A Relationship Lesson from Sophie
Did you know that one of the biggest ways that hold people back from connecting with others and creating great relationships is the stories they tell themselves.
This idea that the "stories" we consciously or unconsciously create and live by is one of the major keys to the success, (or unsuccess) happiness and fulfillment in both our relationships and our life.
The two of us talk about examining the stories we tell ourselves so much because this idea has helped us create better relationships in our lives, as well as the lives of so many others.
Recently, a friend of ours told us about a "story" that she had been telling herself about her dog that we thought was a very wise relationship and life lesson. We got her permission to tell her story and we wanted to pass it on to you.
So, here goes...
Our friend Angela has a 10 year-old mixed breed dog (Lab, Great Dane, shepherd) and they love each other very much. For the past few months, Sophie (the dog) hasn't been eating, has been very weak, lethargic and her kidneys seemed to be failing so Angela was wondering if Sophie was going to die soon.
In fact, Angela found herself thinking and talking about Sophie's death a lot of the time--even though Sophie was still alive. She was also beginning to feel that Sophie was withdrawing from her.
Angela's "story" about Sophie was that she would die soon and Angela's loss would be and was already almost too much to bear.
A couple of weekends ago, Angela "dog-sat" for Sophie's friend Mulligan who is quite a bit younger than Sophie. During the weekend, Angela was surprised to see that Sophie ran and played with Mulligan and seemed to have a lot of pep and energy.
That weekend Angela realized what she had been doing. She had been telling the "story" that Sophie was going to die soon and leave her alone--and Sophie complied by acting old, sick and ready to die.
Angela realized that if she changed her "story" about Sophie to enjoying every minute she had with her and enjoying her "life" instead of focusing on her death, both of them would feel better.
Does that mean Sophie will live forever?
Of course not but it does mean that whatever time they have together will be richer and happier with Angela's new story.
What a great lesson for all of us!
If we all focused on what we wanted and liked about other people in our lives, how much better all of us would feel and how much happier we would be.
So a few questions to ask ourselves are these...
In what areas of my life and in what relationships do I need to begin focusing on what I want rather than on
what I don't want?
What "stories" am I telling myself that actually keep me from having what I want and may be damaging my
relationships?
Am I putting up roadblocks to the relationship I really want by saying or thinking that "when they do this (fill-in-the-blank) then I'll open myself to them more of the time?"
In other words, are you taking an "if, then attitude" that says "if then or If only something outside of me happens, then I'll be happier, more open or more something."
We all constantly make up "stories" about ourselves, other people, and our relationships. Some "stories" end up keeping us separate from those we love and actually harm our relationships. We even make up stories about how much healing we've done or not done or what issues in our lives still need some examining.
We invite you this week to answer our questions and begin focusing on your life the way you want it to be rather than what you don't want.
