Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Like millions of others, we saw the blockbuster film "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. The film had all of the elements of an enjoyable movie experience--beautiful people to watch, a lot of action, great special effects, and a witty, funny, well-written script. The characters seemed to be developed more in this film than in any of the other "Pirates" movies.

Being the constant students of relationships, we are always on the look out for great relationship lessons that we can pass onto others. Aside from being extremely entertaining, it did offer some food for thought.

Here's our take on it...

At every twist and turn in this "Pirates" was the question of trust. The main characters often withheld their true motivations from each other for doing the things that they did. Even though it was evident that some of the characters deeply loved each other, they still didn't share their deepest motivations for their actions.

Even when some of the characters entered into agreements with each other, there was a withholding of what was really true and more likely than not, betrayal.

Although this was part of the charm of the story and helped to keep us all on the edge of our seats, wondering what was going to happen next--this kind of mistrust is obviously deadly in real relationships.

We've been talking a lot lately about how to create a red hot love relationship and keep it that way. One of the biggest ways to do that is to be authentic and open to being, as Gary Zukav says, emotionally transparent.

Being emotionally transparent probably wouldn't have worked as well in the "Pirates" movie but does work in real-life relationships.

So what does being emotionally transparent mean?

In our relationship it means that we do not hide our true feelings with sarcasm or superiority. We don't hide behind denying our true motivations. We express what we are feeling when we recognize what's going on
within us.

Do we do this all of the time?

Of course not! We're human like you but what we do do is come back to this place of authenticity as quickly as possible. This attitude of coming back to our authenticity has helped to keep our love relationship growing and passionate. It's helped to keep us close and connected. It's helped to bring us back from disconnection.

So we suggest that you take some opportunity this week to recognize what you do to disconnect from your partner or from the people in your life and then simply choose to express something that is authentic for you. Express something that you are feeling that is real-- like "I'm feeling afraid right now" or "I'm feeling sad."

It doesn't have to be a gigantic thing. It can be a simple statement that opens the door to connection instead of closing one.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

In order to have a red-hot love relationship that is vibrant, alive, sexy, juicy and filled with lots of connection there is one decision that every person and couple must make.

This decision is to individually and together decide what this kind of relationship means to you and then commit with your whole heart, mind and soul to creating this kind of relationship. Refuse to settle for anything less than what you want. Commit to creating and having a passionate, juicy, alive and connected relationship.

Refuse to settle for anything less than the highest vision you have for what you want your love and relationship to be. Commit to always expanding that vision for what you want and finding new ways for expanding and opening to more.

About the importance of commitment, one of the most important things we’ve ever heard or read comes from the writer W. H. Murray and what he wrote in his book The Scottish Himalaya Expedition in 1951:

Murray said, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way”

Just like us, Murray was also apparently very fond of one of the couplets from one of the 18th and early 19th century’s finest scholars, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”

To this, we completely agree. To have the relationship or marriage of your dreams, you must be bold, daring and unwavering in your commitment to what you want. The question always comes back to “what do you want?”

If you want to discover the true secrets to having a red hot red relationship both in (and out of) the bedroom, check this out.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We thought we'd heard just about everything until we saw this...

It was an ad for guys about how to seduce the "hottest" women by doing magic tricks.

Now, if you've been reading any of our materials, you know that we are NOT about seduction for the sake of manipulation.

We are about love, juiciness, aliveness, passion and connection.

But after we mulled over this magician's idea, we thought that there was something that we all could learn from it to make our relationships come alive.

If you're like most people, you're probably wondering how could it be that there's something to be learned from this guy?

Yes, he's using "tricks" to get the attention of beautiful women and...

Yes, he's teaching guys (gullible ones) that seduction and tricks are the way to a girl or woman's heart....

Once you get past all this-- he's doing something out of the ordinary that we can all learn from that can have a truly positive impact on our relationships.

Let us repeat this so we make sure you get it.

He's doing something out of the ordinary.

That's right, that's what we're suggesting you do in your relationships--

Do something out of the ordinary.

In the case of this magician-- he's teaching guys that you can get the attention of another person you might
want to meet by doing something you wouldn't ordinarily do.

Whether you are currently in a relationship or not, choose to spice up your life by doing something that is different from what you might normally do.

If you are single and want to be in a close, connecting, loving relationship, go somewhere to meet people who are like-minded--somewhere you haven't gone before. Even if you connect with someone who can be a new friend, take a chance and open yourself to a new friendship.

The two of us met at a spiritual study group in our small town and had known each other as acquaintances for a couple of years before we got together as a couple. You just never know what will happen when you open yourself to new experiences!

If you are dating, choose to do some things that are out of the ordinary. Try some new things, go some new places and have fun.

If you are in a committed relationship or marriage and want to get closer, take this opportunity to spice things up with a new and different experience. It doesn't have to be a huge, planned or expensive event. It can be something very small but whatever you choose, focus on increasing connection, passion fun, and friendship in your relationship.

This morning, during our connecting time, we tried a new way of "melting" together.

Did it take much preparation?

No--it just took our desire to keep our relationship alive and growing along with a little experimentation and openness. In fact, we are always experimenting with ways to connect with each other and keep our relationship hot.

So our advice to you is to continually find new ways to bring "magic" into your life and your relationships.

Start small and do one thing that can possibly bring you more of what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Recently, a billboard in Chicago caused so much controversy that it was removed because it was "selling" divorce.

The billboard said, "Life's short. Get a divorce."

The lawyers who bought the advertisement said that they were not selling divorce but wanted to get the meaning across that life truly was short and that we were all meant to be in relationships that made us happy--not ones that had died a long time ago.

So what do we think about all of this?

Well, life is short and although we certainly agree that we were all meant to be in relationships that make us happy and not ones where we are in fear or ones in which we have no feeling at all, the way this message was portrayed seems a little dubious.

In other words, the meaning of the billboard that the lawyers say they were trying to impart and the images are incongruent, in our way of thinking.

There were two images--one of a beautiful, largely-endowed woman and one of a very muscular, handsome man. Both are young and both have the look of models and not "real" people.

So in our opinion, the subliminal (or not so subtle) message that came across was to dump your slightly overweight wife or husband of perhaps many years and choose the man or woman of your dreams--if your dreams included large breasts or a rippled, muscular body in a partner.

No mention that this man or woman of your dreams even exists (that's what the air brush and make-up are for) or if either of these people would be a better partner for you and that you would be happier with them.

Creating a happy, connected, alive relationship that is filled with passion is a lot more than the outer skin.

For our views of what it takes to create a great relationship and keep it that way, get our free mini course.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

During the past few weeks, there has been a furor over Actor Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty on the cheek
during an AIDS awareness benefit in India.

There's even been a lawsuit brought against Gere over his actions and there's talk of arresting Shetty as well.

While we're not avid followers of Hollywood gossip, this story was intriguing to us because this is much to be learned about relationships if we really think about this incident for a moment. .

This whole situation has been very polarizing for different groups of people.

Some people are dismissing these allegations as the actions of extremists and that they are embarrassing to the Indian culture. Some people are saying that Gere was out of line and that he should have known better.

Needless to say, if this had happened in the US, this would certainly not have been an issue. The reality is it happened in India and because of this it is a problem.

So what does all of this have to do with your relationships?

Plenty and here's why...

All of our actions come from our beliefs, experiences, and attitudes--and we are all different.

Actions that are acceptable to one person, another might find objectionable and even offensive. Whether it's a
relationship in the workplace, a friend, family member or intimate partner--we are all triggered from time to time
about what others say or do.

Their actions and words may bring up feelings that we may not even know existed and may not be aware of why
we feel that way.

These differences in beliefs, experiences and attitudes are how misunderstandings are created. We disconnect
from others when we make assumptions based on our own view of the world.

A good example of this is when a woman asked us a question about her relationship that had recently ended.
She told us that she was getting conflicting signals from her "ex" and didn't know what to think about her situation and how or whether to move on or not.

Her "ex" had told her that he didn't trust her. When we asked her if she knew what she had to do to regain
the trust of her "ex," she didn't know.

We told her that if she wanted to make that relationship better--whether it remains intimate or changes form--she had to find out what it would take for her ex to trust her again. She had to discover what his world view is when it comes to trust and then decide is she wants to do what it would take to regain that trust.

So, what do you do if you are caught in one of these misunderstandings or are at odds with someone who
is important to you?

Here are some ideas for helping you to untangle yourself if you find that you are stuck in one of these situations...

1. Become aware of the assumptions that you may be making in the situation and what assumptions the other
person may be making.

2. If you don't know what assumptions the other person is making, ask for clarification. Several of the reports
on the Gere story intimated that the majority of the Indian people didn't condemn Gere's actions but were silent about it. Don't be silent if this person is important to you. Ask for clarification.

3. Question your beliefs. Decide if your beliefs will allow you to move forward in this situation or if you need to modify or change them in some way. You get to decide what you believe and how you act on those beliefs in your relationships. We say this often--be a conscious creator in your life and decide how you want to live it.

While we don't know what will happen to Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty over this incident, we do know that it's the human condition to have different viewpoints over the same situation.

If we want to create great relationships, we have to learn to understand each other and to open to understanding ourselves at a deeper level.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)