Love and Relationship Advice Blog

So, is it really possible to keep love and passion alive over the long haul?

We have said many times before and continue to say a resounding--

YES!

It is possible to keep love, passion and connection alive for as long as you want...

...and here are some thoughts about how this is not only possible but how you can do it in your own relationship,
marriage and life as well.

In addition to our own relationship that just keeps getting better and better year after year, we're always excited when we actually see it in action in other couples.

Here's one example...

Otto met "Nick" (not his real name) at the Aikido dojo where they both train and Otto instantly liked him.

He liked Nick even more when he saw how he interacted with his wife of 22 years.

Otto saw Nick do many of the things Otto's been talking about in his special "for men" newsletter where he talks about how ANY man can light up his woman.

Here are a few examples of what we saw Nick doing to keep his love alive over the years...

**Nick called his wife to tell her he'd be a little late and closed out the phone call by telling her he loved her.

**Nick spent some time paying attention to his wife during a party we attended at their house--giving her a hug every now and then and stopping to connect with her.

**Nick talked about how talented and great he thought his wife was at landscaping their yard, giving her most of the credit.

Although we can't really know for sure, it looks like they are still very much in love, have a lot of desire for one
another and they seem be very happy together--even after 22 years.

When we asked his wife what their secret was for lasting passion and love for each other, here's what she told us...

They had learned how to communicate with each other, even though their communication styles were wildly different.

She went on to explain that she came from a family of "talkers" and when something was wrong, you "talked" it out until it was resolved.

In fact, she attributed her parent's marriage success and longevity to the idea that "they never went to bed mad at each other."

She told us that it was a shock to her that when she and Nick had disagreements, he didn't want to talk about them--or at least not as long as she did.

For him, "talking about a problem" meant the end of a relationship because he had seen that happen before his parent's divorce.

It wasn't until she realized that she had to pull back her urge to "talk him to death" and he in turn allowed himself to open to talking more--that they resolved their communication issues.

They both saw that their way wasn't the ONLY way to communicate--and they both had to stop the "stories" from their pasts that caused them to make assumptions about their present relationship.

They both had to make their relationship and understanding one another more important than "being right."

As they opened and softened to one another (our words)--as well as not make each other wrong--they were able to iron out difficulties quicker and keep their passion and connection strong.

If you have problems with communication, it can certainly ruin your relationship.

If you're one of those people who seems to have trouble saying what you think or how you feel because of fear about what your partner will think, what they'll say or how they'll react...

... then we suggest you download a copy of our "Stop Talking on Eggshells" program and find out how you speak your truth openly and honestly without fear and in a way that your partner will really listen to you.

In the meantime...

Here are a few ideas about how to keep your relationship passionate, alive and growing over the years...

1. Make small changes and look for what happens for the better.

Try one suggestion--make one small change in the way you interact with your partner-- and look for one small thing that is better.

It might be that you've gotten into a habit of putting your partner down--maybe in fun--but it's no longer funny to him or her, if it ever was.

One small change might be to stop when you feel the urge to make fun of your partner and instead don't say anything or give him or her a compliment.

Maybe your partner puts you down and it's meant as a joke but you don't think it's funny.

One small change might be to tell him or her how it feels to you.

You might use a phrase from our "Magic Relationship
Words" program ...

"It may not have been your intention to hurt me but when you said _________, I felt embarrassed (or whatever you
felt)"

2. Remember to focus on what's going right.

We know that in our relationship, when we focus on what's going right instead of what's wrong, we feel closer to one another and more connected.

Now of course there are certainly times when you need to focus on what's wrong--if there truly is something going
on that is against your values or your agreements with one another.

But don't let resentment build without dealing with it and getting some resolution.

Then when you have resolution, don't hang onto the hurt in the past. Bring yourself into the present and focus on
what's right in the present moment.

That's how passion, connection and trust are rebuilt and stay strong--one moment at a time and in the present moment.

The question is...

Are you living together or dying together?

Are you growing together or growing apart more of the time?

Are you moving forward together or backwards separately?

This week, we invite you to take a step toward greater love.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're like most people, you're busier than ever and it's becoming even more of a challenge than it used to be to connect with those you love, especially your intimate partner.

As we were thinking about what we learned from our awesome "Get Closer Weekend" workshop we gave this past weekend, one thing is really clear...

Many people have a challenge connecting with each other on a daily basis.

What we've discovered is that making some kind of positive connection on a daily basis is part of the glue that holds two people together and keeps passion alive over the long haul.

As we were working with the couples who attended our workshop, we realized that there are some very simple things they can do to connect with each other that take only moments...but the results can be very powerful and significant.

Here are a few of those ways we shared...

1. Look in each others eyes.

After working with the couples at our workshop, we realized that looking in the eyes of your loved one can be a challenge when you're not used to doing it.

What sounds so simple, may not be so.

If this is the way it is for you and you want to connect deeper, start small and don't be discouraged if it feels awkward at first.

The next time you pass your loved one in the hallway, look into his or her eyes for just a few seconds.

And then practice increasing the time you hold eye contact.

It's like any skill--making eye contact just takes practice.

Why do we "forget" or never learn how to make eye contact especially with those we love?

For whatever reason, making eye contact might feel too vulnerable and revealing.

Not making eye contact can be one way we protect ourselves and put up a shield so we won't be hurt.

This shield might not have anything to do with your current partner--but it may.

So if you have some trust issues coming up as you experiment with making eye contact, you might want
to check out our "Relationship Trust Turnaround"
course.

2. Touching.

During the workshop, we got to see how profoundly things can change for the better when two people touched each other when there wasn't an agenda.

One way to start doing this is to just take a moment and put your hand on your beloved's heart and your beloved put's his or her hand on yours--and then just breathe for a few breaths.

A few couples reported that they felt some peace, relaxation and connection when they did this exercise.

When touching is difficult, this is not an easy exercise.

Again, when trust has been violated by your current partner or in past relationships, even simple touch that has nothing to do with what happens in the bedroom...

Touch can be a challenge.

One step toward making touch easier and more connecting is remembering that you have choice and allowing yourself to make the choice to reach out in a simple way, with non-invasive touch.

Maybe you start with a hand or foot massage.

Whatever feels good to you, we invite you to start touching more to create a deeper connection of the heart.

Remember, it only takes a moment to convey love and caring.

3. Be honest.

Okay, so we know that complete honesty can open up a can of worms that can certainly cause separation and disconnection.

(Take for instance Arnold Schzenegger's revelation that he has a child by a former house employee...)

We're not talking about just the big lies (like what Arnold did)...

What we're talking about are the little omissions and "white lies" that we tell or don't tell on a regular basis that really aren't a big deal.

But the truth is that they ARE a big deal.

If you aren't forthcoming with who you have lunch with (if it's a big deal) or you let some details slide that your partner ends up finding out anyway...

Trust is eroded which can take its toll on the relationship over time.

Telling the whole truth takes only a few moments and can mean all the difference in your relationship.

It can mean the difference between whether trust is the foundation of your relationship--or it isn't.

It only takes a few moments of time to do any of these acts and can make so much difference in your relationship.

What we've learned it's not necessarily the big stuff that happens but rather what happens moment by moment.

Take advantage of every moment you have to connect with your loved ones.

If you do, you'll see a difference in the quality of your life and love.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)