We attended a three day business conference recently and there was a similar theme going on the entire weekend about something called...

The "theory of constraints."

We'd never heard of the "theory of constraints" until this conference and found out that the entire theory is laid out in several widely read business books by a guy named Eliyahu M.Goldratt.

We haven't read the books yet but we got enough info about this idea at the conference to be able to tell you that this "theory of constraints" has everything to do with you and your ability to create more love and connection in your life-- or for that matter to improve or change anything you want.

Here's why...

As we understand it, the "theory of constraints" says that if there is something that you want in any area of your life and you're not getting it, there are constraints that are keeping you from it.

Constraints to having what you want in your relationships or anything else can manifest in a myriad of different ways.

For example...

In your relationships or marriage, a constraint to having more love and connection might be a lack of trust.

We're over-simplifying here but the "theory of constraints" says that if you figure out what the constraint is and remove it, you will move toward what you want.

Here are some examples of what we mean...

**Ken thought that every partner he had would cheat on him so he tended to not open himself to getting too close to
them. Because one person cheated on him in the past, he feared that every woman would cheat.

His constraint was in his fearful thinking which translated into not allowing him to truly open to being close to another person.

**Joan never seemed to have enough, if any, time alone with her husband. He was under a lot of stress at work and she didn't want to add to his worries by bringing up her needs.

Her constraint was that she couldn't tell her husband that she wanted deeper intimacy with him because she was afraid that he would react negatively to her or just ignore her needs.

**Carol wanted to attract a soul mate and no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to find the "right" person to date.

Her constraint was that when she really listened to her self-talk, she discovered that somewhere inside herself, she didn't believe that she deserved to have a partner who would love her the way she wanted to be loved.

So how can you deal with your constraints and allow them to melt away so that you can have more of what you want?

Here are some ideas...

1. Figure out what you want.
Until you know what you want, you can't possibly look at the constraints that you've set in place that keep you from it.

2. Identify what is holding you back from what you want.
Take a moment or two, breathe, and turn your attention inward. Ask yourself what is holding you back from having what you want. And then just listen to what comes up for you.

Don't judge it but just listen.

3. Make a list of actions that you might take to move you toward what you want.
Do you need to learn some new strategies for dealing with a certain problem? Do you need to change your thoughts around a certain issue? Do you need to take some action that you have known that you need to take but have been afraid to do so?

4. Do one thing that will move you toward what you want. Just do one thing.

In our examples, Ken could challenge his thought that every partner will cheat on him each time it comes up.

Joan could find a time that her husband is home and just go and sit with him. She doesn't need to even talk about anything right away but just get close to him.

Carol could begin to start imagining what it would feel like inside herself to have the partner she wants. She can start to notice other couples who have the kind of relationship she wants and say to herself "Yes, that's what I want."

If there's a roadblock standing in the way of the trust, communication, love, passion and connection that you want in a relationship, we invite you to commit to moving beyond it.

We invite you to do one thing this week that will move you in the direction that you want.