Love and Relationship Advice Blog

3 Deadly Beliefs that Keep Love Away...

2012-02-02T19:19:49Z

Believe it or not--Your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, interpretations can be a matter of choice.

If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of automatic choosing that go into your beliefs and your choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.

Beliefs can be changed but in order to have something different, you have to do something different. Your current beliefs have created what you have now.

If you want to have a different reality, you have to change your beliefs—and that starts with looking at your thoughts.

Learn to observe yourself and realize that you have the power to alter your perceptions and your reactions—and believe that you can create what you want in your life.

It’s the lack of awareness of our repetitive thoughts and beliefs that cause us to view circumstances as happening to us—that we have no control over.

You can’t have closeness and connection if you feel at the mercy of circumstances or what another person does or doesn’t do. The first step to creating the relationship you want is to become aware of your thoughts and beliefs--especially those that limit you.

Here are some common examples of limiting thoughts and beliefs:

Men are liars, men cheat. Women are cold and frigid. My freedom will be impinged if we become closer. Don’t be affectionate in public. I’ll feel better about myself if I had a hair transplant. I’m over 50 and I can never be attractive again and no one will want me. I’m too old to find love. It’s too late for us. She’ll/he’ll never change. All men are the same. Things will be better if we can just get the kids out of the house. Men don’t listen. Women boss you around. Men aren’t emotional. Women are too emotional. If I open my heart again, I’ll just get hurt.

Here are the 3 biggest and deadliest beliefs that kill relationships and keep love away...

]]> 1. "I'm not good enough"

When you believe that you're not good enough, it seeps into every part of your life, including your relationships. When you believe that you're not good enough, you shrink and don't show up as the full you that you can be. You aren't friendly, you keep to yourself and you limit yourself and what you do. Even if love does find you, you might shove it away because you believe that you don't deserve it.

2."Everyone leaves me"

When you believe that everyone leaves you, you will sabotage every relationship that gets to the commitment stage because underneath, you unconsciously think that it's better to leave first before someone leaves you. This belief is so dangerous because the other person often has no idea that it's happening and wonder how things got so messed up when they seemed to be going so well. You might be equally puzzled why the relationship fell apart as ones before it did.

3. "You should be different"

This belief is a definite killer of relationships and love. The fact is that we're all different and we all come to relationships with our own "rules" and beliefs about how we want our lives and relationships to be. When we close down to listening to how another wants to live-- when we demand that it be "our" way--we shut down our partner and pretty soon resentment creeps in and the arguments and anger start.

If you can identify with any of these, run--don't walk--to becoming aware of how they show up in your relationship. When you think a thought that is similar to any of these beliefs, stop yourself and plant a more empowering thought that will bring you what you want.

Relationships aren't rocket science but they do take nurturing and monitoring our thoughts and actions so that we're moving toward what we want rather than away from what we want.

4 Ways You May Be Sabotaging Love...

2012-01-26T21:51:20Z

Having a great relationship isn't rocket science but it does take finding out how you sabotage yourself when you're in one--and discovering new ways to help you get closer instead of pushing the two of you further apart.

Here's are 4 ways you may be sabotaging love and how you can create exactly what you want...

]]> 1. Thinking That Love and Relationships are HARD

While it's true that having a great relationship does require effort and attention...

What we've discovered about people who think relationships are hard is that they are spending most (if not all) of their time and energy focused on the difficulty of relationships instead of focusing on the benefits of being in a relationship and having the love you want.

They are also focused on any pain that their relationships in their past have given them instead of the joy that may be possible.

A simple mind shift about the idea that relationships are hard is...

Compared to what?

The plain truth of it is that most people spend the same amount of time, effort and energy on creating "bad" relationships as they would have to spend on creating a wonderful love that lasts.

We value exercise but think that running a 26.2 mile marathon would be really hard (and not something we want to spend time doing) so we don't do it.

Other people run marathons all the time and think they're fun (or a challenge or some other reason that serves them) so they continue doing them over and over again.

Whatever you make up in your mind that is "hard" or too much trouble... that's what you live out.

We suggest that you consider a mind shift that relationships can be enjoyable, fun, filled with love (even if challenging at times) would help you attract more love.

2. Holding Back

Many people don't have the kind of love and relationship they want because they "hold back" in a variety of ways that keeps love at a distance.

This can play out in many ways--but what seems to be true is that people who "hold back," don't allow themselves to truly be seen in all their glory.

They aren't honest with each other.

They don't follow their inner urges to say "yes" to something new that might feel good or be enjoyable.

They "talk on eggshells" and hold back in saying what they think or how they feel or hold back from saying what's important to them.

And there are other ways you might hold back as well...

You might say "no" to lovemaking when it might feel actually good to connect in that way.

You might say "no" to a date that might turn out to be the love of your life.

If you want BIG love in your life, you have to learn to say "yes" to more things. We're not saying to say "yes" to things you don't want to do and we're certainly not suggesting that you say "yes" if it doesn't feel right or it's something you don't want but...

People who find love and stay in love tend to be much better at saying "YES" to things that will help them find, attract and keep love in their life.

3. Not Making Room In Your Life For Love

Whether they're with a partner or not--people who want love and don't have it very often may not make room in their lives for it.

People in committed relationships very often let their relationships die a slow death because they fill their lives up with so many activities that there's no room for their beloved. If you have too many activities to be able to fit another thing in, it will be difficult to have the space for a new love or reinvigorate an old love.

If you are in a relationship and you find that you don't spend much time with your partner, we recommend that you find a way to include him or her in some activity that the two of you can enjoy and connect at a higher and deeper level.

If you want a loving partner and are so busy that you don't have time for "one other thing in your life," take an inventory of how you're spending your time and see if there's any activity you'd like to let go of so that something new might come into your life.

4. Not Healing From The Pain of Past Relationships

Most people think one of two ways around this idea of healing from the pain of their past relationships...

They either think they need to "wait" to be in a new relationship until they have done all their inner work and are totally healed from their previous relationships or...

Very often what happens is people who've been in previous relationships march into a new relationship without looking at the "why" things worked out the way they did in past relationships--or deal with the pain that's still there.

We think the goal should be to do both.

We think the amount of time to "wait" before getting into a new relationship is different for everyone and...

We also believe that in addition to bringing you happiness, fun and joy--we're also in relationships to heal, learn and grow as individuals.

So, definitely commit to doing your inner healing work AND to staying open to love at the same time.

That's what we did before getting together and we've enjoyed an incredible love that just keeps getting better and better because that's where we put our focus and intentions in our life.

You can do this too and you can do things on a daily basis that can make finding, attracting and keeping love happen automatically.

Relationship Advice from the Costa Concordia

2012-01-19T15:41:20Z

You probably saw this in the news last Friday and in the days since...

It's a tale of tragedy, heartbreak and disaster that also has a VERY important relationship lesson in it...

Unfortunately it's a lesson that many couples learn too late.

We hope you never let your relationship get to THIS point, as one couple reported in the midst of a true disaster...

This is one of the big reasons why we're offering our "Get Closer Secrets" teleseminar series and coaching program that starts tonight (on Thursday 1/19)...

We also don't want you to ever have to experience anything like this to save your relationship or marriage

^^^^Here's what happened to this couple trying to save their marriage...

]]> Last Friday January 15th, 2012, the Costa Concordia Italian cruise ship hit a rock just 450 feet from shore, ran aground, took on water and keeled over.

As of the time we're writing this article, 11 people are dead and 23 others are missing.

In the story we read online, many of the survivors of the wreckage describe Titanic-like details of gritty moments of survival, tentative farewells and heartbreaking loss.

There was one particular story that caught our attention and it was this one about how a lifeboat became a lifeline for marriage...

Australian miner Rob Elcombe and his wife, Tracey Gunn, told Melbourne's Herald Sun Newspaper that they booked a spot on the Concordia as a last ditch effort to save their marriage.

Instead, the couple found themselves trying to save their lives when they boarded the very last lifeboat of survivors to leave the ship.

"This has made our bond much, much stronger," Elcombe told the paper. "Who needs couples counseling, when you survive a Titanic experience?"

To us, this kind of story is both heartwarming and tragic at the same time.

We always think it's a good idea that a couple exhausts every possible solution to their relationship or marriage woes before they call it "quits" and call in the lawyers.

It was a horrible ordeal that this couple had to endure to survive and our hearts go out to both the survivors and those who lost loved ones in this terrible tragedy.

Kudos to this couple for trying one last thing to save their relationship.

The reality is that many couples give up much sooner than this Australian couple did and here's the problem with giving up too soon (and the point to all this...)

Most couples think about relationships all wrong.

Most couples think that a relationship is successful if they can just survive a certain number of years that they have decided means "success" in their relationship.

Most couples do everything they can to keep their relationship and romance alive, vibrant and growing in the early stages, but stop doing the kinds of things that made their love zing after the so-called "honeymoon" period is over.

Then, after they've both stopped making each other feel special - they find themselves wondering "what just happened" and then they start shopping for a divorce attorney or looking for a new love.

This, from a relationship coach's perspective, is what we call a true relationship tragedy--when a couple waits too long before they get the help they need to bring the love, passion, romance and connection back into their relationship.

We believe that (contrary to what many people think)...love. romance, passion and yes... even hot steamy sex never have to die.

We believe you can keep it alive forever... if that's what you want.

We want to show you how you can tilt the odds of lasting love in your favor and how you can keep your love and relationship alive for as long as you want.

If there is anything that you want for your relationship or marriage, please know that you can have it.

In our "Get Closer Secrets" Teleseminar Series and Coaching Program we'll show you how.

We invite you to sign up before it's too late.

4 Ways to "Get Closer"...

2012-01-11T18:46:48Z

This Thursday, January 12th, we're doing a brand new teleseminar and web audio cast called "4 Keys To Getting Closer" and you can sign up here at no charge...

http://www.passionateheart.com/GetCloser/Preview

Whether you're already in a relationship or marriage or you're someone who wants to be--you're definitely going to want to sign up now and here's why...

This is a FREE preview for a new seminar series and coaching program we're going to be doing that starts in just a little over a week from now and this "preview" is going to be awesome.

Here are just a few things we're going to cover in the live preview teleseminar and web audio cast...

You'll Discover: .

~ 4 Keys to "Getting Closer"

~ How you can learn from some of the mistakes we made early in our relationship

~ The one simple decision you can make that virtually guarantees that you and your partner will draw closer to each other

~ How to keep the spark going for as long as you want

~ How to shift "out of gridlock" when upsets and challenges come up in your relationship

~ The big thing most couples stop doing that causes that spark and feeling of closeness and connection to fade away

~ One thing you can start doing immediately to get that feeling of closeness and connection back right away

~ And Much More

If there's one thing we've discovered about love since being together, it's that love, passion and a close connection doesn't have to fade away.

There are things you can do right now to bring you and your partner, spouse or lover closer together. (And yes, one person can make a difference!)

On this call, we're going to teach you 4 of them.

Don't miss this FREE Preview of our upcoming teleseminar series and coaching program.

5 Relationship Tips for a Happier 2012

2012-01-03T18:25:18Z

Happy New Year to you and your family.

We've got some new things in the works for 2012 that we think you're going to love and as we were thinking about what we wanted to share with you today, we came up with 5 relationship and life tips for you.

We came up with these tips when we asked ourselves this really important question:

What are some things you could start doing (or doing more of) right now that would have an immediate positive impact on your love life, relationships and your happiness in 2012?

It's from this question that we came up with these 5 tips...

Enjoy...

]]> 1. Spend more time really connecting with other people.

Facebook and twitter and the latest smart phone gizmo are great tools for connecting-- but to us, it's the personal interaction of in-person or telephone communication that we think really connects us.

Let's face it.

When you're facebooking and twittering (or doing any of the many other forms of social networking)--in most cases, you're doing other things too.

You're multi-tasking.

Nothing wrong with multi-tasking but if you really want to build strong lasting connections, it's always best to do it one-on-one and to make sure you're totally "present" when you're with another person.

In fact, when you're jealous of your partner in social situations (and he or she really isn't doing anything to warrant your jealousy--you aren't connecting and being present with the people you're with.

Your body might be standing there and you might be talking but your attention and mind are on who your partner is talking to and what he or she is doing.

You're multi-tasking when it comes to being with others--and that's a recipe for disaster for your intimate relationship as well as your other relationships.

2. Spend more time in the bedroom.

In our book and audio program, "Red Hot Love Relationships."

We give you 77 ways to turn up the heat in your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom if you want more intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner or lover.

It's seems like such a simple suggestion but if you want more love, connection, passion and intimacy...

....spend more time in the bedroom.

No TV. No Kids. Just Laugh. Love. Talk. and Connect.

Whatever that means to you.

3. Spend more time loving yourself.

How often do you spend time beating yourself up?

If you're like most people, much more than you realize.

One important question we like to ask around this topic is--"What is the most loving act you could do for yourself right now?"

Not what you could do for someone else or your community but YOU.

Give yourself the gift of loving you.

Start by just acknowledging one thing you like, love or appreciate about yourself and then you might want to turn it into a full blown love affair with you.

4. Forgive Yourself.

That's right... forgive yourself for whatever you are holding onto that you resent yourself for.

You'll be much freer, lighter and much more fun to be with if you do this.

Most of us are carrying years of resentments from things we wish we would have handled differently- relationships that would have been different; times you wish you had been more loving or kind; financial deals gone bad or punishing yourself for getting fired or laid off from a job you really wanted or needed.

It's time to forgive yourself.

5. Spend more time alone in solitude or meditating and recharge.

Even if it's 5 minutes a day, spend time alone with just your thoughts and allow your mind some space to slow down and stop racing.

A couple of months ago, we started a new meditation practice that we do for about 10-15 minutes right before
going to bed that makes a big difference in both of us--both in our night's sleep and what we're like the next day
when we do our new practice.

Something as simple as taking a five minute walk alone every day can work miracles in your life.

You might even simply take a 2 minute deep breathing break.

The key is to find some time every day to recharge.

There you have it--our 5 tips for better, happier relationships in 2012! We invite you to try one or more in your life and see what happens.

Relationship Melt Downs and The Holidays...

2011-12-19T19:33:13Z

It's the holiday season here in the USA and It's a terrible time of the year for this relationship issue to happen...

We feel like we have to talk about it anyway.

Not only are some of our friends and coaching clients telling us this but many other people are writing to us about what's going on in their relationships and marriages and often, it's not good.

Many couples are having "melt downs" right now.

Affairs are surfacing, jealousy is rampant, communication is poor and that's not all...

People we know and care about are having serious financial problems.

A friend's marriage is spiraling quickly for divorce after 3 or 4 years of trying everything she could to make it work.

And we could go on but you get the point.

For some couples these melt downs and upsets are creating challenges to the point that makes them even wonder
whether they want to continue in their relationship or not.

From what we can tell by observing the craziness going on all around us and in our own lives right now, melt downs (as we see them) are pretty normal considering the demands and expectations we and most other people put on ourselves during the holidays.

In other words, what might not have been enough to cause a meltdown on a "normal" day, intensifies and becomes a full-blown fight when we are stressed.

You may be noticing something similar happening in your life right now and if it is, we're not surprised.

The question is...

What to do in times like these?

How can you keep your relationship or marriage on solid ground in times of chaos?

How can you stay connected when it's so easy to feel separated, alone and disconnected?

If you're open to them, here are a few suggestions...

]]> 1) Always remember to breathe

One thing we've noticed is that when something bad happens or when something takes us by surprise, we
very often stop breathing.

As we often tell our coaching clients...

There's nothing like a good, deep, diaphragm, full-belly breath to calm you down when life (or your partner) throws
a new challenge at you.

2) Whether it's your beloved or anyone else, choose your words wisely.

Make sure you use our "Magic Relationship Words" as much as possible.

If you want to avoid conflict and challenges and heal whatever problems come up as quickly as possible, the right words truly can make a big difference.

3) Question your stories and thoughts that come up when you get "triggered."

When you get "triggered" or get "upset," remind yourself (and possibly them) that they're not the enemy when conflict comes up between you and your partner or someone close to you.

Then no matter how tough it may be in the moment, be sure to treat them like they're NOT the enemy and question
the thoughts that roll around in your head that they are!

4) Love yourself and take care of yourself

Most of us are often guilty of not loving or taking care of ourselves but for many of us, it's even more of a problem
this time of the year.

A good question to ask yourself is...

What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

If you take a moment and go within yourself and truly ask that question, we think you'll be surprised at what a great
solution your mind comes up with that would really help you feel good (no matter what's going on around you.)

A walk in the park at lunch (alone) or with a friend....

Some soothing music...

A massage...

Going to bed earlier or getting more rest...

A funny movie...

A long bath...

A night out with friends...

whatever YOU decide that loving yourself would look or feel like.

Just give yourself permission to do that.

Remember, if you want changes to happen in your life, you have to start with you.

Whether it's the holidays or not, start taking some positive steps toward more peace and greater love in your life.

We wish you much love and joy.

2 Instant Breakthroughs When Your Relationship Has Lost Its Spark

2011-12-15T14:49:49Z

If you're feeling like your relationship has lost some of its spark and aliveness--you're not alone.

It's easy to put everything else you have to do in your life above your relationship. Because after all, your relationship will still be there--right?

Maybe--maybe not.

Our question to you is--why leave it up to chance?

Take some steps now to put some life into your relationship--no matter how good or not-so-good you think it is.

You might believe that change takes a very long time to happen.

You might believe that to change something in your life, you peck away at it and eventually you'll have want you want.

Or you might even believe that change isn't possible.

It's been our experience that change is possible and it happens in two ways:

1. Yes, it can take a long time to happen or

2. You can do things to create what we call "Instant Breakthroughs."

You can create these "instant breakthroughs" in any area of your life but since our focus is relationships...

We'll tell you about some instant breakthroughs that are possible in your relationship.

Before we give you some ideas on how to do this, we'll tell you what "instant relationship breakthroughs" are...

An instant relationship breakthrough is one moment when one or both of you in the relationship make a shift to do, say or act differently and there's an opening, a sense of understanding or a feeling of connection and communion in the relationship that wasn't there previously.

Even for a moment both people feel it.

To give you an idea of what we're talking about, here are 2 "Instant Relationship Breakthroughs" that you can begin practicing right now to make your relationships even better...

]]> Instant Relationship Breakthrough Idea #1

~-Make a definite "yes" or a "no"

We are all constantly making choices, either consciously or unconsciously, about how we will use our time, who we will be with, and what we will do.

All these decisions (or lack of decisiveness) positively or negatively affect our happiness.

When we don't make a definite "yes" or "no," we get stuck in "maybe" land and others decide for us by default how we'll live our lives.

When people get stuck in "maybe" land, they tend to become angry and resentful but the fact is--THEY didn't make a choice.

Here's an example of what we're talking about...

Imagine you and your partner or you and a friend decide to go to the local movie theater this Friday night. There are several possible choices of movies at your theater and you begin talking about what you'd like to see with your partner or friend.

Imagine that your partner or friend has a strong preference toward one movie and you'd really like to see another but you don't say anything.

You give your partner or friend a weak, "maybe" or "I don't care" and end up seeing the movie they wanted to see.

Later, you feel resentful and angry because your partner or friend is so "bossy," you feel this always happens to you and you never get to see the movie that you want to see.

If you can relate, you may feel anger and resentment toward others but what you actually are feeling is resentment towards yourself for not having the confidence to go for what you really want.

It might feel "safer" to not express an opinion and let others decide for you but in the end, it really isn't.

A breakthrough moment is when you empower yourself and express what you want, giving a clear "yes" or "no"
and expressing your desires in a loving way.

It may be that you end up seeing the movie your partner or friend wants to see but in the process of expressing
your choice, you let the other person really "see" who you are.

You then have the opportunity to decide together what would be the most pleasurable use of your time.

You might even make a deal that you take turns picking the movies.

Whatever it is, there is choice.

Instant Relationship Breakthrough Idea #2

~~The power of making completions that have kept you from moving forward in your life and relationships.

Most of us have an awareness of things that have been left unsaid that needed to be said or things that needed to be done that weren't done.

If you need to do a completion about anyone or anything in your life, it can be a breakthrough moment for you and the other person.

Christina took one of our courses and told us later that she had made two completions that by doing them, she was moving forward to having what she wanted in her life.

She returned all of one man's things that were left at her house, including a computer, several months after they had broken off their relationship

She also decided to break it off with a married man she'd been seeing every now and then for years.

These things from a former lover and the relationship that wasn't going anywhere were holding her back from being with someone who could love her the way she wanted to be loved.

Completions aren't always as dramatic as Christina's but they always free up energy for something more wonderful and powerful in our lives.

On television the other day, we saw an interview with a couple who had been married 40 years. When asked how they kept their spark, they said that they never go to bed mad at each other.

That's a great example of a completion--of not allowing resentments to build--of saying unsaid words that may be getting in the way of a great connection with your partner.

We all have ways we can make completions in our lives that will free up energy so that we can have what we want. Anything left unsaid is an incompletion.

Challenges or problems in the bedroom are almost always about unspoken truths, withheld emotions and incompletions.

Try these instant breakthroughs in your relationship and see what happens.

Instant breakthroughs work.

A change for the better can really happen in your relationship right now.

One Simple Way to Make Your Relationship Better...

2011-12-06T20:24:11Z

Whew!

When it comes to relationships...

This must be a crazy holiday season for a lot of people because over the last few days we've been deluged by emails and calls for relationship help.

Several people have asked us if we offer on-on-one relationship help in addition to the books and programs we offer...

The answer is YES.

We work with people all over the world by telephone and if you're in our area, we can work with you in person to help you solve whatever relationship challenges are going on in your life.

and here's some good news...

If you want to work with us personally, we have a couple of relationship coaching spots open right now.

To find out more about working with one of us personally or to take the next step, go to

http://www.passionateheart.com/coaching.htm

We know that the holidays are probably pretty busy for you, but in order to have a better, happier experience with the people you love over the next few weeks, how about considering this...

While it's a time to have a lot of things to do and a lot of places to go, it's also time to be in gratitude for the people in your life--especially your intimate and close relationships.

For your relationships to grow deeper in love and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you carry with you every day.

Gratitude is not only healthy for your relationships but it's healthy for you physically and emotionally.

It's a fact that we've proven over and over in our own lives...

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more love, health, prosperity and well-being into our lives.

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we fear might happen, what upsets us or what went wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and disconnection into our lives.

So what might hold you back from "being" and expressing gratitude?

]]> You might have any or all of these beliefs about gratitude...

-"If I tell him I'm grateful, he'll stop doing it and quit trying."

-"She doesn't tell me what I'm doing "right" or thank me so why should I tell her?"

-"He'll think I'm needy or that I have an ulterior motive."

-"I'm afraid she'll take advantage of me and think she can run over me if I'm TOO grateful."

The truth is that if you have any of those beliefs, there's probably been a good reason that you developed them.

They served you in some way in the past. They protected you in some way.

The choice for you now is to take a look at what you are believing and decide if you still want to carry those beliefs into your current relationships and the present moment.

Believe it our not, one simple way to make your relationship better and express gratitude is to listen with your full attention.

When you do, it's being grateful and honoring the essence and talents of the other person. It's giving the greatest gift possible--the gift of respect.

And we all want to be loved for who we truly are--not for who the other person wants us to be.

When you start focusing on gratitude and listening, you'll start seeing shifts in your life for the better.

There will be a "softening" between the two of you--even if the other person can't quite put their finger on what is different in you.

Of course you can also work together and make gratitude a fun exercise.

Some people keep a gratitude journal and write 3-5 things they are grateful for that day--and then share them (or not) with someone they love.

This practice helps you to start focusing your attention in a more positive way.

As you move into expressing more gratitude, step out of the norm of just saying "thanks" although that's certainly a good start if you're not doing it already.

Feel into yourself about how you'd like to be appreciated and then stay open to watching how you might show your
appreciation for others in a different way.

We used the example of listening to one another and not insisting on being right as a way of appreciating the talents of the other person.

That's just one example and we're sure you can come up with more ways to express and live gratitude.

Let this holiday be a wake-up call to create more love in your life by opening to more gratitude to flow in and out.

Just for women...Get more romance in your relationship

2011-11-28T19:46:38Z

If you're like most women today, you're starving for love, connection and true romance.

If you're as romantically frustrated as most women, you're also not sure what or if there's anything that can be done to make your guy (or the man you want) give you the romance you want.

A lot of women feel that most men are basically clueless about romance and how to be romantic with a woman.

In fact, the majority of our women coaching clients also tell us that even the guys they've been with who seem to be "romantic," stop being that way after the so called "honeymoon period" of their relationship is over.

No matter how true this may seem to be for you in your relationship and life, please know that it doesn't have to be that way and...

If it's this way for you at the moment, then know that it doesn't have to stay this way.

We believe that every guy has an "inner romantic" that's just dying to get out and be released.

What If we could show you a few little known tricks, tactics and ideas for getting your guy to go from being a "Romantic Neanderthal" to a "Romantic Master" who makes you feel like the most important and special woman in the world (without giving yourself away)?

All you have to do is register now for our brand new teleseminar and web audio cast on Thursday, December 1 called "Make Him More Romantic."

The "Make Him More Romantic" teleseminar and web audio cast is THIS Thursday, December 1st at 6PM Pacific / 9 PM Eastern time, will run for about 60 to 70 minutes and you're going to love it.

Everyone who registers will not only be able to listen in live and have the opportunity to submit a question to us about how to make him more romantic--but you'll get a FREE copy of the recording of the event as well.

This means that even if you're busy on Thursday evening and can't listen in live, you should still go ahead and register because you'll get a copy of the recording and won't miss a thing.

We have a very simple belief about love, romance and relationships that is radically different from most people that we hope you'll buy into even a little bit.

If you do, we think it could change your relationships and life forever.

This belief is that love, passion, romance and the spark NEVER has to die in your relationship or marriage.

We believe that there are some very simple things that you can do to keep the love, passion, romance and spark alive forever.

We do these things in our own relationship and in this teleseminar and web audio cast, we're going to do everything in our power to give you the secrets to getting more love and romance in your relationship.

If you're not getting the love and romance you really want, it's time to stop settling for less than you want and less than you deserve in your relationship and life...

... and it's time for you to start getting more of the love, romance and connection that you want. Sign Up Now for "Make Him More Romantic." and discover how.

5 Relationship Roadblocks That Keep Love Away...

2011-11-23T16:24:35Z

The 5 relationship roadblocks and how any one these 5 "blocks" could be keeping you from having the love and relationship you want...

>>Note: If there's anything you'd like Susie and Otto's help with personally concerning your relationships-- we offer one-on-one coaching both in person and by telephone.

No matter whether you have a good relationship that you want to make great or if you have a few problems, issues or challenges you'd like some help with, we're here for you.

Question...

Did you know that any relationship challenge you'll ever have will come down to a problem with one of these five things?

It's true.

As we've been working with people from all over the world to help them create the lives and relationships they really want--

One thing's clear...

If you don't have the love you want and the kind of relationship you desire...

There's a block in one or more of these areas:

~Your Thoughts

~Your Beliefs

~Your Attitudes

~Your Actions

~ Your Strategies.

That's it.

Everything else is just the details.

You can always trace any challenge back to one of these areas and here's a practical example to illustrate this...

Someone wrote to us recently and asked us...

"How can you stop thinking about the past and only think about the good things you and your partner have now?"

This is an excellent question and one we'll answer in this way...

The person who wrote to us didn't say whether it was 'their' past together or the past before getting together that they couldn't stop thinking negatively about so with that being said...

Here are our thoughts...

]]> In this situation, If you can't stop thinking about the past (and it's causing challenges in the relationship) then one of two things is going on...

Either you aren't questioning the validity of a few thoughts and they seem to trigger you and keep you "stuck"...

You have unhealed issues from your past or current relationship that need to be identified, looked at squarely and healed before they destroy your relationship or marriage.

If you think about it, this person's situation is no different from anything you might be going through now or in the future.

It goes back to one of those five issues we described above.

To help you with any relationship challenge, question, issue or concern, here are some powerful questions to ask yourself to help you determine where the problem is and how you can heal and release it...

**Are the things I'm thinking about this situation actually true or are they things I'm only worried or concerned about figments of my imagination?

**What are the beliefs I hold that could be contributing negatively to this situation?

**Are these beliefs I hold moving me closer to or further from the love, passion and connection I want?

**What attitudes do I have that are contributing to this situation?

**What beliefs do I have that are contributing to this situation?

**Are the things I've done been helpful in this situation or have they taken me further from what I want?

**Is there a better or different strategy I could try in this situation to help us work through this situation?

As you know from reading this newsletter, we're huge fans of the power questions in making big changes and shifts in your life.

The questions above are just a few and you're certainly encouraged to come up with your own questions to help you make shifts in your relationships and life.

So, what do all these questions have to do with removing roadblocks to what you want?

Everything actually.

Most people tend to think (erroneously) that the problems of life are 'out there" instead of "in here" or inside you.

If you are having challenges in your relationships (or any aspect of your life for that matter), asking yourself the right questions and being open to new answers is a powerful strategy to use for making shifts for the better.

Asking yourself the right questions and being open to the answer also requires you to take personal responsibility for what you are creating in your relationships and life.

This "taking personal responsibility" is, in our opinion, something that we need much more of in a world where nearly everyone wants to point the finger outward and place blame elsewhere.

We believe that you are the creator of your life.

Not someone else. It's you.

Please understand that we're NOT saying that there isn't a God, creator or higher power that created all of us and our world. That's not what we're saying at all.

What we are saying is this-- not taking responsibility for what happens in our lives is definitely a barrier to connection with the people in our lives.

And taking responsibility does not mean blame!

What we have discovered is this: When we take responsibility for our lives and everything in them-- the problems, issues and challenges we have seem to start working themselves out.

And "taking responsibility" means looking for the blocks in your thinking, your beliefs, your attitudes, your actions and your strategies--and then doing one thing to move toward what you want.

You might want to challenge your negative thoughts about the past when they come up and bring yourself into the present.

We have a great technique we offer free--"3 minute jealousy thought stopper"--that will work in any situation.

You might want to change your belief about yourself--that what happened in the past will happen in the future.

If you have the belief that you can't say what you want for fear of what your partner will say, think, feel or how they'll react.

We've created an entire program to help you deal with this issue called "Stop Talking on Eggshells." You might want to create an attitude of being grateful for what you have right now instead of one of fearing loss.

You might want to identify an action that you could take--like learning some new ways to communicate. If you're interested, our communication magic program.

has some good suggestions to get the two of you moving in a different direction.

You might want to learn a new strategy that will move you more toward what you want.

In our Relationship Trust Turnaround program,
we go in depth on creating healthy agreements when trust has been broken.

Whatever you decide to do, we invite you to take some action to create more ease, love and connection in your relationships by looking at what's holding you back--and then doing something about it!

Communication Advice When You Both Think You're Right...

2011-11-15T17:38:32Z

Once a month we do a presentation in Columbus, Ohio for our local Passionate Spark ~ Lasting Love group and we want to share an idea with you here that we're going to talk about in-depth in our next meeting that we think can really help you in your relationships no matter where you live.

Last weekend, when we were planning out next meeting (happens on November 28) in Columbus we came up with the topic for the next meeting and it's ...(be sure to join us if you're in our area)

"I'm Right--You're Right"

Which of course is the exact opposite creed of what most people live by which is "I'm RIGHT--You're WRONG."

We are amazed at how easy it is to fall into the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" trap--and how destructive it is to your relationship when you do!

Recently, one of our coaching clients had a huge awakening around this idea--and the changes he's made because of this awakening are saving his marriage.

Without going into details about his situation, let's just say that the bottom line was that he became so tied up in proving he was "right" every time there was a difference between him and his wife, he kept pushing her further and further away from him.

And that wasn't what he wanted!

In fact, every time they had a difference of opinion, he ended bringing up every "mistake" she'd made in the past and as he put it "hitting below the belt."

They were arguing more often and the more he tried to make himself "right," the more she
withdrew and acted in ways he didn't like.

They were definitely stuck in a damaging loop that they couldn't seem to get out of.

How have they gotten out of this loop to create a much better, happier relationship?

If you can relate in any way to the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" loop, here are some ideas that helped our coaching client make some big changes in his relationship...

]]>

1. Start to recognize when you're falling into the loop and stop.

We know (from experience) that it's not that easy to stop when you're in the thick of it but here's the thing...

If you become aware of the first signs that you're falling into it, that's the time to breathe, close your mouth and take a step back.

2. What picture are you painting of your partner?

When you've got the momentum going of "I'm Right--You're Wrong"--especially over a long period of time--you're probably painting a very negative picture of your partner.

When it dawned on our coaching client that he was constantly painting a very negative picture of his wife in his mind--he realized that the opposite could just as easily be true.

He realized that he had been "making stuff up" and weaving the story of who his wife was that simply wasn't true.

There is of course a time to pay attention to what's actually going on and not ignore red flags that are being shown to you.

The idea is to be honest with yourself about what you're looking for (because we can generally prove most anything we look for) and question whether you're painting a true picture of your partner or not.

3. Learn to listen and speak from your heart

Our coaching client is learning how to dig below his initial triggering responses and to listen to his wife as well as speak from his heart in a way that his wife can hear.

If you need some help learning how to not allow your emotions and old patterns to keep you from communicating with the one you love, check out "Stop Talking on Eggshells."

There are some very simple things you can do to make communication much easier with those you love and we suggest that you start today to bring more happiness and ease into your relationship.

It comes down to this...

Which do you choose?

Do you choose "I'm Right--You're Wrong" and stay in a never-ending, no-one-wins loop or...

Do you choose "I'm Right--You're Right" where you open to each other but not give yourself away?

The choice is as always--yours.

How to "Express" Yourself When Things Get Ugly...

2011-11-10T20:43:09Z

So here's the question someone asked us the other day...

How do you feel and express yourself when you get triggered--so that a partner can hear you and not shut down to you.

And here's what's interesting about this...

When you're feeling resistant and "hard" toward your partner, it doesn't lead to more intimacy and the love you want.

It leads to more distance and feelings of aloneness--even when you're in the same bed with your partner.

We can hear what you might be saying right now...

And it might go something like this...

"Okay, Susie and Otto, that's all well and good BUT I'm justified to pull away from my partner because of the way he (she) acts! There's no way I'm opening after what's happened."

If that's what you're thinking, we can certainly sympathize because we've felt exactly that way many times before.

We know we SHOULD open (and things would be a lot better if we did) but if I did, I feel like I'd be giving ME away.

For us (and maybe for you too), it comes down to this question...

"How can we open and soften toward a partner if they've just acted like a jerk or bit_h without losing my power and giving up me?"

Believe us when we say that we've played with this one for quite a few years and here's what we've discovered...

]]> You can do both--you can open and soften so you can listen and talk to him and still stay into the truth of who you are.

Here's what happened yesterday...

Because Susie broke her foot a couple of weeks ago, she's not able to take her share of the chores around the
house and most of them are falling on Otto.

While he's wonderful about taking them on, it's not easy for one person to get everything done.

So although for the most part we're very loving with each other, sometimes we're not.

Yesterday, Otto made a comment in passing that previously would have triggered an angry response in Susie--and a sarcastic, defensive remark--that certainly would have instantly brought up his defenses and anger.

But here's what was different this time...

Even though she realized that uncomfortable feelings were coming up, she didn't respond.

She just took a breath and sat with those feelings until they had less of a charge to them.

Later she asked him this question in a way that invited an answer instead of pushing him away...

"When you said -----------------------, I'm wondering what you meant by that."

(BTW--"I'm wondering" is one of those Magic phrases that we love!)

After Otto explained the meaning behind his words, she was able to understand where he was coming from
when he said them and realize that they weren't disrespectful towards her as she had imagined.

Because she didn't automatically react to what she thought Otto said, we were able to clear up a misunderstanding
very quickly.

Did Susie lose myself by opening to him and asking that question?

Of course not.

Did our connection stay close because she chose to be curious and find out more?

Most certainly.

So if you can relate in any way to what we're saying, we invite you to practice what we're suggesting and see
what happens in your relationship.

Attract new love into your life...

2011-10-31T21:25:17Z

If you (or anyone you know) wants to attract, find and keep new love into your life, we have an exciting announcement...

Today, we've released our brand new "Automatic Attraction Secrets" program.

This is truly a breakthrough program because it's the first program of its kind that shows you what to do and how to do it-- to make attracting new love easy, effortless and in fact... Automatic.

We've been working on these new ideas for the past few months and we're really excited to share them with you.

We're so excited to share these new ideas with you about how to "automatically" attract new love into your life that we're making a VERY special offer to you if you get your copy of "Automatic Attraction Secrets" before Wednesday at 12 Midnight Eastern time.

Get your copy of Automatic Attraction Secrets by Wednesday at 12 Midnight Eastern time and you'll be able to come to our special 60 minute teleseminar we're doing on Thursday night at NO Charge.

This special teleseminar will be where we answer 21 of YOUR top questions about attracting and keeping new love in your life.

That's right.... when you order (before Wednesday at 12 Midnight), you'll have the opportunity to submit YOUR most important, pressing and urgent question about how to find, attract and keep new love.

We'll take those questions that we get and give you our personal detailed answer to the 21 top questions during the teleseminar and web cast on Thursday night.

If you have another commitment on Thursday night and can't attend the teleseminar and web cast--don't worry...

We'll record every moment of it and give you access to it as soon as the teleseminar is over.

We invite you to make sure you get our newest and best program we've ever created for finding new love.

We created this program because life is too short to go through it alone and not have the love you want.

Again...

Automatic Attraction Secrets is available today (Monday) October 31st.

New love can be yours and you can attract it quickly, easily and "automatically" if you will only follow the strategies we share in Automatic Attraction Secrets.

Deal with Your Fears That Keep You From Finding Love...

2011-10-27T18:15:52Z

Fears-- we've all got them.

Even the toughest, strongest person in a room has got fears of some sort. As you probably already know, your fears can prevent you from doing the things you want to do and from being the person you'd like to be.

It's natural and normal to have some fear.

After all, fear can play a valuable role in alerting you to dangerous situations. Whether it's a dark alley, a lightning storm or cars speeding across a busy highway, fear can amp up endorphins and bring a heightened state of awareness. Fear can urge you to slow down and proceed with caution or fear can impel you to run away from danger.

Fear can also hold you back from what you truly desire.

There's a big difference between a fear response that clues you in to a perilous situation and a fear response that has more to do with the past or particular beliefs than it does with what's actually going on.

In other words, there are times when your fears are why you aren't living the kind of life you want. Your fears could be the main reason why you aren't already with your perfect partner.

The tricky thing about fear is...

You often react in fearful ways without even realizing it. Let's say that you're at a party. You are having a good time chatting, joking and laughing with your friends when you notice someone across the room watching you.

Even though you actually came to the party intending to meet new people and maybe even find someone who is just right for you, you freeze. You quickly look away from the attractive person you just locked eyes with and you move so that you are hidden behind a group of people.

All of this can happen in the matter of a few seconds and you might not even notice what you're doing.

Of course, if there is something that feels creepy or unattractive to you about the person across the room, it's understandable that you might break off the visual connection that was just made. However, too many times, people brush up against (literally or figuratively) a potentially perfect partner and they run away fast.

As we said, this is often unconscious and it's almost always due to fear.

If you can relate, here are some ideas to help you deal with this fear...

]]> 1. Be willing to "go there."

If you are having a tough time attracting a love relationship, your fears may be what are standing in your way. If so, we invite you to get courageous.

Take a deep breath and "go there." Set aside some time when you can explore your fear reactions and your fears themselves.

Because fear reactions often happen unconsciously, you might need to do some detective work and become more aware of your habits. How do you tend to act and react when you meet new people? What sensations happen in your body and what do you usually do when someone pays attention to you or gives signals that he or she is attracted to you?

Fear reactions generally fall into 3 categories: flight, fight or freeze. Flight is when you literally leave and turn away or you "zone out" and leave that way. Fight is when the body become tight and tense as if preparing to defend an attack. Freeze is similar to the "zoning out" that happens with flight.

Notice what your fear reactions tend to be, especially when you are in specific situations.

2. Figure out what's behind your fears.

Next it's important to better understand what's fueling your fears. Understanding your fears is a direct route to not being controlled by them any more. This is one powerful way to open yourself up to love.

Many people become fearful of certain types of people or in particular situations because of past experiences they've had or strong beliefs they hold.

There was possibly a time in your past when it was wise for you to react in this fearful way. Perhaps you were truly in danger or were being hurt emotionally or physically. You can honor your fears and know that they were in your best interests.

The question is, are your fear reactions helping you or holding you back now?

Is your tendency to bristle and become hostile when others try to talk to you helping you open to your perfect partner?

Is your habit of paying more attention to the sports game on tv instead of the people you're with allowing you to attract a love relationship?

Explore your fears and the unique ways they might show up in your reactions to others and in certain situations. Do this with a sense of curiosity and self-love. Keep in mind your overall intention which might be to easily and effortlessly attract your perfect partner.

3. Remember what's true for you now.

While it's really important for you to notice what your fear reactions are and to understand what's fueling them, that's tough to do in a triggering moment.

When you're at a party, a bar, talking with co-workers or meeting new people at a coffee shop, when fear grips you, it can grip you hard.

When fears take over, try this in-the-moment technique: Recognize that you're having a fear reaction and take a slow, deep breath. Ask yourself, "What is true for me right now?" Is your impulse to leave the room, turn away or tense up an accurate match for what's actually going on?

When you interrupt your fears and question them, you can break the grip. You can free yourself so that you are open to love.

Find out more here about attracting the partner you've always wanted to you.

Two Big Reasons Why Relationships Go Sour...

2011-10-13T15:26:42Z

Why do some relationships become sour after a few months or years and others do not?

This is a question that one of our newsletter subscribers asked us recently and we think it's a question that many people face in their lives.

Earlier this summer, Otto tried to start our lawn mower and it wouldn't start. He pulled on the starter rope over and
over and when the mower finally did start, it ran about 30 seconds and then quit. He was frustrated to say the least!

Finally he decided to empty the gasoline that had been in the mower for a few weeks and buy new gas.

The result was amazing. It was just like going to the store and buying a new lawn mower! It started the very first time after the fresh gasoline was put in the mower.

This is what happens in our relationships. When our relationships are new and fresh, we give them plenty of attention and "fuel." But over time, we don't give our relationships the attention or "fuel" they need to stay strong, alive and vibrant.

In our opinion, there are several reasons why relationships "sour." We can't address all of them in this article but we can give you a few ideas and examples...

]]> As you probably are aware, there's a big difference between relationships that don't have the ongoing problem of becoming sour and those that do.

One of those differences is that those people who maintain a great relationship over time continue to give it the same amount of care and attention as they did in the beginning.

Otto gave Susie a card a few years ago with this saying on it, "Their love was big and fat because they fed it a lot between meals."

We think that that line says it all.

If you want your relationship to not become sour, give it attention and feed it everyday.

What often happens is that people feed their relationship a lot in the beginning but they stop having regular "dates" and they stop being kind and considerate toward one another. They stop doing the very things that perhaps attracted the other person to them in the first place.

After a while, every couple begins to see traits in each other that they don't like. What happens to a couple whose relationship goes "sour" after a few months or years is that they begin focusing on their partner's traits that they don't like instead of the traits that they like, love and appreciate.

Guess what we've learned?

What you focus on becomes intensified and larger. So if you focus on what you don't want, you will only get more of it.

What we're really talking about is putting the "good" things in the relationship on a regular basis, with the intention of
never stopping.

We once knew a man who washed and waxed his new car every Sunday afternoon for 10 years. Even after 10 years, this car looked as good as any car you'd find on the show- room floor.

The reason that it looked so good is that he gave it the time, love and attention even after all those years.

People who are in "sour" relationships have usually stopped putting positive things in their relationship, like that man did with his car, and are focusing on aspects that they don't like in their partner.

So, while these are not the only ways relationships go "sour," if you "feed" your relationships with love, attention, and kindness and focus on what you like, you'll have a much better chance of creating and keeping alive, vibrant relationships that you want.