Relationship Advice for Staying Desirable for One Another
As we looked at the questions that over 800 people asked us in our recent survey about what's your biggest relationship question--one of themes that stood out most was this...
"How do you stay desirable for one another?"
As we talked about how we'd like to answer that question, Otto came up with a great analogy--
Staying desirable for one another in a committed relationship is like prepared packaged foods-- in a weird sort of way.
Before you laugh at us and think we're crazy, read on...
What keeps prepared foods looking and tasting fresh?
Additives and preservatives, right?
They are the long names on the packaging labels that you have no idea what they are.
Now, by using this analogy, we're certainly not encouraging you to eat foods that are filled with additives and preservatives unless that's something you choose to do.
But we are saying that if you want to stay desirable to one another or re-awaken desire, you have to keep adding things to your life and relationship that will do that. You also need to do things to preserve your connection and love on a daily basis.
Here are 10 ways that we add to our relationship to keep desirability high between us. These are
some of the ways we preserve our love. We invite you to try out a few in your relationship or if you're single, practice with the people in your life.
Here's our list...
1. A no-blame/no-criticism vow
This is a fairly recent vow we've taken to not blame or criticize each other (ever) and so far, it's working great. How does this keep up our desirability for one another? By taking and keeping this vow, we know that above all, we'll stay open to one another, no matter what, and understand each other. Believe it or not, that's a great aphrodisiac!
2. Give each other lots of positive attention
We've noticed that what many people in relationships want, including us, is to feel important to the each other.
This importance is shown by the attention that you each pay to one another. Even if you have a busy family and don't spend much time together, bring your full attention to the time you do spend together.
3. Laugh and play together
We've said this many times before, but we couldn't create a list like this and leave this idea out.
Laughing and playing together is a great way to stimulate and wake up your desirability for one another. When you feel close and connected through laughter and play, you can feel a renewed interest in each other. There can be new excitement that keeps your relationship fresh and growing.
4. Kiss and hug often--(or whatever physical way you choose to show affection
We know that everyone has a different level of desire for physical affection. Find out what you each like and then do more of it. When would you like a hug? When do you like to kiss that doesn't involve (or may) the act of love-making?
5. No game-playing or hiding--Call it if there's something between you
Honesty can be really important in keeping both of you desirable to one another. If trust is in question, desirability is one of the first things to go out the window.
6. Explore new love-making ideas
Be open to expanding your love-making repertoire so you can spice up the special time you spend together. It's important that you are both comfortable with your experimentation--and you'll need to talk about it. There are plenty of great (tasteful) resources out there to help you along if this idea appeals to you.
7. Make a "desirability" mind shift
If you've been thinking how undesirable your partner is, make the shift in your mind to something about him or her that does excite you--or even used to excite you.
Consciously train yourself to focus on what you love about your partner. Does that mean that you ignore what you don't like? No, it just means that you begin seeing your partner in a different, better light.
8. Notice what turns your mate on and what turns you on--and do more of it
We're not just talking about bedroom activities right now--but of course love-making is included in this.
What excites your partner? When does he or she show passion for life? What excites you?
Open yourself to finding out more about that (if it's healthy for you to do so) or do more of it. Begin to share with each other your excitement for life.
Just by noticing and connecting in possibly new ways, you can get a lot of information about how to stimulate desire in all areas of your relationship.
9. Make a commitment to each other that you want to move toward feeling greater desire between the two of you
One person can certainly change the dynamics in a relationship but no one can change another person unless he or she wants to make the changes.
If you both want to increase desire in your relationship, these ideas can get you started doing that.
If you're facing a one-sided situation what you want more desire and your partner doesn't seem to be interested, begin to try some of our suggestions and see what happens.
10. Relax
Many of us carry inner tension around with us and we don't even realize it. One of the most important things you can do to increase desirability may be for both of you to simply practice relaxing that inner tension.
Your inner tension may have nothing to do with your partner (or it may) but if you carry it around with you, it can certainly interfere with closeness, connection and feeling desire.
So each time you come together, as well as several times during the day, take time to check inside you and encourage yourself to relax.
We hope our ideas have given you food for thought.
Comments
You always give good advice, thank u. We, people, don't use enough common sense that the good Lord gave us. We often need a reminder 2 do our part in-order 2 receive/fulfill life. Thank u both 4 making the world a better place & making your information avaiable 2 those willing. & 4 those who r lazy & expect life 2 fall n 2 their hands, maybe your good advice will be over heard & motivate them.
Posted by: Patty | May 16, 2008 10:53 AM