Since discovering the "helmet head" term, we've determined that we all become one at various times in our lives and over various issues.

The trick is to become aware when you are being one and then learn how to take the "helmet" off to create the best possible relationships and life for yourself!

So, what's a "helmet head" anyway?

Can you remember a time when you tried to explain something to someone and no matter how hard you tried, they just didn't seem to be able to "get it" or open to another idea.

Have you ever encountered someone who was so set in their ways that they almost appeared to lack the capacity to even understand that there was a new or different way of doing something or being?

What about the person who knows what they should do to make their relationships and life work at a much higher level and they still don't do it.

A great example of this is a woman who we know who is lactose intolerant and in a great deal of pain after she drinks milk. No matter how many times we suggest that she drink rice or soy milk, she doesn't seem to "hear" our suggestion and continues to act in a way that hurts her.

What we're calling a "helmet head" is being in that frozen place where we can't see another possibility and are closed to a new idea or solution.

Many years ago, Eddie Murphy played in a movie called "48 Hours" and in one of the scenes early in the movie, Eddie covered both of his ears and shouted repeatedly as loudly as he could...

"I'm not Listening, I'm not listening, I'm not listening."

These are just a few examples of what it's like to be a "helmet head" and we could go on and on--but we think you get the idea and probably can identify with a time that you have acted in this way.

The point is that when it comes to your relationships and your life and what it takes to create more love, passion and connection, there really is no difference between the person who cannot see and the person who chooses not to see.

It's quite a visual to imagine someone sitting in a chair with a helmet on that's even more dense than a motorcycle or football helmet. As long as the person is wearing the helmet, they are closed to new or different thoughts and ideas.

In other words, they are shut off to the possibility that something more, deeper or better really is possible if they would only open their mind and their heart.

Most of the time, the person who is being a "helmet head" is stuck, frozen or simply unaware and doesn't even recognize what's going on within their own heart, mind soul and in their life as a whole that could be different if they were only open to it.

Here are some suggestions for recognizing when you are a "helmet head" and what to do about it when you are (or someone you love is being one)...

1. Begin to pay attention to what's happening in your body and the stories you tell yourself when you are talking to someone and you are triggered by what they say.

When this happens to Susie she feels herself pulling back and feels turmoil in her stomach. She might even think thoughts that are the equivalent to Eddie Murphy's "I'm not listening."

2. When these thoughts and feelings happen within you, mentally bring yourself into the present moment
and encourage yourself to open to the possibility that there might be another way of looking at the situation. For example, there might be another way to clean up after dinner than the way your mother did it.

3. Replace "I'm not listening" thoughts with the wonderful concept that Pema Chodron gave us-- "stay." Stay present and open to the other's view-point and ideas. It doesn't mean we have to accept them but there just might be something new there for us if we really pay attention.

4. Admit when you are being a "helmet head," maybe laugh about it, ("Oh I'm doing it again!") and do it differently the next time. None of us is "perfect" and know that part of the growth process in relationships is learning to be lighter with ourselves and others, while trying out new ways to love more.

5. If someone in your life is being a "helmet head," it won't do any good to call them that unless you have that agreement and can laugh about it. In our own relationship, we've discovered that when we "catch" each other doing it, it's usually time to look at ourselves.

You can also ask the other person to listen while you speak, in a loving way, and then speak from your heart without accusations or putting the other down.

Being a "helmet head" isn't a whole lot of fun but we all continue to wear "helmets" at one time or another.

We invite you to take those "helmets" off and open to the possibility of more love and joy than you ever thought possible in your life.