Relationship Melt Downs and The Holidays...
It's the holiday season here in the USA and It's a terrible time of the year for this relationship issue to happen...
We feel like we have to talk about it anyway.
Not only are some of our friends and coaching clients telling us this but many other people are writing to us about what's going on in their relationships and marriages and often, it's not good.
Many couples are having "melt downs" right now.
Affairs are surfacing, jealousy is rampant, communication is poor and that's not all...
People we know and care about are having serious financial problems.
A friend's marriage is spiraling quickly for divorce after 3 or 4 years of trying everything she could to make it work.
And we could go on but you get the point.
For some couples these melt downs and upsets are creating challenges to the point that makes them even wonder
whether they want to continue in their relationship or not.
From what we can tell by observing the craziness going on all around us and in our own lives right now, melt downs (as we see them) are pretty normal considering the demands and expectations we and most other people put on ourselves during the holidays.
In other words, what might not have been enough to cause a meltdown on a "normal" day, intensifies and becomes a full-blown fight when we are stressed.
You may be noticing something similar happening in your life right now and if it is, we're not surprised.
The question is...
What to do in times like these?
How can you keep your relationship or marriage on solid ground in times of chaos?
How can you stay connected when it's so easy to feel separated, alone and disconnected?
If you're open to them, here are a few suggestions...
1) Always remember to breathe
One thing we've noticed is that when something bad happens or when something takes us by surprise, we
very often stop breathing.
As we often tell our coaching clients...
There's nothing like a good, deep, diaphragm, full-belly breath to calm you down when life (or your partner) throws
a new challenge at you.
2) Whether it's your beloved or anyone else, choose your words wisely.
Make sure you use our "Magic Relationship Words" as much as possible.
If you want to avoid conflict and challenges and heal whatever problems come up as quickly as possible, the right words truly can make a big difference.
3) Question your stories and thoughts that come up when you get "triggered."
When you get "triggered" or get "upset," remind yourself (and possibly them) that they're not the enemy when conflict comes up between you and your partner or someone close to you.
Then no matter how tough it may be in the moment, be sure to treat them like they're NOT the enemy and question
the thoughts that roll around in your head that they are!
4) Love yourself and take care of yourself
Most of us are often guilty of not loving or taking care of ourselves but for many of us, it's even more of a problem
this time of the year.
A good question to ask yourself is...
What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?
If you take a moment and go within yourself and truly ask that question, we think you'll be surprised at what a great
solution your mind comes up with that would really help you feel good (no matter what's going on around you.)
A walk in the park at lunch (alone) or with a friend....
Some soothing music...
A massage...
Going to bed earlier or getting more rest...
A funny movie...
A long bath...
A night out with friends...
or
whatever YOU decide that loving yourself would look or feel like.
Just give yourself permission to do that.
Remember, if you want changes to happen in your life, you have to start with you.
Whether it's the holidays or not, start taking some positive steps toward more peace and greater love in your life.
We wish you much love and joy.
