Believe it or not, there are many things you can do right now to instantly transform your relationship. We've written quite a bit over the years about what some of these things are and here are two very important ones...
Continue reading "2 Ways to Instantly Transform for Relationship" »
Last night we saw the 2010 remake of the movie "Death at a Funeral" and laughed harder than we've laughed in a long time.
We recognize that it didn't get very good reviews but we loved it!
In the middle of all the silly, outlandish situations, there was some solid relationship advice for people--if you just looked hard enough.
Without spoiling the movie for you, we'll just say that most of us can relate at least somewhat with the family strife, discord, grudges and misunderstandings that we saw portrayed in the film.
Brother jealous of more successful brother, mother favoring one son over another, wife feeling not approved of by mother-in-law, father not approving of daughter's choice in men--all pretty common themes that run in "real" families, as well as this fictional family.
In the film, the family finally began to resolve their differences when several of the characters decided to change.
We loved the description of "change" from a book we've been reading--Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard.
The authors Chip and Dan Heath say that "someone has to start acting differently" for there to be change.
And in "Death at a Funeral" as in our lives--somebody has to decide that it's time to act differently if change is to happen.
Here are a few ideas about how to act differently so change happens in your relationships...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice When You're Stuck in a Destructive Loop..." »
It's a fact.
Arguments happen in relationships....
There's nothing new about this.
The challenge is...
What do you do when you have a disagreement or difference of opinion with someone?
One thing you DON'T want to do is what we call "talk on eggshells".
"Talking on eggshells" is to keep silent and NOT say what's true or what's coming up for you out of fear of what your partner will say, what they'll think or how they'll react.
And most of us find that we do "talk on eggshells" after an argument.
What do you do to work through arguments when they happen AND keep or regain your connection--even when you have a difference of opinion?
This is such a great question and...
Believe it or not--what you do in the split second that you feel a disconnection with another person, especially your loved ones, will determine how long you stay disconnected and distant--and if you ever feel truly close again.
Take a second right now and think about a time when you felt triggered or disconnected from a loved one.
What did you do?
Rewind the tape of the incident in your mind and slow it down so you can really see it.
We're guessing that unless you're really highly evolved and very self-aware, your initial reaction was one of three responses in some form or the other...
Fight, flight or freeze
And you might have different reactions in different situations with different people but there's probably one of these that you can pin-point that happens inside you more often.
Do you see which reaction you have most of the time?
We want to tell you which reactions the two of us have fallen into most of the time and how we work through any problems, challenges or misunderstandings that come up because of these reactions...
Consider using our example we're about to share to help you change any negative patterns in your relationship that happen when challenges come up for you.
Continue reading "The Biggest Mistake When Arguing With Your Partner..." »
Here's a great communication trick you can try to help improve communication and create a closer and more connected relationship...
It's the idea of using "Magic Relationship Words" to draw the two of you closer, build or rebuild trust, stop jealousy and much more.
There are a lot of different ways you can use this idea and in a moment, we're going to give you an example of what these "magic words" are and how to use them.
But, before we give you that example...
We want to let you know that tomorrow night (Wednesday) May 6th at 9 PM Eastern Time and 6PM Pacific time we're going to be doing special 60 to 70 minute web audio cast and teleseminar about these "magic words."
You can either call in by phone, listen by computer, or if you can't be there live, you can download or listen to the audio at a later time.
We're going to give you as many of these "magic relationship words" phrases and sentence starters in that hour as we possibly can so you can start using and applying them in your relationship to make it better.
And here's some good news...
These "magic words" are much easier to create and use than you might think and if you haven't signed up to get this new info from us, you can do that here...
Magic Relationship Words
So, what about the example we promised you?
If jealousy or lack of trust is an issue in your relationship and life-- maybe it's not your fault...
Or is it?
Several people have asked us recently about the question of who's fault is jealousy?
They want to know...
Who's to blame?
AND
How can you stop it before it's too late?
As we've been helping people deal with their jealousy, if there's one really big hot button, it's this...
A feeling that they are being blamed (and solely at fault) for their jealousy.
If you are feeling blamed and completely at fault for your jealousy, here's something to consider...
Jealousy may not be you fault.
You heard us correctly--
Jealousy may not be your fault and here's why...
Even though we talk a lot about taking responsibility for jealousy in your life and the importance of taking action to heal it, there are reasons that may be beyond your control that contribute to it.
Here are a few of those reasons jealousy may not be your fault...
On Monday we're going to start taking registrations for a new teleseminar and webcast we're going to be offering where we'll give you our best solutions for--
"What to do if your partner is looking at and paying too much attention to people of the opposite s.e.x. "
Because we've working on the content for this new teleseminar and webcast...
It also couldn't help but make us wonder...
What if you're in a relationship or marriage and you're being wrongly accused?
What if your partner doesn't trust you and is jealous--but you haven't done anything to deserve mistrust?
When it comes to this kind of mistrust, here's what we can tell you...
If your partner is continually accusing you of being unfaithful and you're not having an affair or breaking any
commitment to him or her, you are probably very frustrated and upset.
Whether it's something small or something much bigger--this hurts.
You may love your partner, but you just want him or her to believe you and stop being so suspicious.
Here are some ideas from our book and audio program "Relationship Trust Turnaround" that you may find
helpful in understanding and breaking this destructive cycle...
Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: What if you're wrongly accused?" »
Would you like to enjoy a deeper, closer connection with your love? If so, we recommend that you two create space in your relationship. This may sound like the exact opposite way to get closer, but we think it's key. When there is space for each of you to know what you want, follow your bliss and communicate your needs and desires, then there is actually more space AND potential for connection and passion.
In essence, greater space in your relationship allows you and your partner to fully explore who you each are as individuals and therefore come to one another better able to give and receive deep heart-felt love.
But isn't space the same thing as distance?
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Creating Love and Connection" »
We're getting ready to do something we never thought we'd do.
In fact, we never thought we'd be sharing what we're getting ready to tell you about but the truth is we simply couldn't ignore the facts any longer.
Here's what we're talking about...
As we continue to work with people like you to help you build closer and more connected relationships, we have
determined that...
Trust and lack of trust in relationships and marriages has reached epidemic proportions and we feel called to do
something about it.
If you or anyone you know is dealing with any of the following issues, problems or challenges in your relationship or marriage...
~ lack of trust
~ lies
~ jealousy
~ infidelity
~ cheating
~ partner looking at "Adult " web sites
~ forgiveness after an affair
~communication challenges (because of an affair or infidelity)
Then this may be the most important information you'll ever read and here's why...
If you have trust issues in your relationship or marriage, whether you want to admit it or not, your relationship could be in serious trouble.
How "serious" depends on your specific situation.
In relationships, trust is the single most important factor that makes up a good relationship or marriage.
Without trust (even if you choose to stay in the relationship or marriage), the relationship will die unless you do something to rebuild it.
Next week we're offering a one-time only webcast and teleseminar where we're going to begin sharing some brand new information with you that we've been working on that shows you how to turn trust around in a relationship or marriage (especially when there's been an affair).
http://www.passionateheart.com/Trust
What's important is...
If trust is an issue for you in your relationship or marriage and you want to turn it around...
... then we encourage you to visit the following web page right now so you can get to the front of the line to get this relationship changing and trust rebuilding info when we share it for the first time next week during our webcast and teleseminar next week.
http://www.passionateheart.com/Trust
Warmest regards,
Susie and Otto Collins
If there's one thing we know for sure, it's this...
If you have low self esteem and you are with someone who doesn't talk about his or her feelings, it's a recipe for mistrust, jealousy, disconnection and heartache.
Here' what one woman asked us...
"My partner isn't the type to give compliments and show his feelings therefore I've never known how he truly feels about me. It's made me insecure, jealous and mistrusting in the relationship. How can I change my feelings of mistrust in the way he feels about me?"
Here's our answer to her...
Continue reading "Jealousy and Mistrust: "My husband doesn't tell me how he feels!"" »
Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.
She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.
Not so!
What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Trusting Change" »
Believe it or not--we just got around to seeing the film "Juno" and like a lot of you--we really enjoyed it. We liked it for many reasons--great story, great characters, good acting, humor and poignant moments. While we were watching the moving, people around us were laughing and crying--and that says a lot about why the film has been so popular.
So what relationship advice did this film show us and what can it teach us about interacting with our loved ones even in tough times?
Continue reading "Relationship Advice We Learned from 'Juno'" »
The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.
In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.
As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."
We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.
So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"" »
Whether you’re married or have been in a love relationship, at one time or another, you’ve probably experienced disconnection-- as if a wall had sprung up between the two of you. The relationship wall could’ve resulted from a major disagreement, an argument that was never resolved, or perhaps it’s been slowly building over time.
Despite the specific cause, a relationship wall between you and your partner means that you are not living the close, passionate intimate relationship you want.
You may be hoping, wishing, that that wall would just disappear! In the Harry Potter books and movie series, Harry and his schoolmates travel to Hogwarts School by way of a magical train which picks them up from a special train platform. Before his first year at Hogwarts, Harry is told to meet the train at Platform 9 ¾. He is confused to find nothing but a solid-looking brick pillar between platforms 9 and 10. Finally, a family shows him how to literally walk into and through the pillar (at a nice run even) to get to where he wants to go.
We realize that the Harry Potter world is one of fantasy that is different in many ways from the one we live in. But, we can learn valuable lessons about dissolving relationship walls from Harry’s experiences reaching Platform 9 ¾.
Let us show you how…
Continue reading "Dissolve Relationship Walls to Create Deeper Intimacy" »
We’ve all heard about the infamous “mid-life crisis” where one person in a seemingly happy marriage becomes dissatisfied with the way life is going and has an affair. Mid-life divorces can be the result of the crisis.
Of course, not all affairs happen after many years of marriage. They occur in relationships where the couple is not married as well as in marriages that are just a few months old. When a couple makes the agreement to be monogamous and this agreement is broken, it is usually an indication of overall disconnection.
So is it possible to head off an affair before it happens?
Continue reading "Heading Off an Affair Before It Happens" »
You are probably wondering "What's a helmet head"?
As you continue reading this article, you're going to learn about "helmet heads" and why your level of relationship success and happiness depends on you NOT being one.
So, if NOT being a "helmet head" is so important, not just in our relationships but in our lives, then you'll want to know our definition and how you can recognize when you are being one.
Read on to find out more...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for NOT being a "Helmet Head"" »
This week we've got a great relationship question for you...
"What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short- and long-term payoff in your life?"
In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life?
With this in mind, we challenge you right now to think of a relationship that you want to make better...
It could be your relationship with a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance--you get the idea.
Now, think about how you'd like this relationship to be more of the time.
Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you. Maybe you want more honesty or more openness. Maybe you want to be "you" more of the time and for some reason you aren't able to be "you" in this relationship.
To show you what we mean, we're going to talk about 3 approaches or philosophies that we use in our relationship that keep it alive, connected and growing.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for More Love and Connection" »
As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.
Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.
One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.
In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Dealing with the Independence/Dependence Issue" »
Like millions of others, we saw the blockbuster film "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. The film had all of the elements of an enjoyable movie experience--beautiful people to watch, a lot of action, great special effects, and a witty, funny, well-written script. The characters seemed to be developed more in this film than in any of the other "Pirates" movies.
Being the constant students of relationships, we are always on the look out for great relationship lessons that we can pass onto others. Aside from being extremely entertaining, it did offer some food for thought.
Here's our take on it...
Continue reading "A Relationship Lesson from "Pirates of the Caribbean"" »
During the past few weeks, there has been a furor over Actor Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty on the cheek
during an AIDS awareness benefit in India.
There's even been a lawsuit brought against Gere over his actions and there's talk of arresting Shetty as well.
While we're not avid followers of Hollywood gossip, this story was intriguing to us because this is much to be learned about relationships if we really think about this incident for a moment. .
This whole situation has been very polarizing for different groups of people.
Some people are dismissing these allegations as the actions of extremists and that they are embarrassing to the Indian culture. Some people are saying that Gere was out of line and that he should have known better.
Needless to say, if this had happened in the US, this would certainly not have been an issue. The reality is it happened in India and because of this it is a problem.
So what does all of this have to do with your relationships?
Plenty and here's why...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice from Gere's Controversial Kiss" »
Whether we know it our not--we all want to connect deeper with someone or something. We might connect with animals instead of people but we all feel better when we are connected.
In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go--and when it goes, we really feel it.
Here's a question along those lines from a woman...
"I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We were engaged but recently we have been having some problems. He says that he doesn't feel a connection to me anymore, but he wants to work on getting the connection back. How do you go about getting the connection back in your relationship? I still love him more than anything in the world, he is the one who's feeling unsure about our relationship."
Connection is something that we can take for granted until we feel its absence. Here are a few suggestions for getting a connection back...
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Connecting Deeper" »
Here's a question that we recently received about jealousy and trust...
"I have been seeing someone for a while now, and we both have fallen very fast and very deeply in love with each other. As much as I do trust her, when we were out at the weekend she was rather drunk and ended up talking to a guy outside who kissed her. I thought nothing of this as she did not want or contribute to the kiss though after walking home a bit she told me she had kissed him back for a few seconds and being as drunk as she was, began telling me she was so sorry and she is just a whore.
This I knew was just the drink talking but she went on to say if I had not come out or if I was not there that night she thinks she may have went all the way and slept with him if the chance came up. I know that before we met she had had a rough time and quite simply herself respect was rather low. Trouble is after her saying she does not really trust herself, where does that leave me in trusting her. I have spoken to her and told her she needs to control her drink and she has said she will and that she does know she would not cheat on me.
The problem is still there though, as if she goes out a night with her friends and I'm not there, what happens if the same thing happens and I'm not there? Though the thing I am most worried about is becoming possessive towards her as every time she goes out side to have a cigarette at the pub, how do I know she isn't fooling around?"
Possessiveness or jealousy is certainly not the route to take and this person who asked this question is certainly wise to not want to go down it. With that being said, what does he do in this situation?
Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: How do you know when to trust?" »
One of the most-asked questions that we received during our recent survey of our newsletter list when we asked the question-"What's the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your
relationship and your life?"-was around the issue of trust.
People wanted to know how to simply relax, enjoy and trust their partner without being threatened and insecure.
One person said it this way...
"How is it possible to believe in and trust your mate when there is so much betrayal, lying and cheating in society?
Even when your mate hasn't done anything to arouse suspicions...most magazines, talk shows and other people
have such awful stories that it makes people such as myself wonder if being part of a couple is even a good idea."
Here are our thoughts on this subject...
As relationship coaches who have written a lot about jealousy, we've discovered many people who deal with jealousy are actually dealing with the past and not what's going on in the present. Here's a note from a person who is trying to cope with this issue...
"I am 22 and currently in my second real relationship. The first was a disaster from day one. I allowed myself to be manipulated and because I am gullable, she used it to her advantage. She cheated on me several times, which I later discovered a week or two after breaking up with her. Now I am with this girl who makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, she really is perfect, however I am plagued with mistrust and severe jealousy. I often accuse her of being unfaithful and I have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go. I have never been so crazy about a girl before in my life, but my trust issues appear to be ruining what we have. I talk to her about this, and she says she understands, but she is 17 and I am soon to turn 23 and so I feel she doesn't have the life experience that I do. Please offer any advice you can."
Have you ever found yourself reacting in a negative way, time and time again, to something that your loved one, a friend or co-worker says or does?
You might feel hurt, angry, disappointed or upset and you might even express those feelings, but nothing changes.
We all have those moments with the people in our lives that surface again and again--and if we look closely, we can start to see patterns and reasons why we react the way we do.
We'll explain with a story from our lives...
I've been sick the past couple of days and it's given me time to watch a few movies, rest and think about a few things. One of the movies that I watched was the 2004 film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou with Bill Murray in the lead as the oceanographer Steve Zissou. Although it was supposed to be funny, I didn't think it was. I thought it was a really good story of people trying to create connections with one another--even though they fumbled along the way.
Isn't that the way it seems in all our lives? We want to connect with others--or maybe we're even really afraid to connect because we've never been successful--and we just don't know how. And yet that's what we as humans truly want--this connection with one another that creates trust and allows us to have the love we truly want in our lives.
Continue reading "What do "The Life Aquatic" and Babies Have to Do with Trust?" »
It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.
A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.
The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.
We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.
Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.
We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.
This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.
Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.
We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.
Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship" »
A big issue around trust that can surface between two people in an intimate relationship concerns this question—“How can I trust you with my feelings if I feel put down when I express them?”
When people don’t feel like they have been heard, they shut down and distance themselves from their partner and the relationship. It doesn’t take long for this type of scenario to deaden the relationship, with both people feeling dissatisfied, alone and unloved.
Continue reading "Trust: “How can I trust you with my feelings?”" »
If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, we don't have to tell you how painful it is.
Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments.
Continue reading "Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?" »
