Separate your emotions from your thoughts.

You might hear yourself saying out loud or thinking thoughts that only reinforce your current view of yourself as a victim.

It would be inaccurate and probably unhelpful for you to pretend that what happened to lead to the break up simply didn't happen.

At the same time, it is just as unhelpful to stick the label "victim" on yourself. We are NOT in any way diminishing the very real pain and experiences that you may have had. Some of these experiences were possibly even traumatic*.

But, what we encourage you to do is to separate out your emotions from any thoughts that are keeping you stuck in "victim mode."

Get beneath the surface of thoughts like, "How could he have treated me so badly? Are all men/women like this? Can I ever trust anyone again?"

You could spend days and months and years asking yourself questions like these and never really get to satisfying answers.

Instead, direct your attention to uncovering the emotions that are there with the thoughts. When you acknowledge that you are feeling sad or angry-- or whatever you are feeling-- and you let yourself feel those emotions, then you are on your way to getting unstuck.

You will be better able to release the pain and the past.

Try on a new label for yourself.

As you get more directly in touch with the feelings you are having, start to think of some different ways to label yourself.

Words have power and you can deliberately use that power to make a shift away from feeling so miserable about your break up or divorce.

For instance, rather than telling others that, "I was dumped" or "My ex deceived me and broke my heart," re-phrase it.

You can offer the same information without cementing yourself into that role of the victim.

You might tell an acquaintance that, "My relationship ended" or "My ex had an affair and I left the marriage." These describe what happened without making you the helpless person who was victimized.

What we encourage you to do is to continually make shifts that are genuine and real...but that help you move from thinking of yourself as a victim and, instead, seeing yourself as a survivor and (when you feel even better) a thriver.

When you stop labeling yourself as a victim, does this mean that you'll lose out on all of the sympathy and comfort that you might be needing right now?

Not at all.

In fact, you can free yourself up to make honest requests of your friends and family for the kind of support that you want when you make this kind of a shift.

There is a certain clarity and knowing that comes with allowing your emotions to move through you and release. There is also a sense of deserving love and support when you stop feeling like a victim.

This will help you not only to feel better and better, but it will also gradually open you up to creating the kind of future for yourself that you want.
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*Seeking the help of a professional counselor, relationship coach or therapist might be advisable if you have experienced abuse or trauma in your ended relationship or the past.