even has his mom and dad who live a block away look down at our house to be sure nobody is here"
The first thing I would tell you is to slow down and breathe! You have been caught up in his frenzy and you have to calm your mind so that you take action from a very grounded place.

It sounds like you are making up a lot of "stories" about what may or may not happen if you leave this man. So bring yourself into this present moment and address what's happening right now.

There are some questions that you need to ask:
1. Does he admit that he has a problem and if so, is he willing to get help to overcome it?
2. Is this environment healthy for either you or your children to live in if things don't change?
3. What are your fears about leaving your situation? Talk with a friend, therapist or coach about how to help yourself move on if you determine that you don't want to live like this any longer and he won't get help.

Our best advice is to start sorting out your options and determine if you want to continue living the way you are living. Take a stand for how you want your life and your children's lives to be!

We have a free email mini-course on overcoming jealousy that anyone is welcome to sign up for.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, we don't have to tell you how painful it is.

Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments.

Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)