Love and Relationship Advice Blog

If you live anywhere on this planet, we're sure that you've heard that this has been a big month for Harry Potter fans. Not only did the "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" film debut but also the 7th and final Harry Potter adventure in book form reached the shelves.

We know that a lot has been written about the meanings of the films and the books and we couldn't help adding our two-cents worth--about how to create great relationships.

To us, one of the main themes in this current Harry Potter film is that we all have the possibility to do good and to do evil--and love wins out in the end.

So what does this have to creating great relationships?

Plenty.

So often, we label others (loved ones included) and ourselves as good or not so good. Whether we actually use judging words or these are mental judgments, these labels build walls and separate us.

If we are judging and condeming ourselves, we only create more of the same if we keep that negative thought going.

If we are judging and condeming others, we only draw more of this negativity to us and the situation only seems to get worse.

So what has to happen when we feel judgment bubbling up in our minds?

What we've discovered is that if judgment comes up, it's a sign that we need to love ourselves at a deeper level. When we do, the situation begins to smooth out and there's a greater ease either with ourselves or with the other person.

We've been entranced by Joe Vitale's new book "Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More." We can highly recommend it because we know that the concept works.

Although we can't begin to explain it here (we invite you to check out the book), it's suffice to say that when we truly start loving ourselves, our lives begin to change for the better. When we try to go it alone and keep ourselves separate from others, we suffer. When we allow others in and open to their love, our lives improve.

Sounds simple but sometimes it isn't.

Today, we suggest that you stop when you start judging yourself or others and open to loving and understanding instead. This doesn't mean that you are a door-mat. Quite the contrary. When you act from love, either for yourself or for others, you are contributing to the love in the world instead of to hate and misery.

We invite you to choose love today.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you've been in a long-term intimate relationship, it’s likely that you’ve been making love together for many years. You may even wonder why you even need to read an article about lovemaking but keep reading for some surprises that may just help you re-energize your love connection.

You’ve possibly forgotten a few things over the years and there could be some new things you’d like to try out.

Consider these love making tips…

1. Make time for romance and love in your relationship. It’s too easy to give love making a low priority as the lists of life stack up. Couples like this may intend to get to it when things calms down, but it just doesn’t happen. You have to create time in your life for what’s important to you. And, if intimate time together is important, make time for it. Perhaps spontaneity just won’t work for you, instead block out time for a “love date” and make sure nothing gets in the way of that date.

2. Honestly communicate with your partner and yourself if you don’t feel like making love. Sometimes it’s not as simple as it sounds to do this. Whether real or imagined, physical ailments can get in the way of intimacy. Sometimes you may feel too tired or just not in the mood for love making. Whatever the case, be honest in letting your partner know what’s going on and then set up a time when you know you’ll feel better or have more time to connect. If you are experiencing disconnection from your partner, don’t make excuses like “I have a headache.” Face the issue honestly with your partner and you will undoubtedly feel improvement.

3. Let go all concerns—whether it’s the kids, work, or other things—and focus on each other. Clear all extraneous worries, fears, or other thoughts from your mind when lovemaking. If this isn’t possible, tell your partner what’s going on and then go make time for clarity. Take a walk or other activity that will allow for this. You may need to work with your partner on an issue or problem that is distracting you. Deal with that first, then shift your focus to the love you share.

Creating more passion in your love making can happen for you and these are just a few ideas to try. Opening up to new ways and skills will allow your relationship to deepen.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Whether it's Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the Weather channel's meterologists Jim Cantore and Stephanie Abrams--or even your 8th grade science teacher--most of us have been attracted to, have had crushes on and even fantasized about people other than our partner from time to time.

In fact, we just saw a fun article by David Zinkinczko "What His Celeb Crush Says about Him" and although it had the ring of coming from a teen magazine, there was an element of truth about what he said.

In our opinion, these kinds of fantasies and "celeb" crushes are pretty harmless as long as the "perfect" looks, body or personality of the object of the crush doesn't get in the way of connecting with a real, live partner and having a real, live, close, connected relationship.

"Celeb" crushes and fantasies can certainly agitate jealousy tendencies and if the object of a fantasy is a person you or your partner see often--like a co-worker--there might be the temptation to act on the attraction. If that happens, it certainly spells trouble for a relationship and destroys trust between committed partners.

So the question is this...

Can you have your fantasies and still keep connected to your partner and deepen your love?

Of course you can and here are a few ideas that may help...

1. If you are having a fantasy or "crush" on a celebrity or even a person you see every day, quit judging yourself for a few moments and look inside yourself for some answers. Ask yourself why you find this person attractive. What feelings are present inside you when you think of this person?

2. You might discover an element of mystery, excitement, risk, "bucking the system or the tribe" or any number of other feelings that arise. Whatever they are, look at them without judging them. What seems to be missing?

3. Now ask yourself how you might incorporate any or all of these elements into your life. It might mean spicing up your love making with your partner. It might mean that you take up a sport or hobby that allows for some excitement and mystery.

Whatever you find is underneath your attraction and fantasy, don't let it interfere with a heart connection with a partner, if you have one. Allow it to enhance your connection and lead the way to experiencing deeper pleasure and love.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we're sure you know, this week (on July4th) in the United States we're celebrating the founding of our nation, freedom and independence.

Just like a lot of you, we are spending time with friends and family and attending Independence day celebrations complete with fireworks.

One thing that's for sure is, the idea of independence means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Since we're all so different, each of us has a greater or lesser desire for freedom and independence--and that's where the "rub" comes in.

In relationships of all kinds, the idea of "independence" is also pretty important and that's because freedom, independence and inter-dependence can be one of the stickiest issues that people and couples have to deal with.

If you're "too" independent in relationships, there's little or no connection--no matter what kind of relationship it is.There may be great love but the other person can feel like something is missing in the relationship and that he/she is being held at arm's length.

If you're "too" dependent, the other person can feel smothered and search for every opportunity to have some freedom.

We see this dynamic a lot in couples who struggle with jealousy but it can happen from time to time in any
relationship.

So how do you cope with varying desires for freedom and inter-dependence--while still keeping a close,
connected, open, loving relationship?

How do you balance and honor a need for independence as well as keep a strong connection?

Here are some of our ideas...

1. Listen to yourself and know what you want

We know that we sound like a broken record but in order
to connect with another person, you have to learn to
connect with yourself. Don't bury your feelings, thinking
that you are being "kind" in acting in a certain way that
you think the other person wants or needs.

Not necessarily true.

You can't assume that you know best for the other
person. You can only listen to what's inside you
and then let the other person know in a way that
keeps both of you open.

2. Listen to the other person with an open heart and
stay in the present moment

Listening with an open heart means not assuming
and jumping to conclusions. It also means staying
in the "here and now," without leaping to the future
or staying stuck in the past.

All kinds of fears can come up when you tackle these
independence/inter-dependence issues and your
best line of defense is to stay focused on the present
moment.

Don't play the "what if" game. It always brings up
fears that usually don't materialize.

3. Express what you want in a way that opens the
door between the two of you and isn't defensive,
controlling or demanding.

When you adopt a defensive manner when you
are expressing what you want, the other person
usually energetically "steps back" and can shut
down any connection or line of communication.

Be aware of your energy as you express
yourself. If you're unclear how you "come off"
to others, ask a trusted friend for some honest
feedback.

Become aware of your tone of voice, your non-verbal
mannerisms and your words. You may be surprised
at the feedback that you get when you ask.

Love is all about respecting and honoring each other--and that includes honoring and understanding each other's needs for independence and inter-dependence.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)