Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Relationship Advice for Communicating with Love

2008-05-12T20:23:46Z

Have you ever run into this problem?

Your parter, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get very angry about it, the other person gets defensive and lashes back at you--and you get no where on understanding each other?

Well this is sure a normal communication problem between couples! And we're betting that you'd like what we call a relationship reverse to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she did it differently and created more love in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband went to a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and it certainly wasn't the first time it had happened!

When he "forgot" about a dinner date in the past, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door. She let him know that she was angry and he immediately became defensive and shut down to her, walking into his study and slamming the door. It would take them several days to iron out their differences and get close again.

This time Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse" and she decided to meet him in a loving way. It had to be genuine so she had to tell herself that she really loved him and getting mad at him wasn't getting her what she wanted, so she'd try another way.

When he got home, she was friendly and because she wasn't yelling at him, he told her he was sorry that a meeting came up that he couldn't miss. He briefly talked about the meeting and then Elizabeth told him that she would have loved to have known about this earlier--maybe a phone call or text message--and then she told him why. She told him that she worried when he didn't come home when he planned to come home and she also would like to know when this happens again so that she can make other dinner plans.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

Can you make a relationship reverse in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create connection between the two of you?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even her husband, try our suggestions and see how your relationship changes for the better!

Relationship Advice for Trusting Change

2008-05-06T15:35:00Z

Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.

She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.

Not so!

What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.

]]> She learned that beauty can be anywhere and she doesn't have to hold onto it to be able to enjoy it. When she let go of her grief of leaving and started looking forward to enjoying her new home and surroundings, she realized the true gifts she had stepped into. But she had to let go and allow herself to look forward to what she wanted.

What does this have to do with you and your relationships?

Most of us cling to what we have or what we had in the past and don't want to let go enough or make any changes that could make our relationships even greater. We want to stay safe in "what is" and don't want to reach for something more.

Just like Susie, you can reach for greater love and happiness in your relationships--and actually find it. You can take a step toward what you want and not cling to what was.

Relationship Advice: The Relationship Reverse

2008-04-29T16:26:31Z

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships

2008-04-22T20:47:20Z

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

]]> 1. Love the differences.
Look at how the people in your life are different from you in a new way. Look at them as if they are gifts to you to help you expand in new ways.

2. Kill the monster while it's little.
Tackle the difficult issues when they are small and not when they are so large that you can't untangle them without separating the two of you.

3. Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want.
Look at what you want rather than what irritates you and separates you from those you love. When you find yourself dwelling on those things that separte you, switch your thoughts to what you want.

4. Understand.
Listen to understand the other person, even if you think that you know that person's motivations and even what he or she might say. Listen to with curiosity to find out why this person said and did what they did.

5. Stay in the present.
Don't drift into past relationships or past problems or past moments. Stay in what's going on right here, right now.

Stay tuned for more great communication tips.

Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story

2008-04-15T17:44:33Z

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

]]> When Jill looked at what she wanted, she discovered that she wanted to feel like George was her partner in taking care of the kids and doing the housework. She questioned her “story” about him and she remembered that yes, he did help. He had given the kids their baths and put them to bed the night before. He had even taken out the garbage without being asked last week. She realized that her story that George “never” helped wasn’t true.

Her new intention was that she would acknowledge, even to herself, when her husband did do his share of the work around the house and with the kids. Also, her new intention was to ask for the help she needed in a way that didn’t push him away. Her new story that she chose to run in her head was that they were both tired and they could work out the “home” chores together in a way that was a win/win for both of them.

When George questioned his story about Jill, he realized that he really couldn’t be sure that he worked harder outside their home than she did and that she wasn’t any less tired than he was.

He wanted to keep his connection with Jill and wanted to feel like her partner. His new intention was to be more co-operative and open when she asked for his help. His new story or new movie he began running in his head was similar to Jill’s. During the times when they were equally tired, they could figure out together how to get the “home” chores done and also relax.

What a powerful way to make very big changes in your relationship by simply being willing to look at your situation and the other person a little differently and change your thoughts and stories to what you want rather than what you don't want.

Trust and Infidelity--Can you ever trust again?

2008-04-11T14:27:59Z

Building trust after there's been infidelity can take time--but more than that, it's takes commitment on the part of both people.

Here's a question from one of our readers...

"How can you trust your partner if at one point in time infidelity became part of your relationship?"

Our answer:
Trust is pretty subjective so the first thing we would tell you to do is to get clear about what you mean by the word "trust."

For example--trust that the two of you are going to work on your relationship to reconnect, trust that the affair is over, trust that the two of you will decide the future of your relationship after a certain period of time.

You can only start trusting when you both know what you both want and where you are headed with your relationship.

Take it a step at a time--such as making sure that there is a commitment that the affair is over. What does that look like?

Talk about if the two of you want to revitalize your relationship and to what extent you both are willing to do that.

What's a beginning step to moving toward one another?

Don't try to do "trust" in one shot. take it one commitment at a time. Create your commitments and then follow through on them. If you can take a step forward, do it. If not, don't.

When you look at regaining trust after infidelity, it looks like something that's overwhelming and not possible.

When you break it down into small commitments, it becomes less so.

Get clear first and then work out what being trustable would look like.

Infidelity: How do you know if your partner is or will be faithful?

2008-04-08T20:39:48Z

Can we ever really know if someone is or will be faithful to us?

Here's a question we received recently from someone who wonders whether you can or not...

"I am very commited in my currant relationship and I believe she is. I am constantly working on my trust issues but my biggest question would be how do you know if the other person in the relationship is as faithful and WILL be as faithful as you?"

Here's our take on it...

"Trust" and being "faithful" in a relationship can mean something different for each one of us. We might think that everyone would define those words the same, but in our experience, it isn't true.

For one person, infidelity might be a partner frequently having lunch with an attractive co-worker. To another person, this might not be infidelity.

If there's one thing we believe it's this...you have to define the rules before you can play the game.

In other words, you have to know what each of you want in your relationship and how you are willing to live in it.

So whether infidelity is a concern or not, it's a good plan for the two of you to lay your cards on the table and talk about what infidelity or fidelity might look like in your relationship.

As for any assurances that someone will always be faithful to you?

In our opinion, you can't know but there is one thing that you can know...

The two of you can make the commitment that you will create your relationship in such a way that you are growing together and making it a priority in your lives. The two of you can learn communication skills that will create the environment so that you can talk about a situation before it ever gets to the infidelity stage--whatever that might mean to you.

Relationships, Road construction, and Delays on I-77

2008-03-31T14:21:38Z

Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.

A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.

As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!

The biggest culprit is our thoughts.

We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.

Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."

These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.

Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?

--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box

The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.

When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.

Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.

Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.

If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.

Overcoming Jealousy and Playboy Magazine

2008-03-18T20:00:27Z

Here's a question about jealousy that we are certain that many people face in one form or another...

"I'm the jealous one, and my partner of 3 years is trying to help, but has lost patience with me. I continue to be bothered & hurt by his subscription to Playboy. He thinks I'm overly sensitive and taking it too personally. Do you have any thoughts on how I can overcome that side of my jealousy?"

Whether it's a subscription to Playboy, looking at photos on the internet, or glancing at a beautiful person on television or in the grocery store --the person dealing with their jealousy issues feels as this woman feels--hurt, bothered, angry, upset and a myriad of other feelings wrapped into one bundle.

So here's our advice to this woman and it can be helpful to you if you are in a similar situation...

]]> 1. Determine the problem you are dealing with.

Is this an infidelity issue or not? Because this woman's partner is looking at women in a magazine, we're assuming that he is not being unfaithful to her. If he were being unfaithful to her, it would require her to take different steps to heal her situation and her jealousy like finding out what she wants, setting boundaries and making agreements.

When the jealousy problem is in part caused by the other person looking at others and spending time in an activity that feels threatening, there's usually no infidelity (unless connections are made with "real" people).

2. What do you want that you perceive that someone or something else is getting?

We've discovered that when we get down to what the jealous person wants in situations like these, it's the attention that he or she isn't getting from their partner. And attention translates into love.

Here's the phrase we've heard...

"I want him (or her) to look at me the way he looks at that woman." Even though it isn't said, at the bottom of this statement is the need to be loved in a way that's different from how they are currently being loved.

So take a few moments with pen and paper and write down what you want--and be clear about it.

"I want to spend time talking together and connecting each day."
"I want to be held and kissed."
"I want to laugh together."

3. Approach your partner with a request for what you want instead of what you don't want.

The Playboy magazine will fade into the background and not become important when you feel like you are getting more of what you want and when you ask specifically for what you want in a way that keeps the dialog open between you.

You might say something like this...

“It may not have been your intention but I’m noticing that we don’t seem to be spending much time together and I have been feeling alone and sad. I would like to spend more time and connect with you and I’m wondering if we could start doing something like eating together without the television on—just talking together and enjoying each other like we used to do."

4. Listen to what he or she says without defending.

We know that this takes practice but it's a practice that's well worth doing! Just listen and try to understand from his or her point of view. We're not talking about the Playboy magazine here--we're talking about how the two of you connect together. Commit to staying open, don't bring up the Playboy magazine and stay with moving toward what you want.

5. Notice how you might have contributed to your situation.

This isn't to place blame on you but rather to see the situation from another's eyes. Your partner might say that he (or she) feels like you are being too critical of him and that he can't do anything right. You may need to say something like "Oh I can see how you got that idea but I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry if I have hurt you."

This woman who asked the question might listen to her partner and pick up clues how she could be more open and radiant--again, don't blame yourself, simply listen for how she might open in ways that would please her as well as him.

You may feel like you have nothing to apologize about--and that may be true--but we've discovered that it usually takes two people to create any situation and looking for the contribution of each person is a healthy way to move toward reconnection.

6. If need be, create some agreements around connection or whatever else you both want.

Create some ways that both of you can begin getting more of what you want in your relationship without one person feeling that the other is constantly looking outside to fill a need. How can both of you get your needs filled in the relationship? This doesn't mean that every need has to be filled by the other person. It does mean that you identify some ways that you want your relationship to change and grow.

In this woman's case, it may be that he still wants to subscribe to Playboy magazine--and that might be part of an agreement. If she sees that he is moving towards her, loving her more, and giving her more attention as she eases away from focusing on his desire to look at the magazine, she gets what she wants.

For a deeper understanding of how to overcome jealousy, sign up for a free mini course.

Cheating husbands like Eliot Spitzer: Could you have known?

2008-03-13T15:00:46Z

You'd have to be from another planet not to be aware of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's infidelity.

His wife, Silda Spitzer, stood by him as he resigned yesterday from his position and if you saw photos of her, you saw how much agony she was in.

Her agony, although more public than a lot of people's, was not unlike what many, many wifes (and husbands) go through each day. They didn't see it coming...but did they?

In coaching woman who have discovered that their husbands have or are having affairs usually about jealousy issues, what stands out most is that they usually will admit that somewhere inside themselves they knew they were being cheated on and for whatever reason, they didn't want to confront it.

Is a woman (or man) wrong for not confronting a spouse's affair?

Of course not, if that's how you want to live your life.

But if you want a marriage that is connected, alive and growing--and you suspect your husband (or wife) is having an affair or not fully in your marriage, you'll want to find out what's going on.

Instead of accusing your spouse of having an affair, we suggest that you approach the situation by talking about wanting to renew your marriage and your connection--maybe rekindle your relationship like it used to be. If there are deep chasms in your marriage, you might suggest counseling as a way to renew your marraige.

If you use this line of approach, it will become clear whether your husband (or wife) wants to have a closer, more connected relationship with you or not--and it will become clear if he or she is involved with someone else.

If the evidence is so obvious that your husband (or wife) is having an affair--like secretive private phone calls, unexplained long hours at work (which you know isn't true) or the tell-tale lip-stick on the collar--then of course, confront him/her with your evidence or suspicions.

If you are jealous and not sure that your husband (or wife) is actually having an affair, then start with yourself first. Decide what you'd like for your relationship and then ask your partner if he/she would like to work toward that goal.

Don't throw out your marriage because of infidelity unless your partner has no interest in stopping and also no interest in making your marriage better. Also, don't stand for repeated infidelity. Learn your lesson and stand up for what you want--and what you don't want.

Relationship Advice from a Yellow Lab

2008-03-06T16:39:46Z

Recently, we had another opportunity to "dog-sit" with our favorite yellow Labrador retriever, Nutmeg.

While we certainly don't want a dog full-time, we had a great time with her and re-learned some valuable relationship lessons as well.

Here are a few reminders of how to create great relationships and lives from Nutmeg that we thought we'd share with you...

]]> 1. Make yourself at home wherever you are.

Since we moved a few months ago to another city, Nutmeg had never been to our new home. After her owners dropped her off on their way to the airport, she quickly found a comfy couch and settled in for a nap.

Wherever you find yourself, make the best of your situation.

Our suggestion that you should "make yourself at home wherever you are" doesn't imply that you should start walking into the homes of total strangers unannounced.

It does beg the question of How can you make yourself feel more at ease wherever you are? (Everything's a choice remember)

2. There are no strangers.

Nutmeg is such a friendly dog that she was excited to see anyone who came to visit us during her stay. Even our mailman petted her and told us what a great dog she was.

How would our lives be different if we treated strangers as friends? What would happen if we actually looked at people who we meet throughout the day?

3. If things don't go the way you plan, find another way.

We had several friends at our home one evening during Nutmeg's stay and when it got to be 11:30 at night, it was obvious that it was Nutmeg's normal bedtime.

The only problem was--we were sitting in her "bedroom" which also happened to be our living room and sitting on her bed which also happened to be the couch.

Nutmeg did look at one woman in the hopes that she would get the idea that she was sitting in "her" spot. But
when our friend didn't move, Nutmeg found another spot on the floor to fall asleep.

Our lives don't always go the way we want them to go or think they should go. What would happen if we simply
find another way to either get what we want or maybe something entirely different--that might take us in a new
and wonderful direction?

4. Stop and smell the roses.

Nutmeg liked her morning walks--and we did too. We found that we couldn't be in a hurry though because she
liked to stop and sniff.

Many of us are in a hurry from morning to night. What would happen if we took some time to enjoy what's in front of us instead of rushing off to another thing? When have you enjoyed looking at the sky, a baby's smile, a child's exuberance, your partner's face, and anything else that is the miracle of life?

5. Have fun.

Nutmeg loves to play ball! At different times during each day that Nutmeg was with us, she would get her tennis ball and urge us to play ball with her. It was so much fun to watch her run and catch the ball, then bringing it back to us. Her enthusiasm was catching.

Playing can take on so many different meanings or ideas. When was the last \time you invited someone to play with you? When was the last time you laughed and played with someone?

6. Rest often.

Nutmeg played hard and then she came in and rested. She took frequent naps throughout the day.

Are you getting enough rest for your body and your soul? Do you need to take frequent breaks throughout the
day to recharge?

Sometimes we even need to take breaks from what's going on in our relationships. Sometimes, we just
need a quick "time-out" from the drama to really look at different things that are pressing or important
to us.

7. Connect deeply with others.

If there's anything that Nutmeg knows how to do, it's connect deeply with those around her. She not only acted
as if everyone was her best friend but she used physical touch to show her affection. She might lay close to you or put her head on your leg or a paw on your foot.

She looked in your eyes when you talked to her or when she wanted something.

How do you connect with the people in your life? Are you truly present with them? Do you show your affection?

8. Don't look back.

It's the same thing every time Nutmeg leaves when she's stayed with us for any length of time...she doesn't look
back. She's on to the next adventure.

How many of us get stuck in the past? How many of us cling to how things used to be instead of looking to what
we want for our future?

This week, we invite you to remember Nutmeg's lessons with a smile and add more love in your life.

Relationship Advice from U2

2008-02-28T14:57:59Z

We just saw U2 3D film and we very impacted by this concert. Bono's message of peace pervaded the entire film and along with the dynamic music and talented musicians, this was quite an experience.

The message was clear in this film--Coexist even though we are all different.

We say that this is great relationship advice, no matter what kind of relationship it is!

Here's our take on loving through differences...

]]> The truth of it is that we are all different. Even when we think we've discovered our soul mate, after awhile it turns out that there are differences--and those differences tend to irritate us!

Believe it or not, those differences are what put spice into our lives and cause us to expand (if we are open to it) and grow beyond what we ever thought possible.

So before you start putting someone else down because of the ways they do things that are different from what we believe and do--stop yourself and ask if there is something that you can learn from that person.

It's so powerful to open yourself to understanding a situation from another person's point of view. That doesn't mean that you have to abandon your beliefs but it does mean that you stop judgments and listen to understand.

Bono wrote about religions and governments co-existing for peace and we say that we need to start with ourselves, in our daily lives.

Stop yourself every time you start to criticize some one else and if you have questions about what they are doing, ask to understand their motivations behind their actions.

Just start where you are and remember that love is far more powerful than hate.

What the Presidential Debates taught us about Relationships

2008-02-22T19:30:06Z

Last night we caught up with Anderson Cooper's 360 CNN program after the Democrate candidate debate. If you saw the debate and want to weigh in on Clinton's and Obama's performances or just to see how other people viewed the debate, you can visit Cooper's blog.

What did we take away from the debate?

As we watched Cooper's panel of commentators, one thing was clear. They were all pointing to Clinton's lack of connecting with the audience, except for her very powerful ending statement. These commentators called the debate a draw but spoke of the importance of the candidate's ability to connect with the public. And without that connection, a perfectly sound candidate with great experience may not make the grade with voters and may not be chosen by them.

So what does this idea of connection or lack of connection have to do with you and your relationships?

Everything.

]]> We all want connection and some of us are better at doing it than others. Some of us try to get connection in ways that don't really work and some of us simply don't know how to go about doing it.

Your ability to connect with others can make or break your success at work, in your marriage or intimate relationship, in your friendships, your family relationships. It can impact how you view your life--whether you think you are happy or not.

Let's take Hillary, for example.

One of Cooper's panel members had worked for Senator Clinton for many years and said that ever now and then during these debates and speeches throughout the country, Hillary did show a side of her that did connect with audiences as she did at the end of this debate.

So like Senator Clinton, some of us are able to connect with others some of the time but not others. It may not be as often as we might like. We might come across as superior, or stand-offish when that is really not what's going on inside us at all.

How do you begin to connect if you find that you aren't doing a very good job of it?

Here are a few ideas...

1. Make eye contact. How many of us go through our lives not making eye contact because we're too busy or some other excuse? It might also be that it's actually frightening to us to look someone else in the eyes. If this is your problem, just start practicing opening to someone else in this way.

2. Share what is important to you. If you don't share what has meaning and importance to you, the other person will not know who you truly are. This doesn't mean that you have to share your secrets, but it does mean that you have to courage to share what has meaning to you.

3. If you begin to get defensive and find yourself in "fight" mode, pull your attention into your body and find out more about what the other person is telling you. Then say what is true for you without defense.

4. Have it as your intention to connect instead of persuade or any other agenda you may have. When you have this intention to connect, believe it or not, it carries over to the other person and that's what you both move toward--connection.

5. Let the real "you"--who you are at your core--shine through as you go through your day.

Now, if we were Hillary's advisers, we might urge her to adopt some of these ways of being--although she certainly is making eye contact with us and sharing what is important to her.

For you, take this opportunity to connect a little more with the people in your life and see how your life
changes for the better.

Do You Have Relationship Advice for Improving Communication?

2008-02-18T17:51:48Z

We're in the process of writing a new book on communication in relationships and how to improve it -- and we need your help.

We're looking for real life, practical stories and information to include in our new book from people (or couples) like you about a specific time when you felt that communication was good and you really felt connected to your partner or spouse.

With this in mind, we want you to click on the web page link below and tell us briefly what it feels like in your relationship and life when you really communicate well and truly connect deeply.

While we can't pay you for the information you share, we are willing to give you instant access to download
a 36 minute audio we created recently called "Relationship Breakthrough Ideas" as our way of saying "thanks"
for what you share.

This offer is good through Friday, March 7, 2008.

In addition to the audio we're giving you, you can know that what you share will be used to help us help other people improve communication and connection in their relationship or marriage.

Our goal in being able to share your information is to give examples and illustrations of what is possible when you communicate well and truly connect with each other.

Here's the web page link where we want you to share your answers to our questions about your current ( or past) relationship or marriage...

http://www.PassionateHeart.com/YourStory

Thanks in advance for sharing your information

Warmest Regards,

Susie and Otto Collins

When is the RIGHT time to leave?

2008-02-12T02:07:57Z

Here's a question from a woman that many people are living with...

"How do you know WHEN the absolute right thing to do is to leave a relationship/marriage (with problems) or WHEN to say "Hmmm. I need to work on myself and allow him/her to work on him/herself" (while you remain in the relationship together)?

This is a tough one.

So when is the RIGHT time to leave or decide to stay in it and keep working at it?

]]> The short answer is this...

Unless there's physical or emotional abuse in the relationship and you are endangering your life if you stay, we always suggest that you take some time to discover what you both want in your relationship and if it's possible for you to have that in this relationship.

You may need the help of a therapist or coach to help you sort it all out--whatever support you need, get it. That means both of you need to discover how you've been separating from each other and take responsibility for going for what you want, letting down the walls you've both built.

With that being said, when do you say WHEN if your relaitonship isn't moving toward what you want?

If both of you are truly working on yourselves, part of that "work" should be honesty. And when both of you begin being honest with each other, the truth of when or if to part will become apparent.

If this truth isn't happening between you and one of you wants a different kind of relationship and life than he/she is currently living, the decision becomes obvious when the pain of not living the life you want becomes more than the pain of separating.

It all depends on what you want for your life. While we certainly never suggest people rush into separating before they thoroughly explore the possibilities of their relationship, it's also possible to stay way beyond after the relationship should be dissolved for the growth of both people.

If each of you are moving toward what you both want in your relationship, hang in there and keep opening to each other and acting from who you truly are. If you are moving in different directions, there is no intersection of your wants and needs, it may be time to separate.

Feel into yourself and listen to what you honestly know inside you to be true.