According to University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman, men lie to make themselves look better and women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.

Now of course those are generalizations and not true of every man or woman--but if you look closely, you can probably see some element of truth to it in your life.

And the other person may not even call what he or she is telling you a lie--even though it feels like it to you.

This past week, we were at a retreat and stayed in a condo with four good friends.

We agreed to do an exercise that required us to be totally honest with each other and say what we might normally keep to ourselves.

Because this was our agreement, we felt safe in saying what was totally real for us.

It's not as if we usually practice lying to each other but two things became apparent during this exercise...

1. How often we hold back "the truth" because we don't want to cause potential conflict or hurt someone's feelings.

And

2. How telling "the truth" sometimes takes courage and a level of trust that the other person is willing to hear what you want to say.

Now should you say whatever comes into your head?

Not necessarily.

It is important, however, to be able to say what's important to you and possibly the other person.

But what if you feel like You are the one who's being lied to?

The problem is that lying, whether an omission or intentionally giving you false information, tears down trust and intimacy between the two of you.

If you've had jealousy or trust issues in past relationships or in your current one, your radar may really be set on "high" as far as detecting a lie--especially if you fear that he or she is cheating.

In fact, you may be seeing things that aren't really there.

And maybe you're really confused as to whether to trust your gut feelings that tell you that "something's wrong" or "not quite right" but you don't know whether to believe them or not.

So how do you put all these internal suspicions to rest so you can get on with your life?

How do you find out if your partner or another is lying to you or not?

First of all, you have to determine whether you really want to find out the information or not.

Claire was scared that her husband was having an affair because he seemed to not want to talk to her about anything and was really distant.

She was afraid to ask him about it because she didn't want to make him angry and was fearful that he would tell her that he didn't love her anymore and wanted a divorce.

To her, it was far worse to possibly be alone than to know the truth of the situation once and for all.

Eva on the other hand was tired of not knowing whether her suspicions were true or not. She was tired of the stress that she felt all the time carrying these doubts and suspicions around with her constantly.

She was ready to find out the truth.

So, if you think someone is lying to you, (especially someone like a partner, spouse or lover) you have to find out inside you if you truly want to know the truth and possibly live with the consequences--or not.

This is huge.

What's interesting is...

Sometimes the "truth" comes out whether you're ready for it or not.

But sometimes not.

Just be sure that you are honest with yourself that you truly want the answer and then start collecting facts and inconsistencies.