In this situation, If you can't stop thinking about the past (and it's causing challenges in the relationship) then one of two things is going on...

Either you aren't questioning the validity of a few thoughts and they seem to trigger you and keep you "stuck"...

or

You have unhealed issues from your past or current relationship that need to be identified, looked at squarely and healed before they destroy your relationship or marriage.

If you think about it, this person's situation is no different from anything you might be going through now or in the future.

It goes back to one of those five issues we described above.

To help you with any relationship challenge, question, issue or concern, here are some powerful questions to ask yourself to help you determine where the problem is and how you can heal and release it...

**Are the things I'm thinking about this situation actually true or are they things I'm only worried or concerned about figments of my imagination?

**What are the beliefs I hold that could be contributing negatively to this situation?

**Are these beliefs I hold moving me closer to or further from the love, passion and connection I want?

**What attitudes do I have that are contributing to this situation?

**What beliefs do I have that are contributing to this situation?

**Are the things I've done been helpful in this situation or have they taken me further from what I want?

**Is there a better or different strategy I could try in this situation to help us work through this situation?

As you know from reading this newsletter, we're huge fans of the power questions in making big changes and shifts in your life.

The questions above are just a few and you're certainly encouraged to come up with your own questions to help you make shifts in your relationships and life.

So, what do all these questions have to do with removing roadblocks to what you want?

Everything actually.

Most people tend to think (erroneously) that the problems of life are 'out there" instead of "in here" or inside you.

If you are having challenges in your relationships (or any aspect of your life for that matter), asking yourself the right questions and being open to new answers is a powerful strategy to use for making shifts for the better.

Asking yourself the right questions and being open to the answer also requires you to take personal responsibility for what you are creating in your relationships and life.

This "taking personal responsibility" is, in our opinion, something that we need much more of in a world where nearly everyone wants to point the finger outward and place blame elsewhere.

We believe that you are the creator of your life.

Not someone else. It's you.

Please understand that we're NOT saying that there isn't a God, creator or higher power that created all of us and our world. That's not what we're saying at all.

What we are saying is this-- not taking responsibility for what happens in our lives is definitely a barrier to connection with the people in our lives.

And taking responsibility does not mean blame!

What we have discovered is this: When we take responsibility for our lives and everything in them-- the problems, issues and challenges we have seem to start working themselves out.

And "taking responsibility" means looking for the blocks in your thinking, your beliefs, your attitudes, your actions and your strategies--and then doing one thing to move toward what you want.

You might want to challenge your negative thoughts about the past when they come up and bring yourself into the present.

We have a great technique we offer free--"3 minute jealousy thought stopper"--that will work in any situation.

You might want to change your belief about yourself--that what happened in the past will happen in the future.

If you have the belief that you can't say what you want for fear of what your partner will say, think, feel or how they'll react.

We've created an entire program to help you deal with this issue called "Stop Talking on Eggshells." You might want to create an attitude of being grateful for what you have right now instead of one of fearing loss.

You might want to identify an action that you could take--like learning some new ways to communicate. If you're interested, our communication magic program.

has some good suggestions to get the two of you moving in a different direction.

You might want to learn a new strategy that will move you more toward what you want.

In our Relationship Trust Turnaround program,
we go in depth on creating healthy agreements when trust has been broken.

Whatever you decide to do, we invite you to take some action to create more ease, love and connection in your relationships by looking at what's holding you back--and then doing something about it!