Jealous and Insecure Behavoir: 4 Ways to Stop It
Here's a question from a visitor that is a common one when you're dealing with jealousy issues...
"How do you get over being insecure? I've been told I'm a little insecure and jealous in our relationship but I have my reasons of feeling that way. How do you become easy going and carefree, not worrying about the future or next step in the relationship? We've been together for almost 2 years now and have had a rough road but we've had some really good times as well. Is it worth staying in this relationship?"
We're sure that this person has her reasons for feeling insecure and jealous in her relationship--most people do who battle the green-eyed monster. Here are a few ideas for you to consider if you can identify with her question...
1. You don't go from feeling insecure and jealous to feeling easy-going and carefree, not worrying about your relationship overnight. You have to let go of your tension and step into believing in yourself a step at a time.
2. One of the first steps is to figure out what your "reasons" are for holding on to being insecure and jealous. Did your partner (or someone important to you) in the past leave you for someone else? Is your current partner doing things to make you mistrust him or her? What thoughts are keeping you stuck?
3. Take one step toward empowering yourself. If what you are holding onto happened in your past and is not happening in your present, you have to be the one to change them when they come up to more empowering ones. You can tell yourself that that was in the past and this is now. You can change your habit of thinking that you will be dumped or whatever it is you fear will happen again to envisioning something better for yourself.
If your current partner is doing things to fan the flames of jealousy and insecurity, then you have to decide if you can come to any agreement about how you want to be together. You may have a different idea of how you want to be in a relationship than your partner. If this is the case, find out what he or she wants in your relationship and find out if the two of you can come together--on the same page--more of the time.
4. Focus on what you want rather than what you don't want. So often, when someone is insecure and jealous, there's the tendency to focus on what's lacking and not what you want. If this is you, try focusing and moving toward what you do want. Be willing to share what you want and if there's no way that you can have that with this person, consider whether you want to stay in this relationship or not.
If you are carrying memories from past relationships into your current relationship, stop focusing on those memories and what happened in the past and look to a different future. If you are unhappy with your partner's conduct, take steps to decide what kind of relationship you want and find out if your partner is interested in the same kind of relationship.
What might be one small step you could take toward what you want?
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