Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Last week, we took a much needed day off and the two of us--along with Otto's son --took a "road trip" to Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see the Bruce Springsteen exhibit.

With all the music being played and exhibits that had music in them, we certainly came home with our share of "ear worms" ...

If you're not familiar with what an ear worm is...

It's a song that gets in your head and plays over and over--and over.

You usually can't get rid of it until you exorcise it by listening to another song or in some cases actually listening to a recording of the song that's been driving you crazy--or you get focuses on something else.

For us, Bruce Springsteen songs often become ear worms.

While there's nothing wrong with them, it can get annoying to have the same song playing over and over in your mind until you do something about it to change your focus.

An ear worm doesn't have to be a song.

It can be something that someone says to you--usually it's something critical that you've taken in and repeated over and over to yourself until you believe it.

For example, someone might make an off-handed remark about your hair and it stays with you all that day and can even run your life for years!

You might be wondering right now what a "jealousy ear worm" is...

Continue reading "Stop Jealousy by Getting Rid of Your "Jealousy Ear Worm"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When you're in the middle of intense feelings of jealousy, it can seem like it will be that way forever.

But it doesn't have to be that way...

You can do something to change your life and one of best ways to help yourself is to start learning new skills. If you're ready, check out our "No More Jealousy" course.

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Can I have some reassurance that it [jealousy] will go away from my life? I guess it's all about learning to love yourself and building your self esteem, isn't it? Will that help eliminate the problem?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

The first thing we'll say about jealousy is that NO ONE is born jealous.

This is good news because what this means is...

While we can't say with certainty that jealousy will stop in your particular situation, we can say that the odds are in your favor if you are willing to make your healing your focus and your practice.

You're exactly right that it start with learning to love yourself and building self-esteem.

Because here's the thing...

When you're jealous, you see someone or something else getting what you want--or you fear that it will happen
sometime in the future.

Even when there's no truth to your suspicions--and you know it--somewhere inside you, you are fearful that you won't get your needs met.

What does this have to do with self-esteem and not loving yourself?

Let's get this straight...

We all--whether we have jealousy issues or not--experience times in our lives when we don't love and don't feel very good about ourselves.

So self-esteem issues and not loving yourself are really part of being human--and some of us are better at loving ourselves than others.

Some of us have had better life experiences than others.

Some of us have had partners (and others) lie to us, cheat on us and have affairs and these kinds of things can certainly make trusting difficult.

Some of us have been exposed to beliefs that foster and strengthen self-esteem as opposed to those beliefs that tear it down.

And all of this can change in the present moment.

It's an absolute fact that no matter how hard you try--your past will never change.

Your past is just as over as the revolutionary war and...

Maybe, your past experiences won't change but what can change are your beliefs--your beliefs about yourself and what's possible.

Let's get practical now...

If you are afraid of being jealous forever, here are some ways to begin changing your beliefs so that you can see a glimmer of truth that you can stop being jealous.

Continue reading "Afraid of being jealous forever? What to do about it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's not even summer yet and the temperatures are heating up where we live in Ohio and this is bad if you've got jealousy issues in your relationship.

We've noticed that very often it's not just the temperature that heats up this time of year.

It's jealousy and issues around trust that seem to heat up too.

If you're in a relationship where jealousy and trust are problems, this probably doesn't come as any shock to you.

You're probably feeling the effects of it already.

Here are a few reasons we've observed...

Continue reading "Summertime Jealousy and Trust Issues Heat Up" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're jealous or you're with a jealous partner, we don't have to tell you how painful it is when jealous explosions hit your relationship. If you're tired of jealousy ruling your life, check out our "No More Jealousy" program.

Right now, we're going to speak to the person who's with a jealous partner....

But if you're someone who's jealous, you'll also want to keep reading because we're pretty sure that you'll get
some valuable insights that may help you heal jealousy as well.

As we've worked with people who have jealousy issues in our Relationship Breakthrough coaching practice, we've seen quite a few "mistakes" that people with jealous partners make that actually make the situation worse and not better.

If you're the partner of someone who's jealous--we certainly don't want to start blaming you exclusively for this painful situation because ultimately...

...it IS the jealous person who has to be willing to get help and be committed to doing what it takes to make shifts and changes that will stop it.

We also recognize that if you're with someone who has deeply-rooted jealousy issues from the past carried over to your relationship, it may be that no amount of assurances on your part will be enough.

But no matter what your situation is--we think it's going to be incredibly valuable to you to look at a few "mistakes"
people with jealous partners make and a few suggestions to change them.

Continue reading "Jealousy: 3 Mistakes you could be making if you're with a jealous partner" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're a woman who thinks he's looking at and paying too much attention to "other" women OR...If you're a man who feels you're being constantly accused of paying too much attention to other women, then you might want to check this out... Wandering Eyes

In relationships, when should you "trust" your gut instincts?

When you know you have jealousy and trust issues, when do you believe what your "gut" tells you and when do you not pay attention to it?

For that matter, HOW do you turn off those feelings?

What we're talking about here are those nagging feelings that won't go away--the feeling that something bad is about to happen (or already has happened)--and you're constantly on the look out for evidence to prove it!

Here's a question from a guy who is struggling with this issue and our take on it...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Well I feel like I am always trying to prove my gut instincts right. It makes me feel unloved when I get this way. Yet I have never had any reason to prove my partner is doing anything wrong."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

This is a problem we've heard over and over, especially when there are jealousy and trust issues.

Before we get into some practical tips, we want to help you get really clear where your "gut instincts" are coming
from--because they may or may not be reliable information to pay attention to.

Continue reading "Should You Trust Your "Gut Instincts" when there's Jealousy?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...

It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.

There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.

But, before we give you that example...

We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."

You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.

We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.

And here's some good news...

These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words

So, what about the example we promised you?

Continue reading "Magic Relationship Words That Work" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If jealousy or lack of trust is an issue in your relationship and life-- maybe it's not your fault...

Or is it?

Several people have asked us recently about the question of who's fault is jealousy?

They want to know...

Who's to blame?

AND

How can you stop it before it's too late?

As we've been helping people deal with their jealousy, if there's one really big hot button, it's this...

A feeling that they are being blamed (and solely at fault) for their jealousy.

If you are feeling blamed and completely at fault for your jealousy, here's something to consider...

Jealousy may not be you fault.

You heard us correctly--

Jealousy may not be your fault and here's why...

Even though we talk a lot about taking responsibility for jealousy in your life and the importance of taking action to heal it, there are reasons that may be beyond your control that contribute to it.

Here are a few of those reasons jealousy may not be your fault...

Continue reading "Jealousy: Is it your fault?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On Monday we're going to start taking registrations for a new teleseminar and webcast we're going to be offering where we'll give you our best solutions for--

"What to do if your partner is looking at and paying too much attention to people of the opposite s.e.x. "

Because we've working on the content for this new teleseminar and webcast...

It also couldn't help but make us wonder...

What if you're in a relationship or marriage and you're being wrongly accused?

What if your partner doesn't trust you and is jealous--but you haven't done anything to deserve mistrust?

When it comes to this kind of mistrust, here's what we can tell you...

If your partner is continually accusing you of being unfaithful and you're not having an affair or breaking any
commitment to him or her, you are probably very frustrated and upset.

Whether it's something small or something much bigger--this hurts.

You may love your partner, but you just want him or her to believe you and stop being so suspicious.

Here are some ideas from our book and audio program "Relationship Trust Turnaround" that you may find
helpful in understanding and breaking this destructive cycle...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: What if you're wrongly accused?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you've turned on the television in the past few weeks, we're sure that you've heard about the relationship trials of the young pop starts Rihanna And Chris Brown. They were most recently in the news for their physical fight that left Rihanna with a battered face and head and Chris with a police report.

Although facts are sketchy about their situation, jealousy is an issue that very likely sparked this latest violence.

Today, Rihanna And Chris Brown are supposedly back together and are "working through their issues."

So what advice would we give these two young stars if we were sitting in a room with them right now?

Continue reading "Rihanna And Chris Brown--What Happens When Jealousy and Violence Mix" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you want to rebuild trust in your relationship or marriage, even after an affair...

We want to let you know that our new program that we've been working on for the past several months.... "Relationship Trust Turnaround" is NOW available

For free samples from the book, visit http://www.RelationshipTrust.com.

We are confident in saying that our new program is the most complete program available anywhere on how to rebuild trust in a relationship or marriage.

Here's what we cover in our new program...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Rebuilding Trust, even after infidelity..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dating is often compared to a game insinuating a sense of competition among people for the “best” man or woman. As you “play the field” looking for a choice match, it's easy to see how insecurity and fear can flourish, especially in the early days of a relationship. Both of you may just want to have fun and get to know people while keeping yourselves open for love. But jealousy-- which can spring from insecurity-- can ruin even the most enjoyable experiences and stand in the way of allowing the relationship you are wanting develop.

Television has entertained viewers with not only the literal “Dating Game” where contestants answered questions and won a date if chosen by the featured bachelor or bachelorette, but scores of similarly focused reality shows as well. The allure in “winning” the attractive man or woman is hard to miss in these shows. It's also hard to miss the fierce and often cruel ways that contestants knock one another out of the running for the “prize”-- a date or relationship.

We certainly don't feel that dating or a love relationship is a game in which people and their affections are won or lost-- often in manipulative ways. However, it seems that the competitive “game” approach to dating persists in the real world outside television sound stages. The perception that the person you are dating could easily turn his or her attentions elsewhere leaving you alone, jealous and rejected is a painful and common one.

Given these subtle yet pervasive tendencies when it comes to dating, it is no surprise that jealousy is also a common occurrence. Jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and fears which usually go back to the jealous person's past experiences and beliefs. To allow the good feelings and sense of a “match” you may feel to grow and develop, it is essential that you stop jealousy before it stops your relationship in the making.

Here are some suggestions to help you stop jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Dating: Relationship Advice for Keeping Jealousy out of your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our recent survey, lying was a big topic that we thought we'd address a specific question...

Here's one--
“My husband lied to me so much in the past that I don’t know what to believe anymore. Even if he says something nice or says he loves me, I have trouble believing him. How will I know when he is being honest with me again?”

Here's our take on lying and our answer to this specific question...

Continue reading "Lies and Lying: How to See Through the Lies" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Pinocchio whose extending nose gave away his lies or the “lying eyes” of the lover in a popular Eagle's song, it seems we are often on the lookout for signs of betrayal from those we love. In fables and songs, lies are just part of a story; but nobody wants that kind of story in a love relationship. If your partner lied to you in the past, you might find yourself suspicious and wondering when he or she will betray you again. No matter the size the of the lie, when someone is dishonest with you, trust is weakened and you two move further apart. When you choose to stay in your relationship, in order to rebuild trust it is important to put the lies behind you and look to your present and future together.

This is not always as easy as it sounds! It could be your partner lied and had an affair. Or maybe he or she did not have an affair but was dishonest about enough little things that added up to a big-feeling betrayal. Chances are, whether you discovered your partner's lies or they were confessed to you probably experienced hurt, doubt and mistrust. After the possible upheaval, it is now time to heal, let go of the past and learn to rebuild trust, especially after an affair.

Here are 4 ways to learn how to trust again...

Continue reading "Lies and Mistrust:--4 Ways to Trust Again" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's this...

If you have low self esteem and you are with someone who doesn't talk about his or her feelings, it's a recipe for mistrust, jealousy, disconnection and heartache.

Here' what one woman asked us...

"My partner isn't the type to give compliments and show his feelings therefore I've never known how he truly feels about me. It's made me insecure, jealous and mistrusting in the relationship. How can I change my feelings of mistrust in the way he feels about me?"

Here's our answer to her...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: "My husband doesn't tell me how he feels!"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You just don’t want to get burned again. That may be how you feel if your partner had an affair and you’ve decided to stay together. You two have probably identified some of the reasons why the affair happened in the first place and are taking steps to re-build your relationship as you reunite. Unfortunately, you may encounter jealous feelings as worries that he or she will cheat again seep into your mind.

Jealousy and the mistrust that comes with it can undermine your efforts to re-connect and enjoy love once more with your partner. It is understandable that you might feel confused about which thoughts and internal concerns to pay attention to. Those voices in your head that link back to the betrayal and hurt may be rooted in the past but they’re probably still there. There are also those inner voices that are encouraging you to trust again and give your partner and your relationship another chance. The difficulty is, you can’t be 100% sure what is true at any moment and that makes jealousy even harder to avoid.

Here's how Kara and Pete dealt with Kara's affair and some tips to deal with jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy Tips after an Affair" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's our new video on overcoming jealousy--

Whether you are the jealous one or you are with a jealous partner, start getting our free jealousy course now!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you haven't seen the film "Sex and the City," do it right now! We know that it didn't get great reviews and that it's a "Chick Flick" but if you want a good look at relationships, watch it.

We don't want to spoil the story for you but one of the topics is infidelity and whether to forgive or not after it happens.

We certainly understand that it's not too easy to forgive after infidelity and we would say that there are some things to consider if this has happened to you...

Continue reading "Infidelity and Forgiveness: 5 ways to get back on track" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we've had quite a few comments on this topic, we thought we'd go a little deeper in talking about insecurity and jealousy. Here's a woman's question that might be similar to what you are feeling....

"I'm in a relationship where my insecurities are causing fights, at least once a week. I'm insecure because of past relationships which I recognize. I am also insecure because he is not as affectionate or romantic as my previous boyfriends have been. I just dont know how to stop being so insecure and to stop expecting the romance to be there. But I do know if I dont stop, I will ruin this relationship. Where do I start?"

Okay, this woman brings up two very important reasons that many people feel insecure and jealous in relationships--
1. Experiences from past relationships
2. Current partner isn't exactly what she wants--She wants him to be different.

So we'll talk about each of these and what you can do to feel more secure and get rid of jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Insecure Behavior--More Thoughts..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from a visitor that is a common one when you're dealing with jealousy issues...

"How do you get over being insecure? I've been told I'm a little insecure and jealous in our relationship but I have my reasons of feeling that way. How do you become easy going and carefree, not worrying about the future or next step in the relationship? We've been together for almost 2 years now and have had a rough road but we've had some really good times as well. Is it worth staying in this relationship?"

We're sure that this person has her reasons for feeling insecure and jealous in her relationship--most people do who battle the green-eyed monster. Here are a few ideas for you to consider if you can identify with her question...

Continue reading "Jealous and Insecure Behavoir: 4 Ways to Stop It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

If you tend to be a jealous person, probably the last thing you want to hear is “all you need is love!” Many of us have been there. It feels just rotten when you’re in the midst of jealous emotions. It might be that you are sure the way your partner is talking to another person means that he or she will betray you. Or it could be you feel eaten up inside because you just can’t seem to “compete” with a friend, co-worker, family member or another who is so much more _________ than you are. (You can fill in the blank.)

We encourage you to give your jealous habit the “love cure.” When it comes to jealousy, there are almost always feelings of fear and lack underneath. Perhaps you are fearful that you will be abandoned or betrayed and so you see the potential for just that everywhere you look, especially in the actions and words of your partner. Instead, or additionally, you might feel lack-- like you are and never will be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. You project those lack feelings outward and see just about everyone as far better than you. At these moments jealousy rears its head causing you even more pain and upsetting your relationships as well.

Continue reading "Jealousy: One "Cure" You Must Know" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A woman who bought our newly released "Stop Talking on Eggshells" package wrote to us and asked a question that we're sure many women (and men) are dealing with-

She said that her husband was good looking, funny and women especially liked him. She thought that they were flirting with him but has noticed that he is actually flirting with them by winking at them! His actions hurt her and she feels like he would rather be with them instead of her. She wanted to know whether she should ignore it or not.

Here's what we told her...

Continue reading "Flirting: What to do about a husband who flirts" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question about jealousy that we are certain that many people face in one form or another...

"I'm the jealous one, and my partner of 3 years is trying to help, but has lost patience with me. I continue to be bothered & hurt by his subscription to Playboy. He thinks I'm overly sensitive and taking it too personally. Do you have any thoughts on how I can overcome that side of my jealousy?"

Whether it's a subscription to Playboy, looking at photos on the internet, or glancing at a beautiful person on television or in the grocery store --the person dealing with their jealousy issues feels as this woman feels--hurt, bothered, angry, upset and a myriad of other feelings wrapped into one bundle.

So here's our advice to this woman and it can be helpful to you if you are in a similar situation...

Continue reading "Overcoming Jealousy and Playboy Magazine" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.

In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.

In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.

"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.

So the question is this...

Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about Fantasies and Crushes" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common denominators that many people who have jealousy as an issue have is that they experienced a betrayal in the past and they are transfering those feelings to their current partner who is really innocent.

Here's what one woman recently wrote to us...

"I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now, and he is the most perfect guy you could ever meet. He does everything for me. But all of a sudden, I have started getting really paranoid about whether he could be cheating on me or not. In my last relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me after 2 years and i did find it realy hard to let go. I know he would never cheat on me, and there are no signs that he could be, but i can not get these evil thoughts out of my head!!! I have told my boyfriend and he has tried to reassure me, but I still get them and I fear that I am starting to really upset him! Please help me, as I feel I'm starting to ruin my relationship."

This woman knows that she has to start doing something different and here's what we suggest...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Letting Go of the Past" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sometimes we feel that people outside of our relationships are tearing them apart. We get angry with the other person and try to "fix" it but the situation just seems to get worse.

Here's a letter from one of our readers who is in this kind of situation...

"What do you think of a brother who does everything his sister tells him to do? We have been togegher for 16 years, we live together,we have two cute kids togther, we have our hopes and dreams. But his sister doesn't like me because I have put her in her place, telling her to keep her nose out of our issues. She acts like a captain--"You do what I say and that's final." I have told her to worry about her family issues and to leave mine alone, that I am capable of taking of my own family and I don't need her negative statements. Ever since then, she has try her best to set her brother against me in any way she could find. It started to irritate me at a level that I try to control but I swear that I am so close to exploding. What do I do?"

Here's our reply to

Continue reading "Jealousy: Coping with Outside Influences" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from one of our web site visitors that certainly may hit home for more than one person--

"I have been married for 3yrs and my husband makes jokes about having sex with other girls. How do I make this not bother me?"

The answer to your question about how to not let your husband's comments bother you is to simply deaden yourself and not care about yourself or the relationship anymore.

We think that you may be asking us the wrong question. In our opinion, the right question to be asking yourself might be "Do his comments bother me?"

Continue reading "Jealousy and Joking about Infidelity" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a good question from one of our web site visitors that we're sure is a problem that many face who struggle with the challenge of jealousy.

Here's what our visitor wrote...

"My firlfriend and I are on a chat site. She is constantly being flirted with. While I have learnd to control my jealousy, I still don't like it. So now I guess the question is, "How do I learn to like something like that?"

Here's what we told him...

Continue reading "Chat Site Flirting--What to do when it creates Jealousy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The recent conduct of Lisa Marie Nowak, a NASA astronaut,has been splashed over the internet, print, television, radio--and just about any other means of communication for a couple of reasons--

1. It's pretty unusual for a NASA astronaut to be caught up in potential charges that Lisa might be facing
2. The story and her conduct in itself are very bizarre

Because we have written a very successful course on eliminating jealousy,a free mini-course that many people find of value, as well as helping many coaching clients with jealousy problems, we have a lot of interaction with people who are jealous.

Although we do not claim that the majority of people go as far as Lisa Nowak did, driven by their jealous behavior, we do say that jealousy can take over one's mind and body to the extent that the person feels like they are not in control of themselves and they end up doing and saying things that they deeply regret later.

If jealousy is a problem in your life, here are some suggestions...

Continue reading "Is the Jealousy of Lisa Nowak, a NASA Astronaut, Unusual?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the challenges in a long-term marriage or relationship is that the two people change through the years and these changes usually cause conflicts and disagreements.

Here's a question from a woman who is facing this kind of challenge in her long-term relationship and our advice to her...

"I have been battling with my husband of 25 years lately about the changes he has made in our marriage. He recently started playing poker with his buddies (which is fine). He stays at this guys house until 2:00 - 3:00 AM in the morning playing poker. I have come to deal with that since he doesn't do it often and not more than once a week.

"After that he started going religiously every Friday afternoon to sit and have a few beers with this same guy. He is never too busy to do this.

"I do not like this person. I feel he is a bad influence on my husband and I have asked him to curtail the amount of time he spends with him. Instead now - we are being invited every weekend to go hang out with him and his wife. I am okay with everyone now and then, but not every weekend.

"He thinks I am being ridiculous. When I ask him to do things around the house - he is too busy. I have compromised and told him that I will hang out with this guy once a month, but not every weekend. He tells me he will do what he wants and if I have a problem with it, I can pack my bags and leave.

"Remember - this isn't how my husband has ever acted in the past. He respected my feelings and at least tried to understand how I felt. Now, I just get this cold shoulder and he says he will do what he wants with no regard to my feelings or respect for how I feel.

"This guy goes to bars late at night without his wife and thinks that is okay. He drinks too much and is an alcoholic. He is dragging my husband right along with him and I do not like it.

"What do I do? We continually fight about this over and over and it just seems that my husband just hangs out with him more and more. What is it about this guy that he is willing to jeopardize his 25 year marriage over?"

Here's our advice...

--

Continue reading "Marriage: How to Cope with Changes throughout the Years" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question from one of our website visitors that centers around a problem that tends to create a lot of jealousy in relationships...

"My lover is supporting his ex girlfriend and her 3 children from her marriage to another man. Although, she has another lover currently, my boyfriend feels that she needs financial help with the kids as her current lover can't afford to do that. I'm feeling insecure. I worry that one day his ex lover may take take my lover's help as an indication that he still holds a special place for her in his heart and may try to come back to him. My boyfriend told me that he's over with his ex gal but he's just helping out. Please help me overcome this feeling of jealousy. I feel that he still loves her."

Here's our advice...

Continue reading "Jealousy over an Ex--Can it be overcome?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question we received a couple of days ago and we thought that our answer might be of general interest to many couples in similar situations. Here's this woman's question...

"My boyfriend and I have a jealousy problem. We are both older and in previous relationships have been cheated on and left heart broken. I enjoy his company but we both do not want to get married and have seperate living quaters. We have been spending less time together and need suggestions on how to work thru theese feelings so we can grow stronger together. Please help!"

The truth is that until you both learn to heal your beliefs about yourself and your partner you will both just keep attracting the same kind of situation to you until you do. You seem open to making some changes so let's get started...

Continue reading "Both of Us are Jealous--Now What?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the most frustrating relationship problems happens when your partner becomes jealous--especially when you've done nothing in your mind to deserve the jealousy. You may try reassuring your partner over and over but they never seem to trust you. You may even eventually withdraw from doing things that you love for fear that your partner will get the wrong idea or feel insecure.

As Relationship Coaches, we hear from people who are in this situation how they are frustrated, unhappy and just want their relationship to be "normal" or "the way it used to be." In fact, we're giving a two-part teleseminar series to give some practical suggestions if you're in this type of situation.

Whether you sign up for the teleseminar or not, there's one thing that will help your situation...

Continue reading "Jealousy: How to Deal with a Partner's Jealousy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question that we recently received about jealousy and trust...

"I have been seeing someone for a while now, and we both have fallen very fast and very deeply in love with each other. As much as I do trust her, when we were out at the weekend she was rather drunk and ended up talking to a guy outside who kissed her. I thought nothing of this as she did not want or contribute to the kiss though after walking home a bit she told me she had kissed him back for a few seconds and being as drunk as she was, began telling me she was so sorry and she is just a whore.

This I knew was just the drink talking but she went on to say if I had not come out or if I was not there that night she thinks she may have went all the way and slept with him if the chance came up. I know that before we met she had had a rough time and quite simply herself respect was rather low. Trouble is after her saying she does not really trust herself, where does that leave me in trusting her. I have spoken to her and told her she needs to control her drink and she has said she will and that she does know she would not cheat on me.

The problem is still there though, as if she goes out a night with her friends and I'm not there, what happens if the same thing happens and I'm not there? Though the thing I am most worried about is becoming possessive towards her as every time she goes out side to have a cigarette at the pub, how do I know she isn't fooling around?"

Possessiveness or jealousy is certainly not the route to take and this person who asked this question is certainly wise to not want to go down it. With that being said, what does he do in this situation?

Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: How do you know when to trust?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the most-asked questions that we received during our recent survey of our newsletter list when we asked the question-"What's the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your
relationship and your life?"-was around the issue of trust.

People wanted to know how to simply relax, enjoy and trust their partner without being threatened and insecure.

One person said it this way...

"How is it possible to believe in and trust your mate when there is so much betrayal, lying and cheating in society?
Even when your mate hasn't done anything to arouse suspicions...most magazines, talk shows and other people
have such awful stories that it makes people such as myself wonder if being part of a couple is even a good idea."

Here are our thoughts on this subject...

Continue reading "Creating Trust in Today's World" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As relationship coaches who have written a lot about jealousy, we've discovered many people who deal with jealousy are actually dealing with the past and not what's going on in the present. Here's a note from a person who is trying to cope with this issue...

"I am 22 and currently in my second real relationship. The first was a disaster from day one. I allowed myself to be manipulated and because I am gullable, she used it to her advantage. She cheated on me several times, which I later discovered a week or two after breaking up with her. Now I am with this girl who makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, she really is perfect, however I am plagued with mistrust and severe jealousy. I often accuse her of being unfaithful and I have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go. I have never been so crazy about a girl before in my life, but my trust issues appear to be ruining what we have. I talk to her about this, and she says she understands, but she is 17 and I am soon to turn 23 and so I feel she doesn't have the life experience that I do. Please offer any advice you can."

Continue reading "Jealousy and Learning to Trust Again" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest questions we get around the topic of jealousy concerns office flirtations--or flirtations with people other than their partner. Many people are caught in the "flirtation trap" and they or their partner can't figure out how to get out of it or have no desire to get out of it.

The "flirtation trap" goes like this...

Whether it's with a willing office co-worker, a person in a chat room, or through a dating service--the "flirtation trap" starts innocently enough with an email message, lunch or a cup of coffee. What starts innocently can and often does turn into an obsession with the other person and neglect of a partner. The two people caught in the "flitation trap" can move into physical intimacy or not.

Whether the flirtation moves into physical intimacy or not, the people who are caught in the trap can cause many problems for themselves and for others in their lives, largely because they aren't willing to look at really what's happening and the underlying causes.

Continue reading "Jealousy and Office Flirtations" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just received a pretty common question about jealousy and we thought we'd give our suggestions in the hopes that any one in this situation can be benefited by them.

Here's what our reader asked...

"HE is driving me crazy!! He goes threw my mail, goes threw the scroll down on the computer to see the sites I have went to. there was a storie on cosmo about this guy who was cheeting on his wife I read it he found out and got mad!! I run a daycare and LITERALLY every dad, grandpa, uncle, and yes, even moms he accuses me of doing stuff, I not only have 2 kids of my own but the daycare kids too, what do he think I am just going to do something in front of them? I have never cheated but at this point I feel as though I am being treated worse than if I did. our daughter is 3 and he is like a step dad and has been there all her life I am afraid if I leave him she will never get to see him and if she does he will tell her dad to start problems and our son is 2 and I know he will drag me threw courtrooms and they have $ i dont nor do I have much support. PLEASE SOMEONE WRITE ANYTHING YOU THINK WILL HELP, he even has his mom and dad who live a block away look down at our house to be sure nobody is here"
The first thing I would tell you is to slow down and breathe! You have been caught up in his frenzy and you have to calm your mind so that you take action from a very grounded place.

It sounds like you are making up a lot of "stories" about what may or may not happen if you leave this man. So bring yourself into this present moment and address what's happening right now.

There are some questions that you need to ask:
1. Does he admit that he has a problem and if so, is he willing to get help to overcome it?
2. Is this environment healthy for either you or your children to live in if things don't change?
3. What are your fears about leaving your situation? Talk with a friend, therapist or coach about how to help yourself move on if you determine that you don't want to live like this any longer and he won't get help.

Our best advice is to start sorting out your options and determine if you want to continue living the way you are living. Take a stand for how you want your life and your children's lives to be!

We have a free email mini-course on overcoming jealousy that anyone is welcome to sign up for.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, we don't have to tell you how painful it is.

Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments.

Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)