A Relationship Lesson from "Pirates of the Caribbean"
Like millions of others, we saw the blockbuster film "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. The film had all of the elements of an enjoyable movie experience--beautiful people to watch, a lot of action, great special effects, and a witty, funny, well-written script. The characters seemed to be developed more in this film than in any of the other "Pirates" movies.
Being the constant students of relationships, we are always on the look out for great relationship lessons that we can pass onto others. Aside from being extremely entertaining, it did offer some food for thought.
Here's our take on it...
At every twist and turn in this "Pirates" was the question of trust. The main characters often withheld their true motivations from each other for doing the things that they did. Even though it was evident that some of the characters deeply loved each other, they still didn't share their deepest motivations for their actions.
Even when some of the characters entered into agreements with each other, there was a withholding of what was really true and more likely than not, betrayal.
Although this was part of the charm of the story and helped to keep us all on the edge of our seats, wondering what was going to happen next--this kind of mistrust is obviously deadly in real relationships.
We've been talking a lot lately about how to create a red hot love relationship and keep it that way. One of the biggest ways to do that is to be authentic and open to being, as Gary Zukav says, emotionally transparent.
Being emotionally transparent probably wouldn't have worked as well in the "Pirates" movie but does work in real-life relationships.
So what does being emotionally transparent mean?
In our relationship it means that we do not hide our true feelings with sarcasm or superiority. We don't hide behind denying our true motivations. We express what we are feeling when we recognize what's going on
within us.
Do we do this all of the time?
Of course not! We're human like you but what we do do is come back to this place of authenticity as quickly as possible. This attitude of coming back to our authenticity has helped to keep our love relationship growing and passionate. It's helped to keep us close and connected. It's helped to bring us back from disconnection.
So we suggest that you take some opportunity this week to recognize what you do to disconnect from your partner or from the people in your life and then simply choose to express something that is authentic for you. Express something that you are feeling that is real-- like "I'm feeling afraid right now" or "I'm feeling sad."
It doesn't have to be a gigantic thing. It can be a simple statement that opens the door to connection instead of closing one.
Comments
Wow, you are so right! I didn't realize that my sarcasm was really hiding my true feelings. Thanks for your advice!
Posted by: Carol | June 3, 2007 07:57 PM
Well now, I have been in pain for weeks trying to decide how to deal with the fact that three years after a unwanted divorce I have fallen in love with a friend I have known for ten years. She too was divorced, about 5 years ago but did not give up hope that her wayward husband would give up his women and weed and alcohol and come home. He didn't and she finaly said good riddance about two years ago. However she kept me at arms length knowing how I felt about her. Prior to my falling for her I had been useing match.com without much success. Finally after my last contact fell off the planet for a month this special lady suggested I just drop match and let the Lord sort it out. She is also acting very different this Summer but I am afraid to ask her if she is reconsidering our relationship. It sure feels like it, we have friends over and her and I do the food prep and I cook, all of this at her lakeside home. She is 16 years younger but we certainly enjoy each others company and although I am 66 I enjoy playing with her kids in and out of the water. There is much more but your comments lead me to believe that the right thing to do is make it clear to her thatfriendship is not the only thing I have in mind.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 24, 2007 12:33 AM
Yes, it certainly seems that it is time for you to openly talk about what each of you want for this relationship! Best of luck to both of you.
Susie Collins
Posted by: Susie Collins | July 24, 2007 02:52 PM