3 Ways to Avoid Divorce and Make Your Marriage Better
We were fascinated the other day to see an online article about the "15 Jobs Most Likely to End in Divorce." for 2010 Even if you're not in one of these professions, because so many couples are ending their marriages, it's easy to get caught up in the fear that your marriage will end in divorce too.
It doesn't have to be that way. Even if you or your spouse is working in one of these jobs, you can create ways to keep your relationship alive and growing.
That's the secret--to consciously do things to keep your marriage growing and not lose each other by allowing "life" to take over.
Whether you or your spouse is working in one of these jobs or you're in other jobs, you can beat the odds. Here are 3 ways you can avoid divorce and keep your marriage strong...
1. Give up the Need to be Right
There are many reasons why you may blame, judge and have the need to be right, especially with your intimate partner. Much of it is done unconsciously and is just part of how we've learned to be human.
You may have seen your parents blaming and judging and it feels “normal” to you to be this way. There might be the unconscious or conscious idea that the more you blame, judge and prove that you’re right, the more likely your partner will change and do what you want. If you just “shout” loudly and often enough, the other person will change.
It doesn't work that way.
In our view, when you start blaming, judging or feeling that you are right and your partner is wrong, you have two choices:
***To continue to act out of fear and entrench yourself as the martyr or victim, telling all of your friends or your partner (over and over) how he or she is wrong and you are right; Or
***You can begin the healing process by giving up the attachment to the need to be “right” and spend your time and energy on whatever is necessary to heal the relationship.
Stop your unhealthy behavior by taking responsibility and acknowledge what you are doing. Make an agreement to help each other when blame or judgment creeps in between you or if one person is trying to “fix” another. And above all, you can start looking for what is right in your relationship rather than what's wrong.
2. Make Connection a Priority
As human beings, one of our deepest desires is a connection with other people. This connection means something different to each one of us.
Very often, the challenge for most of us is that we are either consciously or unconsciously doing things that create disconnection instead of connection.
We define a connected relationship as one where there is strong trust between two people. There is unconditional love and acceptance, even when there is disagreement.
A connection with another is created by focusing on that relationship, giving it the time, importance and energy of something that you value.
It's also created by honoring the other person, wherever they are on their path. In order to create a truly connected relationship, you have to get your ego needs out of the way. Your “ego needs” can take the form of pursuing power over another or insisting on being "right," no matter what.
So start today to create a strong connection with your partner and keep building it every day.
3. Rekindle laughter, fun, excitement and passion in your relationship
There’s a common myth about relationships that says—All marriages and long-term relationships naturally deteriorate over time and this deterioration is just a natural evolution in all marriages or long-term relationships.
We don't agree with that myth. We believe that if both people are conscious in their relationship and want to grow together, they do things on a daily basis that promote that growth and deep connection. When couples do this, their relationship can and does improve with age.
If love is there between the two of you and passion, laughter, fun and excitement are missing, then one of two things is the case-- either you haven't made them a priority or the connection of the heart isn't there.
If you want to keep your relationship alive, growing and filled with fun, laughter, excitement and passion, you have to first want to. You have to decide that the relationship is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. As we've said before, it doesn't matter what you say about your relationship, but it's your actions that speak the loudest.
One more suggestion--You also have to be open to receiving and giving love. Sometimes that’s not so easy if many years of unaddressed and unresolved hurts are in the way.
We urge you to start today to reconnect and bring the love back to your relationship before you too become a statistic.