These are the "woulda," "coulda," "shoulda's" that most of us carry around with us to some degree or the other.

So if you could go back in time, what would you do differently?

One woman told us that she should have talked to her partner before she left the relationship--to see if they could work out their issues. She's now in this agonizing place of living with the "shoulda's"--still trying to decide if she did the "right" thing by leaving.

A man said that he and his wife would have more passion in their relationship if only they had more time outside of work and caring for extended family members.

Another woman told us that when she and her husband disagree or he feels "stepped on" for some reason, they get into a communication pattern they can't get out of. He reacts angrily, she responds that she feels hurt and he gets silent.

He says enough has been said and she feels even more hurt. She said that an issue that could have been resolved in a matter of minutes will take a day or more to resolve--if at all.

Along with these people--we're guessing that there are some woulda, coulda, and shoulda's that you have about previous relationships or one or more relationships you are currently in.

And if you stay in those traps for long periods of time or just keep falling in them and you can't figure out why or how...

Your relationship can end up feeling empty and could even end.

We were reminded of these sneaky, hidden relationship traps as we watched the 2010 Winter Olympics over the past two weeks.

During one downhill skiing competition, there was one place in the course that seemed to cause several of the competitors to get off balance, lose time and some fell.

It was a problem for many skiers because this irregular rut (as some commentators called it) in the course came up by surprise.

They weren't aware of it until it was too late.

What was clear was that those who skied the best times in this event, had completely avoided this area during their run.

So it is with those sneaky, hidden relationship traps.

The couples who don't fall into them have happier relationships than those who do.

These traps are sneaky and hidden because like the problem on the ski slope, we don't see them coming before we fall right into them.

And then while we're in these traps, we often can't even see that we're in them, let alone find a way to get out.

Usually something happens to bring us out--but sometimes not.

Sometimes the issues never get resolved. We just get busy with something else and the issue is buried, only to come back up at a later time.

Now, of course, we all fall into these traps every now and then because we're human (and they can be different for everyone).

But the happiest couples don't stay there when they do and they figure out ways to not fall in them very often.

For them, quickly getting out of these traps becomes a habit---or avoiding them altogether.

So what are these traps?

We've just created a special report called...

"The 12 Biggest Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect Your Man Is Lying or Cheating..."

And we're giving it to you.

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

(If you're a man and reading this, don't get upset that we're leaving you out. We know that women cheat too! We're working on something just for men so stay tuned.)

This special report is our gift to women who think their men are lying and / or cheating on them.

If you're a woman, this is something you're going to find really valuable if you suspect your man is lying or cheating.

It outlines the 12 biggest relationship-killing mistakes we see women making when they suspect their man is lying or cheating on them.

If you want to download your copy of this report at no charge, go here now...

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

Tiger Woods broke his silence about his infidelity that's been in the news for the last several months.

Although you may be tired of hearing about his affairs and cheating, what his wife Elin told him is certainly worth paying attention to.

According to Tiger during his message to the world, his wife Elin told him that his real apology will not come in words but in his behavior over time.

This is very, very good advice for anyone who is dealing with a similar situation--or for that matter any time we have wronged another person for any reason.

Elin is essentially saying to Tiger that it's going to take time to prove to her that he is trustable or not!

(And it certainly seems that she's still deciding whether to stay or go!)

An apology in words only that is not followed up by trustable actions over time is worthless.

WOW, what a great insight and excellent advice.

Elin's words are also good advice where trust has been violated in other ways.

What if you could know (before it happened) that a tire on the car you were driving was about to have a "blowout" that would be so violent that it caused you to have a wreck?

Would you want to know what was coming before it happened so you could avoid a potentially dangerous wreck?

Of course you would.

But what about your relationship or marriage?

Have you ever said or done something and instantly you just knew that you had pushed someone away?

Have you ever been at a loss for why passion suddenly cooled between the two of you?

Then you may have been using a "passion eraser" without even knowing it..

Passion erasers cause relationship wrecks and if you're not familiar with this term...

A passion eraser is anything that you think, say or do that reduces or eliminates passion and connection from your
relationships and your life.

It can even be a belief that holds you back from giving or receiving love.

Most of us don't take the time to find out what our particular passion erasers are.

But what we know is that we all have to stop using them if we want closer, more connected relationships and
happier lives.

Here are a few example of "Passion Erasers"...

Here's how to not only have the best Valentine's Day ever but to take what you do on Valentine's Day and carry it with you throughout the entire year...

Now through Thursday night, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern Time, we're going to give you the chance to get your copy of ...

"Susie and Otto Uncensored"

This is the juiciest, sexiest, steamiest, most provocative audio about relationships, intimacy and lovemaking we've ever recorded.

You get to download a copy of it at no charge *if * you are one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link only.

Now for a bit of bad news...

Or is it?

The truth is...

For a lot of couples, even though there might be a special dinner, flowers, or a night out together to celebrate (or not)--there's still an underlying tension or distance that seems to always be there.

The fights, arguments and disagreements just seem to erupt out of no where and neither person knows how to stop the pattern.

If you would like to stop fighting and start loving before Valentine's Day, here are 5 ways you're going to love...

These 5 ways to create more love have worked for us and others and we invite you to try them in your relationship right now.

This way, there's more love no matter what time of the year it is...

Now of course, we know that not all men and women in committed relationships cheat.

But many are cheating and have cheated and it's a tragedy .

If you are happy in your relationship and cheating isn't an issue for you, we congratulate you both.

Keep doing what you're doing to stay connected.

Whether you're a man or a woman, If you are suspicious of your partner, take some action to find out the truth.

Suspicion can destroy a relationship as deeply as actual cheating can.

Constant jealousy and nagging questions can drive a wedge between the two of you whether your partner is guilty of what you fear or not.

If you're suspicious and you want to save your relationship, your job is to stop yourself from going into the emotional tailspin of sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

Then become the objective observer and start documenting what's going on.

We go into detail about how to get your emotions under control so you can be the objective observer in our new
course "Where There's Smoke There's Fire: How to Tell if Your Man's Cheating Liar."

(Although we wrote this for women, there's a lot of good information for men here also.)

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the relationship is over.

We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...

In fact, this isn't like us at all.

it's already the middle of January and we're just now getting around to thinking about and working on our relationship, life and business goals for 2010...

It's not an excuse but it's a fact...

We've been so busy working on a brand new relationship program for you that will available soon that we've totally blown past the last few weeks.

Up until now we haven't put much thought into thinking about or setting any new goals for 2010.

When we realized this a day or two ago...

We asked ourselves a really important question:

What are some things ANYONE (including us) could start doing right now that would have an immediate positive impact on their love life and relationships in 2010?

So, we came up with 10 tips you're going to love...

The two of us, along with the rest of our team, have been working around the clock putting together a new relationship program for you.

This is a program that for many people (maybe even you) will be the most important relationship program we've ever created.

We're just about ready to reveal all the details but right now we'll say...

We've spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours traveling all over the country, doing the research and
putting this program together for you and it shows in the incredible information we're going to be sharing with you.

We're really excited about this and think you will be too.

Look for more details about our new program soon.

Have a great day.

Our best,

Susie and Otto Collins

No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.

When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?

If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.

If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck--you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.

Nothing new here, right?

We all do this.

Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.

The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.

We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.

When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.

Susie had this happen one morning this week.

She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...

She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.

And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.

In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.

She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment

Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?

Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?

Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..

Please Note: If you're coming into the new year and you're living with the relationship question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship--then don't make this decision without getting a copy of our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" book and audio program.

It's such a great resource for helping you get clear about what's really going in your relationship and whether to stay or go is the right question you should be asking yourself right now.

If it is, this program helps you to make your decision with more certainty and ease.

Read what Janice wrote to us recently and said...

"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" helped me evaluate a so-so, long-distance relationship which I ended... and then I found my soulmate. thank you!" Janice

So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?

If you're like us you've been mulling over your goals, dreams and plans for having the best year ever in 2010 and beyond.

We've got some new things we're going to be telling you about soon but...

As we've been thinking about New Year's and beyond here's something that shocked us...

We recently saw a list of the 5 top topics that people create goals around for the new year, and it didn't come as much of a surprise that weight loss was at the top of that list.

But what we thought was weird was that "relationships" wasn't even on that list.

With all the hub bub this year about cheating and infidelity (and we know this hasn't ONLY happened this year)--

In our opinion, there is NOTHING more important than your relationships.

The reason we say this isn't just because we're relationship coaches and we spend most of our time thinking and writing about relationships...

It's much more than that...

It's that if you think about it, everything we do or try to do in life is either about, includes or requires the help of a relationship of some kind.

If you are a parent (or have parents), that's a relationship.

If you work anywhere, you must develop relationships to be successful in your job.

Governments must form relationships with other government organizations in order to be effective and in harmony with one another.

Even something like an engine in a car must have a "relationship" with the other parts of the car in order to work effectively and efficiently to provide transportation for the owner and passengers of the car.

In our way of looking at things, if you're going to have something, why not go for the best?

When it comes to your relationships, if you want them to be better than what you have right now, one of the best ways is to continually find ways of improving them--and that starts with intentions and then setting some goals.

In case you're like us and haven't written your goals or resolutions for 2010 (or even if you never do it), we would encourage you to include some goals about your relationships.

To help, we're offering you a few ideas about how you can create growing, more loving, more deeply connected relationships in the new year.

Here are a few ways that have worked for us to keep our relationship close, connected and growing--and we offer them to you...(they'll work for any type of relationship)

But we also want to give you something else...

We want to give you a friendly relationship challenge.

We'll get to the challenge in a moment but first we'd like you to go to this web page and download a copy of the "Magic Relationship Words" you're going to need to have for the best holiday season ever.

Imagine having over 100 words, phrases and sentence-starters that virtually guarantee that you say it right EVERY time in every situation with your partner, spouse or lover--

Especially here at the holidays...

You'll want to make sure there aren't any conflicts that last forever, stonewalling or nasty arguments.

Now for the friendly relationship challenge for you...

If you do this, we think your holidays just could be the best ever.

It will only take a couple of moments...

Here goes...

"Your past doesn't equal your future."

OR

Said another way...

Your past doesn't have to equal your future (unless of course you want it to)...

This is what our whole "No More Jealousy" program is all about-- giving you the strategies, skills and ideas for making sure your jealousy is a thing of the past.

Unfortunately, for some people, the past and what happened does seem to act as if it's on automatic repeat and "bad" things just keep repeating over and over.

Not good.

If you were hurt in the past in your relationships, you can start now to create the relationship and life that you want in your future.

We've seen it in our own lives and in the lives of hundreds of people we've worked with.

This statement of ours that we like to say "the past does not equal the future" is not just a nice, affirming statement meant to lift your spirits.

It's a very concrete way your reality can be.

But what if your present is just a repeat of what happened in your past?

What do you do then?

How do you get out of repeating the same thing over and over (especially about something like jealousy that can drive you crazy)?

Here's a question that you may have if you're in a similar situation...

***QUESTION FROM A READER

"But what happens when you know for sure that the past IS equaling the future?"