Love and Relationship Advice Blog

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

1. Love the differences.
Look at how the people in your life are different from you in a new way. Look at them as if they are gifts to you to help you expand in new ways.

2. Kill the monster while it's little.
Tackle the difficult issues when they are small and not when they are so large that you can't untangle them without separating the two of you.

3. Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want.
Look at what you want rather than what irritates you and separates you from those you love. When you find yourself dwelling on those things that separte you, switch your thoughts to what you want.

4. Understand.
Listen to understand the other person, even if you think that you know that person's motivations and even what he or she might say. Listen to with curiosity to find out why this person said and did what they did.

5. Stay in the present.
Don't drift into past relationships or past problems or past moments. Stay in what's going on right here, right now.

Stay tuned for more great communication tips.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

When Jill looked at what she wanted, she discovered that she wanted to feel like George was her partner in taking care of the kids and doing the housework. She questioned her “story” about him and she remembered that yes, he did help. He had given the kids their baths and put them to bed the night before. He had even taken out the garbage without being asked last week. She realized that her story that George “never” helped wasn’t true.

Her new intention was that she would acknowledge, even to herself, when her husband did do his share of the work around the house and with the kids. Also, her new intention was to ask for the help she needed in a way that didn’t push him away. Her new story that she chose to run in her head was that they were both tired and they could work out the “home” chores together in a way that was a win/win for both of them.

When George questioned his story about Jill, he realized that he really couldn’t be sure that he worked harder outside their home than she did and that she wasn’t any less tired than he was.

He wanted to keep his connection with Jill and wanted to feel like her partner. His new intention was to be more co-operative and open when she asked for his help. His new story or new movie he began running in his head was similar to Jill’s. During the times when they were equally tired, they could figure out together how to get the “home” chores done and also relax.

What a powerful way to make very big changes in your relationship by simply being willing to look at your situation and the other person a little differently and change your thoughts and stories to what you want rather than what you don't want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Building trust after there's been infidelity can take time--but more than that, it's takes commitment on the part of both people.

Here's a question from one of our readers...

"How can you trust your partner if at one point in time infidelity became part of your relationship?"

Our answer:
Trust is pretty subjective so the first thing we would tell you to do is to get clear about what you mean by the word "trust."

For example--trust that the two of you are going to work on your relationship to reconnect, trust that the affair is over, trust that the two of you will decide the future of your relationship after a certain period of time.

You can only start trusting when you both know what you both want and where you are headed with your relationship.

Take it a step at a time--such as making sure that there is a commitment that the affair is over. What does that look like?

Talk about if the two of you want to revitalize your relationship and to what extent you both are willing to do that.

What's a beginning step to moving toward one another?

Don't try to do "trust" in one shot. take it one commitment at a time. Create your commitments and then follow through on them. If you can take a step forward, do it. If not, don't.

When you look at regaining trust after infidelity, it looks like something that's overwhelming and not possible.

When you break it down into small commitments, it becomes less so.

Get clear first and then work out what being trustable would look like.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can we ever really know if someone is or will be faithful to us?

Here's a question we received recently from someone who wonders whether you can or not...

"I am very commited in my currant relationship and I believe she is. I am constantly working on my trust issues but my biggest question would be how do you know if the other person in the relationship is as faithful and WILL be as faithful as you?"

Here's our take on it...

"Trust" and being "faithful" in a relationship can mean something different for each one of us. We might think that everyone would define those words the same, but in our experience, it isn't true.

For one person, infidelity might be a partner frequently having lunch with an attractive co-worker. To another person, this might not be infidelity.

If there's one thing we believe it's this...you have to define the rules before you can play the game.

In other words, you have to know what each of you want in your relationship and how you are willing to live in it.

So whether infidelity is a concern or not, it's a good plan for the two of you to lay your cards on the table and talk about what infidelity or fidelity might look like in your relationship.

As for any assurances that someone will always be faithful to you?

In our opinion, you can't know but there is one thing that you can know...

The two of you can make the commitment that you will create your relationship in such a way that you are growing together and making it a priority in your lives. The two of you can learn communication skills that will create the environment so that you can talk about a situation before it ever gets to the infidelity stage--whatever that might mean to you.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)