Divorce Tips on Making Life Changes
When you're going through a divorce, many changes are happening. You may now be living by yourself-- or parenting by yourself. Your home and surroundings might be different. Even the bed you used to sleep in may have changed. And if things like your home, surroundings and bed are the same as when you were married, those reminders might be painful for you. It could be the case that you want nothing else to change about your life-- you
just want a little stability right now. It could also be that you want everything to change and start literally fresh.
We encourage you to give yourself the space and time to alter what you want to. The action, or no action, needs to come from you and not from what you've been told you should do. Be patient with yourself because these desires for change (or not) will probably shift as you go along. Perhaps you want to leave behind any remnants of your past marriage, even move across the country. This indicates that you probably could benefit from getting away.
You don't have to take the radical step of re-locating, however. You could arrange a vacation and see how it feels once you are away. You can still move if that's what you decide to do. On the other hand, you might not want any more upheavals in your life. Perhaps you and your children are staying in the house you lived in during your marriage and you continue to eat at the same favorite restaurants. This is ok too. If the stability of continuing your routine as you adjust to a new life is helpful, then do that as long as you need to.
Here's Lauren's story to help you see possibilities in your life...
Lauren has been divorced from Rick for just about 6 months now. She and her son, Trey, are still living in the same house, same small community, and following their usual lives when Rick and Lauren were married. She is not pretending that the divorce didn't happen in some sort of denial mode however.
In fact, very scary and overwhelming things have been happening for Lauren lately. After the divorce, she and Trey were in a car accident; she lost her car and, with no public transportation in their small town, and she had to quit her job. Lauren's family continues to urge her to move to a larger city with more opportunities where she'd be less isolated. But she's decided-- for now-- to stay put.
For Lauren, not making changes gives Trey and her a certain ease because they are in familiar territory. This decision also makes financial sense-- for right now. Rick is continuing to help financially and, until the house can sell, staying put means Lauren doesn't have mortgage AND rent payments to make.
Listen mostly to you.
If your post-divorce circumstances are anything like Lauren's, you may be getting a lot of advice from people who care about you. These friends and family may have some helpful things to say-- or not. It is up to you to sift through what you are hearing and only use what feels useful. It's up to you to thank someone for their suggestion and ask him or her to give you some space or to change the subject. Take regular time to go within and determine what you want for yourself and, if applicable, your kids. You might even keep a list, drawing or symbol of the life you'd like somewhere you can easily see it to remind yourself of the direction you are heading. This vision may change and that's ok too. Just keep to what you want for you.
Act when you know it's the right time.
Lauren is aware that one day she and Trey will sell their house and leave the community they know so well. She will find a job, transportation, and a new home. But that isn't today. Lauren trusts that she will know when the time is right for this major change and, for now, is learning to cope with the other changes-- some she has chosen and some she hasn't. If you stay tuned in to yourself and really listen to your inner guidance, you will know when it is time to take steps and make changes. These may not be easy, but a strong voice within you will let you know what to do and when. That “voice” may be in the form of your spiritual source or it may just simply come to you.
Change is not easy for many people even in the best of times. It is essential that you do whatever you need to do to provide quiet, reflective time alone when you are feeling calm. It is during these times you can make clearer decisions about what to alter about your new life and what to keep the same. Trust in your inner guidance and remember that you really do know best.
For more tips on creating a new life after a divorce, visit http://www.howtohealyourbrokenheart.com
