Love and Relationship Advice Blog

We hope you haven't made the same mistake we have.

In fact, this isn't like us at all.

it's already the middle of January and we're just now getting around to thinking about and working on our relationship, life and business goals for 2010...

It's not an excuse but it's a fact...

We've been so busy working on a brand new relationship program for you that will available soon that we've totally blown past the last few weeks.

Up until now we haven't put much thought into thinking about or setting any new goals for 2010.

When we realized this a day or two ago...

We asked ourselves a really important question:

What are some things ANYONE (including us) could start doing right now that would have an immediate positive impact on their love life and relationships in 2010?

So, we came up with 10 tips you're going to love...

1. Spend more time really connecting with other people.

Facebook and twitter are great tools for connecting-- but to us, it's the personal interaction of in-person or telephone communication that we think really connects us.

Let's face it.

When you're facebooking and twittering (or doing any of the many other forms of social networking) in most cases you're doing other things too.

You're multi-tasking.

Nothing wrong with multi-tasking but if you really want to build strong lasting connections, it's always best to do it one-on-one and to make sure you're totally "present" when you're with another person.

In fact, when you're jealous of your partner in social situations (and he or she really isn't doing anything to warrant your jealousy)--you aren't connecting and being present with the people you're with.

Your body might be standing there and you might be talking but your attention and mind are on who your partner is talking to and what he or she is doing.

You're multi-tasking when it comes to being with others--and that's a recipe for disaster for your intimate relationship as well as your other relationships.

2. Spend more time in the bedroom.

In our book and audio program, "Red Hot Love Relationships", we give you 77 ways to turn up the heat in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom if you want more
intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner or lover.

It's seems like such a simple suggestion but if you want more love, connection, passion and intimacy...

....spend more time in the bedroom.

No TV. No Kids. Just Laugh. Love. Talk. and Connect.

Whatever that means to you.

3. Spend more time loving yourself.

How often do you spend time beating yourself up?

If you're like most people, much more than you realize.

One important question we like to ask around this topic is--"What is the most loving act you could do for yourself right now?"

Not what you could do for someone else or your community but YOU.

Give yourself the gift of loving you.

Start by just acknowledging one thing you like, love or appreciate about yourself and then you might want to turn it into a full blown love affair with you.

4. Forgive Yourself.

That's right... forgive yourself for whatever you are holding onto that you resent yourself for.

You'll be much freer, lighter and much more fun to be with if you do this.

Most of us are carrying years of resentments from things we wish we would have handled differently, relationships that would have been different, times you wish you had been more loving or kind or even things like financial deals gone bad or punishing yourself for getting fired or laid off from a job you really wanted or needed.

It's time to forgive yourself.

5. Spend more time alone in solitude or meditating.

Even if it's 5 minutes a day, spend time alone with just your thoughts and allow your mind some space to slow down and stop racing.

A couple of months ago, we started a new meditation practice that we do for about 10-15 minutes right before going to bed that makes a big difference in both of us--both in our night's sleep and what we're like the next day
when we do our new practice.

Something as simple as taking a five minute walk alone every day can work miracles in your life.

You might even simply take a 2 minute deep breathing break.

The key is to find some time every day to be alone.

6. Say something nice, positive or uplifting to your partner, spouse or lover at least once a day.

This is such a simple thing.

Everyone loves wants to feel loved, appreciated and understood.

Telling them something small like "I really loved seeing your smile last night at dinner" or "I'm so proud of you for
the way you've been doing __________" or "I'm glad you're my partner, husband / wife, friend" can really make your relationship sing.

Try it. One positive thing a day. Who knows, you may want to do more than one a day after you see what it does for you and your relationship.

7. Stop Talking On Eggshells

Life's too short to hold back from opening your heart and mind to the people closest to you.

If there is any part of you that worries about what someone else's reaction might be or what they'll say think or how they'll react when you share what's real for you-- then we suggest you download a copy of our
"Stop Talking On Eggshells" program right now

One word of caution here about giving yourself permission to "Stop Talking On Eggshells"-- when you do this, don't think this gives you permission to go overboard and treat the other person any way you'd like just because you make a new decision to not hold back any more.

8. Learn To "Question Your Thoughts..."

This is something we've learned to do over the past few years that has changed EVERY aspect of our lives for the better.

What we find is that our minds work overtime.

If you're like most people, you're constantly thinking and believing thoughts that take you away from what it is you want.

What we're suggesting you do is to "question" your thoughts that you think that take you away from what you want to see "Are they true?"

Most of the time they aren't true--no matter how much we want to believe them.

9. Commit, really commit to being In whatever relationships you're In...

One of the biggest contributors to pain and disconnection in relationships and marriages is people who are in the relationship but not really in them.

We've had many people who were trying to decide whether to stay in or leave a relationship buy our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" program and then tell us later that they had no idea how much they had already "left" the relationship until they really took a look at their thoughts and behavior.

If you are in a relationship--really commit to it, stay in it and do everything you can to make it the best you could ever possibly imagine.

At some point, you may decide that this relationship isn't right for you anymore. But, if you're in it--commit , really commit to it.

10. Spend less time in your mind and more time in your heart.

This means, spend less time making up stories about how things won't work out, how awful a situation is.

Spend more time finding the "loving" and living from that place of love, kindness and possibility rather than fear.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We wanted to give you a little heads up and let you know to look for details soon about a brand new program we've been working on.

The two of us, along with the rest of our team, have been working around the clock putting together a new relationship program for you.

This is a program that for many people (maybe even you) will be the most important relationship program we've ever created.

We're just about ready to reveal all the details but right now we'll say...

We've spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours traveling all over the country, doing the research and
putting this program together for you and it shows in the incredible information we're going to be sharing with you.

We're really excited about this and think you will be too.

Look for more details about our new program soon.

Have a great day.

Our best,

Susie and Otto Collins

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's a fact ...

No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.

When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?

If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.

If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck--you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.

Nothing new here, right?

We all do this.

Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.

The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.

We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.

When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.

Susie had this happen one morning this week.

She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...

She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.

And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.

In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.

She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment

Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?

Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?

Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..

Please Note: If you're coming into the new year and you're living with the relationship question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship--then don't make this decision without getting a copy of our "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" book and audio program.

It's such a great resource for helping you get clear about what's really going in your relationship and whether to stay or go is the right question you should be asking yourself right now.

If it is, this program helps you to make your decision with more certainty and ease.

Read what Janice wrote to us recently and said...

"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" helped me evaluate a so-so, long-distance relationship which I ended... and then I found my soulmate. thank you!" Janice

So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?

We received a question from a reader yesterday that we thought you'd benefit from as well as our answer to him--that goes along this idea of helping you make decisions...

It's a good one.

His question was not necessarily about making a decision but rather about dealing with the feelings and emotions that hold him back from healing from his break-up.

In other words, his emotions are holding him hostage and clouding his thinking much like Susie's were when she was trying to make her decision.

The man who sent in his question is obviously a searcher and has done a lot of reading and personal work on himself and that's revealed in the quality of his question....

Our reader friend wanted to know which type of techniques are most useful for getting unstuck...

He said that some teachers of relationships and personal and spiritual growth teach...

"Mindfulness lessons where (you) just observe your feelings and let them move from the head 'chatter' into your body."

While other relationship, personal and spiritual growth teachers suggest...

That you "question your thoughts as they come up and their validity" as a way or dealing with ourselves when we get stuck.

So...

If all these teachers are teaching something different--then, what's right?

Our answer is that we teach and use both types and we recommend both.

Pema Chodron is a favorite teacher of ours in the "mindfulness" category.

In a very simplistic explanation of what she teaches--she suggests to allow whatever feelings that are there to be there--not making them good or bad--and in fact, making no judgments at all.

We teach to then breathe into those places in the body that are holding these emotions to move what's stuck.

Become the observer and notice what's coming up for you and together with the breath, those feelings will pass.

Sometimes with intense emotions, this is certainly easier said than done but it works...

We also take another approach with questioning what the mind is running in a loop that tends to keep the emotions churned up.

Byron Katie is a phenomenal teacher of questioning your thoughts to get to what is true.

And when you get to what is true--dissolving the stories you've made up about your situation--you can find peace and actually live your life from a conscious place.

We include techniques like these to help people stop jealousy in our best-selling program "No More Jealousy" t.

Okay, so back to Susie and her decision...

Along with using both these types of techniques to make her decision and to become present with Otto--

We discovered something else.

Because Otto has learned to "stay" as Pema Chodron calls it and didn't get "triggered" or upset by Susie being "distant" during our time together--

He didn't retreat and move away from Susie just because she wasn't present with him.

He kept gently connecting with her, encouraged her to breathe with him until finally she was present.

She could move through her haze of emotion and indecision and meet Otto in a place of love and connection.

Making decisions, even small ones, can be difficult.

We urge you to try different types of techniques to help you move through what blocks you from truly living and loving.

These are just a couple of the many strategies that you can use to make your relationships and life work at a much higher level.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 07:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)