Love and Relationship Advice from Susie and Otto Collins

As Relationship coaches and authors of "How to Heal Your Broken Heart," we wanted to check out the new film "Break-Up" as soon as we could. As we were walking out of the movie, we and others around us wondered why we paid the money to watch two celebrities we liked argue and fight--and argue and fight. Apparently, we weren't alone in our assessment of this film.

Although we know that the purpose of this film was to be a comedy (and it was funny in places), there is so much more that could have happened to actually help people who are experiencing or have experienced a break up in their own lives.

Here are some of our ideas of how you can deal with a break up without so much pain...

Continue reading "Jen and Vince Miss the Mark in Break-Up Movie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Since we've written the book "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" , we get quite a few questions from people who are trying to make that decision. Here's one woman's story and her question which is one that people who have found themselves in similar situations ask...

"I have been in a relationship with someone who I really love for 6 years. Although it has been one sided as support goes. We were so happy to have found each other at first, until I got pregnant, with protection. He tried every way to get me to have an abortion, but from being through it with a friend, could not, and just trusted God to do what was best. Thus, I had a miscarriage. He was cold and distant all through this time and I suffered the miscarriage alone. But I still loved him and tried to forgive and forget.

"I have been the pillar of support for him all this time. Along with other family problems, I feel overwhelmed. He has since moved and is being very distant and verbally and mentally abusive to me. I live with my Mother due to her illness and he now lives farther away, which makes it hard for me to just leave when he acts mean to me. I have not talked to him in 3 weeks, as I told him not to call me again until he can treat me right. I know in my heart, I deserve to be treated better after 6 years of being the care giver and supporter. Never once has he been there for me when I needed help. I know the answer you are going to give me: Stay or Go?

"At first I felt angry, then hurt, and now numb, as he has made no attempt to call me and apologize or anything. I now find myself bitter and abusing myself with drinking and drugs, which I didn't use until I met him. I feel helpless because I can't fix this, Me or Us. I just feel in limbo or in the void so to speak. I know I need to fix me first, but I'm afraid. I spent 6 years living my life around him and his problems and health etc. How do I start to deal with this dead end situation. I know I'm dulling the pain by my self abuse. I also feel better by not making a decision to let it go and being in limbo for some strange reason. I do know I have learned alot about myself and what I can endure and the strength I have to go through all I have with him I never new I had. How can I move on with that lesson? "

Continue reading "Separation--Is it time to leave?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Recently, Kathy wrote to us with a question that many people are living with now or have lived with in the past--how to get over the pain of a relationship breakup.

Here's Kathy's story...

"I am suffering from a broken heart...I have been married to my 2nd husband for almost 7 years. We have a blended family situation with 4 kids...he has 2, I have 2. A situation arose that he can not get past so he and his kids moved out. This is his 2nd time leaving. The first time, I begged and pleaded with him to stay and he did. I have not begged and pleaded this time, at least not like the first time. I believe we could work it out. We have made it through so many very hard times. And, I believe he still loves me and I do still love him. We had finally gotten to a point where things seemed to have settled down and that the hardest times were over. It took 5 years to get to that point, but we had made it. Then, this horrible thing happened. He moved out about 2 mos. ago. I cannot get rid of that feeling in the pit of my stomach, I still cry at the slightest mention of him or thought of him. Very few people know he has moved out because I cannot talk about it, it is too painful. I made a committment to this man and our family. I love him with all my heart and soul. Why is it "his" decision to walk out and how do I get over this feeling of emptiness and lonliness? All the joy is gone from my life. We did **everything** together and now he is gone. I feel lost and alone. If it weren't for my responsibility to my own kids, I would run away, far away....how do I deal with the fact that I still love him, but most likely will lose him forever?"

Continue reading "Healing After a Breakup: He Moved Out--Now What???" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We received this question from a visitor and thought it was a great question,one that many people live with after a breakup with someone who is married...

"I have a broken heart. Problem is I was seeing this person for almost a year. He was madly in love with me. (or so he said) He was married. I didn't find out until I was already deeply in love. I lost so much when my family found out. And he walked back to his perfect life and never looked back. I want so desparetly to let his wife know... Is this wrong?"

In answering this woman's question, we would suggest a couple of ideas for her to consider, as well as anyone who is in a similar situation.

1. What would be your motivation for telling this man's wife?
--Do you want this man's wife to hurt as much as you hurt right now?
--Do you want to pay this man back for hurting you so much?
--Do you think that you will hurt less if you tell this man's wife about your affair?
--Are you hoping that by telling her about the affair, she'll leave him and he'll come back to you?
--Do you just plain want revenge?
Be honest with yourself and figure out what thought is motivating you to do this and what you hope to gain by doing it.

2. After your motivation is clear, ask yourself if you will better be able to let the past go and move on with your life if you tell this man's wife or if you learn from what happened and heal your pain. From our experience, revenge doesn't heal your pain and allow you to move on. It simply ties you more to your past.

3. Although you are in a great deal of pain, before you would tell this man's wife about your affair, take some time and discover what lessons you've learned from this man and from being in this relationship. Are there are some ways that you've grown by loving this person, even though he chose not to continue your relationship? Are there some things that you've learned about yourself that you didn't know before being in a relationship with this man?
Are there some things you've learned about what you want and don't want in an intimate relationship? How are you wiser now?

You see, we believe that we learn from every relationship we are in, whether they last 2 weeks or 20 years. And you've probably learned a lot by being loved by this person, even if it has ended in the pain of being left.

We're urging you to choose to look toward your future and what you want and not stay stuck in your past. Revenge will keep you stuck in your past.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Could there be a simple relationship challenge that is so big and so important that it prevents the majority of people from having the kind of close, connected and loving relationships that they really want without them even realizing it?

We think it may be true and here's why...

We've all had relationships or marriages that have ended. Whether ending this relationship was your idea, your partner's or a mutual agreement, the fact is that most of us still carry wounds and unhealed parts of ourselves that keep us from truly opening our hearts to the people most important to us in our lives right now.

The problem that this creates for us in our current relationships and lives lies within this very important question...

The question is:

"How can we have the best relationships possible and open ourselves completely to love if there are still parts of us that need some healing from these past relationships?"

Our answer is--You can't but there are some things you can do to heal from those past relationships.

Continue reading "How to Heal Your Broken Heart" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

There's an old saying that you can die of a broken heart and according to researchers this actually turns out to be true! According to a Washington Post article, a study done at John Hopkins School of Medicine shows that stress hormones produced by a breakup, a death, a sudden shock, or even a car accident can indeed mirror a heart attack, especially in women.

The article goes on to quote the main researcher of the study--"Our hypothesis is that massive amounts of these stress hormones can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack," Wittstein said. "It doesn't kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless."

So with this information, it's all the more important to take some very active steps in healing after a relationship breakup or divorce. There are some things that you can do to begin your healing process if you've gone through a breakup, whether it was yesterday or 10 years ago.

Continue reading "Can You Die of a Broken Heart?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most of us have gone through a relationship breakup sometime in our lives. Whether it's a high school romance or a 30 year marriage, the breakup can be devastating to you and usually is a life-changing event. We've written a book called "How to Heal Your Broken Heart: The Secrets to Getting over a Relationship Breakup or Divorce" to help people heal their pain, let go of what was or could have been and move on to a better life.

Although there can be many steps a person takes to get over a relationship breakup or divorce, there seem to be four big ones that can help anyone move toward healing.

Continue reading "Healing after Your Relationship Breakup or Divorce" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)