Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Have you ever lost trust in your partner (maybe because of cheating) and in the process, lost trust in yourself?

That's just what happened to one of our readers. Here's what she wrote to us...

"Well, my boyfriend of 4.5 years, cheated on me with somebody for the last 5 months. I'm sure it stopped completely...but every time I'm not with him, I feel extremely anxious and bad memories start bombarding me. II really love him, but even though he's with me now and didn't want to stay with her and leave me... (even though she threatened him with the "I'm pregnant" excuse)... it's been hard for me to get back my confidence. What do I do?"

It's true...

Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you (and for 5 months) absolutely rocks your world and shatters your self confidence in the process.

Even if he (or she) wants to come back to you (and you are willing), you can't stop thinking that your partner chose someone else and somewhere deep inside you, you wonder what's wrong with you that you weren't enough.

It's that doubt and lack of self confidence that can keep you from fully mending your relationship after infidelity.

And in saying this, it's certainly not excusing the person who cheated and blaming the one who was cheated on if the relationship eventually can not recover.

We're saying that if you want to regain trust that you need to do a few things to help you be successful.

If you have had something similar happen to you, here's what we recommend...

Continue reading "He cheated, You took him back but you're anxious..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

"Will every man I'm with treat me like crap?"
"Will all women lie to me and cheat?"
"Am I just a loser magnet when it comes torelationships?"

Questions like these might be running through your mind if you are trying to recover after a break up or
divorce. In addition to the emotional pain of having someone that you used to love-- and maybe continue to love--
despairing and worrisome questions such as these may also bring you down.

It's understandable that you might feel like a victim after the break up. Especially if your ex lied to you, cheated or was possibly abusive, the belief that you are helpless may form in your mind.

Perhaps the events that led to your break up are just too similar to what has happened to you in past relationships.

Maybe your most recent ex's behavior has only reinforced to you that you just can't trust other men, other women and possibly even yourself and your own judgment when it comes to a partner.

We get that you might be feeling like a victim. After all, this break up may not have been your idea. If it was up to you, the relationship or marriage would still be intact.

The decision to break up might not have been up to you.

It could have been your partner (now ex) who announced that he or she doesn't love you anymore, is moving out or never wants to see you again. Or, it may have been your partner (now ex) who made the decision to have an affair or tell you horrendous and hurtful lies that then made you feel like you had no choice but to end the relationship.

While it is totally understandable if you feel like a victim, we encourage you to lovingly and gently move yourself out of this mode.

When you are in "victim mode," it's nearly impossible to feel empowered to make choices that will help you feel better.

When you are in "victim mode," you tend to remain stuck in the past and the pain-- and you usually don't treat yourself very well either.

When you are in "victim mode," it's really difficult to heal and start to put the pieces of your life back together again.

Here are tips to help you move out of "victim mode" so you can heal your broken heart...

Continue reading "After a Breakup or Divorce--What to do when you feel sorry for yourself" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

“Have I gone crazy?”
“Am I just being paranoid?”
“Is this my jealousy confusing me?”

When you feel suspicious that your partner is lying to you and possibly having an affair, you might start to question yourself.

These doubts about your ability to trust your own sense of what is going on in your love relationship or marriage might not only come from you.

Perhaps you have asked your partner about his/her late-night phone calls from a mysterious person or long periods of time on Facebook, for example, and your question has been brushed aside with something like, “You're just making things up--It was nothing.”

You may have also had past experiences that planted beliefs in your mind that you can't fully trust your own self.

If you are tired of doubting yourself and of your incessant suspicions and jealousy about what your partner is doing, it's time to gain some clarity.

Use these 4 questions that follow to help you differentiate between jealousy and information that may (or may not) indicate that your partner is lying to you.

When you notice that you feel suspicious and you're not sure if you can trust what you are thinking and believing, ask yourself these questions first...

Continue reading "Jealous and Suspicious? 3 Ways to Deal With Your Fears" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As much as Tiger Woods probably doesn't want to be in the news again about his failed marriage to his wife Elin, it was inevitable. Since their divorce became final recently, Elin told her story in People magazine.

Something she said in the article struck a common chord that we've heard from many people after their relationship breakups...

When asked about what she felt when she first learned of Tiger's betrayal, here's what she said...

"I felt stupid as more things were revealed--how could I not have known anything?...I felt embarrassed for having been so deceived."

Maybe you weren't cheated on but you just didn't see who this person was when you got together--or maybe he or she changed as time went along.

The other day, a young woman told us that after her breakup and after her ex did something very despicable to her in retaliation, she felt ashamed that she didn't see the kind of person he was and leave him earlier--or better yet, not get in a relationship with him at all.

If you've had similar feelings of shame after a breakup--that you didn't see it coming and now you feel like you can't trust yourself and your judgment--here are 3 ways to help you look at your situation differently...

Continue reading "Tiger's ex Elin has a Common Reaction to their Breakup" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After a breakup or divorce, there may be countless troubling thoughts that cross your mind. These may pertain to what you perceive happened and they may also involve your worries about your present situation and the future ahead.

"Will I always be alone?"
"Am I doomed to attract men (or women) who cheat?"
"How will I manage on my own?"
"Can I take care of my kids all by myself?"
"Will I be able to pay the bills with just my paycheck?"
"Will anyone ever want to date me given my age/position in life/looks,etc.?"

It's likely that many of these thoughts, as well as others that may be coming up for you, are upsetting or fearful ones. It is understandable that, with all of the uncertainty that may be happening for you, you are feeling anxious and apprehensive.

The fact of the matter is, as natural as it is to feel the way that you are feeling and to think the thoughts that you are thinking, fear, worry and anxiety are not going to help you heal.

As might already know, fear mostly keeps you stuck right where you are. Anxiety freezes you in place and makes it nearly impossible to move forward with your life. In addition to this, when you stay in a place of fear and worry for an extended period of time, you can literally become sick!

Continued and prolonged anxiety and fear-- and the stress that results-- can negatively affect your sleeping and eating habits as well as your overall immune, digestive and even cardiovascular systems.

What you probably want most of all is to feel better. You may desperately wish to be rid of your fears and worries and to finally feel more like yourself again.

Here are some tips to help...

Continue reading ""Will I always be alone?" and other fears that stand in your way of healing from a breakup or divorce" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common complaints that we hear from couples, especially ones who have been together for many years, is this...

"We love each other but we've lost track of one another in the busy-ness of our lives. We barely talk to one another outside of the bare essentials of taking care of the kids and getting things done."

In our experience, this lack of intimate communication beyond the basics of living is what kills passion and ultimately relationships.

The TV show "Bones" star David Boreanaz recently admitted to infidelity in a People magazine interview.

Although the admission of a star's infidelity certainly isn't unusual or a surprise, Boreanaz's wife's response is.

While she didn't "blame" herself for her husband's affairs (he took full responsibility for his actions), she did admit that they led separate lives and when they were together, they were each focused on their computers and not on each other.

Is this an excuse for cheating?

Of course not but why even allow your relationship to get to this point?

So what might have prevented their relationship breakdown as well as many other couples' breakdowns who may not be dealing with cheating but rather vague feelings of distance and wanting more?

The answer is simple...

Continue reading "Automatic Intimacy: 5 Questions That Make It Happen and Prevent Cheating..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you're a woman who suspects that your man is lying or cheating...

We've just created a special report called...

"The 12 Biggest Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect Your Man Is Lying or Cheating..."

And we're giving it to you.

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

(If you're a man and reading this, don't get upset that we're leaving you out. We know that women cheat too! We're working on something just for men so stay tuned.)

This special report is our gift to women who think their men are lying and / or cheating on them.

If you're a woman, this is something you're going to find really valuable if you suspect your man is lying or cheating.

It outlines the 12 biggest relationship-killing mistakes we see women making when they suspect their man is lying or cheating on them.

If you want to download your copy of this report at no charge, go here now...

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been all over the national news and the internet yesterday and in case you missed it...

Tiger Woods broke his silence about his infidelity that's been in the news for the last several months.

Although you may be tired of hearing about his affairs and cheating, what his wife Elin told him is certainly worth paying attention to.

According to Tiger during his message to the world, his wife Elin told him that his real apology will not come in words but in his behavior over time.

This is very, very good advice for anyone who is dealing with a similar situation--or for that matter any time we have wronged another person for any reason.

Elin is essentially saying to Tiger that it's going to take time to prove to her that he is trustable or not!

(And it certainly seems that she's still deciding whether to stay or go!)

An apology in words only that is not followed up by trustable actions over time is worthless.

WOW, what a great insight and excellent advice.

Elin's words are also good advice where trust has been violated in other ways.

Continue reading "Elin's Advice: The Apology is about Behavior not the Words." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

When we first started offering our program for stopping jealousy called "No More Jealousy" , we didn't realize that cheating in our culture was as big of an issue and problem as it is.

Now of course, we know that not all men and women in committed relationships cheat.

But many are cheating and have cheated and it's a tragedy .

If you are happy in your relationship and cheating isn't an issue for you, we congratulate you both.

Keep doing what you're doing to stay connected.

Whether you're a man or a woman, If you are suspicious of your partner, take some action to find out the truth.

Suspicion can destroy a relationship as deeply as actual cheating can.

Constant jealousy and nagging questions can drive a wedge between the two of you whether your partner is guilty of what you fear or not.

If you're suspicious and you want to save your relationship, your job is to stop yourself from going into the emotional tailspin of sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

Then become the objective observer and start documenting what's going on.

We go into detail about how to get your emotions under control so you can be the objective observer in our new
course "Where There's Smoke There's Fire: How to Tell if Your Man's Cheating Liar."

(Although we wrote this for women, there's a lot of good information for men here also.)

Continue reading "Cheating--How to find out if your man's a cheating liar" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're like most people, you've probably gotten caught up in this relationship trap at least once in your life--especially if you're a woman...

You worry that you aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or desirable enough to hold a man and keep him interested over the long haul.

Well, if that idea hasn't been debunked many times before, Tiger Woods has blown this myth straight out of the water and here's why...

Otto was talking to his personal trainer yesterday while he was working out and of course the conversation got around to Tiger Woods and his alleged affairs.

Monica, his personal trainer, said that the big question her other clients had was why in the world Tiger would ever cheat because his wife Elin was so thin and beautiful.

Why would he go elsewhere when he had such beauty at home?

Good question isn't it?

A lot of people (especially women) fall into the trap of thinking that "If I were more attractive, a better lover, a better whatever that I'd never have anything to worry about when it comes to my man cheating on me."

WRONG.

It simply isn't the case with Tiger and his beautiful wife Elin.

He apparently went elsewhere because beauty alone wasn't enough to hold him to faithfulness in his marriage.

Now of course we don't know the inner workings of his relationship with Elin and we won't claim to know the real reasons (right or wrong) that drove Tiger to cheat.

What we do know is that being beautiful and thin doesn't insure faithfulness over the long haul.

We bring this up because so many women tell us they're jealous and worry about someone more beautiful or thin stealing their man away.

We know that keeping a relationship alive, juicy, connected, loving and monogamous through the years is so much more.

Recently, we got a copy of T.W. Jackson's book for people who've just gone through a break up and want to get back with their partner or spouse...

The book is called, "The Magic of Making Up" and we highly recommend it and we agreed with much of what he was saying and...

We're paraphrasing here...

He said that men crave admiration and when they feel they aren't getting it--perhaps like they used to--they try to find it elsewhere.

He also said that women want to feel appreciated and praised for who they are--and if they don't find it in their relationship, they may look for it in some other place.

Of course, these aren't the only reasons people cheat or emotionally "drop out" of their relationships, but they are important ones to pay attention to if you want to keep yours vital, alive and growing.

Much more important than beauty and the size of one's body!

When you really get down to it, when you "check out" of a relationship, in whatever way you choose to do it, you aren't getting your needs met.

You may not choose to cheat, as Tiger has, but there are other ways to check out of your relationship...

Continue reading "The "I'm not pretty enough" trap and Tiger Woods" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

“Late Show” host David Letterman’s shocking admission of cheating, extra-marital affairs, and infidelity during Thursday night’s show leads to the obvious question—“Is any relationship or marriage safe from cheating and/or emotional extra-marital affairs?”

Lying, cheating and extra-marital affairs are commonplace today but there are things you can do to “cheat-proof” your relationship, even if there’s been cheating in the past. Here are 3 ways:

Continue reading "David Letterman’s Admission of Infidelity and Cheating: 3 Ways to Cheatproof Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're like us...

You wish no one ever lied.

You wish everyone was honest and forthcoming.

You wish there could be enough trust and communication to be able to tell the people you love anything and have them do the same without judgment...

But, the truth is sometimes people lie to us and hurt us.

Sometimes even the people closest to us lie to us (including our partner, spouse or lover)

Sometimes these lies are small, innocent lies and other times these lies are about much bigger things like cheating, an affair or infidelity.

We ALL want to trust others and it's painful when you feel you can't.

As you think about it...

Wouldn't life be much easier if you could tell instantly and with certainty if someone
(especially your intimate partner or spouse) is telling you the truth or not?

Just think about it...

Whether you're dealing with a partner who is constantly late from work and doesn't give you much of an explanation, your teenager who gives you a one-word answer about who he or she was with, or your co-worker who says the project will be finished tomorrow...

It would be great if there was a magic doorway they had to pass through and lights started flashing if they were lying to you.

Well we don't know of any magic doorway with flashing lights but we have done some research and can offer you some very practical ways to tell if someone is lying to you, especially if you suspect your partner may be cheating.

This is why we're doing a brand new web audio cast and teleseminar next week that you can listen in to (no matter where you live)...

The online class we're doing is called...

"How to Spot a Liar"

...and you can read more about it or sign up if you're afraid someone close to you is lying to you.

So why do people lie to us--especially those we love or claim to love us?

Continue reading "Think He or She is LYING? (One Thing You MUST Do)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I have a question. I have read many articles about emotional affairs. The emphasis is always on how wrong they are, how destructive of marriage, and of course I can't help but agree with that. But the advice is always to end it as soon as possible and re-cement the marriage.

"What about the other person in the emotional affair? Does one bear no responsibility to that person at all? He/She may not be married and may have nothing to fall back on, no relationship to go back and reestablish.

"So, that is my question. Not how a person who is abandoned by another in an emotional affair can handle it (that's the usual case of what to do when you're dumped) but what the person who is opting out of the emotional affair can do or say to make it easier on the other person.

"It seems to me it's very selfish to think only of saving your marriage and basically telling the other person they can now go to hell, so to speak. I'm curious what you have to say about this."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

We're glad you asked that question because in our articles, we often talk to the person who is jealous and fearful that a partner is cheating but not to the other people in the triangle.

There's no getting around it--whenever there's an emotional affair (or even a physical one), there are 3 people--plus their families--affected in different ways.

Now of course, if you have ever been cheated on, you would probably not have much (if any) compassion for the person who is the "other woman (or man)" in a situation like this.

You might be saying right now--"She (he) gets what she deserves if he goes back to his spouse."

But it's not quite as simple as that and here's why...

Continue reading "Emotional Affairs--What about the "other" person in the triangle?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Most of us, you probably included, have been in relationships where when we look back, there were glaring red flags that we chose to ignore at the time.

The reverse is also a common experience...

Where we've made a "big deal" out of something that turned out not to be such a big deal.

So the question is...

Is this a red flag to pay attention to in your relationship or is it something benign that you should just ignore?

Here's one woman's description of her situation that seems similar to what many people are faced with--and our answer...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Back in late December of last year I met this wonderful man, we began dating, all went well and he proposed marriage to me for next year.

"However, there is a co-worker that recently sent him a txt message to his personal phone saying "nite-nite".

"At the beginning of our relationship one of his friends told me she was happy I was in his life because the person he was dating previous to me was not being too nice to him.

"His friend also told me his previous girlfriend was this woman from work that sent him the txt.

"How should I deal with this? I trust him but something is nudging me behind my head. I told him he should tell her not to txt him. And to keep it professional.

"Also, when you trust, does that mean I can't check his phone? Does trust mean surrender? Because if it is then this will be a challenge."

Continue reading "The Marriage or Relationship "Red Flags" to Pay Attention to..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When it comes to jealousy...

This is the worst thing that could possibly happen!

When stress, run-away thoughts of jealousy and feelings that your world is crumbling around you merge-- the worst can happen...

And for one couple this week, jealousy did cause the worst to happen and it played itself out on the national and network news outlets.

So what is it we're talking about here that was such a big tragedy?

We're talking about the death of retired NFL star quarterback Steve McNair.

According to an Associated Press report and the police, McNair was shot and killed by "a 20 year-old girlfriend distraught about mounting financial problems AND her belief that he was seeing someone else."

Although this is an extreme case of jealousy in action, we bring this up because there are some lessons to be learned from it.

Even though your jealousy and mistrust issues will hopefully not result in this type of tragedy, it could be time for you to do something about your situation--no matter how weak your symptoms appear to be.

If the woman who allegedly killed McNair had gotten help for her anger and jealous-- and learned how to deal with her financial problems, both of them would perhaps still be alive.

What pain this woman must have been in to do this extreme act and what pain McNair's and this woman's family must be in now!

All of it didn't have to happen.

Jealousy and this woman's other problems were so big in her mind that (according to police reports) they caused her to take the life of Mr. McNair and then herself.

This is tragic and here's what we'll say to you if jealousy or lack of trust is an issue for you in your life...

No matter how severe your jealousy is, here are some ways you can begin to tackle it...

Here's what we'll suggest...

Continue reading "Overcome Jealousy: What the McNair Tragedy can Teach Us" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You'd have to be on another planet right now if you haven't heard that reality stars Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce after what's perhaps the most public break-up imaginable.

If you watched their reality show, you got to see a real-life drama of infidelity and break-up happen right before your very eyes.

With years of allowing their family life to be on display for all of us to see, could they have stopped this divorce train from happening.

We think so but here's what they could have done...

Continue reading "Jon & Kate: Could they have saved their relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

It's not even summer yet and the temperatures are heating up where we live in Ohio and this is bad if you've got jealousy issues in your relationship.

We've noticed that very often it's not just the temperature that heats up this time of year.

It's jealousy and issues around trust that seem to heat up too.

If you're in a relationship where jealousy and trust are problems, this probably doesn't come as any shock to you.

You're probably feeling the effects of it already.

Here are a few reasons we've observed...

Continue reading "Summertime Jealousy and Trust Issues Heat Up" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On Monday we're going to start taking registrations for a new teleseminar and webcast we're going to be offering where we'll give you our best solutions for--

"What to do if your partner is looking at and paying too much attention to people of the opposite s.e.x. "

Because we've working on the content for this new teleseminar and webcast...

It also couldn't help but make us wonder...

What if you're in a relationship or marriage and you're being wrongly accused?

What if your partner doesn't trust you and is jealous--but you haven't done anything to deserve mistrust?

When it comes to this kind of mistrust, here's what we can tell you...

If your partner is continually accusing you of being unfaithful and you're not having an affair or breaking any
commitment to him or her, you are probably very frustrated and upset.

Whether it's something small or something much bigger--this hurts.

You may love your partner, but you just want him or her to believe you and stop being so suspicious.

Here are some ideas from our book and audio program "Relationship Trust Turnaround" that you may find
helpful in understanding and breaking this destructive cycle...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: What if you're wrongly accused?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you've turned on the television in the past few weeks, we're sure that you've heard about the relationship trials of the young pop starts Rihanna And Chris Brown. They were most recently in the news for their physical fight that left Rihanna with a battered face and head and Chris with a police report.

Although facts are sketchy about their situation, jealousy is an issue that very likely sparked this latest violence.

Today, Rihanna And Chris Brown are supposedly back together and are "working through their issues."

So what advice would we give these two young stars if we were sitting in a room with them right now?

Continue reading "Rihanna And Chris Brown--What Happens When Jealousy and Violence Mix" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you want to rebuild trust in your relationship or marriage, even after an affair...

We want to let you know that our new program that we've been working on for the past several months.... "Relationship Trust Turnaround" is NOW available

For free samples from the book, visit http://www.RelationshipTrust.com.

We are confident in saying that our new program is the most complete program available anywhere on how to rebuild trust in a relationship or marriage.

Here's what we cover in our new program...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Rebuilding Trust, even after infidelity..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Everything feels totally out of control for Valerie. Her husband Kent just admitted to her that he had another affair. This is the third time that he's cheated on her-- that she knows about-- during their 19 year marriage. Each time Valerie has taken Kent back and each time she's found out about a new affair, she feels like a victim all over again. It doesn't seem to matter how hard she tries to make this marriage work, nothing ever appears to change. Kent continues to violate her trust, and Valerie continues to feel betrayed and powerless.

So your spouse had an affair? Yes, this is almost always heartbreaking information to find out. Yes, there is help to rebuild trust after an affair. And yes, there are many aspects of the infidelity that were probably beyond your control. But no, you-- just like Valerie-- are NOT a victim.

Continue reading "So Your Spouse Had an Affair? Why You Are NOT A Victim" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our recent survey, lying was a big topic that we thought we'd address a specific question...

Here's one--
“My husband lied to me so much in the past that I don’t know what to believe anymore. Even if he says something nice or says he loves me, I have trouble believing him. How will I know when he is being honest with me again?”

Here's our take on lying and our answer to this specific question...

Continue reading "Lies and Lying: How to See Through the Lies" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're getting ready to do something we never thought we'd do.

In fact, we never thought we'd be sharing what we're getting ready to tell you about but the truth is we simply couldn't ignore the facts any longer.

Here's what we're talking about...

As we continue to work with people like you to help you build closer and more connected relationships, we have
determined that...

Trust and lack of trust in relationships and marriages has reached epidemic proportions and we feel called to do
something about it.

If you or anyone you know is dealing with any of the following issues, problems or challenges in your relationship or marriage...

~ lack of trust
~ lies
~ jealousy
~ infidelity
~ cheating
~ partner looking at "Adult " web sites
~ forgiveness after an affair
~communication challenges (because of an affair or infidelity)

Then this may be the most important information you'll ever read and here's why...

If you have trust issues in your relationship or marriage, whether you want to admit it or not, your relationship could be in serious trouble.

How "serious" depends on your specific situation.

In relationships, trust is the single most important factor that makes up a good relationship or marriage.

Without trust (even if you choose to stay in the relationship or marriage), the relationship will die unless you do something to rebuild it.

Next week we're offering a one-time only webcast and teleseminar where we're going to begin sharing some brand new information with you that we've been working on that shows you how to turn trust around in a relationship or marriage (especially when there's been an affair).

http://www.passionateheart.com/Trust

What's important is...

If trust is an issue for you in your relationship or marriage and you want to turn it around...

... then we encourage you to visit the following web page right now so you can get to the front of the line to get this relationship changing and trust rebuilding info when we share it for the first time next week during our webcast and teleseminar next week.

http://www.passionateheart.com/Trust

Warmest regards,

Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Pinocchio whose extending nose gave away his lies or the “lying eyes” of the lover in a popular Eagle's song, it seems we are often on the lookout for signs of betrayal from those we love. In fables and songs, lies are just part of a story; but nobody wants that kind of story in a love relationship. If your partner lied to you in the past, you might find yourself suspicious and wondering when he or she will betray you again. No matter the size the of the lie, when someone is dishonest with you, trust is weakened and you two move further apart. When you choose to stay in your relationship, in order to rebuild trust it is important to put the lies behind you and look to your present and future together.

This is not always as easy as it sounds! It could be your partner lied and had an affair. Or maybe he or she did not have an affair but was dishonest about enough little things that added up to a big-feeling betrayal. Chances are, whether you discovered your partner's lies or they were confessed to you probably experienced hurt, doubt and mistrust. After the possible upheaval, it is now time to heal, let go of the past and learn to rebuild trust, especially after an affair.

Here are 4 ways to learn how to trust again...

Continue reading "Lies and Mistrust:--4 Ways to Trust Again" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you haven't seen the film "Sex and the City," do it right now! We know that it didn't get great reviews and that it's a "Chick Flick" but if you want a good look at relationships, watch it.

We don't want to spoil the story for you but one of the topics is infidelity and whether to forgive or not after it happens.

We certainly understand that it's not too easy to forgive after infidelity and we would say that there are some things to consider if this has happened to you...

Continue reading "Infidelity and Forgiveness: 5 ways to get back on track" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A woman who bought our newly released "Stop Talking on Eggshells" package wrote to us and asked a question that we're sure many women (and men) are dealing with-

She said that her husband was good looking, funny and women especially liked him. She thought that they were flirting with him but has noticed that he is actually flirting with them by winking at them! His actions hurt her and she feels like he would rather be with them instead of her. She wanted to know whether she should ignore it or not.

Here's what we told her...

Continue reading "Flirting: What to do about a husband who flirts" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Building trust after there's been infidelity can take time--but more than that, it's takes commitment on the part of both people.

Here's a question from one of our readers...

"How can you trust your partner if at one point in time infidelity became part of your relationship?"

Our answer:
Trust is pretty subjective so the first thing we would tell you to do is to get clear about what you mean by the word "trust."

For example--trust that the two of you are going to work on your relationship to reconnect, trust that the affair is over, trust that the two of you will decide the future of your relationship after a certain period of time.

You can only start trusting when you both know what you both want and where you are headed with your relationship.

Take it a step at a time--such as making sure that there is a commitment that the affair is over. What does that look like?

Talk about if the two of you want to revitalize your relationship and to what extent you both are willing to do that.

What's a beginning step to moving toward one another?

Don't try to do "trust" in one shot. take it one commitment at a time. Create your commitments and then follow through on them. If you can take a step forward, do it. If not, don't.

When you look at regaining trust after infidelity, it looks like something that's overwhelming and not possible.

When you break it down into small commitments, it becomes less so.

Get clear first and then work out what being trustable would look like.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can we ever really know if someone is or will be faithful to us?

Here's a question we received recently from someone who wonders whether you can or not...

"I am very commited in my currant relationship and I believe she is. I am constantly working on my trust issues but my biggest question would be how do you know if the other person in the relationship is as faithful and WILL be as faithful as you?"

Here's our take on it...

"Trust" and being "faithful" in a relationship can mean something different for each one of us. We might think that everyone would define those words the same, but in our experience, it isn't true.

For one person, infidelity might be a partner frequently having lunch with an attractive co-worker. To another person, this might not be infidelity.

If there's one thing we believe it's this...you have to define the rules before you can play the game.

In other words, you have to know what each of you want in your relationship and how you are willing to live in it.

So whether infidelity is a concern or not, it's a good plan for the two of you to lay your cards on the table and talk about what infidelity or fidelity might look like in your relationship.

As for any assurances that someone will always be faithful to you?

In our opinion, you can't know but there is one thing that you can know...

The two of you can make the commitment that you will create your relationship in such a way that you are growing together and making it a priority in your lives. The two of you can learn communication skills that will create the environment so that you can talk about a situation before it ever gets to the infidelity stage--whatever that might mean to you.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You'd have to be from another planet not to be aware of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's infidelity.

His wife, Silda Spitzer, stood by him as he resigned yesterday from his position and if you saw photos of her, you saw how much agony she was in.

Her agony, although more public than a lot of people's, was not unlike what many, many wifes (and husbands) go through each day. They didn't see it coming...but did they?

In coaching woman who have discovered that their husbands have or are having affairs usually about jealousy issues, what stands out most is that they usually will admit that somewhere inside themselves they knew they were being cheated on and for whatever reason, they didn't want to confront it.

Is a woman (or man) wrong for not confronting a spouse's affair?

Of course not, if that's how you want to live your life.

But if you want a marriage that is connected, alive and growing--and you suspect your husband (or wife) is having an affair or not fully in your marriage, you'll want to find out what's going on.

Instead of accusing your spouse of having an affair, we suggest that you approach the situation by talking about wanting to renew your marriage and your connection--maybe rekindle your relationship like it used to be. If there are deep chasms in your marriage, you might suggest counseling as a way to renew your marraige.

If you use this line of approach, it will become clear whether your husband (or wife) wants to have a closer, more connected relationship with you or not--and it will become clear if he or she is involved with someone else.

If the evidence is so obvious that your husband (or wife) is having an affair--like secretive private phone calls, unexplained long hours at work (which you know isn't true) or the tell-tale lip-stick on the collar--then of course, confront him/her with your evidence or suspicions.

If you are jealous and not sure that your husband (or wife) is actually having an affair, then start with yourself first. Decide what you'd like for your relationship and then ask your partner if he/she would like to work toward that goal.

Don't throw out your marriage because of infidelity unless your partner has no interest in stopping and also no interest in making your marriage better. Also, don't stand for repeated infidelity. Learn your lesson and stand up for what you want--and what you don't want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It can feel quite overwhelming if you’ve experienced an affair in your marriage or love relationship and are trying to heal from it.

If the affair has stopped and both of you are committed to rebuilding your relationship, you’re ready to start the healing process. If the affair isn’t over, then you both need to clarify what you want and be honest about your relationship.

So if you’re ready to heal your relationship, we have two words for you: movement and direction.

That’s right; it’s all about movement and which direction you are facing. As you continue to relive the events that took place around the affair, you are not turned toward healing. As you continue to watch and read about affairs or become part of support groups that rehash the affairs that you and others have been through, you are not turned toward healing.

Here are 4 ways to begin your healing process after infidelity has torn your relationship apart...

Continue reading "4 Ways to Heal After an Affair" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We’ve all heard about the infamous “mid-life crisis” where one person in a seemingly happy marriage becomes dissatisfied with the way life is going and has an affair. Mid-life divorces can be the result of the crisis.

Of course, not all affairs happen after many years of marriage. They occur in relationships where the couple is not married as well as in marriages that are just a few months old. When a couple makes the agreement to be monogamous and this agreement is broken, it is usually an indication of overall disconnection.

So is it possible to head off an affair before it happens?

Continue reading "Heading Off an Affair Before It Happens" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)