Love and Relationship Advice Blog

We've got a couple of big things we want to share with you today as well as a very inspiring and motivating article that has some really powerful relationship insights in it ...

First... We're really excited because we just booked the facility where we're going to hold our first ever "Get Closer" weekend seminar that we'll be doing this spring.

This week, we're going to release the first communication program ever "just for men" ... it's our new "Crash Course In Communication For Men" book and audio program.

More details coming soon on both of these things.

and...

In case you missed it from last week's news...

The fitness fanatic and teacher extraordinaire Jack LaLanne died at his home in California at the age of 96 and what a life he lived.

Not only was he a true exercise and fitness pioneer who many years ago invented some of the ways we still exercise today, but when it comes to relationships...

We also don't have too look to far into Jack's fitness and exercise philosophies to show you how these same philosophies can also work to help you create closer, more connected and more passionate relationships and marriages.

Here's how...

When Jack LaLanne said his famous "LaLanneisms" like... .

"It's not what you do some of the time that counts, it's what you do all of the time that counts" and "Anything in life is possible and you can make it happen"

He could have been just as easily have been talking about how to have a happy, joyous and passionate relationship or marriage.

This is because....

While most people believe that it's normal and natural for our bodies to get sick, break down prematurely. most people also believe that it's normal and natural for love, passion and intimacy to fade away and die after the " honeymoon" period of your relationship has passed, but not us.

Most people also don't believe that it's possible to keep passion and close connected intimacy alive for as long as you and your partner are together but we do and our lives are a living experiment about this idea.

This was really funny when this happened....

A few years ago, we went to a large holiday party and part of the entertainment was a magic show.

The magician was very good at playing to the crowd and getting them involved in his show.

When it came to the "slice your assistant's head off" act, he chose Susie from the audience to be his assistant.

In trying to entertain the audience, he made a few wrong assumptions about Susie and our relationship.

He first assumed that we weren't married because we'd been holding hands and sitting closer than most "normal married couples" during his act.

Then he tried to get Susie to admit that things in her marriage weren't really that good and when that didn't work--he then tried to get her to admit that things weren't as good in our relationship as when we first got together.

Fortunately, Susie came away from the night with her head in tact, and we came away with a deeper understanding of a common myth about relationships in our culture.

This myth is that all relationships and marriages naturally deteriorate over time and this deterioration is just a natural evolution in all marriages or long term relationships.

We just don't agree that THIS myth is the way it has to be in relationships.

This is the same myth about health, fitness and longevity that says you can't live a meaningful, vital and productive
life well into what most people consider to be "old age."

When it comes to relationships, we believe that if both people are conscious in their relationship and want to grow individually and together, they do things on a daily basis that promote growth and a deep connection.

What we do to keep our relationship alive, connected and strong is that we both have consciously decided that that
is what we want.

We talk constantly about the things that are important to us and we head off problems before they become unmanageable and out of control.

We use the "Magic Relationship Words" with each other with fantastic results.

For example, we try to express appreciation for each other every day.

We express gratitude for our relationship to each other and in our prayers each day.

We understand and are conscious that we may never have another moment together in this lifetime and because of this, we make every moment precious.

These are not just things that WE do, but are the common ingredients of every successful long-term relationship we
have read about or heard about.

So, we challenge you that if you are currently in an intimate relationship, begin incorporating one or more of these ideas into your daily life.

Take a cue from Jack LaLanne and ask yourself this:

"What are some things that both of us can do on a daily basis to create a closer connection with each other?"

Then follow through and do them!

If you are not currently in an intimate relationship and want to be, decide how you want that future relationship to be.

Be as specific as possible. One of the things we've found is that the more specific you are in asking for what you want, the more likely it is that it will happen.

Then look for and appreciate those qualities in the men and women you meet.

Relationships are just like anything else in this universe of ours...

They are either getting stronger or they're getting weaker.

Whether your relationships are getting stronger or getting weaker depends on your intentions and what both of you are willing to put into the relationship.

Just like Jack said, "...It's what you do all of the time that counts."

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Where we live in Ohio, the temperature in the wintertime ranges from mildly cold to very cold, depending on the day and what you think "cold" is.

Otto's hot-natured and he leaves the house in short-sleeved shirts while Susie bundles up with a long coat, scarf, gloves and hat.

Sometimes we're a strange sight when we go out together this time of year.

While we might not all agree on whether the outside temperature is cold or not and how best to dress for the
weather, most of us can agree on how it feels when our partner acts "chilly" to us or even "cold."

It's unpleasant and upsetting to say the least.

When this happens, you might know what caused the "big freeze"--maybe it was something you did or didn't do that irritated your partner or worse.

But sometimes you don't have any idea why you're getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment.

Your partner's coldness can show up in a lot of different ways...

-Giving you short, one-syllable answers when you'd love to have a conversation

-Not looking you in the eyes or turning their back on you when you talk to him or her

-Physically pulling away when you touch him or her

-Having every excuse in the world to not make love with you--or not even giving you an excuse

The list could go on and on and we're certain you could add some to it also.

When this happens, you may have tried a lot of things that didn't work (like pleading or pulling away yourself) and you may have just given up until the thaw, which may or may not happen.

Here are 5 ideas from our "Red Hot Love Relationships" course available at to help you more easily create the thaw you want so you can regain your connection...

1. Make completions

It goes without saying that if your partner is being cold to you, open yourself to listening to him or her--and don't get defensive.

The frustrating thing is that your partner may or may not open up to you and tell you what's wrong.

One big reason your partner may not talk to you is that in the past, they've been made wrong and not listened to.

Whether this was you or someone else who didn't listen, your partner doesn't trust that you won't get angry or defensive and the situation just be made worse by his or her honesty.

So if you've gotten defensive in the past (because most of us have) or you've made other mistakes and haven't owned up to them, take this opportunity to make a completion now.

You can start off by saying something like this from our "Magic Relationship Words" course at

"I realize that I've been ________ . I'm really sorry and would like to make it up to you."

Then open up to listening without getting defensive.

We know that this takes practice but believe us when we say that it's a practice that pays off big time in your relationship when you do.

2. Celebrate each other

One practice that we've adopted over the past few years--that we started in our family and now are doing it for our friends--is our special way of celebrating birthdays.

Each person at the gathering, in turn, says what they appreciate about the honoree.

What a wonderful experience to hear genuine, heart-felt words of love and appreciation from those you love!

Too often we forget to celebrate those we love most.

So if your partner becomes cold to you, it's a good time to genuinely appreciate something specific about him or her--not to get on their "good side" but rather to extend love with no strings attached.

3. Live by the "Platinum Rule"

We've all heard the "Golden Rule." To us, the "Platinum Rule" is much more applicable when it comes to creating great relationships.

The "Platinum Rule" is this...

"Do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

In other words, stop thinking that your partner is just like you--thinking and reacting the way you would to situations.

Give up knowing what's best for him or her.

Instead, you might ask something like this...

"Something seems to be bothering you. How would you like me to support you right now?"

When you ask this question, be sure to listen to his or her answer and if you can, honor it.

He may say he just wants some space to be by himself.

She may say that she wants you to just listen and not react to what she has to say.

Whatever it is, just listen with an open heart.

4. Become more playful

As years go on, the fun and playfulness that was between the two of you in the beginning can gradually disappear.

The things that you used to do with each other that were fun, you no longer do. The light way you were playful and flirty with each other is no more.

You may find that you're both so "serious" and it's paying a toll on your relationship.

So bring some fun and playfulness back.

Start doing some things that might be considered playful.

It might be to leave a love note for your partner in a place you know that he or she will find it.

It might be playing a sports game that you used to love--even hitting some balls in the backyard.

It might be doing something spontaneously together that's completely out of character for one or both of you.

Whatever it is, have it as your intention that the two of you will have fun together and deepen your connection.

5. Connect even if your lives are busy

Few things cause disconnection and the "big freeze" more than getting into the habit of not making time for the two of you on a regular basis.

Relationships can usually weather sporadic lapses in making a connection but few can withstand distance and disconnection over the long haul.

So if your relationship has lapsed into occasional pecks on the cheek as you leave for work, short questions and answers that have to do with daily life or meeting each other briefly as you come and go--

Make a conscious attempt to connect with your partner every day in some meaningful way.

It's not too difficult to bring yourself into the present moment and just look in the eyes of your partner if you only have a moment together.

Look at your priorities and see how you might rearrange some of your commitments to allow more time together.

The choice is really yours--how you want to spend your life.

Whatever the "weather" is right now in your relationship, we invite you to try some of our suggestions to help you create even more of what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After the holidays, more people struggle with whether to stay in their relationship or not more than any other time of year.

While the two of us are all about helping couples create more love, passion, and connection in their relationship or marriage, we can't ignore the reality that many people are living in "relationship limbo."

These people want more love, passion and connection but are stuck in trying to figure out whether there's any hope or not that they can have it in their current relationship.

In fact, over 500 of our newsletter subscribers told us that they're living in this "limbo" of whether to stay or go and don't know what to do next.

If you're happy in your relationship and not in this limbo, congratulations--and keep doing what you're doing to create more of what you want.

However, if you're someone who is living with the question of whether to stay or go, we want to help you...

Of course we always offer individual coaching (both in-person and by telephone ) to help people living with difficult questions and situations in their relationships
but for the person who is living with the question of whether to "stay or go"...

We have an important announcement...

Next Thursday evening, January 13th, 2011...

We're going to be offering a special one-time only teleseminar and web audio cast where we will (for the first time ever publicly) give our answers to 21 of the biggest, toughest, most painful, heart & gut wrenching questions you could be dealing with as you consider the question..."Should You Stay or Should You Go?"

What we've discovered is that some people can (and do) stay stuck and live in "limbo" without truly making a decision about their relationship for years.

That's why we're doing this seminar in such a way that you can "attend" no matter where you live completely anonymously and privately.

You see...

The challenge for someone who's living with the question of whether to "stay or go" is not knowing whether to take a step and risk being "wrong" or whether to continue in limbo and see if your relationship rights itself and gets better.

The thing about being in relationship limbo is this...

Being in limbo makes that it's impossible to have the depth of love, passion and connection that is truly possible.

It's like having one foot on the gas and one on the brake at the same time while you're sitting in your car in the garage with the door closed.

The carbon monoxide fumes will choke you to death and you might not even realize it.

Okay, so maybe our metaphor is pretty dramatic but you probably get what we mean and how living in limbo can possibly kill your relationship.

When you take a good look at relationship limbo, there are conflicting beliefs that won't allow you to make a decision.

These conflicting beliefs can be anything that's an internal unresolved conflict for you.

Some of the most common ones people tell us about are:

1. "I'll be happier alone" VS "No, I won't be happier alone"

2. "I see a glimmer of hope" VS "My situation is hopeless"

3. "I deserve to be loved" VS "This is as good as it gets for me"

4. "If I wait a little longer, he'll (she'll) change" VS "Nothing will ever change"

Because of your conflicting beliefs (as well as your partner's), there's very often gridlock and nothing seems to change.

While we can never tell you what's right and what's wrong in your situation, we can help you make sense of it.

That's why we're going to have our special teleseminar and web cast next Thursday evening--so we can help
guide you toward staying for a while and totally recommitting to your partner or to start to make an exit plan that feels right and doable for you.

When you are faced with conflicting beliefs that are keeping you in gridlock and limbo, here's one thing you can do...

You can change your story.

Before Otto, when Susie was going through trying to decide whether to end her marriage of 30 years or not, she had a story that she was swinging on a trapeze and if she let go of her marriage, there was a question whether there would be anyone to catch her or not.

Before Susie, when Otto was going through making his decision whether to end his marriage or not, he had a different story.

His story and belief was that there would be a woman who would want to be with him and want the same kind of relationship he wanted.

In order for Susie to "let go" after her divorce, she had to change her story to one that looked more like Otto's (that she deserved the relationship she wanted) rather than her trapeze story which was based on fear.

Just because the two of us went through divorces before we got together, it doesn't mean that that's the only route to happiness.

There's a possibility that staying in your current relationship is what's best for you and there's also a possibility that moving on is what is best.

There's NO WAY we can know what's best or right for you in your specific situation but here's what we can do...

We can help you sort out the questions that you're living with and help you get out of limbo.

We can help you look at your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs.

Go sign up for our special class right now where we're going to answer 21 of the biggest, toughest and most important questions you may be living with about whether to stay or go.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Happy New Year to you and thank you for reading our blog on how to create better relationships.

As we enter 2011, here's something that was in the news over the weekend that could spell disaster in all our relationships...

In case you missed it...

The headline of the New Year's special edition of the USA Today newspaper declared 2010 as "the year we stopped talking."

We think that's significant and so true...

If you doubt the truth of this, just go to any bar, restaurant or social event and you'll see people NOT paying attention to the people or event that's in front of them.

They are tweeting, texting. Facebooking or viewing something else instead of being present to what's happening around them (especially to the people they're with).

We especially dislike it when we pay good money to go to a movie or a concert and the person beside us or close to us is making noise texting or operating their smart phone in some way.

In the USA Today article, Scott Campbell, assistant professor of communication studies at University of Michigan who studies social implications of using mobile devices, is quoted as saying...

"It (plugging in) can be a good thing. But I also see new ways the traditional social fabric is getting somewhat torn apart."

While we (Susie and Otto ) certainly use mobile devices (though very, very slow at texting), we can see how there can be less time and energy for true communication that fosters deeper connection, especially between people in intimate relationships.

And how our "social fabric"--the way we have traditionally communicated--is getting "torn apart."

Is that all bad?

Maybe not but what we know is that without old-fashioned face-to-face authentic and meaningful communication, a relationship suffers.

We are in no way suggesting that you toss all your electronic devices in the garbage and become a Luddite.

We are suggesting that you become aware of how you're communicating with your loved ones.

Make sure that there's the time and space for the two of you to sit down and talk and share in the old fashioned way--which is face to face.

Since we always want you to have more love, passion and connection than ever...

Here are a few ways for you to start talking more and creating deeper love and connection in 2011...

1. Set some relationship goals.

Think about what you'd like more of in 2011 in your relationship.

No matter what type of relationship--take some time together and talk about what you want and some ways that you could practice that would bring you closer to having it.

For instance, one of our relationship goals for 2011 is having more fun together.

One of the ways we could practice is to keep a list of what "having fun" means to each of us and then do one or more of those things every week--which might mean going to a movie we both like.

2. Increase the amount of time you spend in bed--both sleeping and making love.

Statistics show that most of us don't get enough sleep--and relationships can certainly suffer if you don't. If you aren't sleeping very well, begin some type of meditation or relaxation program.

There are plenty of resources out there that can help.

If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest that you spend more time making love--from a connected space.

If you don't feel connected, make it a practice to feel close and connected before love making.

Talk about how the two of you can increase intimate feelings in your relationship from a place of fun and curiosity rather than blame and accusations.

3. Forget about it.

Forget about what happened last year. It's done. It's over.

If you feel like you need resolution about something that was said or that happened, talk to the other person.

If you don't get the resolution that you want, don't carry that resentment into the new year. Forgive yourself or the other person.

Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or abused in any way. Of course not!

All we are saying is that unresolved grievances may hurt you more than the other person--or more than you realize--because you relive what happened over and over.

If you want more peace in 2011, find a way to get some resolution about what happened to you in the past.

4. Make your relationships a bigger priority by spending more physical time together

Most of us lead very busy lives and we tend to put most everything ahead of maintaining and growing our relationships, especially intimate ones.

We've said this many, many times but the idea bears repeating--People can very easily get "lost" from one another if they don't keep coming back to revitalizing their relationship.

Committing to doing one simple thing like having a meal together once a day--or even one day a week--and talking together can make a big difference in a relationship.

Take this opportunity to call that special person for a "date" and then go and enjoy yourself.

Is there a friend you haven't seen in awhile and you just don't seem to get around to calling and setting up a time to get together?

Are you and your partner constantly moving in different directions and you never seem to be able to find time to even sit down and talk?

We never know how long we have on this earth and we only really have today so make a connection with someone who you care about or even someone you'd like to get to know.

The two of us learned a long time ago that you have to "feed" the relationships that you want to grow. Do something today to grow yours and you'll find more love and fullness in your life than you ever thought possible.

5. Make a change in an attitude that holds you back.

Your attitude toward life and your relationships certainly creates more of the same.

The trick is to change your attitude without "blue-skying" it or telling yourself something that you can not believe.

Here's an example of changing your attitude and the way you think about your partner...

Old attitude--"My partner will never make changes in our relationship."

New attitude--"My partner is my friend and I can start treating him (or her) that way."

What new attitude can you begin to embody that will bring you closer to what you want?

If your new attitude includes being a better communicator with your loved ones, check
out our "Magic Relationship Words" program and "Stop Talking on Eggshells."

6. Find one new (or old) common interest, desire, goal, activity or cause to share with your partner or a friend.

It's no secret that one of the important elements to a great relationship is sharing time and interests. When our lives take us over (and we hear that phrase a lot), we tend to stop doing the things that have helped us keep our connections with each other.

We forget how to enjoy each other's company, whether it's doing something or just "being" together.

What would you like to do together that you haven't been doing lately? Maybe it's something new that you haven't tried yet?

Maybe it's something simple like eating a meal together without distractions or taking a walk together. Maybe it's planning and planting a garden or learning to scuba or ski.

Whatever it is, do it in part for connection.

7. Have more fun.

We would certainly be remiss if we didn't include having more fun in our list.

So our question to you is this...

What's "fun" to you?

Is it being with others, doing something that you all enjoy?

Is it being with your loved one having a quiet evening at home snuggling on the couch?

Is it playing with your children or grand children?

Is it learning something new that you love to do?

Is it laughing at a silly movie?

Whatever it is, decide that you are going to do more of it during this year.

If you do, you'll find that your life and relationships become filled with more love and deeper connection.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)