Relationship Advice from Gere's Controversial Kiss
During the past few weeks, there has been a furor over Actor Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty on the cheek
during an AIDS awareness benefit in India.
There's even been a lawsuit brought against Gere over his actions and there's talk of arresting Shetty as well.
While we're not avid followers of Hollywood gossip, this story was intriguing to us because this is much to be learned about relationships if we really think about this incident for a moment. .
This whole situation has been very polarizing for different groups of people.
Some people are dismissing these allegations as the actions of extremists and that they are embarrassing to the Indian culture. Some people are saying that Gere was out of line and that he should have known better.
Needless to say, if this had happened in the US, this would certainly not have been an issue. The reality is it happened in India and because of this it is a problem.
So what does all of this have to do with your relationships?
Plenty and here's why...
All of our actions come from our beliefs, experiences, and attitudes--and we are all different.
Actions that are acceptable to one person, another might find objectionable and even offensive. Whether it's a
relationship in the workplace, a friend, family member or intimate partner--we are all triggered from time to time
about what others say or do.
Their actions and words may bring up feelings that we may not even know existed and may not be aware of why
we feel that way.
These differences in beliefs, experiences and attitudes are how misunderstandings are created. We disconnect
from others when we make assumptions based on our own view of the world.
A good example of this is when a woman asked us a question about her relationship that had recently ended.
She told us that she was getting conflicting signals from her "ex" and didn't know what to think about her situation and how or whether to move on or not.
Her "ex" had told her that he didn't trust her. When we asked her if she knew what she had to do to regain
the trust of her "ex," she didn't know.
We told her that if she wanted to make that relationship better--whether it remains intimate or changes form--she had to find out what it would take for her ex to trust her again. She had to discover what his world view is when it comes to trust and then decide is she wants to do what it would take to regain that trust.
So, what do you do if you are caught in one of these misunderstandings or are at odds with someone who
is important to you?
Here are some ideas for helping you to untangle yourself if you find that you are stuck in one of these situations...
1. Become aware of the assumptions that you may be making in the situation and what assumptions the other
person may be making.
2. If you don't know what assumptions the other person is making, ask for clarification. Several of the reports
on the Gere story intimated that the majority of the Indian people didn't condemn Gere's actions but were silent about it. Don't be silent if this person is important to you. Ask for clarification.
3. Question your beliefs. Decide if your beliefs will allow you to move forward in this situation or if you need to modify or change them in some way. You get to decide what you believe and how you act on those beliefs in your relationships. We say this often--be a conscious creator in your life and decide how you want to live it.
While we don't know what will happen to Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty over this incident, we do know that it's the human condition to have different viewpoints over the same situation.
If we want to create great relationships, we have to learn to understand each other and to open to understanding ourselves at a deeper level.
