Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Believe it or not--Your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, interpretations can be a matter of choice.

If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of automatic choosing that go into your beliefs and your choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.

Beliefs can be changed but in order to have something different, you have to do something different. Your current beliefs have created what you have now.

If you want to have a different reality, you have to change your beliefs—and that starts with looking at your thoughts.

Learn to observe yourself and realize that you have the power to alter your perceptions and your reactions—and believe that you can create what you want in your life.

It’s the lack of awareness of our repetitive thoughts and beliefs that cause us to view circumstances as happening to us—that we have no control over.

You can’t have closeness and connection if you feel at the mercy of circumstances or what another person does or doesn’t do. The first step to creating the relationship you want is to become aware of your thoughts and beliefs--especially those that limit you.

Here are some common examples of limiting thoughts and beliefs:

Men are liars, men cheat. Women are cold and frigid. My freedom will be impinged if we become closer. Don’t be affectionate in public. I’ll feel better about myself if I had a hair transplant. I’m over 50 and I can never be attractive again and no one will want me. I’m too old to find love. It’s too late for us. She’ll/he’ll never change. All men are the same. Things will be better if we can just get the kids out of the house. Men don’t listen. Women boss you around. Men aren’t emotional. Women are too emotional. If I open my heart again, I’ll just get hurt.

Here are the 3 biggest and deadliest beliefs that kill relationships and keep love away...

Continue reading "3 Deadly Beliefs that Keep Love Away..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In almost every relationship, the passion and spark fades after awhile--when it doesn't have to.

It sounds so simple to "fix" but when the passion and spark fades in a relationship or marriage, it's often not so easy.

One big problem in relationships is that after a short while of being together, most people stop doing the kinds of things that keep the closeness, passion and spark alive.

Whether it's complacency ("I've got you now I don't have to do anything to keep you") or you and your partner allow other things become more important...

We think this is not only tragic but damaging to your relationship.

Since we're always looking for ideas to pass along to you to keep the passion, love and spark alive in your relationship...

This past week, we introduced you to Michael Fiore's program called "Text The Romance Back" that shows you how to use tiny little text messages sent from your cell phone to perk up the love and passion and send
the spark through the roof again.

Since we work in the same office and are together much of the time, we don't "text" each other much.

But the fact is that millions of couples are apart most of the day and could use some easy ideas on keeping the spark alive.

While we love the idea of sending certain kinds of tiny "text messages" to keep the fires burning brightly between the two of you...

One guy wrote to us and totally disagreed with us.

Here's what he said...

Continue reading "New Ways to Keep the Spark Alive..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There's a common myth that runs rampant in the minds of millions and millions of men and women that almost singlehandedly does more to kill passion, love, connection, intimacy than anything.

This myth can also turn even the most hopeful of relationships into piles of rubble waiting for divorce attorneys to sort out...

It's tragic but It's true...

...And you don't have to let this myth ruin your relationship and destroy something so precious that you want so badly.

All you have to do is do certain things in certain ways in your relationship or marriage and you can totally eliminate any possibility that this myth will wreck its terrible fate on you and your love.

One thing you can count on is the fact that we're here to help you with this every step of the way...

So what is this myth that we're talking about and what can you do about it?

Continue reading "This kills passion, love, intimacy and ruins relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, is it really possible to keep love and passion alive over the long haul?

We have said many times before and continue to say a resounding--

YES!

It is possible to keep love, passion and connection alive for as long as you want...

...and here are some thoughts about how this is not only possible but how you can do it in your own relationship,
marriage and life as well.

In addition to our own relationship that just keeps getting better and better year after year, we're always excited when we actually see it in action in other couples.

Here's one example...

Otto met "Nick" (not his real name) at the Aikido dojo where they both train and Otto instantly liked him.

He liked Nick even more when he saw how he interacted with his wife of 22 years.

Continue reading "Can love and passion last?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're like most people, you're busier than ever and it's becoming even more of a challenge than it used to be to connect with those you love, especially your intimate partner.

As we were thinking about what we learned from our awesome "Get Closer Weekend" workshop we gave this past weekend, one thing is really clear...

Many people have a challenge connecting with each other on a daily basis.

What we've discovered is that making some kind of positive connection on a daily basis is part of the glue that holds two people together and keeps passion alive over the long haul.

As we were working with the couples who attended our workshop, we realized that there are some very simple things they can do to connect with each other that take only moments...but the results can be very powerful and significant.

Here are a few of those ways we shared...

Continue reading "3 Instant Love Connectors for Couples..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's what we've discovered...

A great "anything" does not happen by accident.

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over. Here are just a few...

Continue reading "3 Ways to Stay in Love" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So things are going along pretty well and one day, your partner withdraws and you don't have a clue what happened. It's like the bottom just fell out, you're left dangling and you don't know what to do.

Whether you're just starting to date or you've been in a committed relationship or marriage for many years, when this happens, it can really put you into a tail-spin and play havoc with your confidence and your life.

If this has ever happened to you and you were clueless as to the cause, here's a question from a reader and our answer to her that might help...

**Reader's Question**

"I want to know, what do you do when he starts withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you?"

**Our response**

If he is withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you then for some reason it feels safer for him or more pleasurable for him to withdraw than to come closer to you.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Withdraws..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

How do you keep a relationship loving, intimate, alive and growing over the long haul?

We are constantly on the look out for ideas to keep the spark alive in our relationship and we love passing them on to you. Just the other day, the Borders book store that is not far from our home had a going-out-of-business sale and we went shopping. Since we love books and our house is full of them, we had fun picking out some new books that would give us some new ideas to keep our love-making fresh and exciting.

One of the books is filled with erotic (but not too over the edge) stories that we're going to read to each other while we're on a vacation that's coming up.

So a trip to the book store might be fun for the two of you or you might choose something else...

One way you and your partner can reactivate your love and passion is to attend our workshop that's coming up--a "Get Closer Weekend." (Check out our short video about getting closer to your partner)

Here are some ideas other ideas from three people who agreed to share how they keep their passion and relationship alive and growing...

Continue reading "3 Ways to Keep Your Love and Passion Alive" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Registration is now open for our "Get Closer Weekend" and this is really exciting because if you've enjoyed our articles, books and courses, you'll have the opportunity to work with us personally on creating the relationship you've always wanted.

If you want to "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover, then you're going to want to click on over to this web page and watch the special relationship advice video we just created for you that will tell you all about how you can do it.

When you apply what we are going to share with you during this incredible event, the possibilities for what you can create in your relationship or marriage are amazing.

For people who attend this event...

*Closed Hearts are going to open

*Passion is going to be reignited

*Sex is going to get hotter, juicier, more delicious and possibly more frequent

*Lost connections of the heart are going to be restored

*Trust is going to be rebuilt

*Resentments are going to melt away

*Communication is going to get easier

And you might even feel like you've fallen in love all over again.

Check out this video that describes this amazing opportunity for you to truly "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you've probably noticed, we are all being bombarded with messages like don't forget the flowers, boxes of candy, and of course, the diamonds (even chocolate diamonds!) because of Valentine's day.

Most holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions but this one is especially ripe for unearthing hidden and not so hidden expectations.

You emotions can be all over the place from feelings of deep love and excitement to deep disappointment and loneliness.

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

Here are 10 suggestions to make your relationships better--no matter what day it is from our "Red Hot Love Relationships" course...

Continue reading "10 Ways to Make Valentine's Day Special" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This has totally shocked us!

As you may know, we've been coaching men and women and writing about how to have and keep connected, loving, passionate relationships for many years now.

We'll admit that until this most recent survey of Otto's Light Her Up men subscribers, we had some preconceived ideas that have been blown right out of the water!

As the results of the survey are coming in, one thing is becoming clear...

In relationships and in life, the smallest things can make the biggest difference.

With all the talk in the world (from both supposed experts and men and women alike) about how different men and woman are and how differently we navigate through life and the world...

We're finding that even though at some levels men and women are very different... at many other levels men and women want the same things.

What we're finding in our research of real men and women is at their core, men want the same things that we heard women say they wanted.

Pretty much a "Duh" moment for us, but here's what it can mean for your relationship...

The lesson here is whether you're a man or a woman, you can both get what you want if you let go of some of your defenses and hurts from the past and take a step toward one another.

In other words, quit fighting one another!

Now of course we know that what we're suggesting isn't easy or you'd already be doing it.

It's easy and natural for all of us to think that holding onto past hurts is a way to protect ourselves from it happening again.

For both men and women, putting up defenses and holding onto the past seems to be the "default" position when we're hurt.

But the problem is that if you shut yourself down and hold onto past hurts, even if it's been many years since it
happened or you are no longer with that person, all that happens is that you keep yourself from fully experiencing
love and connection with a partner--any partner.

Okay so back to the survey results that totally blew us away...

Continue reading "One Idea That Can Stop Fights..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Most of us remember that incredibly blissful feeling of being "in love" at least once in our lives.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate and all you wanted to do was to be with your beloved, basking in that delicious magnetic pull toward each other. You couldn't get enough of one another. You felt like it was "right" and you were "home."

Now we know that it's not realistic (or even desirable) to go through life like this--feeling so ungrounded, scattered and unfocused all the time that you can't get much done.

What happens for most couples is...

For some mysterious reason in the process of "settling down", we lose all or most of this excitement and powerful
feelings of love and attraction we felt for one another.

We settle into comfort and routine and those intense feelings get so watered down that we have trouble finding them.

Most of the people who begin to question whether they want to be in the relationship they're in or not (and the ones who are living with the question of whether to stay or go tell us that what happened for them is what happened for many couples...

Somewhere along the line they lost the passion, spark and desire that they once had. It all sort of faded away and they ended up wondering "what just happened?"

We've discovered that it doesn't have to be this way...

While you probably don't want those exact feelings you had when you were first in love (we don't), but what you may want is a more seasoned hybrid of it. In other words, you may want a little more spark than what you have now without all the drama and intensity that's over the edge.

The good news is that you don't have to get divorced or go find a new partner to find it.

Here are 4 ways that we and other couples use to fall in love over and over again with each other...

Continue reading "4 Ways to Fall in Love Again (Without Getting a New Partner)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you were to get 100 people together and ask them this question...

"Do you do things to try control or manipulate your husband, wife, partner or other loved ones?"

We think you'd find that almost every one of them would say "No, I don't do this."

But...regardless of what most people's first "reaction" to this question is...

The truth is almost everyone tries to control and manipulate the people they love most and most of
the time it's totally unconscious.

So, why do we do this?

Why do we have this need to control and manipulate?

How does this play out in our important relationships?

For starters...

It's just a part of being human--we all want our way and to feel loved and appreciated.

We all have different ways of doing it--sometimes being forceful and domineering and sometimes withdrawing and being aloof.

And much of this is unconscious behavior learned very early in our lives.

So if we're all trying to control one another, how can two people ever find peace, happiness and love together as a couple?

The answer's pretty simple but not always easy to do...

Continue reading "Control, Manipulation and Other Things That Really Screw Up Relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over.

Here are a few..

Continue reading "3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay In Love Forever" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Falling in love is easy. It's a matter of feeling that attraction to another and then acting on it. It's allowing yourself to feel that urge to want to be with that person above all else and share your life with him or her.

What deliciousness when it happens!

But when that feeling of being "in love" fades, you're left with a pretty hopeless, dismal feeling.

Here's a question a woman asked us and our answer to her...

"I have fallen out of love with my husband for the past 3 years and I am wondering if it is too late to get those 'in love' feelings back?"

Our answer...

Here's the truth--Most of us move in and out of feeling "in love" with our partners. Feeling "in love" is just a concept that means something different to everyone. When things are going well and we feel close and connected--and our beloved is feeling the same, we're in love. When one of us is not, we can find ourselves feeling love for the other but not "in love" at that moment. You may not even like him or her in those moments let alone feeling amorous love.

Now if this distance and disconnection goes on for a long time, it's a serious problem in the relationship--especially if one or both people want more.

Can you rekindle love?

Yes, you certainly can but you both have to WANT it to happen. You can't do it if you have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.

Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice for Falling Back in Love with Your Spouse" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common complaints that we hear from couples, especially ones who have been together for many years, is this...

"We love each other but we've lost track of one another in the busy-ness of our lives. We barely talk to one another outside of the bare essentials of taking care of the kids and getting things done."

In our experience, this lack of intimate communication beyond the basics of living is what kills passion and ultimately relationships.

The TV show "Bones" star David Boreanaz recently admitted to infidelity in a People magazine interview.

Although the admission of a star's infidelity certainly isn't unusual or a surprise, Boreanaz's wife's response is.

While she didn't "blame" herself for her husband's affairs (he took full responsibility for his actions), she did admit that they led separate lives and when they were together, they were each focused on their computers and not on each other.

Is this an excuse for cheating?

Of course not but why even allow your relationship to get to this point?

So what might have prevented their relationship breakdown as well as many other couples' breakdowns who may not be dealing with cheating but rather vague feelings of distance and wanting more?

The answer is simple...

Continue reading "Automatic Intimacy: 5 Questions That Make It Happen and Prevent Cheating..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What's the #1 thing that women say they want from their men that would get them "in the mood" more often?

It's what we call "Passion Play All Day."

(By the way, this strategy is NOT just for men to do for women but involves both people in the relationship.)

"Passion Play All Day" goes something like this...

Doing little things throughout the day to show your partner that you care and that he or she is important to you.

It's not just about leading up to what happens in the bedroom...

The health of your relationship could depend on doing these little things and not stopping.

Yes, passion play-- all day IS that important.

Here are some ideas from what we do in our own lives to keep our relationship juicy, as well as a few suggestions from a recent survey we did...

Continue reading "The #1 Thing Women Want That Gets Them "In the Mood" More Often..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do you do when you're in a relationship that's got some aspect to it that's "OK" but you find that you're still wanting more?

No matter what that one part is...

You're got to be able to identify what it is you want more of and to think that it's possible to get it.

We know what it's like...

Maybe you're like the person who wrote us today--who had worked through her jealousy but she's frustrated because she can't get her partner to share his feelings with her.

Maybe you and your partner have the same fight over and over and you can't seem to agree--but a lot of your relationship is good.

Maybe you love each other and you don't want to leave but sometimes you wonder just who this person is and why you are with him or her.

If you can relate, we know what you mean because we've been there.

We were there most of the time in both of our previous marriages...

We know what it feels like to love someone and your relationship to be "okay" but you want something more--but maybe don't know what it is or how to go about getting it.

Our question to you is this...

Are you feeding and expanding your relationship potential?

And another important question for you is...

Do you believe that more is possible for you in your relationship or marriage?

Continue reading "" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I have a question which possibly reflects other relationships & hope you may have some suggestions.

"We are a couple married about 7 years, both in our mid 50s. My first wife passed away 10 years ago, my current wife had a 20 year marriage which she chose to end, then a 7-year relationship which she was left behind.

"We have no children living with us from either of our earlier marriages & we are very much in love.

"My problem is however the loss of her libido. We had a fully satisfying physical side to our courtship & early married years, but over the past 2 - 3 years her desire has dwindled to zero.

"I am not interested in going outside the marriage for satisfaction. We have talked this over repeatedly but despite her wishing to be my mate in the fullest sense, there has been no regular positive reaction to my approaches.

"I am not demanding. I believe I am fully understanding. If anything, I take the earliest signs of her discomfort & back off without further pushing my desire.

"I love this woman & she loves me. Is there anything you think can help?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Thanks for your question--And you are so right!

You are one of many living with the same question--

There's love--but how do you deal with your partner's lower libido?

And it's a very frustrating situation.

You don't want to leave or go outside the relationship.

You just want to have that special, intimate connection that you used to have with your beloved.

Since we don't have a special crystal ball that shows us exactly what's going on in your relationship, we can't say for sure but here are some possible reasons for lower libido that other people have expressed and some suggestions for what to do about it...

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: When libido dies--What to do" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Imagine just for a moment that you are the contestant in
a new TV game show about relationships and we'll be the hosts...

Since you've decided to play along, here's our question for you...

What do you think is the single most important feature desired in a s*e*x*u*a*l or Intimate partner by BOTH men and women?

Is it...

A. Beauty?
B. Intelligence?
C. Status?
Or
D.Something else?

Beauty is a good answer because after all, we ALL want an attractive or good-looking partner, don't we?

Intelligence is a good answer because who doesn't want a partner who is smart, can figure things out and have the intelligence to work with you to create the best life possible for the two of you (and your family, if you have kids.)

Some people might also think status is the most important feature in attracting a relationship partner or in the one you have.

After all, isn't the success you have in life and the future you create for yourself and your family affected greatly by status?

Of course it is...

But when it comes to the #1 single most important feature in a relationship, there is one thing that trumps, beauty, brains, social status and everything else in the desirability area of relationships and attraction.

So, what is it that trumps all the things we just mentioned?

The answer may surprise you...

It certainly surprised us when we first read about this study about what people (and couples) want in relationships...

And it just might have a huge impact on your relationship or your future relationship!

The answer is...(Drum Roll Please) ...

Continue reading "The one thing you must do to insure relationship success..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest dating questions that can be pretty confusing to figure out is this...

Is it love or is it lust?

You might feel a terrific connection in the bedroom but wonder if it's really going to go any further than that.

You may even wonder how long this terrific attraction (or lust for each other) will last.

Here are a couple of checklists to know if it's love or is it lust...

1. Lust is satisfying an itch at a surface level and you don't necessarily feel a deep connection, friendship, or want to be with the other person and enjoy their company--outside of the bedroom.

Don't get us wrong--lust is fun and you can experience lust within love--but if there's nothing deeper going on, lust by itself can be pretty shallow.

Check to see if any of these apply to your relationship...

**You only get together every now and then and not necessarily on weekends.
**Your dates always involve making love and end up in the bedroom.
**You don't have a lot to talk about and you don't talk about your future together.
**There is a feeling that something is missing
**You don't feel important outside of the bedroom
**If you raise the topic of commitment, one of you runs.
**You do not share any interests outside of s*e*x

2. Love is in the eye of the beholder so it's important to find out what love means to you.

Make a list of what love means to you and be specific like this...

**You feel important to each other
**Being supportive like a true friend would
**Being honest when you made a mistake
**You want to just be together and doesn't always involve love-making (but can)
**You can talk to one another
**Calling when you're going to be late
**You feel a deep connection
**You are kind toward one another
**You like to touch one another

Check this list against what's happening in this relationship right now--and don't be blind and kid yourself.

Be honest!

Okay, so now that you have a better idea of what's going on, you can make a more conscious choice.

As we said, you can feel lust for each other and be in love--even after many years of being together!

We do.

But you have to have the solid foundation of a love that grows--and be in agreement about what love means.

We invite you to open to the idea that both are available to you and you can have what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why do we repeat the same BAD relationship patterns--even when we know we're doing it ?

We all want great relationships but when it comes to making the changes that will allow us to experience something better, something happens...

Even though we may want to change, most of us have a tough time doing it!

Even if we know what we need to do, we don't do it!

Here's a question from a reader that most of us can identify with because we've all been there--and maybe even there right now...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Even though we know what we are doing 'wrong' in the way that we speak to each other, why do we keep repeating the same bad patterns. We have gone to counseling, we have done the personal growth stuff....we can even manifest some amazing stuff when we are truly "in tune" with each other...But some days it's as if we haven't learned anything and we push each others buttons and we don't listen and we are not 'in the moment' at all.....WHY AFTER ALL OF THIS LEARNING AND KNOWING DO WE STILL REPEAT THE WRONG THINGS..TONES OF VOICE & ASSUMPTIONS?? WHY HAVEN'T WE TRULY 'GOT IT' ALL THE TIME!!!!"

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Breaking Bad Patterns" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is good communication a mystery sometimes between you and your partner--especially if you both lead busy lives and time for the two of you is hard to come by?

Try our 5-step communication communication recipe for busy couples (especially when it's tough)...

1. Relax

It might seem crazy to suggest that you relax because you're probably stretched to the limit on demands for your time and attention.

If your mind goes a mile a minute, you're always on the go, you never have time for yourself or your partner--it's even more important for you to help yourself by doing some inner relaxation.

There are lots of ways to start doing this but we urge you to start before it's too late--either for the sake of your relationship or for your physical body.

Inner relaxation can be as simple as taking a long, deep breath every hour or saying to yourself in a
gentle tone--"relax."

You can start a simple meditation practice of sitting and breathing for 10 minutes or so.

Whatever it is, focus inward and feel the knots untie.

Can't stop your mind?

Our new favorite phrase from singer-songwriter Shawn Mullins might help--

"What if it's all okay without me knowing?"

When you are relaxed, you are more open. When you are more open, you can communicate better.

Continue reading "A 5-Step Communication Recipe for Busy Couples" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so I'm the last woman who's a fan of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series to see the movie Twilight, based on her first book.

While it certainly wasn't a "great" film, "Twilight" did bring up a few questions for me...

Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them like Edward was of Bella?

Do all women secretly want to be swept off their feet, not just once, but continually by a man?

Does fascination for each other have to die as the relationship matures?

Here's a question from one of our readers--and our answer--that speaks to this and much more...

"My hubby once seemed mesmerized by me and my love, my very person, fascinated by my tiny quacks that determine the person that I am. Now he seems threatened, insecure, out to compete with me, or rather what is it that took away my power. I don't seem to get through to him, to tell him about my wants, or how his behavior of
inconsideration makes me feel. And yet he still seems in want of my love and acceptance."

Here are our comments...

Continue reading "Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?

Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?

Or are you and your relationship...

2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?

If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.

The reason we say this is...

As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."

We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.

Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.

Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner (or anyone else for that matter) didn't make some changes that you wanted them to make and because of this, you felt like you weren't being respected?

Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. We just wanted the other person to "respect" us in a certain
way and didn't know how to go about getting it.

One thing we've noticed is...

One of the reasons people who are considering leaving a relationship buy our book and audio program "Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is that they don't feel respected, appreciated and important.

Yes, feeling respected is that important!

It's important to feel respected and be "heard" in a relationship--but what if the other person doesn't seem to want to make changes that you want him or her to make?

Here's a question from a reader who feels like she is being disrespected by a guy she's dating in a most unusual way...

Continue reading "Relationship advice for getting "respect"..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one dynamic that's a sticky issue between two people who decide to be a couple, it's this...

One person feels the need to "retreat" every now and then and the other person feels unloved and abandoned when it happens.

Pretty simple to describe but not simple to deal with!

One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote to ask if we support the "rubber band" theory in relationships in relationship breakthrough coaching practice.

We hope we're talking about the same thing because as we think about it, the first time we heard about the
"rubber-band" theory was when we originally read John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus."

While we know that many people get a lot of benefit from John Gray's gender difference information, we
think the issue is much broader and deeper than just being about a differences between men and women.

We have seen this dynamic too many times in both genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and another set to another.

In the past, we've called this dynamic the "relationship push-pull."

Here's a description of what we've seen...

Continue reading "Is the "Rubber Band" Theory True?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we've been talking about restarting the spark in your relationship over the past few weeks, a common question comes up for some people.

Here's what one woman asked...

"If I make the effort, will he make an effort also?"

What a great question--because it is just human nature to not want to stick our necks out if we're all alone on that skinny branch.

This doesn't just apply in our intimate relationships or marriages-- it also applies to all of our other relationships as well.

Here's what we typically find...

Before we start putting some energy into making some changes in the way we act or speak, we want some assurance that the other person will also make some changes.

We don't want to feel like we're the only ones "trying to make it better."

Whether the issues that come between the two of you are small ones or are significant...

If you're like most other people, you want to feel that you're not the only one who should make changes and you don't want to waste your time and energy if it's not reciprocated.

You also might not want to put yourself in a vulnerable position if your partner isn't going to do the same.

So what do you do if you want more spark in your relationship and are willing to try but you don't know if your partner is willing?

What do you do if you feel like you are the only one interested in working on your relationship?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Doesn't Seem to Want to Make the Effort..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all go through “off” times that seep into our love relationships. Perhaps the dark and dreary days of winter get you down. Or maybe you're facing some tough dynamics at your workplace that you can't seem to leave at the office. Whatever the case might be, these “bad days” can have an affect on your ability to stay open and connect with your partner.

But what if what you and your mate are experiencing is not just the residue of one or both of you having a “bad day?” How can you tell if the spark between you two has significantly dwindled or even died out?

Continue reading "Relationship Tips: “Are we having a bad day or has our spark died out?”" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do you long for the early days of your relationship when it all seemed more magical? Perhaps you remember the times when your love used to bring you flowers for no reason, write you love poems, or even serenade you with a gushy song. Maybe you wonder what happened to the two of you? Where did your spark and sense of excitement about one another go?

There's a bold-faced lie being spread around that goes something like this: Two people meet. If the chemistry and conditions are favorable, they fall in love. In this “honeymoon phase” they shower one another with adoration and just can't seem to get enough of one another. After time passes in the relationship, the two truly love and care for one another, but that spark and feeling of aliveness slowly dies down. In the best cases, the couple is left in a more “mature” state-- deeply bonded but not very passionate about one another or their relationship.

It truly doesn't have to be that way!

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark: Don't Stop Dating Your Mate!" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We all have our comfort zones when it comes to intimacy with the special someone in our lives. Some couples choose to intimately connect in more traditional ways while others enjoy a wider variety of sensual activities. What do you do when your partner suggests that you two try role playing or fantasy to spice things up? Is this a healthy way to connect?

Our answer to these questions is that role playing and fantasy can most certainly be part of a healthy relationship and can infuse passion and sense of fun into your lovemaking. But only when both partners agree and feel comfortable with the intimate activities and only when the “golden rule” is addressed first.

What's our relationship “golden rule” when it comes to role playing and fantasy? Ask yourself the question: “Does this take me further away from my partner or closer to him or her?” If the intimate activities you are considering feel like they will bring you closer to your love and you are interested in exploring them, go for it! If not, take some time to go within and look at the possible blocks to what's being suggested and talk more about it before making a final decision.

The hit movie “Twilight” about a teenage young woman who falls in love with a vampire has not only enthralled teenage girls, but also (predominantly) women of all ages. The book series and movie centers on the intense romantic relationship between the two main characters: Bella-- a human teenage young woman and Edward-- an oh-so-attractive and chivalrous vampire. It's quite probable that many a woman has imagined the man in her life as Edward while making love or perhaps even asked him to pretend to be a vampire during intimate sharing.

This type of fantasy or role playing may be just what both people in the relationship have been wanting-- a bit of variety and excitement. Many of us played dress up games as children and now, as adults, it can be taken to a different level and shared with your partner. But fantasy and role play really has to be shared and agreed to in order for that “golden rule” to work. Bringing you and your love closer together is the goal and guide.

Since this is "Restart the Spark" month, here are some suggestions for you to consider as you "play" with this idea...

Continue reading "Love Relationships:" Are Role Playing and Fantasy Good Ideas for My Relationship?"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's official:

2009 is here and if you're like most people, you could use a little more spark in your relationships and your life.

So, how do you create more of what you want?

Announcing:

"Restart The Spark Month."

"Resart The Spark" is a Month long celebration going on all month long here in January and here's why you're
going to love it...

We've got a FR*EE gift for you today and we'll have several more relationship spark building gifts for you throughout the month for you as well.

We're also going to be releasing our brand new audio program called "Restart The Spark." later this month.

We'll tell you more about that later but for now we wanted to tell you that everything we're doing this month (January) is about helping you "Restart The Spark." ...

So, lets get started...

Here's how to access the first of many free relationship spark building gifts we're talking about.

Just go to http://www.RestartTheSpark.com to claim your gift from us.

It's yours at no charge as our gift to you as we get started with Restart The Spark month.

This "gift" from us is actually two gifts in one.

The first is our email mini-course "5 Keys to a great relationship and the second gift is an audio we've never released before where we're being interviewed by Iris Benrubi of SimplySucccess.ca for her Blog Talk Radio Success series and you're going to love it.

This interview was originally going to be just about how to Stop Talking on Eggshells but as you'll find by listening, we went a whole lot deeper than that.

In this interview, you'll learn some great ideas for improving your relationships, connecting deeper, putting more passion and spark in your relationship.

You'll also discover some ideas for improving communication, dealing with differences, starting a new relationship,
building a deeper connection and much more…

Once again, be sure to claim your relationship advice audio at no charge.

Enjoy,
Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A couple of days ago, a friend of wished us a happy new year by telling us that "everything's going to be fine in 2009."

While this is certainly our wish for you, we think that our lives and relationships can be even better than "fine" in the coming year and so can yours.

We all can restart the spark--the spark in our significant relationship; the spark in our everyday lives; the spark in other relationships that are important to us.

We can ALL create more happiness and joy in the coming year.

We think it all starts with putting the spark back in your relationships and lives.

So as you're reading this, your question might be ...

How do you put the spark back or even find it after it's been buried under fear, distance, apathy, tiredness or disconnection?

Here are some ways that you can begin starting right now to invite more spark into your life...

Continue reading "Restart the Spark in 2009" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, we saw an article that suggested that maybe the romantic comedies that some of us love to watch are actually harmful to our real relationships! This article was based on research done by relationship experts in Edinburgh and their findings posed some interesting questions.

They found that romantic comedies "give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to 'fail to communicate with their partner.'"

So the question that we ask is this...

What is it that we get out of watching these romantic comedy films and do they help or hurt our real relationships?

Continue reading "Do you expect too much from your marriage or relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Expressing gratitude and saying thank you is something that many of us were taught to do from a very early age. Coaxing a toddler, then teenager to say “thank you” is a regularly occurring occasion for most parents. It's the polite thing to do, after all, and shows good manners. Once we're adults, saying “thanks” is often not given much thought if we remember to say it at all. In the day to day of your love relationship, gratitude tends to be completely forgotten except for those special favors we ask of each other. Making a habit of offering heartfelt thanks to the one you love can not only make your partner feel appreciated, it can enhance intimacy and bring your closer together.

As unsexy as “thank you” seems, gratitude can put you and your mate on the path to a more passionate relationship. After all, how many times have you and your partner become so busy with your jobs, the kids, the pets, the house and everything else in life that you pretty much only connect when making love? And that might even be fit in rather hurriedly. How much deeper would your intimate connecting be when it's built on a foundation of regularly expressed gratitude that comes with a sense of presence and from the heart?

Continue reading ""Thank" your way to Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other.

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try a relationship reverse and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we looked at the questions that over 800 people asked us in our recent survey about what's your biggest relationship question--one of themes that stood out most was this...

"How do you stay desirable for one another?"

As we talked about how we'd like to answer that question, Otto came up with a great analogy--

Staying desirable for one another in a committed relationship is like prepared packaged foods-- in a weird sort of way.

Before you laugh at us and think we're crazy, read on...

What keeps prepared foods looking and tasting fresh?

Additives and preservatives, right?

They are the long names on the packaging labels that you have no idea what they are.

Now, by using this analogy, we're certainly not encouraging you to eat foods that are filled with additives and preservatives unless that's something you choose to do.

But we are saying that if you want to stay desirable to one another or re-awaken desire, you have to keep adding things to your life and relationship that will do that. You also need to do things to preserve your connection and love on a daily basis.

Here are 10 ways that we add to our relationship to keep desirability high between us. These are
some of the ways we preserve our love. We invite you to try out a few in your relationship or if you're single, practice with the people in your life.

Here's our list...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Staying Desirable for One Another" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.

An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.

New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.

This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.

Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?

If so, try out these 3 tips…

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s not just little girls who dream of a happily-ever-after kind of love. Almost everyone wants to experience a great love relationship or marriage. The wonderful feelings that come with connection and passion are undeniable. And, once you have love like this, you want to keep it going.

An intention to experience a connected and passionate relationship might lead a person to believe that he or she has to work hard and be vigilant to make it happen. Unfortunately, this belief can cause that person to miss the wonderful moments and joy already going in the relationship. Instead, we encourage you to have fun as you allow the great relationship you’ve always wanted to unfold. You may even discover that you already have a fabulous relationship.

New Year’s resolutions was the focus of a recent editorial column in one of our local newspapers. The columnist observed how she joined the common practice of setting resolutions for herself at the beginning of each new year—particularly goals to eat healthier, exercise more and lose weight. She went on to say that at the end of the year she regularly found that she’d not lived up to those goals and felt disappointed in her failures.

This year she made a new discovery. She realized that her list of resolutions for last year was longer than what she tended to focus on. Lower down on the list included goals like spending more time outdoors, watching more movies and spending more time with friends. She was delighted to find that she did follow through on these “lesser” goals. The big message in this editorial was that we tend only see what we didn’t do or what isn’t going right in our lives. How freeing and uplifting for the columnist when she expanded her sense of what was important and celebrated what she did accomplish.

Do you find yourself focusing on what’s not going right in your life and your relationship goals that you haven't met? Do you find that you are so intent on your goals that the unmet goals are all you see? Or do you not set any goals but constantly are thinking that you'd like your relationships, especially a love relationship to be better?

If so, try out these 3 tips…

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping your Love Growing" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.

Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.

You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.

We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.

Let us show you how…

Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have a confession to make.

We also have a few observations we'd like to share with you about something related to our confession that can help you create more passionate, loving, caring, and connected relationships.

So, what's our confession?

We've been addicted to the ABC hit reality television show "Dancing With The Stars."

We know. We know. We're revealing who we really are by telling you this and it's true.

Otto watched several of the shows and Susie watched almost every episode of this year's "Dancing With the Stars" --including of course this week's finale.

It turns out that we were not alone. The show's ratings tell us that somewhere between 24 and 27 million people tuned in each night.

WOW.

So what was it that made this show so interesting that so many people dropped what they were doing to tune in?

Also, since we're students of relationships (and what makes them work when they work), we were curious about what we could learn from the show to help others, as well as to make our relationships better.

Here are several tips about how to create great relationships and connect deeper with the people in your life that came to us as we were thinking about this very popular reality series...

Continue reading "What Relationship Advice We Learned from "Dancing with the Stars"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When passion dies in a long-standing committed relationship, what do you do?

Recently, a woman wrote to us saying that she had been in a committed relationship for 7 years and that although they live together compatibly, her partner was no longer interested in sex. He had had a heart attack 3 years ago, takes a lot of medicine and their love-making just isn't what it used to be. She said he told her that she doesn't do anything to turn him on and she said that he does nothing to change. She went on to say that he needed to exercise and that she's scared of future health problems. She's very frustrated and wanted help.

Here's the advice we gave her...

Continue reading "What Do You Do When Passion Dies?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)