Relationship Advice about Fantasies and Crushes
Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.
In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.
In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.
"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.
So the question is this...
Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?
Of course you can and here are a few ideas that may help...
1. If you are having a fantasy or "crush" on a celebrity or even a person you see every day, quit judging yourself for a few moments and look inside yourself for some answers. Ask yourself why you find this person attractive. What feelings are present inside you when you think of this person?
2. You might discover an element of mystery, excitement, risk, "bucking the system or the tribe" or any number of other feelings that arise. Whatever they are, look at them without judging them. What seems to be missing?
3. Now ask yourself how you might incorporate any or all of these elements into your life. It might mean spicing up your love making with your partner. It might mean that you take up a sport or hobby that allows for some excitement and mystery.
Whatever you find is underneath your attraction and fantasy, don't let it interfere with a heart connection with a partner, if you have one. Allow it to enhance your connection and lead the way to experiencing deeper pleasure and love.
