Love and Relationship Advice Blog

About a week ago, we watched the Cincinnati Reds professional baseball team score 16 runs against the Seattle Mariners. Now this might might not seem like such a big deal and you might be wondering what this has to do with relationships--but here's what we learned from that event that we'll pass on to you...

This was not your ordinary baseball game because the whole town of Seattle was taking this opportunity to welcome back and honor Ken Griffey Jr. who now plays for the Reds and played for the Mariners for 11 years. His playing performance was so memorable at Seattle that the town chose the game that we saw to honor him.

And honor him they did. There were numerous standing ovations for Griffey (on the opposing team) from the Seattle fans, including each time he went to play in the outfield.

Being the observers of human nature that we are, we figured that the Reds' overwhelming win was due to the overwhelming positive energy given by thousands of people for their favorite son--and the rest of the Reds team members benefited from the energy also.

So back to the question of what this all has to do with your relationships...

We say plenty and here's why...

Think how you would feel if everyone in your life treated you special and and constantly cheered you on. Think how your relationships would be if you honored your loved ones in all kinds of ways and often showed them that you cared.

We're in the process of selling our house and finding another house in another city. Susie's sister is this kind of cheerleader that we're talking about. She calls us and is positive that we'll find the perfect house. She cheers us on when we feel tired from looking and tells us to keep holding what we want in a house clearly in our minds. She makes us feel good and she's not fake or obnoxious about it.

Our question for you is how can you be more of a cheerleader, a support person, or just love the people in your life more? Do you need to ask someone for support? Do you need to honor and love yourself in some way?

We invite you to think about these questions as you go about your day. If you do, you'll see your relationships improve. We're betting on it!

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We saw the movie "Knocked Up" over the weekend and totally agreed with the reviewers that it was funny and worth seeing. There were so many observations that we could make about relationships and if you've seen it, we're sure that you have plenty of your own.

One of our teachers said it this way--"Men marry women hoping they don't change; Women marry men hoping they do"--and that's one of the big themes in "Knocked Up."

It goes something like this--Can the guy who doesn't hold a job, smokes dope and seems really irresponsible become responsible enough to become a good partner and parent? Can women change men and if men do change, are they happy?

So what about trying to change your partner? Can you do it and is it worth it if you do?

In "Knocked Up," we got to see close up not only the couple who are strangers (Alison and Ben) that just got "knocked up" but we also get to see the main character's sister and her husband. They "had" to get married because she was pregnant and now after 10 or 11 years later, we see that both of them are restless, not feeling loved or valued by the other. There seem to be secrets between them that are pulling them apart. They just don't seem to be "in sync" anymore and aren't happy.

Alison doesn't want to end up like her sister--in a not-so-good marriage--so throughout the film, she questions whether Ben can change enough so that they can make a go of it.

We won't tell you anymore of the plot in case you haven't seen it but here are a few observations about trying to change a partner...

1. You truly can't change someone who doesn't want to change for their own sake. Changing for another person--whether it's to stop smoking, lose weight, being a more attentive father or partner--will only cause resentments later on. You have to want to make the changes.

2. Men can and do change--and so do women. Expect change to happen. If it doesn't, it just means that the person doesn't want to be or act different from what they are currently being or acting.

3. Listen to each other and talk honestly about what is going on inside you. In "Knocked Up," both relationships could have been so much better if the partners could have talked and listened to each other without getting so triggered and reactive--but then we wouldn't have had a story, would we have?

4. Open your heart to understand your partner. We are all very different and look at the world very differently--even though we might now realize it. Open to understanding what your partner's hopes, dreams and desires are--and be willing to share yours.

In our relationship, we've learned that trying to change each other just doesn't work. Love and understanding does.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week, someone asked Susie such an interesting relationship question that we thought we'd share our thoughts about the topic with you.

This question and our answer are important to anyone who wants more love and connection in their relationships and life.

So what is the question we're talking about?

Susie and her sister were having a "girls getaway," visiting their two cousins who live in Richmond, Virginia, which is about an 7 hour drive from where we live in Ohio.

The four of them grew up together and have been very close friends since. They always have such a good time at these "reunions" and one of the fun things the four of them did in the evenings during this reunion was watch romantic comedy movies on DVD and laugh together.

You know the way romantic comedies go... there are always bizarre twists and turns on the way to getting the guy or girl of your dreams and the movies that the four of them watched were no different.

In fact, in two of these movies, the couples met and fell "in love" within a week.

As the four of them talked about the movies later, Susie's sister asked if it was really possible to fall in that kind of love in a week. Susie thought that was an interesting question because that's exactly what happened to the two of us.

We've been together for many years now, but we were only acquaintances before going on our "first date."

As strange as it sounds and just like in those romantic comedies, our connection was so strong and so intense on that "first date" that we were together as a couple from then on.

Whether you're in a relationship now and want more spark, connection and love or you're not in a relationship and want to be...

Here's the relationship lesson we'd like to share with you in all this...

While we love a good movie about love and romance, the one thing that's never told is what you should do next after this initial attraction to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

These movies focus on the fun and excitement of the meeting, the attraction and the initial romance.

Yes, the feeling that you've found the true soul mate that you've wanted in your life can be incredible because we know from our own experience.

But why did this "big love" happen to us?

Was it a fluke?

Was is our destiny?

A divine plan?

Were we just soul mates destined to find each other?

Was it karma?

Can it happen to anyone?

These are all legitimate questions...

We believe that the reasons that we have this "big love" and incredible connection are not just answering "yes" to any of those questions.

As good as a new passionate, romantic relationship feels, in our opinion, it's nothing compared to what is yet to come if you just learn how to keep your love alive with your partner.

We've discovered that anyone can have and keep more love, more passion, more connection, more trust, better communication and deeper relationships.

As we look at our relationship and the lives of our coaching clients that we've helped to create close, connected relationships, one thing is clear...

The real magic in relationships happens after the initial attraction that creates lasting love and an incredible connection over the long term.

Whether you are currently in a committed relationship or you are opening yourself to attracting a new partner
into your life, here are a few things that we did and you can too...

1. Choose to look at your beloved with fresh eyes and begin each day with gratitude. That means letting go
of old grievances after they've been resolved and focusing on appreciating what you love about each other instead of what's "wrong."

2. Do something every day to keep your connection strong. It can just take a few minutes of stopping your busy life to turn and look into the eyes of your partner. Don't let a day go by without renewing your connection.

3. Keep a sense of humor. You will make "mistakes" and your partner will too. While it's healthy to know
what you want and don't want in a relationship, be kind to yourself and your partner when things don't go too well.

4. Keep passion alive. So many couples allow the passion that was once there between them to die. Keep it alive and growing.

Whether you are currently with a partner or are available for a new relationship, begin creating your own romantic comedy--with the idea that there is no "ending" but simply a continuation of passion, love and connection between the two of you.

Always be asking yourselves and each other "how can I / we open to more in this relationship and with you?"

You can always open more and you can always love more. Every moment is a new opportunity to create and enjoy.

Very often we just have to let go of our preconceived blocks and notions about what is or isn't possible.

Other times it's a bit more complicated than just letting go of preconceived notions and ideas but if your intention is to open instead of close and love instead withhold then you're certainly on the right track.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You may not be aware of it, but one of the reasons that couples pull apart from one another and they can't seem to talk without an argument is that they don't listen to what's inside them. We've written a lot about how to create a red hot love relationship and of the "secrets" that we've discovered is to learn how to listen to yourself.

Here's what happened to Otto...

We had decided to upgrade our 4-year old television to a flat screen tv. It's not that we spend a lot of time watching television, but we do enjoy sports, movies and concert dvds. We knew that a new flat screen would add to our enjoyment and it would be fun to see Bruce Springsteen's sweat flying everywhere as he performed!

Otto spent several hours on Saturday looking at offers that various stores in our area were giving. After getting so far as giving his credit card info to the sales person in one store, Otto walked out, not finishing the buying process. He listened to his inner warnings about this "deal" and went to another store, buying that television.

So what does this have to do with creating close, connected, even "hot" relationships?

Plenty.

If you don't take the time to learn to first pay attention when your inner voice is trying to tell you something and then act on it, you won't know what you want. You also won't be able to tell someone else what you want.

Your habit may be to "please" your partner by simply agreeing--and then resentment rears its ugly head! Resentment can come up as sarcasm, stony silence or mean remarks.

Whatever separates you and your partner--it all starts with not listening to your inner guidance.

Is it sometimes difficult to do?

Sure.

You have to ask yourself if that thought is a "should." If it is, then you have to ask yourself what will be the result if you go ahead and do it, as opposed to doing what you'd really like to do.

It might be agreeing to go somewhere that you really don't want to go just because your partner wants to go there. We're all for doing things for each other but when the result is resentment, withdrawal or cutting remarks--it simply isn't a healthy way to run a relationship.

Be honest with yourself and there might be an alternative way to spend time together or whatever is being asked of you that you both can enjoy.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Stop yourself from automatically saying "yes" or worse yet, not saying anything and leaving the decision up to someone else. Stop, Breathe and then respond from the deepest part of you. If you do, you relationship or marriage has a much better chance of being alive and growing.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)