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Love Relationships:" Are Role Playing and Fantasy Good Ideas for My Relationship?"

couple arguing.jpgWe all have our comfort zones when it comes to intimacy with the special someone in our lives. Some couples choose to intimately connect in more traditional ways while others enjoy a wider variety of sensual activities. What do you do when your partner suggests that you two try role playing or fantasy to spice things up? Is this a healthy way to connect?

Our answer to these questions is that role playing and fantasy can most certainly be part of a healthy relationship and can infuse passion and sense of fun into your lovemaking. But only when both partners agree and feel comfortable with the intimate activities and only when the “golden rule” is addressed first.

What's our relationship “golden rule” when it comes to role playing and fantasy? Ask yourself the question: “Does this take me further away from my partner or closer to him or her?” If the intimate activities you are considering feel like they will bring you closer to your love and you are interested in exploring them, go for it! If not, take some time to go within and look at the possible blocks to what's being suggested and talk more about it before making a final decision.

The hit movie “Twilight” about a teenage young woman who falls in love with a vampire has not only enthralled teenage girls, but also (predominantly) women of all ages. The book series and movie centers on the intense romantic relationship between the two main characters: Bella-- a human teenage young woman and Edward-- an oh-so-attractive and chivalrous vampire. It's quite probable that many a woman has imagined the man in her life as Edward while making love or perhaps even asked him to pretend to be a vampire during intimate sharing.

This type of fantasy or role playing may be just what both people in the relationship have been wanting-- a bit of variety and excitement. Many of us played dress up games as children and now, as adults, it can be taken to a different level and shared with your partner. But fantasy and role play really has to be shared and agreed to in order for that “golden rule” to work. Bringing you and your love closer together is the goal and guide.

Since this is "Restart the Spark" month, here are some suggestions for you to consider as you "play" with this idea...

Is this a desire to escape or spice things up?

Before you approach your partner with the suggestion that you two include fantasy or role play in lovemaking, go within and examine your needs behind this desire. Are you unhappy or dissatisfied with your relationship or the intimacy between the two of you and the fantasy or role playing seems like a way to escape or even tolerate and “get through” it? If so, the activities you have in mind are probably not going to bring you closer to your partner. Instead, we advise you to pinpoint what it is you would like to change in your relationship, or within yourself, and focus attention on moving in that direction. Escape will not bring you the love and connection you are wanting.

If, on the other hand, you find within yourself an overall satisfaction with your relationship but perhaps a desire to infuse more excitement, spark and variety into the bedroom, that's a sign that fantasy and role playing could bring you two closer together. Of course, every relationship has issues and areas on which the couple can work. Fantasy and role playing are not very effective tools for solving relationship challenges but they can wonderfully enhance and spice up the connection that's already there.

Include your partner in the passionate fun!

You may feel embarrassed to admit to your fantasy of playing Edward the vampire, Bella the sometimes damsel in distress, a superhero, favorite villain or whomever you'd like to pretend to be-- or pretend your partner is for this moment. Perhaps you worry that your love will think you are silly, immature, or somehow deviant to want this. Take the chance and share your role play desires with your partner anyway.

For example, you might start out by telling your love that you feel excited when you watch certain scenes in the “Twilight” movie. If he or she hasn't seen the movie or read the books, describe the scene to your partner and explain the aspects you find especially sensual. Then you might ask your love if he or she would be willing to have some fun and pretend to play the parts in the scene. Be sure to let your partner know that you see this as a different way to intimately connect. Make it clear that, for you, this is about spicing up the passion between you two.

When it comes to role playing and fantasy, when the goal and outcome are to bring you closer to your love, you really can't go wrong. Have fun and allow the passionate play to unfold.


Thanks for the information! My spouse and I are looking for major changes and this website just might be the tipping point we needed!

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Susie & Otto Collins


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