Relationship Advice for Keeping Drama Out of Your Relationship
Many people have a secret (or not so secret) penchant for drama. The popularity of reality tv shows is evidence of this phenomenon. And it's not just women tuning in to watch the highly competitive and sometimes back-stabbing among “Project Runway” designers and models for example. High-adrenaline shows marketed towards men like “Deadliest Catch” about the Alaskan crab fishing industry is wrought with tension, fighting, mishaps and roller coaster emotions. Drama is just fine when you choose to watch it on tv, but it can prevent connection in your love relationship.
How many times have you or your partner delved into drama and turned what started out as a minor issue into a big huge deal? Perhaps your partner has a tendency to burst into tears, spewing accusations that you don't care about him or her because you forgot the song that played during your first date. Or maybe it's you who flies off the handle and takes it personally when your mate makes a decision you just don't agree with. There can be a certain thrill or adrenaline rush that, for the person in the throes of drama, at the time seems more prominent than the issue itself.
If this happens in your relationship, what can you do to take the drama out of it?
Psychologists theorize and analyze about what they call “drama addiction.” Some point to an underlying void or depression that the drama “addict” wants to fill. It could be that the person who frequently engages in drama likes the excitement, variety and attention that the outburst seems to bring. We're not interested in labeling anyone an addict. In varying degrees, just about all of us are allured by drama and take part in it. But when drama is prevalent in your relationship, it can serve as a barrier between you and your love. You can't be as close and connected as you'd like to be with the crying, yelling, or other large-scale emotions between you.
What kind of relationship do you want?
Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want to share with your love? Do you want one that is rooted in wondering when he, she, or you will next go off about some action or happening in your lives? Are you satisfied with this pattern of seemingly minor challenges routinely turning into huge obstacles? Or, would you rather be in a relationship where you face issues that come up together, as true partners, supporting one another and coming out feeling closer than before?
We're not suggesting that every intense emotion should be discounted or suppressed because it's “bad” and dramatic. But take a step back and notice how you and your partner tend to interact-- especially when challenging moments arise. If either you or your love seem to be more interested in the reaction than in coming together and resolving the issue, then it's likely the drama is standing in between you two. If you feel that your partner is more prone to drama than you are, don't accuse him or her of being the “problem.” Instead, share with your love that you want to find new ways to communicate and resolve challenges so that you can move closer together in the process.
Can you positively intensify your connection?
If you or your mate are the kind of person who likes some drama-- the rush, the thrill, the excitement-- don't vilify yourself, him or her. Instead, see if you can meet that need for intensity in affirming, connecting ways. How can you spice up your relationship? You two could explore new activities together. Have you ever tried skydiving, rock climbing or other more daring sports? There are certainly thrills to be shared there! You can always open up to more variety and excitement in your lovemaking as well. Discover different sensual ways to share love with your partner and revel in the intensity of pleasing emotions.
Drama is not necessarily a “bad” thing. After all, it is deeply and strongly felt emotions that probably led you to this person you love and the same depth of feelings that keeps you drawn to him or her. Let go of those dramatic habits that take you further from your partner and allow yourself to explore the positive side of drama!
