One Way to Get the Love You Want...
Just this morning the two of us were having a conversation about the one thing every man or woman wants in a relationship. One of the things we talked about is how it's possible for everyone to give this gift to their partner, spouse or lover--but not many people do.
This is truly tragic when it's possible to give our partner or lover something everyone wants but we hold back and don't give it to them.
So, what is it that we ALL want that we don't often get?
Some people think it's love we're talking about here and yes, we all want love but there's something else we ALL want that we'll do almost anything for...
It's what Tony Robbins calls the desire for significance and we all want to feel significant in some way, whether we realize it or not.
Said another way (as it relates to our love relationships)...One of the things we most want in the world is to feel "special," "of value" and "important" to a significant other.
The fact is that we do all kinds of bizarre things we may not ordinarily do (to feel significant) if we weren't trying to get love and get the feelings of being wanted and desired.
We could go on and on and give you example after example of things our coaching clients have told us (both healthy and unhealthy) that they've done for love but what you're probably wondering is...
What's the lesson here and how can you use this to make your relationship great or at least a whole lot better than it is right now?
It's simple...
If you like your partner, love them, want them, care for them, desire them, appreciate them, value them and think they're special...
Then treat them that way.
That's what we try to do and we keep getting better and better at it.
Treating other people special and like they're important is such a simple concept but people miss this idea somehow.
The question we like to ask a lot is...
"Will saying this, doing this or acting in this way bring me more love and connection or less?"
When Otto tells Susie how sexy he thinks she is... she loves it and is more open to what he wants when she feels good.
When Susie tells Otto how much she appreciates him--he loves it and is a whole lot kinder than he might be if she didn't appreciate him.
This can also backfire on you though...
Some people think that if they use Magic Words--like "You're so important to me" or "I love you" and some of the creative ones we have in our "Magic Relationship Words" book without following through on actions that demonstrate those sentiments, it'll be "okay" and they can get what they want.
Well it usually doesn't work that way. In fact, if empty words are said repeatedly, trust is broken and at some point, it can't be repaired.
So it's important to appreciate and convey that your significant other is important to you with words as well as actions that show this love and respect.
If Otto tells Susie how sexy she is but spends his time when they're out staring at beautiful, sexy women and commenting on their attributes--his words seem hollow to Susie.
If Susie tells Otto how much she appreciates him but constantly criticizes him and tears him down, especially in front of others, all of the good feelings from her appreciation of him are negated.
So this week, we invite you to not only use your words to appreciate your partner but also show him or her how important they are to you with your actions.
