Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Valentine's Day is coming in just a few days and we want to help you make it your best ever...

Here's how to not only have the best Valentine's Day ever but to take what you do on Valentine's Day and carry it with you throughout the entire year...

Now through Thursday night, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern Time, we're going to give you the chance to get your copy of ...

"Susie and Otto Uncensored"

This is the juiciest, sexiest, steamiest, most provocative audio about relationships, intimacy and lovemaking we've ever recorded.

You get to download a copy of it at no charge *if * you are one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link only.

Now for a bit of bad news...

Continue reading "Make This Valentine's Day the Best Ever..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What do you do when your partner speaks those dreaded four words--"I want time apart"?

If you're like a lot of people, you immediately go to feeling that this is the end of the relationship and that you are being let down easily--or not so easily.

There's a lot of confusion, hurt and uncertainty and you don't know what to do next.

**Question from Reader...

"I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. He recently told me that he loves me but that he wants 'time apart'. What does this mean? He says he wants just some time apart and then he wants to get back together with me. I don't believe in breaks and think this will be the end of our relationship. Can you help??"

**Our answer...

We won't lie to you--it could go either way. The two of you could end up together after this hiatus or you could end up ending your relationship.

We're not going to mislead you...

Statistics show that when a partner wants a "break" or "time apart" from the relationship, it usually doesn't work out that the two people get back together.

But sometimes they do.

The bottom line is that if this is what he wants, you can't force him to stay with you without the break.

There are a few things that we suggest you do to clear up some mysteries and make the reason for the break clearer...

Here are a few ideas

Continue reading "When you've been asked for"time apart"--What to do..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Have you ever said something that after you said it, you wished you could have "taken it back"?

Or maybe you (or your partner) said one thing that was the "last straw" and a relationship ended or was severely
damaged because of it?

The good news is that we all have done this--sometimes intentional but many times from old family "tapes" that we've accessed unconsciously.

The "better" news is that it doesn't have to ever happen again.

As we've been working on our new book and audio project called "Magic Relationship Words," we've been not only focused on the "magic" words to use to create open, loving communication but we've also looked at what NOT to say.

Here are 5 communication no-no's for couples who want to connect ..(No, they aren't "new" but we all could stand to be reminded not to use them!)

Continue reading "5 Communication No-No's for Couples Who Want to Connect" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Imagine just for a moment that you are the contestant in
a new TV game show about relationships and we'll be the hosts...

Since you've decided to play along, here's our question for you...

What do you think is the single most important feature desired in a s*e*x*u*a*l or Intimate partner by BOTH men and women?

Is it...

A. Beauty?
B. Intelligence?
C. Status?
Or
D.Something else?

Beauty is a good answer because after all, we ALL want an attractive or good-looking partner, don't we?

Intelligence is a good answer because who doesn't want a partner who is smart, can figure things out and have the intelligence to work with you to create the best life possible for the two of you (and your family, if you have kids.)

Some people might also think status is the most important feature in attracting a relationship partner or in the one you have.

After all, isn't the success you have in life and the future you create for yourself and your family affected greatly by status?

Of course it is...

But when it comes to the #1 single most important feature in a relationship, there is one thing that trumps, beauty, brains, social status and everything else in the desirability area of relationships and attraction.

So, what is it that trumps all the things we just mentioned?

The answer may surprise you...

It certainly surprised us when we first read about this study about what people (and couples) want in relationships...

And it just might have a huge impact on your relationship or your future relationship!

The answer is...(Drum Roll Please) ...

Continue reading "The one thing you must do to insure relationship success..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest dating questions that can be pretty confusing to figure out is this...

Is it love or is it lust?

You might feel a terrific connection in the bedroom but wonder if it's really going to go any further than that.

You may even wonder how long this terrific attraction (or lust for each other) will last.

Here are a couple of checklists to know if it's love or is it lust...

1. Lust is satisfying an itch at a surface level and you don't necessarily feel a deep connection, friendship, or want to be with the other person and enjoy their company--outside of the bedroom.

Don't get us wrong--lust is fun and you can experience lust within love--but if there's nothing deeper going on, lust by itself can be pretty shallow.

Check to see if any of these apply to your relationship...

**You only get together every now and then and not necessarily on weekends.
**Your dates always involve making love and end up in the bedroom.
**You don't have a lot to talk about and you don't talk about your future together.
**There is a feeling that something is missing
**You don't feel important outside of the bedroom
**If you raise the topic of commitment, one of you runs.
**You do not share any interests outside of s*e*x

2. Love is in the eye of the beholder so it's important to find out what love means to you.

Make a list of what love means to you and be specific like this...

**You feel important to each other
**Being supportive like a true friend would
**Being honest when you made a mistake
**You want to just be together and doesn't always involve love-making (but can)
**You can talk to one another
**Calling when you're going to be late
**You feel a deep connection
**You are kind toward one another
**You like to touch one another

Check this list against what's happening in this relationship right now--and don't be blind and kid yourself.

Be honest!

Okay, so now that you have a better idea of what's going on, you can make a more conscious choice.

As we said, you can feel lust for each other and be in love--even after many years of being together!

We do.

But you have to have the solid foundation of a love that grows--and be in agreement about what love means.

We invite you to open to the idea that both are available to you and you can have what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner (or anyone else for that matter) didn't make some changes that you wanted them to make and because of this, you felt like you weren't being respected?

Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. We just wanted the other person to "respect" us in a certain
way and didn't know how to go about getting it.

One thing we've noticed is...

One of the reasons people who are considering leaving a relationship buy our book and audio program "Should
You Stay or Should You Go?" is that they don't feel respected, appreciated and important.

Yes, feeling respected is that important!

It's important to feel respected and be "heard" in a relationship--but what if the other person doesn't seem to want to make changes that you want him or her to make?

Here's a question from a reader who feels like she is being disrespected by a guy she's dating in a most unusual way...

Continue reading "Relationship advice for getting "respect"..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do you long for the early days of your relationship when it all seemed more magical? Perhaps you remember the times when your love used to bring you flowers for no reason, write you love poems, or even serenade you with a gushy song. Maybe you wonder what happened to the two of you? Where did your spark and sense of excitement about one another go?

There's a bold-faced lie being spread around that goes something like this: Two people meet. If the chemistry and conditions are favorable, they fall in love. In this “honeymoon phase” they shower one another with adoration and just can't seem to get enough of one another. After time passes in the relationship, the two truly love and care for one another, but that spark and feeling of aliveness slowly dies down. In the best cases, the couple is left in a more “mature” state-- deeply bonded but not very passionate about one another or their relationship.

It truly doesn't have to be that way!

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark: Don't Stop Dating Your Mate!" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yesterday, we saw an article that suggested that maybe the romantic comedies that some of us love to watch are actually harmful to our real relationships! This article was based on research done by relationship experts in Edinburgh and their findings posed some interesting questions.

They found that romantic comedies "give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to 'fail to communicate with their partner.'"

So the question that we ask is this...

What is it that we get out of watching these romantic comedy films and do they help or hurt our real relationships?

Continue reading "Do you expect too much from your marriage or relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It only takes a few minutes to know if you've found your perfect match. Well, that's the hope and an intention behind the practice of speed dating. This manner of meeting potential mates usually involves a structured and timed setting in a restaurant, bar or other location where participants have a series of 3-8 minute mini-dates with various people they don't know or have just met. Speed dating has been portrayed in movies and tv shows and maybe you're wondering if this is the way you can finally find your Mr. or Ms. Right.

Is it possible to find a partner-- even your soul mate-- in such a short span of time? Is this a good idea in the first place or are you just asking for trouble? Speed dating has been billed as a great fit for matchmaking in our high-speed society.

We confess, we've never experienced speed dating, but we can offer suggestions and advice based on what we have learned about relationships and attracting the partner of your dreams. These love lessons have come from personal experience as well as from years of coaching relationship clients and listening to our many readers.

Perhaps the biggest point we want to make is that, in our opinion, speed dating is neither the magic answer to finding love nor is it necessarily a wrong way turn in the often confusing path on which dating can take you. You never know where or when you'll attract the partner and relationship you've been wanting. It could just as easily be a slowly-developing friendship turned romance with someone you knew in high school or literally a love at first sight encounter during a speed date.

Here's Renee's speed dating experience...

Continue reading "Speed Dating: Is it possible to find Mr.or Ms. Right?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When people talk about finding and keeping the partner that they truly want to spend their lives with, the discussion invariably gets around to the topic of "soul mates."

We talk about the soul mate spark because that's what we think people are really looking for--that special feeling of connection, like you've "come home," like you never want to part.

While many people do find this in a partner, including us, there are some pitfalls around the whole soul mate mystique.

One of those pitfalls is the belief that soul mates don't have conflicts and no major issues to work through. They have pure bliss all of the time.

We wish this were true but it just isn't for most of us.

This belief is why some people get so upset and disenchanted when they find that perfect someone who they think is a soul mate and it turns sour after a few months or even weeks.

It turns out that there are things about their soul mate that drive them crazy. There are conflicts and the specialness just seems to have disappeared.

Our take on soul mates is a little different from the mystique and it may help you make more sense out of the whole soul mate and relationship thing.

We believe that there are many soul mates out there for different times in our lives and they come into our lives not only to bring us greater joy but to help us with our personal and spiritual growth.

A soul mate agrees to walk with you for awhile to learn and also teach. A soul mate relationship is a spiritual bond and the challenges that come up are the soul lessons that you have agreed to learn together.

We also believe that just as your various soulmates can enter your life "for a time, a reason or a season"-- we also believe that soul mates can part when there's no more growth and learning.

Before you think we've gone a little to far "out there" or "woo-woo" with this one. consider this...

Regardless of the kind of relationship you're talking about, if the relationship is truly close and connected-- there's a certain spiritual quality to them. Soul mate kind of relationships are no different.

It's been our experience that when two people come together and it feels like a soul mate kind of experience, it can feel like destiny or some sort of divine intervention has been gifted to you or interceded on your behalf.

So what's the soul mate spark?

It's that spark of desire to draw closer and connect with a love and passion that keeps growing throughout the years.

Is it possible?

We know it is because we and others have it--and we also believe that you can create it.

Here are a few ways...

Continue reading "The Soul mate spark: How you get and keep it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dating is often compared to a game insinuating a sense of competition among people for the “best” man or woman. As you “play the field” looking for a choice match, it's easy to see how insecurity and fear can flourish, especially in the early days of a relationship. Both of you may just want to have fun and get to know people while keeping yourselves open for love. But jealousy-- which can spring from insecurity-- can ruin even the most enjoyable experiences and stand in the way of allowing the relationship you are wanting develop.

Television has entertained viewers with not only the literal “Dating Game” where contestants answered questions and won a date if chosen by the featured bachelor or bachelorette, but scores of similarly focused reality shows as well. The allure in “winning” the attractive man or woman is hard to miss in these shows. It's also hard to miss the fierce and often cruel ways that contestants knock one another out of the running for the “prize”-- a date or relationship.

We certainly don't feel that dating or a love relationship is a game in which people and their affections are won or lost-- often in manipulative ways. However, it seems that the competitive “game” approach to dating persists in the real world outside television sound stages. The perception that the person you are dating could easily turn his or her attentions elsewhere leaving you alone, jealous and rejected is a painful and common one.

Given these subtle yet pervasive tendencies when it comes to dating, it is no surprise that jealousy is also a common occurrence. Jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and fears which usually go back to the jealous person's past experiences and beliefs. To allow the good feelings and sense of a “match” you may feel to grow and develop, it is essential that you stop jealousy before it stops your relationship in the making.

Here are some suggestions to help you stop jealousy...

Continue reading "Jealousy and Dating: Relationship Advice for Keeping Jealousy out of your Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We saw the movie "Knocked Up" over the weekend and totally agreed with the reviewers that it was funny and worth seeing. There were so many observations that we could make about relationships and if you've seen it, we're sure that you have plenty of your own.

One of our teachers said it this way--"Men marry women hoping they don't change; Women marry men hoping they do"--and that's one of the big themes in "Knocked Up."

It goes something like this--Can the guy who doesn't hold a job, smokes dope and seems really irresponsible become responsible enough to become a good partner and parent? Can women change men and if men do change, are they happy?

So what about trying to change your partner? Can you do it and is it worth it if you do?

Continue reading "Relationship Advice from the "Knocked Up" movie" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week, someone asked Susie such an interesting relationship question that we thought we'd share our thoughts about the topic with you.

This question and our answer are important to anyone who wants more love and connection in their relationships and life.

So what is the question we're talking about?

Susie and her sister were having a "girls getaway," visiting their two cousins who live in Richmond, Virginia, which is about an 7 hour drive from where we live in Ohio.

The four of them grew up together and have been very close friends since. They always have such a good time at these "reunions" and one of the fun things the four of them did in the evenings during this reunion was watch romantic comedy movies on DVD and laugh together.

You know the way romantic comedies go... there are always bizarre twists and turns on the way to getting the guy or girl of your dreams and the movies that the four of them watched were no different.

In fact, in two of these movies, the couples met and fell "in love" within a week.

As the four of them talked about the movies later, Susie's sister asked if it was really possible to fall in that kind of love in a week. Susie thought that was an interesting question because that's exactly what happened to the two of us.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for After You Meet Your Soul Mate" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In order to have a red-hot love relationship that is vibrant, alive, sexy, juicy and filled with lots of connection there is one decision that every person and couple must make.

This decision is to individually and together decide what this kind of relationship means to you and then commit with your whole heart, mind and soul to creating this kind of relationship. Refuse to settle for anything less than what you want. Commit to creating and having a passionate, juicy, alive and connected relationship.

Refuse to settle for anything less than the highest vision you have for what you want your love and relationship to be. Commit to always expanding that vision for what you want and finding new ways for expanding and opening to more.

Continue reading "Heating Up Your Love Relationship" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We thought we'd heard just about everything until we saw this...

It was an ad for guys about how to seduce the "hottest" women by doing magic tricks.

Now, if you've been reading any of our materials, you know that we are NOT about seduction for the sake of manipulation.

We are about love, juiciness, aliveness, passion and connection.

But after we mulled over this magician's idea, we thought that there was something that we all could learn from it to make our relationships come alive.

Continue reading "Romantic Ideas Using "Magic"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether we know it our not--we all want to connect deeper with someone or something. We might connect with animals instead of people but we all feel better when we are connected.

In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go--and when it goes, we really feel it.

Here's a question along those lines from a woman...

"I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We were engaged but recently we have been having some problems. He says that he doesn't feel a connection to me anymore, but he wants to work on getting the connection back. How do you go about getting the connection back in your relationship? I still love him more than anything in the world, he is the one who's feeling unsure about our relationship."

Connection is something that we can take for granted until we feel its absence. Here are a few suggestions for getting a connection back...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Connecting Deeper" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day we were sent a link to a very short video called "How Men Screw Up Romance." In this short video, a beautiful woman walks seductively to a spa-type bathtub and eases herself into the water. As she's enjoying herself in the peace and quiet, a man jumps into the bath, splashing water everywhere, holding his beer. In the next shot, he looks bewildered.

The short film is funny but it's also sad. It's sad because if men just paid attention to what women really want, they could have what they want.

We'll explain...

Continue reading "How Men Screw Up Romance" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently, we received a couple of great questions from one of our newsletter subscribers and we thought that the topic raised a challenge that many people seem to have in their relationships.

Here is what the person wrote...

"Is it possible to treat someone too special? Can you give some examples on how to become someone who can attract more love, passion and connection?"

Here's our take on treating someone too special...

Continue reading "Dating and Marriage Advice for a Common Relationship Problem" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone came to one of our web sites recently and asked us this question which we thought was thought-provoking enough to warrant an answer in this week's newsletter so everyone could benefit from his question and our answer.

Here's his question...

"I have a friend that flirts with everyone wearing long pants and will kiss friends on the mouths when leaving a party."

He wondered if this was "normal and acceptable."

Here's our response...

Continue reading "Are you a Hugger, A Kisser, A Shaker or A Wisher?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the December 2006 issue of "Performing Songwriter," there's a great interview with Keith Urban of country music fame where he not only talks about his music but also discusses marriage and relationships. Since he did not marry until he was 38 to actress Nicole Kidman, we thought he had some insightful things to say about the institution of marriage.

Continue reading "What You Can Learn from Keith Urban about Marriage and Dating" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There seem to be so many mysteries when it comes to dating and one of the big ones is this question...
"Is this the right person for me to spend my life with?"

One of our blog readers wrote this observation and advice and we thought it was a great place to begin talking about this topic...

"I met and married my wife when she was still very young. She was impetuous and somewhat of a spoiled little princess but I had figured she would mature out of it. When she was not throwing a hissy she was a delightful person. Well its 9 years later and the hissies show little sign of abating... well they have mellowed a fractionally but not like I imagined. In retrospect and the advice I will give to my own children is know yourself before you find a mate to spend eternity with. In knowing yourself, you achieve a sense of balance in your own energy and can find a mate not out of need but out of the joy of being with them."

It's common knowledge that most of us are attracted to people who are seemingly our opposites and bring out something in us that we feel is lacking or fills a need in our lives that we have.

While this is a completely "normal" way of choosing a partner, if you're not careful, you can fall into any number of pot holes along the way.

Continue reading "Dating Advice for Choosing the Partner for You" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently...

"How can I tell the difference between falling in love with a person's 'potential' and falling in love with someone who I can have a true soul/heart connection with?"

This is such a good question because whether you are single, between relationships or are in a long-term
committed marriage or relationship, this question is one that many people face as they change, grow and move through their lives.

The typical scenario around this topic goes something like this...

Continue reading "Falling in Love with Potential" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently we received an interesting question from a guy and we thought that our answer would be helpful to a lot of people in his situation.

In a nutshell, here's what he was asking...

He and his girlfriend were completely in love but last week she started having these doubts about their relationship working out because he was leaving for college across the country. He was confused because it seemd that half of her was trying to convince the other half of her that loved him to break up with him. Her indecisiveness was killing him so he broke up with her. He said that he still loved her but asked how he could forget her.

Here's our answer to him and to anyone in this situation...

Continue reading "Breaking up--Did the Guy Do it Too Quickly?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a question that we recently received about jealousy and trust...

"I have been seeing someone for a while now, and we both have fallen very fast and very deeply in love with each other. As much as I do trust her, when we were out at the weekend she was rather drunk and ended up talking to a guy outside who kissed her. I thought nothing of this as she did not want or contribute to the kiss though after walking home a bit she told me she had kissed him back for a few seconds and being as drunk as she was, began telling me she was so sorry and she is just a whore.

This I knew was just the drink talking but she went on to say if I had not come out or if I was not there that night she thinks she may have went all the way and slept with him if the chance came up. I know that before we met she had had a rough time and quite simply herself respect was rather low. Trouble is after her saying she does not really trust herself, where does that leave me in trusting her. I have spoken to her and told her she needs to control her drink and she has said she will and that she does know she would not cheat on me.

The problem is still there though, as if she goes out a night with her friends and I'm not there, what happens if the same thing happens and I'm not there? Though the thing I am most worried about is becoming possessive towards her as every time she goes out side to have a cigarette at the pub, how do I know she isn't fooling around?"

Possessiveness or jealousy is certainly not the route to take and this person who asked this question is certainly wise to not want to go down it. With that being said, what does he do in this situation?

Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: How do you know when to trust?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's a fascinating question that we received from one of our newsletter subscribers and we are fairly certain that the question has come up for many other people in their relationships.

Our subscriber asked...

"Can you say 'I love you' too much? How can I make my partner believe that you can not overuse the 'I love you' term. He says if we say it too often, it will become meaningless."

We've heard this question more than once and our answer may surprise you...

Continue reading "Can You Say 'I Love You' TOO Much?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One thing is for sure--Dating can be scary, unknown territory, especially in midlife, after the age of 50. I was divorced in my 30th year of marriage and I know that I had no clue what was happening on the senior dating scene or even how to go about it.

For Otto and me, our love happened quickly and I wasn't ever actually on the dating scene--and we have been very happy together ever since. But in our years of coaching many people who find themselves either single again in their 40's or 50's or considering the possibility, we have come to some observations about the topic of what might be considered senior dating.

Continue reading "Senior Dating: Some Inside Tips to Help You on Your Way" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)