Jealousy: He's Jealous of Her Dad...
Jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes and we just never know when it will catch us by surprise.
Here's a recent question from Chris and it's one that many people--male and female--have whether their in new relationships or ones that have been around for many years...
(In fact, you could substitute "her dad" for mom, ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, any relative, friend or co-worker.)
What it boils down to is that one person in the relationship doesn't feel as important to their loved one as someone else is.
Question from Chris::
"My girlfriend of a year asks me for advice but I have noticed that she would than ask her dad the same advice question as if my answer was not good enough or making sure that I am right. She does not think this or say this aloud but this is what I feel. I'm I wrong to feel this way?"
Our Answer:
Chris, let's get this straight--you feel what you feel and even if you aren't calling it jealousy, we're sure that this hasn't escaped your mind.
Here's the thing...
Your girlfriend could be feeling that your answer wasn't good enough but what also could be true is that you could be making up a story that she thinks you are a dolt in the advice department.
There are all kinds of reasons why your girlfriend asks her dad for advice after she asks you..
*She may not want to hurt his feelings
*She may ask him out of habit because she always has asked him
*It may be her way of feeling loved by him
With all that being said--have you tried bringing it to her attention that she's doing this (without making her wrong) and you're wondering/are curious why she does it.
Susie sometimes likes to get a lot of people's opinions before she makes up her mind to do something--especially something big--and sometimes this drives Otto crazy because the process seems to go on and on.
Now, he used to take it personally but no more because he understands that this is just Susie's process--but we had a discussion about it to clear it all up.
Chris, your girlfriend might just be gathering information and has nothing to do with you not being good enough.
Find out more about how she makes decisions without making her process wrong--try to understand her and you'll be able to get some peace that way!
This is good advice for anyone who's experiencing a bit (or a lot) of jealousy because their partner seems to be turning to someone other than them.
Talk to your loved one without being defensive (we know that can be hard). Just listen and be open to understanding. You can also tell your partner how you've been feeling and ask your partner for help.
She or he may or may not stop asking that other person for advice but by the two of you talking about this, it may open your partner to looking at what they may be doing out of habit.
Also look at reasons why you may be feeling less important to your partner and what you might want.
Do you want more time together? Do you want to learn how to get closer like you once were?
Decide what you want, listen to your partner and then decide how you're going forward together.
