Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Registration is now open for our "Get Closer Weekend" and this is really exciting because if you've enjoyed our articles, books and courses, you'll have the opportunity to work with us personally on creating the relationship you've always wanted.

If you want to "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover, then you're going to want to click on over to this web page and watch the special relationship advice video we just created for you that will tell you all about how you can do it.

When you apply what we are going to share with you during this incredible event, the possibilities for what you can create in your relationship or marriage are amazing.

For people who attend this event...

*Closed Hearts are going to open

*Passion is going to be reignited

*Sex is going to get hotter, juicier, more delicious and possibly more frequent

*Lost connections of the heart are going to be restored

*Trust is going to be rebuilt

*Resentments are going to melt away

*Communication is going to get easier

And you might even feel like you've fallen in love all over again.

Check out this video that describes this amazing opportunity for you to truly "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As you've probably noticed, we are all being bombarded with messages like don't forget the flowers, boxes of candy, and of course, the diamonds (even chocolate diamonds!) because of Valentine's day.

Most holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions but this one is especially ripe for unearthing hidden and not so hidden expectations.

You emotions can be all over the place from feelings of deep love and excitement to deep disappointment and loneliness.

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

Here are 10 suggestions to make your relationships better--no matter what day it is from our "Red Hot Love Relationships" course...

1) Don't Forget Kindness and Thoughtfulness

We all get in a rush sometimes and forget to be kind. We just want to get the things done that we have to get done and move along to the next thing to be done.

Whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or not--take a moment to be kind to the people in your life. Kindness certainly doesn't have to mean "doing" for someone (but it can.)

It can mean just giving a smile, sending a kind, loving thought, or simply listening to a story that you may have heard many times before.

2) Don't Forget Appreciation

So often we find ourselves dwelling on what irritates us about the people in our lives and we forget to appreciate the things about our relationships that are working. Appreciation only works when you want nothing in return. If there are "strings" along with your appreciation of another person, (like you want appreciation in return) it will seem like an empty, needy gesture. Appreciation has to be expressed from your heart and in such a way that is
genuine.

Even if you want to be appreciated back (we all do), start it off by telling someone in your life what you appreciate about them today.

3) Listen Closely to What Your Partner Wants

Whether it's to make plans for a Valentine's day celebration or just listening to how your partner's day went--leave your ego and your desire to help or "fix it" for him or her at the door and just listen.

We all get into habits that stifle communication--that shut off a true connection of the heart. To open up and bring more joy and ease into your relationship, take a moment to realize what you do to assume, to fix or to judge (even though you may not think you are doing those things) and just listen to understand your partner.

4) Listen Closely to What You Want

Listening closely to what you want can be even harder than learning to listen to your partner. So many people have learned along the way that it's not safe to feel emotions--and they simply don't know how to listen to what they want. You have to practice listening to the voice inside you so that you can be honest and authentic with the people in your life. You have to learn who you are and honor that by letting others know who the real "you" is.

5) If It's an Intimate Relationship, Don't Forget Time Alone

In our busy lives, we often forget to recharge by spending some time alone. Whether it's taking a walk outside by
yourself and enjoying nature or it's taking 20 minutes to meditate or tune in and calm your thoughts--we've found that we are much better people and treat each other more lovingly if we take time for ourselves.

6) Don't Forget to Breathe

It may seem kind of silly to remind you to not forget to breathe, but so many of us actually live in the land of anxious, shallow breathing. Belly breathing can relax you, help you to clear your mind and keep you in the present moment.

What's that got to do with creating great relationships? When we are relaxed, we listen better to others and we don't react quite so quickly from old patterns. We are able to access a fresh point of view when we breathe that can promote more understand and closer connections.

7) Don't Forget the "Show"

What's the "show"? The show is what we do to show the other person that he/she is special in our lives. It can be a greeting card, a present or creating a special night or weekend away. It can be elaborate or it can be simple--whatever the two of you prefer. The main thing is that you "show" the other person how special they are to you.

8) Don't Forget Discernment

The media likes to use hype and if you buy into what the mass media promotes as "the way Valentine's day should be," then you might be setting yourself up for disappointment after the big day comes and goes.

Remember, it's not about the money you spend, where (or if) you bought that special diamond necklace, or where you went for dinner. It's about the love that's underneath all of that.

9) Don't Forget to Be Present and Be Real

If you're like most people, you're usually either mentally thinking about what you have to do or are going to do in the future or thinking about what happened to you in the past. The present moments fly by without you really participating in them.

To be present and real means to be fully focusing on what's going on right here and right now. Great relationships are built on that idea and whether it's Valentine's day or not, it's a terrific practice to get into.

10) Don't Forget to Think Long-Term Love and Not Just Short-Term "Wow"

Whether it's a dating situation or long-term committed relationship or marriage, when you are thinking about a celebration of your love or of your relationship, keep in mind what would create and feed long-term love instead of going for the "wow" factor.

To know the difference, you have to keep showing each other how special you are to each other in every day--and not just this day because it's a day of "love and romance."

The real juice in keeping a relationship that is alive and growing is in what you do and say in every moment to each other.

At any time during the year, we invite you to make conscious decisions about your life and not just let "life" happen to you.

Our best to you on Valentine's day and every other day.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For a couple, there is nothing more important in their relationship than their ability to communicate.

We know those are strong words but if you've ever been in a relationship where you DIDN'T communicate, you know how true they are.

This is why we've created a brand new program just for men called "A Crash Course In Communication For Men..."

It's not that we think that all men are dolts at communicating and all women are experts at it...

We just recognized that very little is written for a man about how to communicate with his woman and we wanted to share what we've discovered. (Women everywhere are going to be glad we did.)

You see, what we've figured out is...

No matter what you want in a relationship or marriage and whether you get it or not depends largely (if not totally) on your ability to communicate and connect with each other.

Do you...

Want more love?

More appreciation?

or

More intimacy?

Crazy as it sounds, your ability to communicate and connect will determine whether you get these things or not.

What about the things your partner's doing that you'd like to change or stop doing?

Again...

It's your ability to communicate and connect with your love that determines how much change can happen in your relationship.

And it doesn't always mean talking either.

For example...

At the beginning of our relationship, we both had some pretty destructive communication habits that we had to break.

At times, Susie felt like Otto's tone of voice was harsh, cutting and critical--and she felt blamed and like she couldn't do anything right.

Guess what--Otto felt the same way.

At times, he felt like Susie became controlling and whatever the discussion was about had to be her way. In other words, he felt like he had no choice in the matter.

We'd retreat to our own corners and wouldn't talk to one another until we couldn't stand being apart and distant any
longer.

We remember how horrible that distance and separation felt.

That scenario played itself out repeatedly until we decided to change it.

It took both of us deciding to slow down our patterns so we could begin to understand ourselves and each other.

It took both of us examining the thoughts and beliefs that motivated our bazaar actions that would push us away from each other.

For us, this was the beginning of learning how to communicate with each other.

You can do that too.

So our question to you is...

What is your communication challenge right now?

Here are a few common communication problems, along with brief suggestions for you to try...

1. The two of you think so differently and you always seem at odds with one another, not often agreeing on anything.

If the two of you are constantly not on the "same page" and end up fighting about it, it's time to sit down and look at what you each value (what's important to you) and why.

Now this takes the two of you making a "I'm-not-going-to-get-defensive" pact before the you start.

It may be that you see things so differently because you have two different views on where your lives are going.

This is a time for total honesty about what you want and a time for you to just listen to what your partner wants.

Then you find where the overlap is.

2. Either you or your partner shuts down and won't talk

This "shutting down" when things get tough (or even if they're tough in your mind) is a defense mechanism that a lot of us use.

And it might be the best you can do in the moment.

If one of you shuts down, chances are that the other person tries to force him or her to communicate.

The only thing that forcing does is push the withdrawn partner further into withdrawal and even anger.

We've been in this scenario and it's not pretty.

Of course the one doing the pushing gets frustrated but pushing never gets the withdrawn partner to open up.

Here's a tip from our "Stop Talking on Eggshells" course...

If you're the one feeling "pushed" and withdraw, tune into yourself and notice when you feel those feelings.

You might say something like this from our "Magic Words"...

"It may not have been your intention to push me but here's how I'm feeling when I heard you say ___________."

If you're the one who is frustrated because your partner won't talk about what's wrong and clams up...

Do an "energetic back-up" and tune into yourself, taking your thoughts from what your partner is doing or not doing.

You can use the same "Magic Words" phrase that we gave above...

"It may not have been your intention to withdraw from me but here's how I'm feeling when you walk away (or turn on the tv when we're having a discussion)________."

The trick is to figure out a way to open to each other and understand each other--even a little--for a shift to happen.

3. You each live separate lives and don't have much to say to one another.

This is a very easy communication trap that couples fall into, especially after many years of being together.

The challenge is to recognize when it's happening and then have the desire to get closer.

Communication starts with a desire to rekindle what was special between the two of you at one time.

This common ground or "specialness" may look entirely different from when you first got together.

Remembering why you are together is the first step and it starts with appreciation.

Everyday, at least once a day, turn your mind to appreciating something specific about your partner--and then express it.

It doesn't have to be anything big.

In fact, start small.

If you appreciate something about him, let him know and don't hold back because he doesn't do enough around the
house.

You might think that if you compliment him, he'll do even less.

Not true.

If you appreciate something about her, let her know and she will come closer.

You might feel that you shouldn't have to appreciate what she does for her--that you've been together so long that
she should already know.

Not true.

One very powerful path to great communication--and getting along is appreciation.

If you think your situation and communication challenges are unique, we're here to say that they probably aren't.

Start today to do something about creating better communication so you can create a better life for yourself.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)