Relationship Advice from "The Bucket List"
The other day we saw the movie "The Bucket List" and although the reviews weren't very good, we were amazed at how much there was to learn from it.
In case you're from another planet and haven't heard about it--the film stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman who play two men who have been told they are dying. Instead of allowing the life to seep out of them, they go about doing all of the things that they wanted to do (and then some) before they died.
As we said, there were many lessons in this beautiful story but the one that stands out to us was Morgan Freeman's line--"I want to die with my eyes closed and my heart open."
We get so many questions asking how to keep your heart open, especially when it's difficult to do so, that this line certainly spoke to us.
So the question becomes--how do you keep your heart open when it's difficult to do so?
Here are a few of our thoughts...
1. First of all, what does an "open heart" mean to you? What happens when you close your heart? Do you want to not get defensive when someone close to you or even a co-worker says something that triggers you? Do want to not strike back in a nasty way that you can't take back? Do you want to not jump to conclusions and make assumptions? Write down how you'd like to be in your relationship.
2. In your mind, make your connection to this person more important than hanging on to being right. Does that mean becoming a "door mat"? Of course not. It does mean thinking about how you love this person, this person is your friend or a valued co-worker who you want to stay connected with.
3. When you find you are triggered or the other person gets triggered (both can close your heart pretty fast), take a few breaths and switch your focus or your attention from your head (you're probably running a lot of thoughts through your brain at these times) to your heart area. When you do, you'll find that there is a softening that happens and you can even feel an ease about the situation.
4. Switch from talking to listening to understand where this person is coming from. We often listen just enough to make assumptions and then jump in with our ideas, suggestions, and opinions. When you truly listen to understand someone (and ask for clarity if you don't understand), you do keep your connection, even if you briefly lose it. This doesn't mean that you have to agree--just understand
Learning to keep an open heart is very individual to everyone but it's not difficult to recognize when you see it. We urge you to begin practicing opening your heart more of the time.
