What the Presidential Debates taught us about Relationships
Last night we caught up with Anderson Cooper's 360 CNN program after the Democrate candidate debate. If you saw the debate and want to weigh in on Clinton's and Obama's performances or just to see how other people viewed the debate, you can visit Cooper's blog.
What did we take away from the debate?
As we watched Cooper's panel of commentators, one thing was clear. They were all pointing to Clinton's lack of connecting with the audience, except for her very powerful ending statement. These commentators called the debate a draw but spoke of the importance of the candidate's ability to connect with the public. And without that connection, a perfectly sound candidate with great experience may not make the grade with voters and may not be chosen by them.
So what does this idea of connection or lack of connection have to do with you and your relationships?
Everything.
We all want connection and some of us are better at doing it than others. Some of us try to get connection in ways that don't really work and some of us simply don't know how to go about doing it.
Your ability to connect with others can make or break your success at work, in your marriage or intimate relationship, in your friendships, your family relationships. It can impact how you view your life--whether you think you are happy or not.
Let's take Hillary, for example.
One of Cooper's panel members had worked for Senator Clinton for many years and said that ever now and then during these debates and speeches throughout the country, Hillary did show a side of her that did connect with audiences as she did at the end of this debate.
So like Senator Clinton, some of us are able to connect with others some of the time but not others. It may not be as often as we might like. We might come across as superior, or stand-offish when that is really not what's going on inside us at all.
How do you begin to connect if you find that you aren't doing a very good job of it?
Here are a few ideas...
1. Make eye contact. How many of us go through our lives not making eye contact because we're too busy or some other excuse? It might also be that it's actually frightening to us to look someone else in the eyes. If this is your problem, just start practicing opening to someone else in this way.
2. Share what is important to you. If you don't share what has meaning and importance to you, the other person will not know who you truly are. This doesn't mean that you have to share your secrets, but it does mean that you have to courage to share what has meaning to you.
3. If you begin to get defensive and find yourself in "fight" mode, pull your attention into your body and find out more about what the other person is telling you. Then say what is true for you without defense.
4. Have it as your intention to connect instead of persuade or any other agenda you may have. When you have this intention to connect, believe it or not, it carries over to the other person and that's what you both move toward--connection.
5. Let the real "you"--who you are at your core--shine through as you go through your day.
Now, if we were Hillary's advisers, we might urge her to adopt some of these ways of being--although she certainly is making eye contact with us and sharing what is important to her.
For you, take this opportunity to connect a little more with the people in your life and see how your life
changes for the better.
