While nobody can make choices for another person—even your dearest love— we believe that there are steps you can take to help head off an affair before it happens. Essentially, what we’re talking about is keeping your relationship connected, loving, and passionate!

A wonderful movie called “Shall We Dance?” deals with mid-life crises, potential affairs and how to deal with both. The main character is a middle aged man who has it all: great job, great wife and kids, house in the country, etc. Unfortunately, he just isn’t happy. Something seems to be missing as we see him move through his work day, ride the train home, and kiss his wife and kids in the midst of a busy “full” life.

It’s not until he sees a beautiful woman in the window of a ballroom dance studio and follows his urge to go see her that he begins to wake up and experience happiness.

Here’s the big surprise in the movie: he doesn’t have an affair. Wanting to meet and get together with the beautiful woman was what drew the man off the train and into the dance studio, but the happiness he ultimately finds is NOT from this initial urge. Without giving away too much more about the movie, the man does find the passion and excitement for life he is longing for and this actually strengthens his marriage!

Here are some tips to keep your relationship passionate, loving and connected:

Tip #1: Explore what makes your heart sing
Ballroom dancing may not be what makes you feel alive and excited. If you don’t already know what keeps you inspired and feeling good, go on an expedition and find out! This might be something you do on your own or something you share with your love. Either way it’s going to help you stay happier and better able to bring that sense of love and joy to your relationship.

We aren’t suggesting that a hobby or even career will be the one thing that keeps you feeling inspired. It might be that you feel happiness and a sense of excitement from a variety of things such as: uplifting books, hiking in nature, playing a sport, music, or dancing. Make it your goal to treat yourself to one activity a day that makes your heart sing!

Tip #2: Share the joy
In “Shall We Dance,” the man works hard to keep his growing love for ballroom dancing a secret which contributes to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. While watching the movie, we almost cried out to the man, “Share this with your wife!” Later, the man explains that he felt embarrassed about his new-found passion—dancing.

Take the risk and let your partner know what you find out when you explore what makes your heart sing. It could be that he or she is interested in exploring that same activity with you.

It doesn’t matter if your partner likes to do what you like to do. You can still share with him or her the great feelings you get when you engage in the activity. Even if your partner doesn’t enjoy watching NASCAR racing the way you do, you can still connect about the excitement you feel. In turn, you can listen and share in the inspired energy your love feels when talking with you about the wonderful musical he or she just attended. You don’t have to have the same joys, but sharing the feeling of joy will keep you close and connected.

It is the sharing that is essential here. When you close off from your love how you feel when you are at your best—doing what you love to do—you are closing off intimacy in your relationship.

There are no 100% guarantees in life and the same goes for marriage. But there are steps you can take to keep your marriage healthy, connected, and passionate. Step off the train of the everyday routine that may feel lacking. Explore what makes you feel excited, joyful and and alive and then share those feelings with your love.