Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Whew!

When it comes to relationships...

This must be a crazy holiday season for a lot of people because over the last few days we've been deluged by emails and calls for relationship help.

Several people have asked us if we offer on-on-one relationship help in addition to the books and programs we offer...

The answer is YES.

We work with people all over the world by telephone and if you're in our area, we can work with you in person to help you solve whatever relationship challenges are going on in your life.

and here's some good news...

If you want to work with us personally, we have a couple of relationship coaching spots open right now.

To find out more about working with one of us personally or to take the next step, go to

http://www.passionateheart.com/coaching.htm

We know that the holidays are probably pretty busy for you, but in order to have a better, happier experience with the people you love over the next few weeks, how about considering this...

While it's a time to have a lot of things to do and a lot of places to go, it's also time to be in gratitude for the people in your life--especially your intimate and close relationships.

For your relationships to grow deeper in love and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you carry with you every day.

Gratitude is not only healthy for your relationships but it's healthy for you physically and emotionally.

It's a fact that we've proven over and over in our own lives...

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more love, health, prosperity and well-being into our lives.

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we fear might happen, what upsets us or what went wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and disconnection into our lives.

So what might hold you back from "being" and expressing gratitude?

Continue reading "One Simple Way to Make Your Relationship Better..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The 5 relationship roadblocks and how any one these 5 "blocks" could be keeping you from having the love and relationship you want...

>>Note: If there's anything you'd like Susie and Otto's help with personally concerning your relationships-- we offer one-on-one coaching both in person and by telephone.

No matter whether you have a good relationship that you want to make great or if you have a few problems, issues or challenges you'd like some help with, we're here for you.

Question...

Did you know that any relationship challenge you'll ever have will come down to a problem with one of these five things?

It's true.

As we've been working with people from all over the world to help them create the lives and relationships they really want--

One thing's clear...

If you don't have the love you want and the kind of relationship you desire...

There's a block in one or more of these areas:

~Your Thoughts

~Your Beliefs

~Your Attitudes

~Your Actions

~ Your Strategies.

That's it.

Everything else is just the details.

You can always trace any challenge back to one of these areas and here's a practical example to illustrate this...

Someone wrote to us recently and asked us...

"How can you stop thinking about the past and only think about the good things you and your partner have now?"

This is an excellent question and one we'll answer in this way...

The person who wrote to us didn't say whether it was 'their' past together or the past before getting together that they couldn't stop thinking negatively about so with that being said...

Here are our thoughts...

Continue reading "5 Relationship Roadblocks That Keep Love Away..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Once a month we do a presentation in Columbus, Ohio for our local Passionate Spark ~ Lasting Love group and we want to share an idea with you here that we're going to talk about in-depth in our next meeting that we think can really help you in your relationships no matter where you live.

Last weekend, when we were planning out next meeting (happens on November 28) in Columbus we came up with the topic for the next meeting and it's ...(be sure to join us if you're in our area)

"I'm Right--You're Right"

Which of course is the exact opposite creed of what most people live by which is "I'm RIGHT--You're WRONG."

We are amazed at how easy it is to fall into the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" trap--and how destructive it is to your relationship when you do!

Recently, one of our coaching clients had a huge awakening around this idea--and the changes he's made because of this awakening are saving his marriage.

Without going into details about his situation, let's just say that the bottom line was that he became so tied up in proving he was "right" every time there was a difference between him and his wife, he kept pushing her further and further away from him.

And that wasn't what he wanted!

In fact, every time they had a difference of opinion, he ended bringing up every "mistake" she'd made in the past and as he put it "hitting below the belt."

They were arguing more often and the more he tried to make himself "right," the more she
withdrew and acted in ways he didn't like.

They were definitely stuck in a damaging loop that they couldn't seem to get out of.

How have they gotten out of this loop to create a much better, happier relationship?

If you can relate in any way to the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" loop, here are some ideas that helped our coaching client make some big changes in his relationship...

Continue reading "Communication Advice When You Both Think You're Right..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth?

No--not literally...

We mean, have you ever said or done something that you would rather take back as soon as it came out--but since there's no instant rewind button, you couldn't?

Have you ever tried to make some changes for the better in yourself and in your relationship but you keep falling back into your old ways?

Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions--you're not alone!

You might go along for awhile and everything's fine but add a small (or a hugely) stressful situation (like the recent holiday weekend) and wham--you're back saying and doing the things you absolutely know will push your partner or other people in your life away.

For Susie, this can amount to not getting enough sleep. Sometimes when this happens, it's just like some strange entity takes her over and she's not really aware of what's coming out of her mouth--until it's too late!

She seems to go unconscious and certainly is not in the present moment.

As we work with men and women in our Breakthrough Relationship Coaching practice, we keep coming back to the fact that in order to make changes for the better in our lives, the words we use (and the intent behind those words) do make a huge difference.

Continue reading "A Fast, Easy (and Effective) Communication "Trick" You Can Use..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What we know for sure is that disagreement is normal and natural within a relationship or marriage. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating and NOT what you want to do--but there it is and you have to deal with it.

HOW you deal with disagreement is a large part of what determines whether you stay in love over the years and there are certainly "right" ways and "wrong" ways of doing it.

A person who got our "No More Jealousy" program sent us a message about what she's learned and how she's turning her relationship around that goes far beyond the subject of stopping jealousy.

What she's learned and is practicing goes to the very heart of how to stop disagreements and fights before they even get started.

Her letter is so compelling (whether jealousy is a problem for you or not), we're including it here along with our summary of her ideas...

Continue reading "3 Tips for Stopping Fights Before They Start" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What can be more irritating than when your beloved doesn't listen to you and starts trying to "fix" you in the process?

**Question from a reader...

"My fiance has been through personal development work and so understands the importance of taking responsibility for our actions and our feelings EXCEPT - the problem is is that he keeps telling me to take responsibility for my feelings instead of him taking responsibility for his actions. Basically, he took the responsibility advice as he can behave however he will behave and I need to control my feelings and take responsibility for them if they make me sad or upset. There is no connecting, no relating, no understanding - just a "mentor" telling me to change my feelings about what's happened."

**Our answer...

Yes, we're all for both people taking personal responsibility in a relationship--in fact, that's the only way it will work in a healthy way--BUT when there's no connection in the process, that can really be a problem.

Here are some ways to create more connection and be responsible...

Continue reading "He won't listen--She's frustrated and wants connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

So things are going along pretty well and one day, your partner withdraws and you don't have a clue what happened. It's like the bottom just fell out, you're left dangling and you don't know what to do.

Whether you're just starting to date or you've been in a committed relationship or marriage for many years, when this happens, it can really put you into a tail-spin and play havoc with your confidence and your life.

If this has ever happened to you and you were clueless as to the cause, here's a question from a reader and our answer to her that might help...

**Reader's Question**

"I want to know, what do you do when he starts withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you?"

**Our response**

If he is withdrawing and making excuses why he can't see you then for some reason it feels safer for him or more pleasurable for him to withdraw than to come closer to you.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Withdraws..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You've been hearing us talk a lot about our upcoming "Get Closer Weekend" and if you are considering coming...

NOW is the time to act.

This is because the early bird special which means big savings on our "Get Closer Weekend" is about to expire.

Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, come learn the secrets to keeping love, passion and a great connection alive for as long as you want.

Just go here to get the details or to sign up for THIS incredible "Get Closer Weekend."

When people ask us what's one thing they can do to get closer in their relationship, we give them a suggestion
that goes something like what we talked about in our free teleclass we gave this past week...

If you want to get closer, one way is to focus on getting on the same team.

This seems so obvious but "getting on the same team" and getting the two of you lined up in the same way and focused in the same direction is one of the real challenges of relationships.

We can tell you from personal experience that when both of you work as a team as you move through life together, you can literally conquer anything and everything that gets in your way of keeping the passion, love and connection alive.

When it comes to great examples of "getting on the same team," you don't have to look any further than sports for inspiration, especially this time of year when the NCAA college basketball teams are gearing up for the "big dance."

Since we're from Columbus, of course we follow our Buckeyes and are excited the men are #1 right now in the standings.

As we've watched college basketball and other sports, especially the Cincinnati Reds baseball team, we've come to some conclusions about winning teams...

*It's not only talent that creates a winning team but it's also the way they work together as a team

*In winning teams, individual roles are clearly defined

*Individuals on a winning team appreciate their teammates and build them up. You don't hear them talking badly about each other.

*Winning teams have a sense of community and working toward a common objective. They are lined up in the same direction with the same purpose.

What does this have to do with your relationship?

Plenty.

When you take the time to get lined up and get on the same team, everything's easier. Disagreements are less intense and don't last as long--and passion and closeness are greater.

The problem is that most couples don't feel they're always (or even sometimes) on the same team.

What do couples do when they aren't on the same team?

Continue reading "8 Sure Signs Your Relationship Could Be In Trouble (Without You Even Knowing It)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For a couple, there is nothing more important in their relationship than their ability to communicate.

We know those are strong words but if you've ever been in a relationship where you DIDN'T communicate, you know how true they are.

This is why we've created a brand new program just for men called "A Crash Course In Communication For Men..."

It's not that we think that all men are dolts at communicating and all women are experts at it...

We just recognized that very little is written for a man about how to communicate with his woman and we wanted to share what we've discovered. (Women everywhere are going to be glad we did.)

You see, what we've figured out is...

No matter what you want in a relationship or marriage and whether you get it or not depends largely (if not totally) on your ability to communicate and connect with each other.

Do you...

Want more love?

More appreciation?

or

More intimacy?

Crazy as it sounds, your ability to communicate and connect will determine whether you get these things or not.

What about the things your partner's doing that you'd like to change or stop doing?

Again...

It's your ability to communicate and connect with your love that determines how much change can happen in your relationship.

And it doesn't always mean talking either.

For example...

Continue reading "Nothing is more important than this..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've got a couple of big things we want to share with you today as well as a very inspiring and motivating article that has some really powerful relationship insights in it ...

First... We're really excited because we just booked the facility where we're going to hold our first ever "Get Closer" weekend seminar that we'll be doing this spring.

This week, we're going to release the first communication program ever "just for men" ... it's our new "Crash Course In Communication For Men" book and audio program.

More details coming soon on both of these things.

and...

In case you missed it from last week's news...

The fitness fanatic and teacher extraordinaire Jack LaLanne died at his home in California at the age of 96 and what a life he lived.

Not only was he a true exercise and fitness pioneer who many years ago invented some of the ways we still exercise today, but when it comes to relationships...

We also don't have too look to far into Jack's fitness and exercise philosophies to show you how these same philosophies can also work to help you create closer, more connected and more passionate relationships and marriages.

Here's how...

When Jack LaLanne said his famous "LaLanneisms" like... .

"It's not what you do some of the time that counts, it's what you do all of the time that counts" and "Anything in life is possible and you can make it happen"

He could have been just as easily have been talking about how to have a happy, joyous and passionate relationship or marriage.

This is because....

While most people believe that it's normal and natural for our bodies to get sick, break down prematurely. most people also believe that it's normal and natural for love, passion and intimacy to fade away and die after the " honeymoon" period of your relationship has passed, but not us.

Most people also don't believe that it's possible to keep passion and close connected intimacy alive for as long as you and your partner are together but we do and our lives are a living experiment about this idea.

This was really funny when this happened....

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Jack LaLanne" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're all familiar with the bug zapper that's been around for decades--an ultraviolent light that attracts insects and then electrocutes them, emitting a sickening sound of frying bug flesh.

While bugs can be annoying, what's even more lethal in our lives are what we're calling "love zappers" (unless of course you are allergic to the sting of the insect).

If we can carry this analogy a little further...

Just like a bug flying into one of those zappers--these love zappers can certainly suck the life out of a relationship and can take you by surprise because you don't even realize what's happened until it's too late.

Here are 7 of the worst love zappers and how to beat them...

Continue reading "The 7 Worst Love Zappers and How to Beat Them..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Believe it or not, there are many things you can do right now to instantly transform your relationship. We've written quite a bit over the years about what some of these things are and here are two very important ones...

Continue reading "2 Ways to Instantly Transform for Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you were to get 100 people together and ask them this question...

"Do you do things to try control or manipulate your husband, wife, partner or other loved ones?"

We think you'd find that almost every one of them would say "No, I don't do this."

But...regardless of what most people's first "reaction" to this question is...

The truth is almost everyone tries to control and manipulate the people they love most and most of
the time it's totally unconscious.

So, why do we do this?

Why do we have this need to control and manipulate?

How does this play out in our important relationships?

For starters...

It's just a part of being human--we all want our way and to feel loved and appreciated.

We all have different ways of doing it--sometimes being forceful and domineering and sometimes withdrawing and being aloof.

And much of this is unconscious behavior learned very early in our lives.

So if we're all trying to control one another, how can two people ever find peace, happiness and love together as a couple?

The answer's pretty simple but not always easy to do...

Continue reading "Control, Manipulation and Other Things That Really Screw Up Relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There is a very simple problem (but one that is not so simple to fix) that plagues nearly everyone and the problem is much bigger than you might think...

In fact, most people don't think of themselves as having this problem at all--but they do.

The fact is...

Almost everyone has this problem.

It just plays out differently for each of us.

So what's this big problem we're talking about here?

The problem is..."fear" ...

And before you start thinking that this isn't an issue for you, consider this...

Has fear ever stopped you cold in your tracks from doing something that you knew would be good for you to do if you just did it?

If we're totally honest, all of us have felt this kind of fear from time to time--and if we didn't act, we realized we missed a great opportunity because of it.

This paralyzing fear can happen in any part of our lives and can cause problems but it can really be damaging to our relationships.

When fear holds us hostage in our relationships, it very plainly shuts off possibilities and connection.

One place fear shows up with our loved ones is the way we communicate with them.

But let's back up a little...

Why is it so important to take a look at fear and the role that it plays in our relationship and life?

As one of our teachers said, "Fear causes us to place bets on losing instead of winning."

The problem with this is...

When "losing" or "fear of losing" or fear of any kind becomes what you focus on rather than what both you and your partner want-- then you almost always get more of what you fear or don't want.

We restrict and constrict ourselves instead of being open to possibilities when we're fearful.

When we're constricted, hold back and withdraw because of fear, there's no way we can have the connection, communication and love that most of us want with others.

According to some teachers, there are three types of fear in our modern world where most of us don't worry about getting eaten by gigantic beasts or where our next meal is coming from.

Continue reading "When Fear Holds Your Relationship Hostage--3 Ways to Move Past It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the common complaints that we hear from couples, especially ones who have been together for many years, is this...

"We love each other but we've lost track of one another in the busy-ness of our lives. We barely talk to one another outside of the bare essentials of taking care of the kids and getting things done."

In our experience, this lack of intimate communication beyond the basics of living is what kills passion and ultimately relationships.

The TV show "Bones" star David Boreanaz recently admitted to infidelity in a People magazine interview.

Although the admission of a star's infidelity certainly isn't unusual or a surprise, Boreanaz's wife's response is.

While she didn't "blame" herself for her husband's affairs (he took full responsibility for his actions), she did admit that they led separate lives and when they were together, they were each focused on their computers and not on each other.

Is this an excuse for cheating?

Of course not but why even allow your relationship to get to this point?

So what might have prevented their relationship breakdown as well as many other couples' breakdowns who may not be dealing with cheating but rather vague feelings of distance and wanting more?

The answer is simple...

Continue reading "Automatic Intimacy: 5 Questions That Make It Happen and Prevent Cheating..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you're like most people, when conflict comes up inside you, you get "grabbed" and react automatically.

Usually this "automatic" reaction happens in a split second and even though you may not want it to happen, it does.

*We get defensive and say something mean and sarcastic that we later regret

*We feel anger boiling inside us and we have the urge to fight back

or

*We back away from conflict, shut down to protect ourselves and may physically leave the room

*We freeze and get that "deer in the headlights" look in our eyes and nothing comes out of our mouths

Or we might do a combination of any of these.

Whatever happens inside you, we're guessing that a lot of times you feel like you just don't have any control over yourself when this pattern pops up.

And to make matters worse...

You have people in your life that react either the exact opposite of you or just like you do in those instances.

Over the past couple of days, Susie attended a fabulous workshop given by Richard Strozzi-Heckler, founder of the Strozzi Institute.

During the workshop, one of the exercises Susie did with a partner revealed how they each habitually (and automatically) acted in conflict situations.

Susie and her partner at the workshop didn't "think" about their reaction beforehand--It was just as if their body, mind and actual physical body "knew" what to do when push came to shove (so to speak).

This is a very common pattern we've seen in ourselves, our relationship and in the relationships of most of the couples who work with us one on one in our relationship breakthrough coaching--and it's a pattern we'll call "Pushing--Withdrawing."

Continue reading "Conflict, Anger, Sarcasm and the Urge To Fight Back..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night we saw the 2010 remake of the movie "Death at a Funeral" and laughed harder than we've laughed in a long time.

We recognize that it didn't get very good reviews but we loved it!

In the middle of all the silly, outlandish situations, there was some solid relationship advice for people--if you just looked hard enough.

Without spoiling the movie for you, we'll just say that most of us can relate at least somewhat with the family strife, discord, grudges and misunderstandings that we saw portrayed in the film.

Brother jealous of more successful brother, mother favoring one son over another, wife feeling not approved of by mother-in-law, father not approving of daughter's choice in men--all pretty common themes that run in "real" families, as well as this fictional family.

In the film, the family finally began to resolve their differences when several of the characters decided to change.

We loved the description of "change" from a book we've been reading--Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard.

The authors Chip and Dan Heath say that "someone has to start acting differently" for there to be change.

And in "Death at a Funeral" as in our lives--somebody has to decide that it's time to act differently if change is to happen.

Here are a few ideas about how to act differently so change happens in your relationships...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You're Stuck in a Destructive Loop..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In the movies, on TV, in plays and in novels, they're called "plot points..."

These are the points in a story where everything is going along in one direction and one thing (usually unexpected) happens and then everything shifts, changes and typically goes off in a whole different direction.

We have these in our lives too.

Most of us can look back and find moments in time when we made decisions that changed the course of our lives.

For us, one of these times happened when we made a 1 minute decision back in 1997 that saved our relationship.

Whether you're consciously aware of them or not...

If you take a real good look back through your life, we're sure that there have been plenty of moments where you can look back at a given moment and be able to say "that changed everything."

These moments might be the "big" decisions you made-- to take a certain job, buy a house, move from your home town, get married, have a baby, get divorced...

Or they might be the "private" decisions you made like stopping a destructive habit like smoking or starting a new habit like an exercise program that brought you closer to what you wanted your life experience to be.

Some of these "decisions" might have been made for you--maybe your partner decided to leave your relationship or there was a death in your family that created massive changes in your life.

Whatever happened in these moments that caused you to make the decisions you did--nothing happened until you took some action to support that decision.

And you had to keep taking action in that direction for true changes to happen in your life.

But if you never had taken that first step of making the decision, things probably would have stayed the same.

So, what about that 1 minute decision we just mentioned that saved our relationship?

Continue reading "The 1 Minute Decision That Saved Our Relationship in 1997..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a time machine to be able to turn back the clock to make the changes that might cause things to turn out a little (or a lot) differently?

These are the "woulda," "coulda," "shoulda's" that most of us carry around with us to some degree or the other.

So if you could go back in time, what would you do differently?

One woman told us that she should have talked to her partner before she left the relationship--to see if they could work out their issues. She's now in this agonizing place of living with the "shoulda's"--still trying to decide if she did the "right" thing by leaving.

A man said that he and his wife would have more passion in their relationship if only they had more time outside of work and caring for extended family members.

Another woman told us that when she and her husband disagree or he feels "stepped on" for some reason, they get into a communication pattern they can't get out of. He reacts angrily, she responds that she feels hurt and he gets silent.

He says enough has been said and she feels even more hurt. She said that an issue that could have been resolved in a matter of minutes will take a day or more to resolve--if at all.

Along with these people--we're guessing that there are some woulda, coulda, and shoulda's that you have about previous relationships or one or more relationships you are currently in.

Continue reading "The Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda's that Lead To Relationship Disasters..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If there's one thing that can kill a marriage or committed relationship pretty quickly, it's trying to blend two families together under one roof--especially when there are children involved.

Here's one woman's story about her struggles with her common law husband and our answer...

"My current common law husband doesn't not like my children. The only time he has any interaction with them, he is disciplining them. He tends to have a very firm approach to discipline and fails to see the good in them. I tried to explain to him that he is always coming across as the bad guy, because this is all the kids see. Also, to make the issue worse, he tends to place his own 18 year daughter (who doesn't live with us)on a pedestal. She can do no
wrong in his eyes. I constantly feel as though I have to defend my children when he is punishing them for something that should not even be an issue. I am constantly in the middle. I feel as though my feelings are NEVER a consideration to him. I keep myself completely removed from his daughter and any issues that arise. I feel it is not my business. Many times I am tempted to voice my opinion, but out of respect to him I will not. I am then left feeling that he should have the same respect for me. To make things worse, he has (for the past three years) gone to spend Christmas with his ex wife and daughter (over night). I feel it is time that he spends it here with me and my children, since he is a part of our household and daily life. Once again I'm left feeling as though he only wants to be a part of my kids life when they have done something bad (in his eyes), and doesn't want to share the good times. As much as I want him hear, if I insist he will be miserable thinking I am forcing him to be around when he'd rather not. He knows his daughter is more then welcome also. I don't believe he even gives her the option, and that he simply choses to be at her house (with her mother, his ex)."

Here's our answer...

Continue reading "When Your Step-Family is in Trouble--3 Ways to Resolve A Bad Situation" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What a double-edged sword the truth can be!

We all say we want to be "truthful" and to be told the truth..

Or do we really?

If we're really honest with ourselves about our relationships, when it comes down to it, the "truth" we usually want to hear is the one we agree with.

We just caught the movie "The Invention of Lying" and although we agree with the reviewers that it's not the best movie in the world...

It did have a few things to say about lying and telling the truth.

We saw and felt what it might be like if everyone told their truth in every moment. In fact, they couldn't tell a lie--
except for one person.

The result of all of this truth-telling was pretty uncomfortable at times for the people involved--even if it was funny to watch.

The "truth" is that in most relationships--

One or both of you dance around the truth or omit things that are important to you because you don't think your partner will like them or will get upset.

When you do this, you are putting up walls to intimacy and barriers to deeper connection--no doubt about it.

But you don't want to hurt the other person with honesty, right?

So what we ALL do to greater or lessor degrees in our relationships is to NOT tell the "whole" truth with the people in our lives and most importantly-- we don't usually want them to tell us the whole truth either--especially if it's uncomfortable to hear it.

If everybody was completely honest (judgments included) in ALL their communication, it might just be too painful.

So, what we're saying is...

If we're really honest with ourselves, there's a payoff for not being completely honest in our relationships.

We get to make sure we don't hurt anyone and they won't hurt us as well.

But is this NOT being completely honest good or bad for creating close, connected relationships?

This leads us to a question around this topic that we're guessing you can identify with--because
we've coped with this one ourselves and it's also a question that many of our "Relationship Breakthrough" Coaching clients have had as well...

Continue reading "Honesty and relationships: Why it pays NOT to tell the truth" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"[My problem is] my husband's inability to take the initiative in our relationship, to find what I like/want. He is unable to make me feel like a woman. I feel needed not loved.

"Is this his personality and can he change or is what we have now all there will ever be?

"If my needs cannot be met, I think I will try to leave this marriage again. I agreed to stay if things change. He believes he has changed dramatically, but he is even more insecure now.

"Why is it that it is mostly women who look for information to solve these problems? Men need to be made aware of how we feel, and start doing something about it.

"My husband admitted he knew I was unhappy but did not see divorce as an option. How long did he think a relationship could go on like this?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

Wow! We really hear you.

You, like a lot of other women, are tired of doing ALL the work on the relationship.

You want him to step up to the plate and and you feel like it's not happening.

You say he's unable to make you feel like a woman and you feel NEEDED not loved!

And he may not have a clue how to go about giving you what you want--let alone think of doing it on his own.

Now of course by answering this woman's question, we are in no way implying that ALL men are like this--not being able to give the women they love what they want.

But what we do know from research--ours and others--as a broad generalization, (and we do mean broad) women are the ones who are more interested in personal growth and making their relationships better.

Women by in large are the ones who will lead their partners to therapy, coaching or relationship books and courses.

Again, as a generalization, men tend to seek out relationship help only when the relationship is falling apart and will end very soon if they don't do something quickly.

Why is this?

Continue reading "Marriage Advice: 3 Ways to Get Your Needs Met" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who's the "problem" in your relationship?

If you're like most people, your answer is probably pretty quick and definite...

Your partner!

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"I am certain that my husband is the 'Problem' in our marriage because of the way he communicates negatively and messes things up and he is certain that I am the 'Problem' in the relationship.

"How do we find out 'who' is causing the bad communication, but I need to know who is causing it because I only get upset at the way my husband talks or handles our problems and not at the actual issue itself.

"How do we find out who is causing the problem even though I know we shouldn't put the blame on each other, but I'm certain our relationship would be better if my husband handled things differently."

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

What a wonderful question!

We don't care how "enlightened" and "together" you are--

At some point in your life and in some relationship (maybe more than one), you've had this very same thought.

You may or may not have voiced it--but you sure thought it.

We know because we've certainly been there--even in our own relationship!

This thought we're talking about is...

"If only he (or she) would do this (or stop doing this), everything would be okay!"

Well, if you've ever had this thought, there's good news and there's bad news.

Continue reading "Communication in marriage: Who's the Problem?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's a fact.

Arguments happen in relationships....

There's nothing new about this.

The challenge is...

What do you do when you have a disagreement or difference of opinion with someone?

One thing you DON'T want to do is what we call "talk on eggshells".

"Talking on eggshells" is to keep silent and NOT say what's true or what's coming up for you out of fear of what your partner will say, what they'll think or how they'll react.

And most of us find that we do "talk on eggshells" after an argument.

What do you do to work through arguments when they happen AND keep or regain your connection--even when you have a difference of opinion?

This is such a great question and...

Believe it or not--what you do in the split second that you feel a disconnection with another person, especially your loved ones, will determine how long you stay disconnected and distant--and if you ever feel truly close again.

Take a second right now and think about a time when you felt triggered or disconnected from a loved one.

What did you do?

Rewind the tape of the incident in your mind and slow it down so you can really see it.

We're guessing that unless you're really highly evolved and very self-aware, your initial reaction was one of three responses in some form or the other...

Fight, flight or freeze

And you might have different reactions in different situations with different people but there's probably one of these that you can pin-point that happens inside you more often.

Do you see which reaction you have most of the time?

We want to tell you which reactions the two of us have fallen into most of the time and how we work through any problems, challenges or misunderstandings that come up because of these reactions...

Consider using our example we're about to share to help you change any negative patterns in your relationship that happen when challenges come up for you.

Continue reading "The Biggest Mistake When Arguing With Your Partner..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What do you do when you're in a relationship that's got some aspect to it that's "OK" but you find that you're still wanting more?

No matter what that one part is...

You're got to be able to identify what it is you want more of and to think that it's possible to get it.

We know what it's like...

Maybe you're like the person who wrote us today--who had worked through her jealousy but she's frustrated because she can't get her partner to share his feelings with her.

Maybe you and your partner have the same fight over and over and you can't seem to agree--but a lot of your relationship is good.

Maybe you love each other and you don't want to leave but sometimes you wonder just who this person is and why you are with him or her.

If you can relate, we know what you mean because we've been there.

We were there most of the time in both of our previous marriages...

We know what it feels like to love someone and your relationship to be "okay" but you want something more--but maybe don't know what it is or how to go about getting it.

Our question to you is this...

Are you feeding and expanding your relationship potential?

And another important question for you is...

Do you believe that more is possible for you in your relationship or marriage?

Continue reading "" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are two typical ways you (and almost everyone else) reacts to relationship challenges and issues (especially if you want to keep the peace)...

The first way is to "withdraw" or "retreat"...

And the second way you most often react is by lashing out, striking back or complaining...

If your typical pattern in relationships is to "withdraw" or step back and NOT always say what's important to you or what's on your mind--then you do what we call "talking on eggshells."

This is just as destructive for your relationship as what the flip side of this (which we'll talkabout in a moment...

What we've found is...

It's always better to say what's on your mind in your relationship than to hold it in--don't you agree?

The problem is there's usually a right way and a wrong way to do it.

So what about the other strategy we often use that almost never works?

Of course we're talking about complaining...

You may complain more or less than other people--but if you're human, you probably do it from time to time.

Besides, complaining to the right person--someone who will lovingly nod when you pour out your heart--just plain feels good...

But does it?

It's kind of like eating that thing that you know will upset your stomach later--but it looks so good and tastes so good going down that you eat it anyway.

Complaining can be fun while you're doing it--in an odd sort of way--but afterwards, you're left with an empty
feeling that something isn't quite right.

That warm, fuzzy feeling just slips away.

Somehow we think that if we complainn loud enough and often enough, we'll get our point across--but it usually
doesn't turn out that way.

We all complain for various reasons even if we're not aware of them...

1. We get validation that we are "right."
2. We get love and sympathy.
3. We get attention--even if it's negative
and given grudgingly.

Continue reading "2 Communication Strategies that Usually Backfire" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thanks to everyone who entered our contest to win one of the copies of
our "Magic Relationship Words" downloadable book and audio program...

We are both humbled and gratified by the kind comments that were said
about us and our work.

Here is a list of the five winners of the program...

Christina Bratton, Kathy Waugh, Gwen S. from Logan, Utah, Jessica
Gammie and Tanic

If you'd like to read their comments and the other entries that were written, see
the comments in the previous post where we announced the giveaway.

If you didn't win or didn't enter, you can get your copy of "Magic Relationship Words"
starting tomorrow, Monday July 27th, 2009 from our web site at
http://www.MagicRelationshipWords.com

Thanks again for your kind words.

Our Best, Susie and Otto

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Imagine just for a moment...

You're in a relationship and you're jealous...

Here's what you don't want...

You don't want sharp, cutting, uncaring, negative words from the people close to you that tear you down...

What you do want is this...

You want help in overcoming your jealousy...

You want kind words, encouragement and most of all solutions for stopping it now.

Sadly enough, most people who are jealous don't get "kind words" and encouragement from their partners and the other important people in their lives.

The fact is-- very often in many relationships, when jealousy and trust issues are present, there are things the partner of a jealous person does and says (often without even knowing it) that are killing their relationship.

If there's one phrase we hear over and over from our Relationship Breakthrough Coaching clients and newsletter subscribers that people say to their jealous partners that is simply NOT helpful...

It's being told these 4 simple words...

"Just get over it!"

This is a common comment from someone who's with a jealous partner--and they don't want to deal with the situation (or their partner's fears and complaints) anymore.

If you hear this phrase and you're jealous, you probably shut down and you feel like you are completely on your own in solving this issue--and you feel that the "fault" is yours and yours alone.

We spoke with a woman yesterday who said that her husband told her to, "Just get over it"--referring to her jealousy that came up when she thought he was a little too "touchy-feely" with other women when they went out to bars.

She was confused and she felt very alone.

Her question to us was one that we've heard time and time again...

"How do you know the difference between jealousy triggered from the past (and it's only YOUR problem) and inappropriate actions that your partner's doing that needs to stop?"

We'll talk about this difference in just a moment but first, we want to make a few comments about this phrase--"Just get over it!"

Continue reading "Jealousy: 4 Words NOT to Say to a Jealous Person" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Imagine just for a moment that you are the contestant in
a new TV game show about relationships and we'll be the hosts...

Since you've decided to play along, here's our question for you...

What do you think is the single most important feature desired in a s*e*x*u*a*l or Intimate partner by BOTH men and women?

Is it...

A. Beauty?
B. Intelligence?
C. Status?
Or
D.Something else?

Beauty is a good answer because after all, we ALL want an attractive or good-looking partner, don't we?

Intelligence is a good answer because who doesn't want a partner who is smart, can figure things out and have the intelligence to work with you to create the best life possible for the two of you (and your family, if you have kids.)

Some people might also think status is the most important feature in attracting a relationship partner or in the one you have.

After all, isn't the success you have in life and the future you create for yourself and your family affected greatly by status?

Of course it is...

But when it comes to the #1 single most important feature in a relationship, there is one thing that trumps, beauty, brains, social status and everything else in the desirability area of relationships and attraction.

So, what is it that trumps all the things we just mentioned?

The answer may surprise you...

It certainly surprised us when we first read about this study about what people (and couples) want in relationships...

And it just might have a huge impact on your relationship or your future relationship!

The answer is...(Drum Roll Please) ...

Continue reading "The one thing you must do to insure relationship success..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What nasty game are we talking about?

It's a "game" that many couples play that ALWAYS creates major problems for them and their relationship and STILL yet--most couples continue to do it even after this "game" has sucked the life out of their relationship
or marriage.

So, what is this "game" and how can you make sure this doesn't cause problems for you in your relationship?

It's easy...

The name of the game is the "blame game" and it can absolutely destroy a relationship.

Here's how the "blame game" is played and how one couple stopped playing...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Stopping this Nasty Game" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...

It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.

There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.

But, before we give you that example...

We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."

You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.

We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.

And here's some good news...

These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words

So, what about the example we promised you?

Continue reading "Magic Relationship Words That Work" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Why do we repeat the same BAD relationship patterns--even when we know we're doing it ?

We all want great relationships but when it comes to making the changes that will allow us to experience something better, something happens...

Even though we may want to change, most of us have a tough time doing it!

Even if we know what we need to do, we don't do it!

Here's a question from a reader that most of us can identify with because we've all been there--and maybe even there right now...

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Even though we know what we are doing 'wrong' in the way that we speak to each other, why do we keep repeating the same bad patterns. We have gone to counseling, we have done the personal growth stuff....we can even manifest some amazing stuff when we are truly "in tune" with each other...But some days it's as if we haven't learned anything and we push each others buttons and we don't listen and we are not 'in the moment' at all.....WHY AFTER ALL OF THIS LEARNING AND KNOWING DO WE STILL REPEAT THE WRONG THINGS..TONES OF VOICE & ASSUMPTIONS?? WHY HAVEN'T WE TRULY 'GOT IT' ALL THE TIME!!!!"

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Breaking Bad Patterns" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is good communication a mystery sometimes between you and your partner--especially if you both lead busy lives and time for the two of you is hard to come by?

Try our 5-step communication communication recipe for busy couples (especially when it's tough)...

1. Relax

It might seem crazy to suggest that you relax because you're probably stretched to the limit on demands for your time and attention.

If your mind goes a mile a minute, you're always on the go, you never have time for yourself or your partner--it's even more important for you to help yourself by doing some inner relaxation.

There are lots of ways to start doing this but we urge you to start before it's too late--either for the sake of your relationship or for your physical body.

Inner relaxation can be as simple as taking a long, deep breath every hour or saying to yourself in a
gentle tone--"relax."

You can start a simple meditation practice of sitting and breathing for 10 minutes or so.

Whatever it is, focus inward and feel the knots untie.

Can't stop your mind?

Our new favorite phrase from singer-songwriter Shawn Mullins might help--

"What if it's all okay without me knowing?"

When you are relaxed, you are more open. When you are more open, you can communicate better.

Continue reading "A 5-Step Communication Recipe for Busy Couples" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so I'm the last woman who's a fan of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series to see the movie Twilight, based on her first book.

While it certainly wasn't a "great" film, "Twilight" did bring up a few questions for me...

Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them like Edward was of Bella?

Do all women secretly want to be swept off their feet, not just once, but continually by a man?

Does fascination for each other have to die as the relationship matures?

Here's a question from one of our readers--and our answer--that speaks to this and much more...

"My hubby once seemed mesmerized by me and my love, my very person, fascinated by my tiny quacks that determine the person that I am. Now he seems threatened, insecure, out to compete with me, or rather what is it that took away my power. I don't seem to get through to him, to tell him about my wants, or how his behavior of
inconsideration makes me feel. And yet he still seems in want of my love and acceptance."

Here are our comments...

Continue reading "Do all women want a man who is mesmerized by them?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner?

Are you and your relationship their 1st priority?

Or are you and your relationship...

2nd... 3rd.... or (gasp) an even lower priority?

If you and your relationship is a top priority to your partner-- then, we say congratulations because there are many people who would love to trade places with you.

The reason we say this is...

As we've been working on the content for our teleseminar and webcast we're doing in a few days (on April 1st) called "What to do when he's looking at and paying too much attention to other women..."

We couldn't help noticing a common feeling being expressed over and over from the people who wrote to us about this issue--the feeling of not being important and not feeling like a priority to their partner.

Feeling like you aren't important or your partner's priority can be a very lonely feeling. Those feelings can cause
you to act in jealous ways and cause feelings of doubt and mistrust.

Here's a note from one of our readers who is trying to deal with this very situation...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You Don't Feel Like You're #1" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner (or anyone else for that matter) didn't make some changes that you wanted them to make and because of this, you felt like you weren't being respected?

Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. We just wanted the other person to "respect" us in a certain
way and didn't know how to go about getting it.

One thing we've noticed is...

One of the reasons people who are considering leaving a relationship buy our book and audio program "Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is that they don't feel respected, appreciated and important.

Yes, feeling respected is that important!

It's important to feel respected and be "heard" in a relationship--but what if the other person doesn't seem to want to make changes that you want him or her to make?

Here's a question from a reader who feels like she is being disrespected by a guy she's dating in a most unusual way...

Continue reading "Relationship advice for getting "respect"..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one dynamic that's a sticky issue between two people who decide to be a couple, it's this...

One person feels the need to "retreat" every now and then and the other person feels unloved and abandoned when it happens.

Pretty simple to describe but not simple to deal with!

One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote to ask if we support the "rubber band" theory in relationships in relationship breakthrough coaching practice.

We hope we're talking about the same thing because as we think about it, the first time we heard about the
"rubber-band" theory was when we originally read John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus."

While we know that many people get a lot of benefit from John Gray's gender difference information, we
think the issue is much broader and deeper than just being about a differences between men and women.

We have seen this dynamic too many times in both genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and another set to another.

In the past, we've called this dynamic the "relationship push-pull."

Here's a description of what we've seen...

Continue reading "Is the "Rubber Band" Theory True?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Talk about a communication challenge!

Here's one for you...

When we are in a relationship with someone (especially our intimate partner or spouse) and we get triggered or
upset, the first thing that usually happens is that we shut down to the other person in some way or another.

Some of us get mad or just peeved and some of us withdraw, either agreeing to something we don't want or
disagreeing but withdrawing our energy.

However you shut down, the outcome is still the same--disconnection.

When you shut down emotionally or energetically, you are nowhere close to coming together on an agreement
and a way to proceed to resolve the difference when this happens.

No matter how insignificant the issue, resentment can build and continue to separate you from the love and connection that you both may want.

You start doing what we call "talking on eggshells," not really saying what you mean because irritation seems to be a constant between you.

So what can you do when this happens?

How can you learn to say what you mean when it's important to do so and it's difficult to do so?

Here's an example of what we mean and some ways to deal with this type of communication problem..

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Communicating to Connect" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we've been talking about restarting the spark in your relationship over the past few weeks, a common question comes up for some people.

Here's what one woman asked...

"If I make the effort, will he make an effort also?"

What a great question--because it is just human nature to not want to stick our necks out if we're all alone on that skinny branch.

This doesn't just apply in our intimate relationships or marriages-- it also applies to all of our other relationships as well.

Here's what we typically find...

Before we start putting some energy into making some changes in the way we act or speak, we want some assurance that the other person will also make some changes.

We don't want to feel like we're the only ones "trying to make it better."

Whether the issues that come between the two of you are small ones or are significant...

If you're like most other people, you want to feel that you're not the only one who should make changes and you don't want to waste your time and energy if it's not reciprocated.

You also might not want to put yourself in a vulnerable position if your partner isn't going to do the same.

So what do you do if you want more spark in your relationship and are willing to try but you don't know if your partner is willing?

What do you do if you feel like you are the only one interested in working on your relationship?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice When Your Partner Doesn't Seem to Want to Make the Effort..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all go through “off” times that seep into our love relationships. Perhaps the dark and dreary days of winter get you down. Or maybe you're facing some tough dynamics at your workplace that you can't seem to leave at the office. Whatever the case might be, these “bad days” can have an affect on your ability to stay open and connect with your partner.

But what if what you and your mate are experiencing is not just the residue of one or both of you having a “bad day?” How can you tell if the spark between you two has significantly dwindled or even died out?

Continue reading "Relationship Tips: “Are we having a bad day or has our spark died out?”" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Would you like to enjoy a deeper, closer connection with your love? If so, we recommend that you two create space in your relationship. This may sound like the exact opposite way to get closer, but we think it's key. When there is space for each of you to know what you want, follow your bliss and communicate your needs and desires, then there is actually more space AND potential for connection and passion.

In essence, greater space in your relationship allows you and your partner to fully explore who you each are as individuals and therefore come to one another better able to give and receive deep heart-felt love.

But isn't space the same thing as distance?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you know, we find some of our relationship lessons in the unlikliest of places and circumstances and this article below is no exception....

Like a lot of people last week, we were watching more than our share of the Weather Channel, CNN and other news outlets to get the latest updates on Hurricane Ike as it approached the Texas and Gulf coast areas of the US.

As we watched the approach of Hurricane Ike, we had no idea that we would be affected by it because we live in Ohio (which is pretty far north and east.)

Now, of course we saw nothing approaching the magnitude of destruction that people along the Texas and Gulf
coastal areas saw, felt and are still feeling and experiencing.

Here in Ohio, we got the remnants of Hurricane Ike and had wind gusts for several hours of up to 75 MPH.

As you can imagine, these high winds caused quite a bit of damage to homes, trees, power lines, etc.

Our power was out for 26 hours and even though many of our neighbors weren't so lucky, we didn't have any damage to our home or property and for that we are very grateful.

As we think about the people in Texas, Louisiana, and other areas (including many people right in our own city) who still don't have power, clean drinking water and other things we think of as life's essentials-- our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

As we look back on the night we didn't have power, there are important insights about relationships and daily living we want to share with you and here they are...

One big "ah ha" that we learned was how much of the way we live our lives depends on electricity and what we can and can't do if we don't have it.

We also learned how much time we spend watching television, movies or on the internet rather than interacting with each other and other people.

The two of us always spend time each day interacting and connecting with each other but since Otto's 19 year old son moved in with us to go to college nearby, we haven't interacted much as a family.

We did during the power outage!

The three of us talked more than we usually do as we sat on the porch and watched the last part of the storm blow through and then we went to our friend and neighbor's house and played the board game scrabble by candle light.

Neighbors who never met one another helped each other out.

It took a several hour power outage for us to come together to do some things to connect in ways that we don't normally do.

The challenge now is to keep connecting without having our electrical power shut off.

How about you?

Maybe Hurricane Ike didn't affect you but we're inviting you to do something this week that you wouldn't normally do to connect with others--without the television or computer.

Play a game together--dust off games like monopoly, scrabble or Risk. Take a walk or just sit and talk with someone you haven't seen in awhile or even a loved one you haven't really connected with. Help others out in ways you might not normally do.

For one evening, act as if you have no power, light candles and just be together.

As conscious and connected as the two of us try to be--our power outage was a big wake up call for us that we can do a better job of opening to each other and connecting deeper.

We're hoping you can take a cue from us and open yourself to experimenting with how to connect on a deeper level with the people in your life.

If all this seems kind of silly or not necessary then let us offer one more suggestion that might be valuable for you...

Make the intention to just have one meaningful conversation with someone this week.

Start there and see how you feel. We think it will spur you on to want to connect more with the people in your life.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Many people have a secret (or not so secret) penchant for drama. The popularity of reality tv shows is evidence of this phenomenon. And it's not just women tuning in to watch the highly competitive and sometimes back-stabbing among “Project Runway” designers and models for example. High-adrenaline shows marketed towards men like “Deadliest Catch” about the Alaskan crab fishing industry is wrought with tension, fighting, mishaps and roller coaster emotions. Drama is just fine when you choose to watch it on tv, but it can prevent connection in your love relationship.

How many times have you or your partner delved into drama and turned what started out as a minor issue into a big huge deal? Perhaps your partner has a tendency to burst into tears, spewing accusations that you don't care about him or her because you forgot the song that played during your first date. Or maybe it's you who flies off the handle and takes it personally when your mate makes a decision you just don't agree with. There can be a certain thrill or adrenaline rush that, for the person in the throes of drama, at the time seems more prominent than the issue itself.

If this happens in your relationship, what can you do to take the drama out of it?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping Drama Out of Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's this...

If you have low self esteem and you are with someone who doesn't talk about his or her feelings, it's a recipe for mistrust, jealousy, disconnection and heartache.

Here' what one woman asked us...

"My partner isn't the type to give compliments and show his feelings therefore I've never known how he truly feels about me. It's made me insecure, jealous and mistrusting in the relationship. How can I change my feelings of mistrust in the way he feels about me?"

Here's our answer to her...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: "My husband doesn't tell me how he feels!"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a surprising confession and a FREE gift...

As you may know, we're getting ready to release our newest relationship course and program called "Stop Talking On Eggshells" to the public this Tuesday, May 20th at 12 noon Eastern.

The program includes a big thick manual and 6 audios, all created specifically to give you a step by step plan for communicating openly, honestly and authentically with your partner or spouse in ways that help you reconnect and create the kind of relationship you really want.

We have a confession to make that relates to the free gift we want to give you...

We consider ourselves fairly open and progressive in our thinking and yet there was something we almost left out of the "Stop Talking on Eggshells" manual.

We were going to leave it out because we thought it might be perceived as....

~ too edgy
~ too over the top
~ too negative
~ too in your face
~ too honest
~ too truthful

AND

Frankly-- we worried that this info could possibly give you the WRONG idea about our message and intentions in the "Stop Talking On Eggshells" course and program.

Not only have we decided to go against our editor's advice and include this chapter and info in the manual but also...

.... we have decided to give you this info right now, before the program get's released to the public next week.

Consider it a gift from your friends (us).

The chapter that almost didn't make it into the course is called...

"What do you do when your partner or spouse isn't changing or growing and you want more?"

And here it is... (Be sure to leave your comments about it. We'd love to hear them.)

Continue reading "Stop Talking On Eggshells: A Confession and a Free Chapter" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other.

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try a relationship reverse and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

Continue reading "Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

Continue reading "Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.

A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.

As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!

The biggest culprit is our thoughts.

We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.

Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."

These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.

Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?

--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box

The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.

When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.

Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.

Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.

If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.

We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!

Here's our take on loving through differences...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from U2" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're in the process of writing a new book on communication in relationships and how to improve it -- and we need your help.

We're looking for real life, practical stories and information to include in our new book from people (or couples) like you about a specific time when you felt that communication was good and you really felt connected to your partner or spouse.

With this in mind, we want you to click on the web page link below and tell us briefly what it feels like in your relationship and life when you really communicate well and truly connect deeply.

While we can't pay you for the information you share, we are willing to give you instant access to download
a 36 minute audio we created recently called "Relationship Breakthrough Ideas" as our way of saying "thanks"
for what you share.

This offer is good through Friday, March 7, 2008.

In addition to the audio we're giving you, you can know that what you share will be used to help us help other people improve communication and connection in their relationship or marriage.

Our goal in being able to share your information is to give examples and illustrations of what is possible when you communicate well and truly connect with each other.

Here's the web page link where we want you to share your answers to our questions about your current ( or past) relationship or marriage...

http://www.PassionateHeart.com/YourStory

Thanks in advance for sharing your information

Warmest Regards,

Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Believe it or not--we just got around to seeing the film "Juno" and like a lot of you--we really enjoyed it. We liked it for many reasons--great story, great characters, good acting, humor and poignant moments. While we were watching the moving, people around us were laughing and crying--and that says a lot about why the film has been so popular.

So what relationship advice did this film show us and what can it teach us about interacting with our loved ones even in tough times?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice We Learned from 'Juno'" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.

In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.

As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."

We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.

So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.

Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.

You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.

We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.

Let us show you how…

Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You are probably wondering "What's a helmet head"?

As you continue reading this article, you're going to learn about "helmet heads" and why your level of relationship success and happiness depends on you NOT being one.

So, if NOT being a "helmet head" is so important, not just in our relationships but in our lives, then you'll want to know our definition and how you can recognize when you are being one.

Read on to find out more...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for NOT being a "Helmet Head"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.

This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.

The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.

Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.

So, here goes...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from Sophie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Could it be possible that we all unconsciously tell ourselves lies in almost every moment that keep us from having the love, relationships and the life that we really want?

Consider just for a moment that this could be true and then consider this next question...

What limiting lies do you tell yourself and what problems do they create in your life and relationships?

If you're like most people, your quick "flinch reaction" to the question we just asked you is "I don't tell myself any lies, I'm honest with myself and everyone else."

Or your answer might have been, "I know other people that lie to themselves all the time but not me."

We've been wondering about this question quite a bit over the past few days since we've been listening to Steve Chandler's audio program "17 Lies That Are Holding You Back and The Truth That Will Set You Free."

What we have discovered is that yes...we, you and everyone else do indeed tell ourselves more lies than we can even imagine and these "lies" that limit us and keep us from having the courage to create what we really want.

If we're all consistently telling all these lies to ourselves, what are some of the common ones?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about the Lies We Tell Ourselves" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week we've got a great relationship question for you...

"What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short- and long-term payoff in your life?"

In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life?

With this in mind, we challenge you right now to think of a relationship that you want to make better...

It could be your relationship with a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance--you get the idea.

Now, think about how you'd like this relationship to be more of the time.

Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you. Maybe you want more honesty or more openness. Maybe you want to be "you" more of the time and for some reason you aren't able to be "you" in this relationship.

To show you what we mean, we're going to talk about 3 approaches or philosophies that we use in our relationship that keep it alive, connected and growing.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for More Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.

Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.

One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.

In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You may not be aware of it, but one of the reasons that couples pull apart from one another and they can't seem to talk without an argument is that they don't listen to what's inside them. We've written a lot about how to create a red hot love relationship and of the "secrets" that we've discovered is to learn how to listen to yourself.

Here's what happened to Otto...

Continue reading "Advice for a Closer Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's pretty interesting when you think about it.

Every year around New Years day, people seem to find themselves looking back on what happened in the past year and looking forward to what they want to change in the new year.

Around this time each year, the two of us create our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as in our relationship.

Continue reading "Creating a Great Relationship in the New Year" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes the best relationship tips and the most interesting relationship and life lessons come from some pretty unusual sources.

Here's one such example...

Recently, Susie rediscovered a wonderful book that she had read many years ago, "Mutant Message Down Under" by Marlo Morgan. This book is about the author's journey on foot with the Australian aborigines and the lessons that she learned along the way. Although the book is classified as "fiction," we think there are many lessons to be learned from it.

One of these beautiful lessons that Morgan wrote about held a special meaning for us and we think that by sharing it with you, it can help all of us to create wonderful lasting relationships that are filled with love.

Here's what Marlo Morgan said in her book...

Continue reading "Deepening Our Connections at the Holidays" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we're all about helping you experience the gifts of connection more of the time in your relationships and lives, here's an interesting question for you...

What is it that irritates or annoys you?

If you're like most people, there's probably been some time or another you've found yourself irritated by the small things that others say or do.

These could be mannerisms or annoying habits of loved ones or co-workers that seem to drive you crazy. For most of us there always seems to be something that doesn't seem to be such a big deal to others but is a big deal to us.

For Susie, loud gum "cracking" and "loud" eating have always been irritating to her. To you, these may be really small things and may not bother you but we're sure that you probably have things that seem to get "under your skin" as well.

Continue reading "Dealing With The Big and Little Things That Annoy You" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You never really know how your words and your actions affect other people. That's been our experience anyway.

Here's a practical example of something that happened recently to illustrate this point...

Susie's mother passed a couple of weeks ago and among the beautiful cards and sentiments that she received after her mother's death was a letter from a former neighbor who had lived next door to her childhood home.

Continue reading "How Your Words and Actions Affect Others" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a fascinating question that we received from one of our newsletter subscribers and we are fairly certain that the question has come up for many other people in their relationships.

Our subscriber asked...

"Can you say 'I love you' too much? How can I make my partner believe that you can not overuse the 'I love you' term. He says if we say it too often, it will become meaningless."

We've heard this question more than once and our answer may surprise you...

Continue reading "Can You Say 'I Love You' TOO Much?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If your life is crazy, you seem to never get it all done and you find yourself becoming "short" with the people you love, you may need to revitalize and rejuvenate yourself, spending some time investing in you. Susie has found that one of the best ways to do this (and be kinder and more loving to the people in her life) is to develop a regular meditation practice--a time when she can get in touch with "her" and revitalize.

We know that you might be thinking "I don't have time for that" or "Meditation is just too weird for me" but we invite you to read on for some really practical tips on how to get started to feeling better and being more loving.

Continue reading "Using Meditation to Help You to Be a More Loving Person" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Creating a blended or step-family is usually challenging to say the least. If you have your doubts, watch the movie, "Yours, Mine and Ours" and see for yourself!

Here's a question from one of our visitors and his honest feelings about his blended family situation...

"I am a 30 year old man who has recently entered into his third marriage. Both my past marriages ended because my wives cheated on me. The woman that I am married to is wonderful and I love her very much. We are expecting our first child together, her second, my fisrt in December. The problems for me have arisen due to her five year old daughter. I guess I feel like something is wrong with me. I just don't want her daughter around all the time. I get annoyed with her when she is constantly on me 24/7 following me around. The biological father is still in the picture and I don't want to get in the way of that. But to tell you the truth I hate changing my plans for him. I have begun to grow to resent my stepdaughter because of the other man. I don't want to treat her badly and want her to be happy as well. Everything seems to have gotten even worse for me now that my wife and I are expecting our first child. I need some advice on how to deal with this."

Here's our advice and we hope that it may also help others in similar situations...

Continue reading "Blended Families: The Challenges of 'Yours, Mine and Ours'" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When two families come together, there can certainly be wonderful things that come from the union but there can also be some aspects that are very uncomfortable for everyone involved. I found a few blogs about it and the topic is certainly a big one, especially if you're in one!

While the blended family can certainly be troublesome for the kids that are involved, it certainly has challenges for the new couple.

Often, there may be a feeling that there's a conspiracy against the new couple because it may seem like there's
never enough time, privacy, or energy to really be together and to have the fun and connection they once had together.

While our blended family has not always been perfect, we have learned some things that we'd like to share that have made our lives easier and happier.

Continue reading " The Blended Family: How to Survive It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever found yourself reacting in a negative way, time and time again, to something that your loved one, a friend or co-worker says or does?

You might feel hurt, angry, disappointed or upset and you might even express those feelings, but nothing changes.

We all have those moments with the people in our lives that surface again and again--and if we look closely, we can start to see patterns and reasons why we react the way we do.

We'll explain with a story from our lives...

Continue reading "One Moment of Understanding" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the fastest growing trends today is the home business, especially couples who go into business together. While home businesses definitely have their pluses, there can be some real pitfalls if you're not careful!

We started our marriage and our home business together during the same year and even though we thought we knew a great deal about relationships, we have had to really deepen our skills to keep our heads above water and to make it all work. Because we work in the same office in our home, we have to continue to put into practice what we teach and to be very conscious in every moment.

Today, we received a great question from a person who was commenting on a previous communciation article that we wrote and we thought it would be helpful to write specifically about couples who are trying to manuever the sticky terrain of working together and living together.

Continue reading "Communication Tip for Couples who share a Home Business" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease and although there are so many aspects that are difficult, perhaps the most difficult is the loss of communication and connection with her. At times she seems to know who we are when we visit but verbal communication is almost impossible as she now speaks in random (or maybe not so random) words and partial sentences.

As I think of her the way she used to be, full of life and love, I'm reminded of just how precious our time with our loved ones is. We just bought Rosanne Cash's new album "Black Cadillac" dedicated to her father, Johnny Cash. In one of her songs, Rosanne said of her relationship with her father--"All these years to prove how much I care. I didn't know it, but you were always there..."

Sometimes, all we have to do is turn around and look at the love that is always there...

Continue reading "Alzheimers and Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been sick the past couple of days and it's given me time to watch a few movies, rest and think about a few things. One of the movies that I watched was the 2004 film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou with Bill Murray in the lead as the oceanographer Steve Zissou. Although it was supposed to be funny, I didn't think it was. I thought it was a really good story of people trying to create connections with one another--even though they fumbled along the way.

Isn't that the way it seems in all our lives? We want to connect with others--or maybe we're even really afraid to connect because we've never been successful--and we just don't know how. And yet that's what we as humans truly want--this connection with one another that creates trust and allows us to have the love we truly want in our lives.

Continue reading "What do "The Life Aquatic" and Babies Have to Do with Trust?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Has this ever happened to you? You do or say something that triggers a person who is close to you to react in a way that disconnects and separates the two of you. This person might blame you or criticize you and you usually react by apologizing profusely or lashing out in anger yourself?

You might even be the one who gets triggered by a loved one and you find that you are reacting in a way that you don't like--but you don't know how to stop doing and saying whatever it is that you are doing and saying.

If this is similar to what happens in your relationship, we'd invite you to read how one of our coaching clients is beginning to change the dynamic in her relationship with her partner...

Continue reading "Communication tip for breaking an old pattern" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 06:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It may sound like common sense but what we've discovered as Relationship Coaches is that many relationship challenges, especially intimate relationships, are created in part because people don't look, really look, at one another anymore.

We are currently offering a seminar by telephone about how to get the spark back in your relationship and the number one thing that our participants took away from last night's session was the realization that they have "forgotten" about actually looking at each other when they interact.

Here are some simple communication tips to help the two of you feel closer and more connected, along with reasons why looking at each other is so important...

Continue reading "Communication Tips: "We Don't Look at Each Other Anymore..."" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.

A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.

The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.

We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.

Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.

We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.

This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.

Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.

We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Almost everyone does it-- typically every year around New Years day, people seem to instinctively look back on what happened in the past year and look forward to what they want to change in the new year and we are no different.

Over the past few days we've been taking some time to set our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as our relationship.

No matter how you celebrate the new year, we invite you to do some conscious planning for how you want your relationships and your life to be like in 2006.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Your Best Year Yet" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Christmas day, as I sat with my mother who is in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease, I put my arm around her shoulder and she gently reached up and held my hand for a moment. It was the first time in a long while that she had made an attempt to connect with me in that way.

Although it's been proven that touch is good for people with this disease, what I didn't realize was how much I wanted and had missed her touch.

As I was thinking about this connection with my mom, I started thinking about how important touch is with every one in my life and how I sometimes take touching my loved ones and them touching me for granted.

My question to you is this…

Are you aware of how important touch is in your life and what you are communicating with your touch?

Continue reading "Communicate with your Touch and Show Your Loved Ones that You Care" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"A Simple Communication Shift For Creating Better Relationships "
by Susie and Otto Collins

Last week, we took a much needed vacation and headed off for the clear skies, sun and warmer weather that we don't typically have this time of year where we live in south central Ohio. In addition to getting some sun and enjoying some time off, we also got to make some interesting observations about how to create great relationships.

Here's an example of one of the many interactions we noticed and what you can learn from it to make your relationships and the holiday season better in any area of your life...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for the Holiday Season" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)