Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Jokes, tales and axioms abound around the topic of lovemaking and just how much men and women tend to avoid truly talking with their mate about it. There are images of women “faking” pleasure in the bedroom and perceptions of men wanting to demonstrate their masculinity during intimacy at all costs. It can all add up to a lot of confusion, misunderstandings and distance in a relationship.

Just how honest do you feel you can be with your partner when it comes to talking about lovemaking? We mean, can you and do you speak with absolute integrity with your love about what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, how frequently you want to be intimate, how willing you are to experiment, and other topics that can make even the boldest of us shrink away and stumble over our words-- if we speak them at all.

You probably love and trust your partner and share many personal thoughts and ideas with him or her. But the last thing you might want is to embarrass, offend, scare off, or make your mate feel insecure about lovemaking. You may hold back on letting your love know how you really feel about your bedroom interactions because the last thing you want to do is create distance between you two in this most intimate arena.

Unfortunately, when you don't speak honestly with your love about everything in your relationship-- including intimacy-- that avoidance or lack of honesty can create distance far more destructive than the embarrassment that might occur when you do communicate with integrity.

Here's some advice to help you get what you want in the lovemaking department...

Continue reading "Lovemaking Advice: 3 Tips for Communicating What You Want" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you know, we find some of our relationship lessons in the unlikliest of places and circumstances and this article below is no exception....

Like a lot of people last week, we were watching more than our share of the Weather Channel, CNN and other news outlets to get the latest updates on Hurricane Ike as it approached the Texas and Gulf coast areas of the US.

As we watched the approach of Hurricane Ike, we had no idea that we would be affected by it because we live in Ohio (which is pretty far north and east.)

Now, of course we saw nothing approaching the magnitude of destruction that people along the Texas and Gulf
coastal areas saw, felt and are still feeling and experiencing.

Here in Ohio, we got the remnants of Hurricane Ike and had wind gusts for several hours of up to 75 MPH.

As you can imagine, these high winds caused quite a bit of damage to homes, trees, power lines, etc.

Our power was out for 26 hours and even though many of our neighbors weren't so lucky, we didn't have any damage to our home or property and for that we are very grateful.

As we think about the people in Texas, Louisiana, and other areas (including many people right in our own city) who still don't have power, clean drinking water and other things we think of as life's essentials-- our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

As we look back on the night we didn't have power, there are important insights about relationships and daily living we want to share with you and here they are...

One big "ah ha" that we learned was how much of the way we live our lives depends on electricity and what we can and can't do if we don't have it.

We also learned how much time we spend watching television, movies or on the internet rather than interacting with each other and other people.

The two of us always spend time each day interacting and connecting with each other but since Otto's 19 year old son moved in with us to go to college nearby, we haven't interacted much as a family.

We did during the power outage!

The three of us talked more than we usually do as we sat on the porch and watched the last part of the storm blow through and then we went to our friend and neighbor's house and played the board game scrabble by candle light.

Neighbors who never met one another helped each other out.

It took a several hour power outage for us to come together to do some things to connect in ways that we don't normally do.

The challenge now is to keep connecting without having our electrical power shut off.

How about you?

Maybe Hurricane Ike didn't affect you but we're inviting you to do something this week that you wouldn't normally do to connect with others--without the television or computer.

Play a game together--dust off games like monopoly, scrabble or Risk. Take a walk or just sit and talk with someone you haven't seen in awhile or even a loved one you haven't really connected with. Help others out in ways you might not normally do.

For one evening, act as if you have no power, light candles and just be together.

As conscious and connected as the two of us try to be--our power outage was a big wake up call for us that we can do a better job of opening to each other and connecting deeper.

We're hoping you can take a cue from us and open yourself to experimenting with how to connect on a deeper level with the people in your life.

If all this seems kind of silly or not necessary then let us offer one more suggestion that might be valuable for you...

Make the intention to just have one meaningful conversation with someone this week.

Start there and see how you feel. We think it will spur you on to want to connect more with the people in your life.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Many people have a secret (or not so secret) penchant for drama. The popularity of reality tv shows is evidence of this phenomenon. And it's not just women tuning in to watch the highly competitive and sometimes back-stabbing among “Project Runway” designers and models for example. High-adrenaline shows marketed towards men like “Deadliest Catch” about the Alaskan crab fishing industry is wrought with tension, fighting, mishaps and roller coaster emotions. Drama is just fine when you choose to watch it on tv, but it can prevent connection in your love relationship.

How many times have you or your partner delved into drama and turned what started out as a minor issue into a big huge deal? Perhaps your partner has a tendency to burst into tears, spewing accusations that you don't care about him or her because you forgot the song that played during your first date. Or maybe it's you who flies off the handle and takes it personally when your mate makes a decision you just don't agree with. There can be a certain thrill or adrenaline rush that, for the person in the throes of drama, at the time seems more prominent than the issue itself.

If this happens in your relationship, what can you do to take the drama out of it?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping Drama Out of Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's this...

If you have low self esteem and you are with someone who doesn't talk about his or her feelings, it's a recipe for mistrust, jealousy, disconnection and heartache.

Here' what one woman asked us...

"My partner isn't the type to give compliments and show his feelings therefore I've never known how he truly feels about me. It's made me insecure, jealous and mistrusting in the relationship. How can I change my feelings of mistrust in the way he feels about me?"

Here's our answer to her...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: "My husband doesn't tell me how he feels!"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a surprising confession and a FREE gift...

As you may know, we're getting ready to release our newest relationship course and program called "Stop Talking On Eggshells" to the public this Tuesday, May 20th at 12 noon Eastern.

The program includes a big thick manual and 6 audios, all created specifically to give you a step by step plan for communicating openly, honestly and authentically with your partner or spouse in ways that help you reconnect and create the kind of relationship you really want.

We have a confession to make that relates to the free gift we want to give you...

We consider ourselves fairly open and progressive in our thinking and yet there was something we almost left out of the "Stop Talking on Eggshells" manual.

We were going to leave it out because we thought it might be perceived as....

~ too edgy
~ too over the top
~ too negative
~ too in your face
~ too honest
~ too truthful

AND

Frankly-- we worried that this info could possibly give you the WRONG idea about our message and intentions in the "Stop Talking On Eggshells" course and program.

Not only have we decided to go against our editor's advice and include this chapter and info in the manual but also...

.... we have decided to give you this info right now, before the program get's released to the public next week.

Consider it a gift from your friends (us).

The chapter that almost didn't make it into the course is called...

"What do you do when your partner or spouse isn't changing or growing and you want more?"

And here it is... (Be sure to leave your comments about it. We'd love to hear them.)

Continue reading "Stop Talking On Eggshells: A Confession and a Free Chapter" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other.

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try a relationship reverse and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

Continue reading "Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

Continue reading "Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.

A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.

As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!

The biggest culprit is our thoughts.

We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.

Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."

These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.

Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?

--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box

The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.

When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.

Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.

Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.

If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.

We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!

Here's our take on loving through differences...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from U2" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're in the process of writing a new book on communication in relationships and how to improve it -- and we need your help.

We're looking for real life, practical stories and information to include in our new book from people (or couples) like you about a specific time when you felt that communication was good and you really felt connected to your partner or spouse.

With this in mind, we want you to click on the web page link below and tell us briefly what it feels like in your relationship and life when you really communicate well and truly connect deeply.

While we can't pay you for the information you share, we are willing to give you instant access to download
a 36 minute audio we created recently called "Relationship Breakthrough Ideas" as our way of saying "thanks"
for what you share.

This offer is good through Friday, March 7, 2008.

In addition to the audio we're giving you, you can know that what you share will be used to help us help other people improve communication and connection in their relationship or marriage.

Our goal in being able to share your information is to give examples and illustrations of what is possible when you communicate well and truly connect with each other.

Here's the web page link where we want you to share your answers to our questions about your current ( or past) relationship or marriage...

http://www.PassionateHeart.com/YourStory

Thanks in advance for sharing your information

Warmest Regards,

Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Believe it or not--we just got around to seeing the film "Juno" and like a lot of you--we really enjoyed it. We liked it for many reasons--great story, great characters, good acting, humor and poignant moments. While we were watching the moving, people around us were laughing and crying--and that says a lot about why the film has been so popular.

So what relationship advice did this film show us and what can it teach us about interacting with our loved ones even in tough times?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice We Learned from 'Juno'" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.

In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.

As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."

We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.

So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.

Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.

You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.

We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.

Let us show you how…

Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You are probably wondering "What's a helmet head"?

As you continue reading this article, you're going to learn about "helmet heads" and why your level of relationship success and happiness depends on you NOT being one.

So, if NOT being a "helmet head" is so important, not just in our relationships but in our lives, then you'll want to know our definition and how you can recognize when you are being one.

Read on to find out more...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for NOT being a "Helmet Head"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a cozy feeling it is to cuddle up at a campfire, roast marshmallows, and listen to an often outlandish tale. Maybe it’s spooky, maybe a fantasy; whatever the story, it is usually one that captivates those seated by the fire and adds to everyone’s enjoyment of the moment.

Now, how many times (a day even) do we tell stories to ourselves? These can be stories about how we think others see us, what we believe someone else might be thinking, or even what we think is possible in our own lives.

This second type of storytelling is not only not fun, it is often harmful to ourselves and to our relationships. One sure-fire way to increase connection and intimacy with those we love is to stop telling ourselves stories!

Here's a great example to explain what we mean...

Continue reading "Creating Deeper Intimacy: Forget Your Storytelling" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.

This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.

The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.

Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.

So, here goes...

Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from Sophie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Could it be possible that we all unconsciously tell ourselves lies in almost every moment that keep us from having the love, relationships and the life that we really want?

Consider just for a moment that this could be true and then consider this next question...

What limiting lies do you tell yourself and what problems do they create in your life and relationships?

If you're like most people, your quick "flinch reaction" to the question we just asked you is "I don't tell myself any lies, I'm honest with myself and everyone else."

Or your answer might have been, "I know other people that lie to themselves all the time but not me."

We've been wondering about this question quite a bit over the past few days since we've been listening to Steve Chandler's audio program "17 Lies That Are Holding You Back and The Truth That Will Set You Free."

What we have discovered is that yes...we, you and everyone else do indeed tell ourselves more lies than we can even imagine and these "lies" that limit us and keep us from having the courage to create what we really want.

If we're all consistently telling all these lies to ourselves, what are some of the common ones?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice about the Lies We Tell Ourselves" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week we've got a great relationship question for you...

"What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short- and long-term payoff in your life?"

In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life?

With this in mind, we challenge you right now to think of a relationship that you want to make better...

It could be your relationship with a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance--you get the idea.

Now, think about how you'd like this relationship to be more of the time.

Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you. Maybe you want more honesty or more openness. Maybe you want to be "you" more of the time and for some reason you aren't able to be "you" in this relationship.

To show you what we mean, we're going to talk about 3 approaches or philosophies that we use in our relationship that keep it alive, connected and growing.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for More Love and Connection" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.

Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.

One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.

In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You may not be aware of it, but one of the reasons that couples pull apart from one another and they can't seem to talk without an argument is that they don't listen to what's inside them. We've written a lot about how to create a red hot love relationship and of the "secrets" that we've discovered is to learn how to listen to yourself.

Here's what happened to Otto...

Continue reading "Advice for a Closer Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's pretty interesting when you think about it.

Every year around New Years day, people seem to find themselves looking back on what happened in the past year and looking forward to what they want to change in the new year.

Around this time each year, the two of us create our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as in our relationship.

Continue reading "Creating a Great Relationship in the New Year" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes the best relationship tips and the most interesting relationship and life lessons come from some pretty unusual sources.

Here's one such example...

Recently, Susie rediscovered a wonderful book that she had read many years ago, "Mutant Message Down Under" by Marlo Morgan. This book is about the author's journey on foot with the Australian aborigines and the lessons that she learned along the way. Although the book is classified as "fiction," we think there are many lessons to be learned from it.

One of these beautiful lessons that Morgan wrote about held a special meaning for us and we think that by sharing it with you, it can help all of us to create wonderful lasting relationships that are filled with love.

Here's what Marlo Morgan said in her book...

Continue reading "Deepening Our Connections at the Holidays" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since we're all about helping you experience the gifts of connection more of the time in your relationships and lives, here's an interesting question for you...

What is it that irritates or annoys you?

If you're like most people, there's probably been some time or another you've found yourself irritated by the small things that others say or do.

These could be mannerisms or annoying habits of loved ones or co-workers that seem to drive you crazy. For most of us there always seems to be something that doesn't seem to be such a big deal to others but is a big deal to us.

For Susie, loud gum "cracking" and "loud" eating have always been irritating to her. To you, these may be really small things and may not bother you but we're sure that you probably have things that seem to get "under your skin" as well.

Continue reading "Dealing With The Big and Little Things That Annoy You" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You never really know how your words and your actions affect other people. That's been our experience anyway.

Here's a practical example of something that happened recently to illustrate this point...

Susie's mother passed a couple of weeks ago and among the beautiful cards and sentiments that she received after her mother's death was a letter from a former neighbor who had lived next door to her childhood home.

Continue reading "How Your Words and Actions Affect Others" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a fascinating question that we received from one of our newsletter subscribers and we are fairly certain that the question has come up for many other people in their relationships.

Our subscriber asked...

"Can you say 'I love you' too much? How can I make my partner believe that you can not overuse the 'I love you' term. He says if we say it too often, it will become meaningless."

We've heard this question more than once and our answer may surprise you...

Continue reading "Can You Say 'I Love You' TOO Much?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If your life is crazy, you seem to never get it all done and you find yourself becoming "short" with the people you love, you may need to revitalize and rejuvenate yourself, spending some time investing in you. Susie has found that one of the best ways to do this (and be kinder and more loving to the people in her life) is to develop a regular meditation practice--a time when she can get in touch with "her" and revitalize.

We know that you might be thinking "I don't have time for that" or "Meditation is just too weird for me" but we invite you to read on for some really practical tips on how to get started to feeling better and being more loving.

Continue reading "Using Meditation to Help You to Be a More Loving Person" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Creating a blended or step-family is usually challenging to say the least. If you have your doubts, watch the movie, "Yours, Mine and Ours" and see for yourself!

Here's a question from one of our visitors and his honest feelings about his blended family situation...

"I am a 30 year old man who has recently entered into his third marriage. Both my past marriages ended because my wives cheated on me. The woman that I am married to is wonderful and I love her very much. We are expecting our first child together, her second, my fisrt in December. The problems for me have arisen due to her five year old daughter. I guess I feel like something is wrong with me. I just don't want her daughter around all the time. I get annoyed with her when she is constantly on me 24/7 following me around. The biological father is still in the picture and I don't want to get in the way of that. But to tell you the truth I hate changing my plans for him. I have begun to grow to resent my stepdaughter because of the other man. I don't want to treat her badly and want her to be happy as well. Everything seems to have gotten even worse for me now that my wife and I are expecting our first child. I need some advice on how to deal with this."

Here's our advice and we hope that it may also help others in similar situations...

Continue reading "Blended Families: The Challenges of 'Yours, Mine and Ours'" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When two families come together, there can certainly be wonderful things that come from the union but there can also be some aspects that are very uncomfortable for everyone involved. I found a few blogs about it and the topic is certainly a big one, especially if you're in one!

While the blended family can certainly be troublesome for the kids that are involved, it certainly has challenges for the new couple.

Often, there may be a feeling that there's a conspiracy against the new couple because it may seem like there's
never enough time, privacy, or energy to really be together and to have the fun and connection they once had together.

While our blended family has not always been perfect, we have learned some things that we'd like to share that have made our lives easier and happier.

Continue reading " The Blended Family: How to Survive It" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever found yourself reacting in a negative way, time and time again, to something that your loved one, a friend or co-worker says or does?

You might feel hurt, angry, disappointed or upset and you might even express those feelings, but nothing changes.

We all have those moments with the people in our lives that surface again and again--and if we look closely, we can start to see patterns and reasons why we react the way we do.

We'll explain with a story from our lives...

Continue reading "One Moment of Understanding" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the fastest growing trends today is the home business, especially couples who go into business together. While home businesses definitely have their pluses, there can be some real pitfalls if you're not careful!

We started our marriage and our home business together during the same year and even though we thought we knew a great deal about relationships, we have had to really deepen our skills to keep our heads above water and to make it all work. Because we work in the same office in our home, we have to continue to put into practice what we teach and to be very conscious in every moment.

Today, we received a great question from a person who was commenting on a previous communciation article that we wrote and we thought it would be helpful to write specifically about couples who are trying to manuever the sticky terrain of working together and living together.

Continue reading "Communication Tip for Couples who share a Home Business" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease and although there are so many aspects that are difficult, perhaps the most difficult is the loss of communication and connection with her. At times she seems to know who we are when we visit but verbal communication is almost impossible as she now speaks in random (or maybe not so random) words and partial sentences.

As I think of her the way she used to be, full of life and love, I'm reminded of just how precious our time with our loved ones is. We just bought Rosanne Cash's new album "Black Cadillac" dedicated to her father, Johnny Cash. In one of her songs, Rosanne said of her relationship with her father--"All these years to prove how much I care. I didn't know it, but you were always there..."

Sometimes, all we have to do is turn around and look at the love that is always there...

Continue reading "Alzheimers and Relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been sick the past couple of days and it's given me time to watch a few movies, rest and think about a few things. One of the movies that I watched was the 2004 film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou with Bill Murray in the lead as the oceanographer Steve Zissou. Although it was supposed to be funny, I didn't think it was. I thought it was a really good story of people trying to create connections with one another--even though they fumbled along the way.

Isn't that the way it seems in all our lives? We want to connect with others--or maybe we're even really afraid to connect because we've never been successful--and we just don't know how. And yet that's what we as humans truly want--this connection with one another that creates trust and allows us to have the love we truly want in our lives.

Continue reading "What do "The Life Aquatic" and Babies Have to Do with Trust?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Has this ever happened to you? You do or say something that triggers a person who is close to you to react in a way that disconnects and separates the two of you. This person might blame you or criticize you and you usually react by apologizing profusely or lashing out in anger yourself?

You might even be the one who gets triggered by a loved one and you find that you are reacting in a way that you don't like--but you don't know how to stop doing and saying whatever it is that you are doing and saying.

If this is similar to what happens in your relationship, we'd invite you to read how one of our coaching clients is beginning to change the dynamic in her relationship with her partner...

Continue reading "Communication tip for breaking an old pattern" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 06:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It may sound like common sense but what we've discovered as Relationship Coaches is that many relationship challenges, especially intimate relationships, are created in part because people don't look, really look, at one another anymore.

We are currently offering a seminar by telephone about how to get the spark back in your relationship and the number one thing that our participants took away from last night's session was the realization that they have "forgotten" about actually looking at each other when they interact.

Here are some simple communication tips to help the two of you feel closer and more connected, along with reasons why looking at each other is so important...

Continue reading "Communication Tips: "We Don't Look at Each Other Anymore..."" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.

A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.

The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.

We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.

Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.

We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.

This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.

Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.

We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Almost everyone does it-- typically every year around New Years day, people seem to instinctively look back on what happened in the past year and look forward to what they want to change in the new year and we are no different.

Over the past few days we've been taking some time to set our intentions and make some plans for the new year in our work, our personal life, as well as our relationship.

No matter how you celebrate the new year, we invite you to do some conscious planning for how you want your relationships and your life to be like in 2006.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Your Best Year Yet" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Christmas day, as I sat with my mother who is in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease, I put my arm around her shoulder and she gently reached up and held my hand for a moment. It was the first time in a long while that she had made an attempt to connect with me in that way.

Although it's been proven that touch is good for people with this disease, what I didn't realize was how much I wanted and had missed her touch.

As I was thinking about this connection with my mom, I started thinking about how important touch is with every one in my life and how I sometimes take touching my loved ones and them touching me for granted.

My question to you is this…

Are you aware of how important touch is in your life and what you are communicating with your touch?

Continue reading "Communicate with your Touch and Show Your Loved Ones that You Care" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"A Simple Communication Shift For Creating Better Relationships "
by Susie and Otto Collins

Last week, we took a much needed vacation and headed off for the clear skies, sun and warmer weather that we don't typically have this time of year where we live in south central Ohio. In addition to getting some sun and enjoying some time off, we also got to make some interesting observations about how to create great relationships.

Here's an example of one of the many interactions we noticed and what you can learn from it to make your relationships and the holiday season better in any area of your life...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for the Holiday Season" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)