Marriage Advice for Falling Back in Love with Your Spouse
Falling in love is easy. It's a matter of feeling that attraction to another and then acting on it. It's allowing yourself to feel that urge to want to be with that person above all else and share your life with him or her.
What deliciousness when it happens!
But when that feeling of being "in love" fades, you're left with a pretty hopeless, dismal feeling.
Here's a question a woman asked us and our answer to her...
"I have fallen out of love with my husband for the past 3 years and I am wondering if it is too late to get those 'in love' feelings back?"
Our answer...
Here's the truth--Most of us move in and out of feeling "in love" with our partners. Feeling "in love" is just a concept that means something different to everyone. When things are going well and we feel close and connected--and our beloved is feeling the same, we're in love. When one of us is not, we can find ourselves feeling love for the other but not "in love" at that moment. You may not even like him or her in those moments let alone feeling amorous love.
Now if this distance and disconnection goes on for a long time, it's a serious problem in the relationship--especially if one or both people want more.
Can you rekindle love?
Yes, you certainly can but you both have to WANT it to happen. You can't do it if you have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.
Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship...
1. Decide what you truly want. If you want to rekindle the "fire," then what does that mean to each of you? Talk about how you both like your connection and relationship to be without blame and without getting defensive. Be honest about what really excites you. Just be honest--with yourself and with him--because if you aren't, you risk your relationship completely dying.
2. Focus on your positive outcome. Get on the same page, if possible, and hold that vision for how you'd like to be together. You will have the energy to move toward what you want if you just hold that as your vision for your life.
3. Make this a fun experience rather than something that "should" be done. If you don't make it fun, you're just going through the motions and nothing will change.
Find the time for closeness and connection. It has to feel really good in order to choose an activity that will bring you closer rather than one requires nothing of you. Even tiredness seems to dissolve when the rewards outweigh the allure of "vegging" out.
From our own lives and from observing the lives of many people, we've found that you can make one of two choices:
You can allow others or circumstances to dictate the course of your life or you can be a conscious creator of your life. The choice is yours.
Look inside you and then take the steps toward what you want.
