Marriage Advice for 2010--5 Resolutions You Shouldn't Ignore
2010 is almost here AND we have a lot to say about new year's goals and resolutions and here's why...
If you're like us you've been mulling over your goals, dreams and plans for having the best year ever in 2010 and beyond.
We've got some new things we're going to be telling you about soon but...
As we've been thinking about New Year's and beyond here's something that shocked us...
We recently saw a list of the 5 top topics that people create goals around for the new year, and it didn't come as much of a surprise that weight loss was at the top of that list.
But what we thought was weird was that "relationships" wasn't even on that list.
With all the hub bub this year about cheating and infidelity (and we know this hasn't ONLY happened this year)--
In our opinion, there is NOTHING more important than your relationships.
The reason we say this isn't just because we're relationship coaches and we spend most of our time thinking and writing about relationships...
It's much more than that...
It's that if you think about it, everything we do or try to do in life is either about, includes or requires the help of a relationship of some kind.
If you are a parent (or have parents), that's a relationship.
If you work anywhere, you must develop relationships to be successful in your job.
Governments must form relationships with other government organizations in order to be effective and in harmony with one another.
Even something like an engine in a car must have a "relationship" with the other parts of the car in order to work effectively and efficiently to provide transportation for the owner and passengers of the car.
In our way of looking at things, if you're going to have something, why not go for the best?
When it comes to your relationships, if you want them to be better than what you have right now, one of the best ways is to continually find ways of improving them--and that starts with intentions and then setting some goals.
In case you're like us and haven't written your goals or resolutions for 2010 (or even if you never do it), we would encourage you to include some goals about your relationships.
To help, we're offering you a few ideas about how you can create growing, more loving, more deeply connected relationships in the new year.
Here are a few ways that have worked for us to keep our relationship close, connected and growing--and we offer them to you...(they'll work for any type of relationship)
1. Forget about it.
Forget about what happened last year. It's done. It's over. If you feel like you need resolution about something that was said or that happened, talk to the other person. If you don't get the resolution that you want, don't carry it into the new year. Forgive yourself or the other person.
Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or abused in any way. Of course not!
All we are saying is that unresolved grievances may hurt you more than the other person--or more than you realize.
2. Set some relationship goals.
Think about what you'd like more of in 2010 in your relationship.
No matter what type of relationship--take some time together and talk about what you want and some ways that you could practice that would bring you closer to having it.
For instance, one of our relationship goals for 2010 is having more fun together.
One of the ways we could practice is to keep a list of what "having fun" means to each of us and then do one or more of those things every week--even if it means going to a movie we both like.
3. Increase the amount of time you spend in bed--both sleeping and making love.
Statistics show that most of us don't get enough sleep--and relationships can certainly suffer if you don't. If you aren't sleeping very well, begin some type of meditation or relaxation program.
There are plenty of resources out there that can help.
If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest that you spend more time making love--from a connected space.
If you don't feel connected, make it a practice to feel close and connected before love making.
Talk about how the two of you can increase intimate feelings in your relationship from a place of fun and curiosity rather than blame and accusations.
4. Make your relationships a bigger priority.
Most of us lead very busy lives and we tend to put most everything ahead of maintaining and growing our relationships, especially the intimate one.
We've said this many, many times but the idea bears repeating. People can very easily get "lost" from one another if they don't keep coming back to revitalizing their relationship.
Committing to doing one simple thing like having a meal together once a day--or even one day a week--and talking together can make a big difference in a relationship.
5. Do something different.
Doing something different and varying from your routine helps you to expand and grow.
Doing something different--something that excites both of you-can help your relationship to come alive.
Some friends of ours went salsa dancing on New Year's Eve last year. This is the first time in a long while that they had celebrated this holiday away from home--so it was very different for them.
They told us that although they were terrible at salsa dancing, they laughed and had a lot of fun.
We suggest that you try something different that would be nourishing for your relationship.
Comments
Hi, great blog!. How do I subscribe to your RSS feed to ensure I get notifed when you make new posts? Thank you
Posted by: The Marriage Doctor | January 13, 2010 04:37 AM
Thanks for asking--there's an orange square under our photo on the upper right of the main page. Just click on that square and you're in business.
Posted by: Susie | January 13, 2010 01:38 PM
Some good thoughtful advice on improving relationships in this post.
I would like to add, make an effort in communicating with your partner by actually listening to what they say. Do you know what are their daily concerns. When was the last time you took the trouble to find out what makes your partner tick!
Posted by: Ray | January 13, 2010 04:20 PM