Be Jealousy-Free on Valentine's Day-3 Ways to Make it Happen
Valentine's Day can be a great day to celebrate but if you're jealous or with a partner who is-it can be a day that you dread-but it doesn't have to be.
Note: If jealousy is a problem for you in your relationship, you might want to pick up a copy of our "No More Jealousy" program.
So how can you get through Valentine's Day and even be jealousy free?
Here's the problem with jealousy and Valentine's Day and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues…
Valentine's Day is a day for lovers to express their love for each other in ways that may be a little out of the ordinary. They maybe get a baby sitter and go out to dinner or to a movie. They send cards, flowers, candy, diamonds-something to show love on this special day.
If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, you're probably not feeling very loving toward one another. Seeing
all of this expression of love everywhere that the two of you aren't feeling right now is rubbing salt in the wound.
You may even be comparing yourself and your partner with other people and are feeling alone and sad that you're
coming up short and maybe even a failure.
There are so many expectations about this one day that even if you didn't have jealousy in your life, it can really
create problems.
So what do we suggest?
We suggest that you put yourself and your partner on a 24 hour jealousy diet.
A 24 hour jealousy diet is an intention you create to be free of jealousy for one single day.
Here are 3 ways to help you do on this jealousy diet and actually enjoy it…
1. Stop comparing yourself and your partner to anyone else
Just for this one day, take your focus away from comparing yourself or your partner to other people. Forget about
whatever thoughts that come out about how attractive you are or your partner is.
Sound difficult?
Maybe.
But remember--we're only asking you to do this for a few hours.
And you never know until you try.
So try this when you have thoughts come up about how attractive your partner's co-worker is or how un-attractive you feel…
Take a deep breath and shift your attention inside you, saying something like this-"I love you."
You say this to yourself until you feel some ease in your body.
Try it every time you are envious of someone else or tempted to put yourself down.
2. Communicate what you want
To make your 24 hour jealousy diet really work, you have to communicate with each other about how you and your partner can make this day special.
Before you can do this, you have to figure out what you want and then how to express it.
If you feel like it's difficult to go within yourself and determine what it is that you really want or to express it,
we suggest that you turn your attention to one thing that you'd like instead of focusing on your fears of what your
partner may do or say or how they will react.
Do you want a quiet evening at home-just the two of you? Do you want a truce and a moratorium on the arguments you've been having so you can have a nice dinner in a restaurant? Do you want to laugh together at a funny movie?
Take a moment and think what you'd like during this 24-hour period?
If you're having trouble, we've got a whole course that shows you how to stop talking on eggshells and figure out
what you want and how to share with your partner.
We know that it takes courage to resource yourself and find the courage to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what you'd like for this one day. But if you do, you'll see changes that live long past this holiday.
3. Make the commitment to treat your partner and yourself special on this one day
This may sound pretty far out there right now but in order for your jealousy diet to be success for this one day, it's
time to put down your defenses and your thoughts that separate you-and just treat each other with kindness and
love.
Here's an image to help you…
Put you're all of your comparisons, anxious thoughts, fears about past or future in a trash can by the door. Just throw them in. You can always pick them up again if you want-but for now, throw them in the can and put a lid on them.
You might even put a sign on your imaginary trash can-something like-"Don't open until February 15-and maybe not
even then."
Now, find one way to connect.
It might be letting go of your normal way of being suspicious for just once and just being yourself or maybe
the way you used to be.
It might be stopping yourself from making a sarcastic comeback and just listening.
It might be choosing to smile at your partner instead of frown.
Whatever it is, do something today that you haven't done in a long while that will bring the two of you closer together.
So we'll say to you-Have a jealousy-free Valentine's Day and please let us know if our suggestions helped make this day a better day for you.
Best to you on Valentine's day and every other day.
Susie and Otto Collins
