Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Having a great relationship isn't rocket science but it does take finding out how you sabotage yourself when you're in one--and discovering new ways to help you get closer instead of pushing the two of you further apart.

Here's are 4 ways you may be sabotaging love and how you can create exactly what you want...

1. Thinking That Love and Relationships are HARD

While it's true that having a great relationship does require effort and attention...

What we've discovered about people who think relationships are hard is that they are spending most (if not all) of their time and energy focused on the difficulty of relationships instead of focusing on the benefits of being in a relationship and having the love you want.

They are also focused on any pain that their relationships in their past have given them instead of the joy that may be possible.

A simple mind shift about the idea that relationships are hard is...

Compared to what?

The plain truth of it is that most people spend the same amount of time, effort and energy on creating "bad" relationships as they would have to spend on creating a wonderful love that lasts.

We value exercise but think that running a 26.2 mile marathon would be really hard (and not something we want to spend time doing) so we don't do it.

Other people run marathons all the time and think they're fun (or a challenge or some other reason that serves them) so they continue doing them over and over again.

Whatever you make up in your mind that is "hard" or too much trouble... that's what you live out.

We suggest that you consider a mind shift that relationships can be enjoyable, fun, filled with love (even if challenging at times) would help you attract more love.

2. Holding Back

Many people don't have the kind of love and relationship they want because they "hold back" in a variety of ways that keeps love at a distance.

This can play out in many ways--but what seems to be true is that people who "hold back," don't allow themselves to truly be seen in all their glory.

They aren't honest with each other.

They don't follow their inner urges to say "yes" to something new that might feel good or be enjoyable.

They "talk on eggshells" and hold back in saying what they think or how they feel or hold back from saying what's important to them.

And there are other ways you might hold back as well...

You might say "no" to lovemaking when it might feel actually good to connect in that way.

You might say "no" to a date that might turn out to be the love of your life.

If you want BIG love in your life, you have to learn to say "yes" to more things. We're not saying to say "yes" to things you don't want to do and we're certainly not suggesting that you say "yes" if it doesn't feel right or it's something you don't want but...

People who find love and stay in love tend to be much better at saying "YES" to things that will help them find, attract and keep love in their life.

3. Not Making Room In Your Life For Love

Whether they're with a partner or not--people who want love and don't have it very often may not make room in their lives for it.

People in committed relationships very often let their relationships die a slow death because they fill their lives up with so many activities that there's no room for their beloved. If you have too many activities to be able to fit another thing in, it will be difficult to have the space for a new love or reinvigorate an old love.

If you are in a relationship and you find that you don't spend much time with your partner, we recommend that you find a way to include him or her in some activity that the two of you can enjoy and connect at a higher and deeper level.

If you want a loving partner and are so busy that you don't have time for "one other thing in your life," take an inventory of how you're spending your time and see if there's any activity you'd like to let go of so that something new might come into your life.

4. Not Healing From The Pain of Past Relationships

Most people think one of two ways around this idea of healing from the pain of their past relationships...

They either think they need to "wait" to be in a new relationship until they have done all their inner work and are totally healed from their previous relationships or...

Very often what happens is people who've been in previous relationships march into a new relationship without looking at the "why" things worked out the way they did in past relationships--or deal with the pain that's still there.

We think the goal should be to do both.

We think the amount of time to "wait" before getting into a new relationship is different for everyone and...

We also believe that in addition to bringing you happiness, fun and joy--we're also in relationships to heal, learn and grow as individuals.

So, definitely commit to doing your inner healing work AND to staying open to love at the same time.

That's what we did before getting together and we've enjoyed an incredible love that just keeps getting better and better because that's where we put our focus and intentions in our life.

You can do this too and you can do things on a daily basis that can make finding, attracting and keeping love happen automatically.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You probably saw this in the news last Friday and in the days since...

It's a tale of tragedy, heartbreak and disaster that also has a VERY important relationship lesson in it...

Unfortunately it's a lesson that many couples learn too late.

We hope you never let your relationship get to THIS point, as one couple reported in the midst of a true disaster...

This is one of the big reasons why we're offering our "Get Closer Secrets" teleseminar series and coaching program that starts tonight (on Thursday 1/19)...

We also don't want you to ever have to experience anything like this to save your relationship or marriage

^^^^Here's what happened to this couple trying to save their marriage...

Last Friday January 15th, 2012, the Costa Concordia Italian cruise ship hit a rock just 450 feet from shore, ran aground, took on water and keeled over.

As of the time we're writing this article, 11 people are dead and 23 others are missing.

In the story we read online, many of the survivors of the wreckage describe Titanic-like details of gritty moments of survival, tentative farewells and heartbreaking loss.

There was one particular story that caught our attention and it was this one about how a lifeboat became a lifeline for marriage...

Australian miner Rob Elcombe and his wife, Tracey Gunn, told Melbourne's Herald Sun Newspaper that they booked a spot on the Concordia as a last ditch effort to save their marriage.

Instead, the couple found themselves trying to save their lives when they boarded the very last lifeboat of survivors to leave the ship.

"This has made our bond much, much stronger," Elcombe told the paper. "Who needs couples counseling, when you survive a Titanic experience?"

To us, this kind of story is both heartwarming and tragic at the same time.

We always think it's a good idea that a couple exhausts every possible solution to their relationship or marriage woes before they call it "quits" and call in the lawyers.

It was a horrible ordeal that this couple had to endure to survive and our hearts go out to both the survivors and those who lost loved ones in this terrible tragedy.

Kudos to this couple for trying one last thing to save their relationship.

The reality is that many couples give up much sooner than this Australian couple did and here's the problem with giving up too soon (and the point to all this...)

Most couples think about relationships all wrong.

Most couples think that a relationship is successful if they can just survive a certain number of years that they have decided means "success" in their relationship.

Most couples do everything they can to keep their relationship and romance alive, vibrant and growing in the early stages, but stop doing the kinds of things that made their love zing after the so-called "honeymoon" period is over.

Then, after they've both stopped making each other feel special - they find themselves wondering "what just happened" and then they start shopping for a divorce attorney or looking for a new love.

This, from a relationship coach's perspective, is what we call a true relationship tragedy--when a couple waits too long before they get the help they need to bring the love, passion, romance and connection back into their relationship.

We believe that (contrary to what many people think)...love. romance, passion and yes... even hot steamy sex never have to die.

We believe you can keep it alive forever... if that's what you want.

We want to show you how you can tilt the odds of lasting love in your favor and how you can keep your love and relationship alive for as long as you want.

If there is anything that you want for your relationship or marriage, please know that you can have it.

In our "Get Closer Secrets" Teleseminar Series and Coaching Program we'll show you how.

We invite you to sign up before it's too late.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This Thursday, January 12th, we're doing a brand new teleseminar and web audio cast called "4 Keys To Getting Closer" and you can sign up here at no charge...

http://www.passionateheart.com/GetCloser/Preview

Whether you're already in a relationship or marriage or you're someone who wants to be--you're definitely going to want to sign up now and here's why...

This is a FREE preview for a new seminar series and coaching program we're going to be doing that starts in just a little over a week from now and this "preview" is going to be awesome.

Here are just a few things we're going to cover in the live preview teleseminar and web audio cast...

You'll Discover: .

~ 4 Keys to "Getting Closer"

~ How you can learn from some of the mistakes we made early in our relationship

~ The one simple decision you can make that virtually guarantees that you and your partner will draw closer to each other

~ How to keep the spark going for as long as you want

~ How to shift "out of gridlock" when upsets and challenges come up in your relationship

~ The big thing most couples stop doing that causes that spark and feeling of closeness and connection to fade away

~ One thing you can start doing immediately to get that feeling of closeness and connection back right away

~ And Much More

If there's one thing we've discovered about love since being together, it's that love, passion and a close connection doesn't have to fade away.

There are things you can do right now to bring you and your partner, spouse or lover closer together. (And yes, one person can make a difference!)

On this call, we're going to teach you 4 of them.

Don't miss this FREE Preview of our upcoming teleseminar series and coaching program.

Sign up now for free for "4 Keys To Getting Closer."

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Happy New Year to you and your family.

We've got some new things in the works for 2012 that we think you're going to love and as we were thinking about what we wanted to share with you today, we came up with 5 relationship and life tips for you.

We came up with these tips when we asked ourselves this really important question:

What are some things you could start doing (or doing more of) right now that would have an immediate positive impact on your love life, relationships and your happiness in 2012?

It's from this question that we came up with these 5 tips...

Enjoy...

1. Spend more time really connecting with other people.

Facebook and twitter and the latest smart phone gizmo are great tools for connecting-- but to us, it's the personal interaction of in-person or telephone communication that we think really connects us.

Let's face it.

When you're facebooking and twittering (or doing any of the many other forms of social networking)--in most cases, you're doing other things too.

You're multi-tasking.

Nothing wrong with multi-tasking but if you really want to build strong lasting connections, it's always best to do it one-on-one and to make sure you're totally "present" when you're with another person.

In fact, when you're jealous of your partner in social situations (and he or she really isn't doing anything to warrant your jealousy--you aren't connecting and being present with the people you're with.

Your body might be standing there and you might be talking but your attention and mind are on who your partner is talking to and what he or she is doing.

You're multi-tasking when it comes to being with others--and that's a recipe for disaster for your intimate relationship as well as your other relationships.

2. Spend more time in the bedroom.

In our book and audio program, "Red Hot Love Relationships."

We give you 77 ways to turn up the heat in your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom if you want more intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner or lover.

It's seems like such a simple suggestion but if you want more love, connection, passion and intimacy...

....spend more time in the bedroom.

No TV. No Kids. Just Laugh. Love. Talk. and Connect.

Whatever that means to you.

3. Spend more time loving yourself.

How often do you spend time beating yourself up?

If you're like most people, much more than you realize.

One important question we like to ask around this topic is--"What is the most loving act you could do for yourself right now?"

Not what you could do for someone else or your community but YOU.

Give yourself the gift of loving you.

Start by just acknowledging one thing you like, love or appreciate about yourself and then you might want to turn it into a full blown love affair with you.

4. Forgive Yourself.

That's right... forgive yourself for whatever you are holding onto that you resent yourself for.

You'll be much freer, lighter and much more fun to be with if you do this.

Most of us are carrying years of resentments from things we wish we would have handled differently- relationships that would have been different; times you wish you had been more loving or kind; financial deals gone bad or punishing yourself for getting fired or laid off from a job you really wanted or needed.

It's time to forgive yourself.

5. Spend more time alone in solitude or meditating and recharge.

Even if it's 5 minutes a day, spend time alone with just your thoughts and allow your mind some space to slow down and stop racing.

A couple of months ago, we started a new meditation practice that we do for about 10-15 minutes right before
going to bed that makes a big difference in both of us--both in our night's sleep and what we're like the next day
when we do our new practice.

Something as simple as taking a five minute walk alone every day can work miracles in your life.

You might even simply take a 2 minute deep breathing break.

The key is to find some time every day to recharge.

There you have it--our 5 tips for better, happier relationships in 2012! We invite you to try one or more in your life and see what happens.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)