Love and Relationship Advice Blog

If you're a woman who suspects that your man is lying or cheating...

We've just created a special report called...

"The 12 Biggest Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect Your Man Is Lying or Cheating..."

And we're giving it to you.

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

(If you're a man and reading this, don't get upset that we're leaving you out. We know that women cheat too! We're working on something just for men so stay tuned.)

This special report is our gift to women who think their men are lying and / or cheating on them.

If you're a woman, this is something you're going to find really valuable if you suspect your man is lying or cheating.

It outlines the 12 biggest relationship-killing mistakes we see women making when they suspect their man is lying or cheating on them.

If you want to download your copy of this report at no charge, go here now...

http://www.IsYourManaLiar.com/12Mistakes

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been all over the national news and the internet yesterday and in case you missed it...

Tiger Woods broke his silence about his infidelity that's been in the news for the last several months.

Although you may be tired of hearing about his affairs and cheating, what his wife Elin told him is certainly worth paying attention to.

According to Tiger during his message to the world, his wife Elin told him that his real apology will not come in words but in his behavior over time.

This is very, very good advice for anyone who is dealing with a similar situation--or for that matter any time we have wronged another person for any reason.

Elin is essentially saying to Tiger that it's going to take time to prove to her that he is trustable or not!

(And it certainly seems that she's still deciding whether to stay or go!)

An apology in words only that is not followed up by trustable actions over time is worthless.

WOW, what a great insight and excellent advice.

Elin's words are also good advice where trust has been violated in other ways.

Recently, we had a message from a woman who told us that she had snooped in her husband's email (he hasn't been cheating on her) and he found out.

She apologized but he lost trust in her.

She realized that because of her suspicions, he wasn't the one who was untrustable--she was.

Now of course, sometimes it does pay to snoop--there are concrete reasons for your suspicions--but in some cases, it can certainly harm a relationship.

The point is that this woman realized that she had to be DOING certain things (or in her case NOT doing the snooping) to prove that she is trustable.

If there's been cheating, the other relationship (or in Tiger's case, other relationships) has to clearly end before trust can be built.

There have to be clear guidelines as to what being trustable means. If you're the one who has been cheated on, you have to come up with those guidelines. And your partner has to agree to them.

The catch is that if your partner is doing what the two of you have agreed being trustable means, as the one who was cheated on, you have to stop bringing up your pain even though it's more than likely still there and maybe overwhelming at times.

In order to give your relationship a chance, if he or she is DOING instead of simply saying the apology, you have to stop the punishment.

If your world has been totally turned upside down because of infidelity, we know that it's easier said than done to quit punishing your partner or even yourself.

Our advice--Figure out what being trustable means, agree to behaviors that create trust, take it slow and watch what happens.

We don't know about Tiger's and Elin's future together (probably pretty dismal) but we do know that trust can be rebuilt if both people want to create the same kind of relationship and future together.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

What if you could know (before it happened) that a tire on the car you were driving was about to have a "blowout" that would be so violent that it caused you to have a wreck?

Would you want to know what was coming before it happened so you could avoid a potentially dangerous wreck?

Of course you would.

But what about your relationship or marriage?

Have you ever said or done something and instantly you just knew that you had pushed someone away?

Have you ever been at a loss for why passion suddenly cooled between the two of you?

Then you may have been using a "passion eraser" without even knowing it..

Passion erasers cause relationship wrecks and if you're not familiar with this term...

A passion eraser is anything that you think, say or do that reduces or eliminates passion and connection from your
relationships and your life.

It can even be a belief that holds you back from giving or receiving love.

Most of us don't take the time to find out what our particular passion erasers are.

But what we know is that we all have to stop using them if we want closer, more connected relationships and
happier lives.

Here are a few example of "Passion Erasers"...

*A passion and connection eraser can be small, seemingly insignificant things like interrupting someone consistently while he or she is speaking.

*A passion eraser can be much bigger things like lying or infidelity.

*A passion eraser can be "gotcha," sarcastic remarks that leave both or you feeling unappreciated and unloved.

*A passion eraser can even be staying in a job that you hate that robs you of your enthusiasm and zest for life.

*A passion eraser can simply be keeping yourself so busy that you don't have time to connect with those you love.

*A passion eraser can be automatically pulling away when your loved one reaches out to hug you, pull you
close, or touch you because you're "too busy," "too tired," or "too" anything.

*A passion eraser can even be when your partner gives you a compliment and you deny that it's true because
you don't feel good about yourself.

So here's our question to you...

What's your particular passion eraser? We all have them.

Here are a few suggestions for identifying yours...

1. Pay attention to your feelings.

Look at them as indicators of what's going on inside you that you may need to listen to. Do you get a sinking feeling or agitation when you talk about money with your partner or or maybe when you come home from work and see a messy house?

Pay attention and then begin honestly addressing what is nagging at you that you may have been ignoring.

2. Pay attention to your physical symptoms.

One woman wrote to us that she consistently had heart palpitations and her eye twitched when she went to work.

If something like this is happening to you, get checked out by your physician and then take an honest look at how you are
dealing with a work or home situation.

What thoughts need to be shifted? What can you do to ease the stress of your situation? Do you have unhealthy
expectations of yourself or of others?

3. Begin looking at how you spend your time and if you are spending your time the way you want to--that's healthy for you--according to your values and not someone else's rules.

There's no more powerful passion eraser than living your life according to someone else's rules and harboring
resentments.

An assessment of your time can help you make a conscious decision if you want to keep doing what you are doing.

4. Pay attention to your thoughts and self-talk.

Are you constantly telling yourself negative things about you or others in your life?

If you listen in and pay attention to your self-talk, it can certainly be eye-opening.

What we tell ourselves does tend to manifest in our lives.

Our advice today to you (and to ourselves) is to look at what robs you of passion of all types in your life. Start
bringing in more of what brings you passion for living and see how your happiness grows.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Valentine's Day is coming in just a few days and we want to help you make it your best ever...

Here's how to not only have the best Valentine's Day ever but to take what you do on Valentine's Day and carry it with you throughout the entire year...

Now through Thursday night, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern Time, we're going to give you the chance to get your copy of ...

"Susie and Otto Uncensored"

This is the juiciest, sexiest, steamiest, most provocative audio about relationships, intimacy and lovemaking we've ever recorded.

You get to download a copy of it at no charge *if * you are one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link only.

Now for a bit of bad news...

We've decided we're only going to give away 400 of these audio recordings.

The reason we have to limit our "Susie and Otto Uncensored" bonus to the first 400 people is because frankly, even though the info on this recording is great and it will expand your possibilities for what is possible in a committed love relationship...

A couple of the things we share on this audio are a little bit beyond our comfort zone and we're not sure we want the whole world to know these things about us.

That's why we're putting limits on this bonus.

Here's how you can get your copy of "Susie and Otto Uncensored" before we change our minds...

Just be one of the first 400 people to get a copy of our friend and colleague Michael Webb's -----"500 Love Making Tips and Secrets" from THIS link... and our Uncensored audio is yours to download at no charge...

What we love about these love-making tips and secrets is (first of all) that they're totally amazing, so much so that they'll send your passion for each other through the roof and maybe one of the best things is...

We've looked over all 500 of these tips and secrets and explored many of them and we can tell you they are not only exciting but great fun too.

So-- if you want to have the best Valentine's Day ever ...

A day that you'll look back on and say it was the thing that turned up the passion in your relationship or marriage for good-- then get "500 Love-Making Tips and Secrets" right now through THIS special link we've created.

The deadline to take advantage of this special offer is Thursday, February 12, 2010 at 12 midnight Eastern time--So, you'll need to order before that to get our special bonus.

The reason we're cutting off the special offer at 12 midnight on Thursday at 12 midnight is that we want to make sure you can get the info before this weekend so you can start trying some new things that will send your passion through the roof.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As Valentine's Day approaches, we all know that this is the season of love, right?

Or is it?

The truth is...

For a lot of couples, even though there might be a special dinner, flowers, or a night out together to celebrate (or not)--there's still an underlying tension or distance that seems to always be there.

The fights, arguments and disagreements just seem to erupt out of no where and neither person knows how to stop the pattern.

If you would like to stop fighting and start loving before Valentine's Day, here are 5 ways you're going to love...

These 5 ways to create more love have worked for us and others and we invite you to try them in your relationship right now.

This way, there's more love no matter what time of the year it is...

Idea #1 Make a Non-Argue Pact

Even though this may sound like a simple "duh" idea, it's actually not that common for couples to do. It takes both people recognizing what they say and do when they get triggered by the other person and recognizing how they each pull away from each other.

It takes consciously deciding not to react from old patterns but rather to breathe and make other choices.

Making a pact not to argue doesn't mean sucking in your hurts and putting on a smiling face when you don't feel like it.

It means being "real" with yourself and with your partner about how you feel without blaming the other.

Idea #2 Use "Magic Words" When You Talk to Each Other

It's a fact...

When it comes to your relationships and getting the love you want...

All words are NOT created equal.

Some words cause fights and arguments and others don't.

In our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio program, we give you over 100 ways to say it right every time when you talk to your spouse, partner or lover.

Here's a great strategy from our program you can use right now to cut fights, arguments and disagreements in half...

Think about this for a second...

One of the ways that many people keep a fight or disagreement going is by blaming and accusing.

You might say something like this...

"How could you say or do that?" or "How dare you..."

Instead of using phrases that push your partner into being defensive and push him or her away, say something that you want more of--from your heart.

You might use a phrase like this from our "Magic Relationship Words" program to help you stay connected even when it's difficult to do it...

If you think your partner is spending too much time away from the house and away from you, the tendency might be to accuse him or her of ignoring you and the relationship.

Use this phrase instead to open the conversation rather than close it...

"I'd love to spend more time with you. How can we make that work?"

Idea #3 Be a Good-Finder rather than a Wrong-Finder

To a great degree, the success of your relationship relies on what you both focus on.

Do you focus on what you want and enjoy in the other person or do you focus on what irritates you?

It is pretty "normal" to get caught up in only seeing what irritates you in your partner.

It just seems that as hard as you TRY to not focus on that irritating habit, it just gets bigger.

Believe it or not, many fights and disagreements are born from these petty irritations.

Just try this for one day...

When your irritation comes up, change it in your mind to something you like, love and appreciate about your partner.

Keep focusing all day on that aspect of him or her and watch what happens.

Idea #4 Appreciate Your Partner

Many fights, arguments and ill-feelings begin and are kept going because one or both people don't feel appreciated in the relationship--and they don't know how to get the appreciation they need--so they do the second best thing...

They pick fights and start arguments to get some attention.

If you feel like you aren't appreciated, your tendency may probably be to withhold appreciating your partner.

Because who wants to appreciate someone else if they don't feel appreciated themselves.

In order to break the cycle, just try some sincere appreciation anyway.

And this appreciation should go further than "thank you," although that's nice to hear too.

* Important *

When you appreciate someone-- be specific in your appreciation.

It might be a loving thought that flits through your mind but you never say because you either assume that he or she knows or you don't say it because you don't feel appreciated yourself.

If you want to cut the distance and the fights between the two of you, start appreciating.

Idea #5 Stop Holding Grudges and Holding onto Being Right

People hold grudges for years about things that sometimes that can't even remember exactly what happened to cause them.

If you're holding onto a grudge and punishing your partner for something that happened long ago but is not happening now--and you find that you bring it up over and over...

Find a way to resolve it.

Don't hang onto it.

When you hold onto a grudge and to being right, there's no room for listening to your partner.

One way to "let go" of your grudge is to open to listening to what your partner has to say with new "ears."

Listen as if this is something new and listen for any truth at all in what he or she says.

If you want to cut your fights in half, resolve old issues, let them go, and focus only on the issue at hand.

There you have it...

5 ways to stop fighting and start loving before Valentine's Day.

Our challenge to you is to not only do these things to create the best Valentine's Day ever but to keep doing them throughout the year!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When we first started offering our program for stopping jealousy called "No More Jealousy" , we didn't realize that cheating in our culture was as big of an issue and problem as it is.

Now of course, we know that not all men and women in committed relationships cheat.

But many are cheating and have cheated and it's a tragedy .

If you are happy in your relationship and cheating isn't an issue for you, we congratulate you both.

Keep doing what you're doing to stay connected.

Whether you're a man or a woman, If you are suspicious of your partner, take some action to find out the truth.

Suspicion can destroy a relationship as deeply as actual cheating can.

Constant jealousy and nagging questions can drive a wedge between the two of you whether your partner is guilty of what you fear or not.

If you're suspicious and you want to save your relationship, your job is to stop yourself from going into the emotional tailspin of sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

Then become the objective observer and start documenting what's going on.

We go into detail about how to get your emotions under control so you can be the objective observer in our new
course "Where There's Smoke There's Fire: How to Tell if Your Man's Cheating Liar."

(Although we wrote this for women, there's a lot of good information for men here also.)

One thing is clear from reading the stories from many of you about how and why cheating happens (and yes, there were some stories about how women cheated as well)...

When the cheaters of both gender were asked if they were cheating, most said "no."

That's why if you're suspicious that your partner is lying or cheating, you probably will not get a straight, honest answer.

You have to do your homework first.

If you fear the worst is happening in your relationship, don't sit on that fear because it will only grow.

Have the courage to take some steps toward discovering what's really going on.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is...

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident...

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" are two different things.

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is...

How do they do it?

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the relationship is over.

We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...

Secret # 1

Couples who stay in love seem to actually talk to each other differently than couples who are headed for divorce court...

Not only do these couples talk to each other differently, but they also use different words than the rest of us when they talk to each other....

They use "magic words" that seem to help open their partner instead of shut him or her down--

They use words that keep their partner interested instead of bored--

In any relationship, what we've found is that words can wound and words can heal.

We've found that the right words truly can make all the difference between whether you stay in love or your relationship becomes a divorce or breakup statistic--

That's why we've put together a collection of the best words you could ever say to your partner if you want to stay in love or even rebuild a love that's faded over time.

We call these "Magic Relationship Words."

And if you'd like to have our collection of 101 of these magic words and phrases to help you say it right with your
partner, you can download them here... http://www.MagicRelationshipWords.com

Secret #2

Couples who "fall in love" AND "stay in love" over a long period of time "ditch competition."

We can't tell you how many times we've seen it in our Relationship Breakthrough Coaching work with couples...

Couples compete with each other about big and small things (even in playful ways) and sit around in amazement
when the life has been sucked out of their relationship or marriage and they are left wondering...

Why?

The reason is simple:

In our opinion, there is no room for competition in a relationship between couples who are intimate partners or married.

If you doubt whether this is true or not...

Try this...

The next time that you and your intimate partner or spouse have a friendly little competition about anything, when you are finished, ask yourself one very easy question:

"Do I feel closer and more connected to him or her or do I feel distant and more disconnected?"

We're willing to bet that you'll feel more disconnected if there is any kind of competition between the two of you.

Of all the people we have ever worked with personally and those who have gone through our "Should You Stay
or Should You Go?" program for deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship.

Not one of these people has ever said to us...

"I feel like we're really on the same team here--we're splitting up!"

It just doesn't happen.

Here's the Susie and Otto rule for this:

In order to "stay in love," make sure that you and your partner or spouse ALWAYS play on the same team.

The potential challenges, upsets and heartbreak are just too great if you don't.

Secret # 3

Couples who "fall in love" AND "Stay in Love" remind themselves and each other regularly about what they like, love and appreciate about each other.

Just last night, Susie asked Otto...

"What do you most appreciate about me?"

To many people, it may seem kind of silly for a couple who's been together as long as we've been together to be telling each other what we appreciate about each other all the time.

But it works--

Try this with your partner every so often and notice the difference it makes in your relationship.

Simply say to your partner:

"Something I really appreciate about you is____________"

And then fill in the blank with what you like, love or appreciate about him or her.

This alone can sometimes work miracles in a relationship or marriage.

As you may know, we just came out with a brand new program specifically for women who want to know whether their man is lying to them or cheating.

While we were putting together this program, we couldn't help but think about how much less frequently this would occur in relationships if both men and women appreciated each other more.

Please know that we're not naive enough to think that in all cases simply "appreciating each other more" will solve all your relationship ills.

We're not suggesting that at all.

What we are saying is that it's been our experience that when you tell your partner, spouse or lover how much you like, love and appreciate him or her in specific ways on a regular basis, --your relationship really sings.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)