Communication Advice When You Both Think You're Right...
Once a month we do a presentation in Columbus, Ohio for our local Passionate Spark ~ Lasting Love group and we
want to share an idea with you here that we're going to talk about in-depth in our next meeting that we think can really help you in your relationships no matter where you live.
Last weekend, when we were planning out next meeting (happens on November 28) in Columbus we came up with the topic for the next meeting and it's ...(be sure to join us if you're in our area)
"I'm Right--You're Right"
Which of course is the exact opposite creed of what most people live by which is "I'm RIGHT--You're WRONG."
We are amazed at how easy it is to fall into the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" trap--and how destructive it is to your relationship when you do!
Recently, one of our coaching clients had a huge awakening around this idea--and the changes he's made because of this awakening are saving his marriage.
Without going into details about his situation, let's just say that the bottom line was that he became so tied up in proving he was "right" every time there was a difference between him and his wife, he kept pushing her further and further away from him.
And that wasn't what he wanted!
In fact, every time they had a difference of opinion, he ended bringing up every "mistake" she'd made in the past and as he put it "hitting below the belt."
They were arguing more often and the more he tried to make himself "right," the more she
withdrew and acted in ways he didn't like.
They were definitely stuck in a damaging loop that they couldn't seem to get out of.
How have they gotten out of this loop to create a much better, happier relationship?
If you can relate in any way to the "I'm Right--You're Wrong" loop, here are some ideas that helped our coaching client make some big changes in his relationship...
1. Start to recognize when you're falling into the loop and stop.
We know (from experience) that it's not that easy to stop when you're in the thick of it but here's the thing...
If you become aware of the first signs that you're falling into it, that's the time to breathe, close your mouth and take a step back.
2. What picture are you painting of your partner?
When you've got the momentum going of "I'm Right--You're Wrong"--especially over a long period of time--you're probably painting a very negative picture of your partner.
When it dawned on our coaching client that he was constantly painting a very negative picture of his wife in his mind--he realized that the opposite could just as easily be true.
He realized that he had been "making stuff up" and weaving the story of who his wife was that simply wasn't true.
There is of course a time to pay attention to what's actually going on and not ignore red flags that are being shown to you.
The idea is to be honest with yourself about what you're looking for (because we can generally prove most anything we look for) and question whether you're painting a true picture of your partner or not.
3. Learn to listen and speak from your heart
Our coaching client is learning how to dig below his initial triggering responses and to listen to his wife as well as speak from his heart in a way that his wife can hear.
If you need some help learning how to not allow your emotions and old patterns to keep you from communicating with the one you love, check out "Stop Talking on Eggshells."
There are some very simple things you can do to make communication much easier with those you love and we suggest that you start today to bring more happiness and ease into your relationship.
It comes down to this...
Which do you choose?
Do you choose "I'm Right--You're Wrong" and stay in a never-ending, no-one-wins loop or...
Do you choose "I'm Right--You're Right" where you open to each other but not give yourself away?
The choice is as always--yours.
