Relationship Advice from the "Knocked Up" movie
We saw the movie "Knocked Up" over the weekend and totally agreed with the reviewers that it was funny and worth seeing. There were so many observations that we could make about relationships and if you've seen it, we're sure that you have plenty of your own.
One of our teachers said it this way--"Men marry women hoping they don't change; Women marry men hoping they do"--and that's one of the big themes in "Knocked Up."
It goes something like this--Can the guy who doesn't hold a job, smokes dope and seems really irresponsible become responsible enough to become a good partner and parent? Can women change men and if men do change, are they happy?
So what about trying to change your partner? Can you do it and is it worth it if you do?
In "Knocked Up," we got to see close up not only the couple who are strangers (Alison and Ben) that just got "knocked up" but we also get to see the main character's sister and her husband. They "had" to get married because she was pregnant and now after 10 or 11 years later, we see that both of them are restless, not feeling loved or valued by the other. There seem to be secrets between them that are pulling them apart. They just don't seem to be "in sync" anymore and aren't happy.
Alison doesn't want to end up like her sister--in a not-so-good marriage--so throughout the film, she questions whether Ben can change enough so that they can make a go of it.
We won't tell you anymore of the plot in case you haven't seen it but here are a few observations about trying to change a partner...
1. You truly can't change someone who doesn't want to change for their own sake. Changing for another person--whether it's to stop smoking, lose weight, being a more attentive father or partner--will only cause resentments later on. You have to want to make the changes.
2. Men can and do change--and so do women. Expect change to happen. If it doesn't, it just means that the person doesn't want to be or act different from what they are currently being or acting.
3. Listen to each other and talk honestly about what is going on inside you. In "Knocked Up," both relationships could have been so much better if the partners could have talked and listened to each other without getting so triggered and reactive--but then we wouldn't have had a story, would we have?
4. Open your heart to understand your partner. We are all very different and look at the world very differently--even though we might now realize it. Open to understanding what your partner's hopes, dreams and desires are--and be willing to share yours.
In our relationship, we've learned that trying to change each other just doesn't work. Love and understanding does.
